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Reading Reviews for Mean
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Rose Blue Words Like Knives and Swords

10th July 2013:
I love Taylor Swift she is amazing .
Plz get more chapters

Author's Response: I am trying. I'm so sorry. AK xx

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Review #2, by Niki Words Like Knives and Swords

10th October 2012:
It is unfinished... He bullies her, but she still hasn't stood up to him... She deserves respect. (Oh! And to end up with Albus :) )

Author's Response: AAAHHH :D That would be awesome... I'd think about that but it's a one shot :p Thank you so much for your review :) x

AK x


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Review #3, by B.P. Words Like Knives and Swords

29th September 2012:
Please continue!!! I really want to read more! What does Albus do?

Author's Response: It's a one shot! I'm so sorry :(

AK xx


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Review #4, by Pepper Finn Words Like Knives and Swords

19th March 2011:
Hello, here is your review as requested.

Pacing: Seems fairly even through out. Not jumping and no slow bits.

Spelling and Grammar: I spotted a few awkward sentences:
"Respect me, Bones b He drawled, his chest puffing out, as if he were sticking out the Prefect badge for the whole world to see. As if it weren't already visible. (No end of speech)

I have things to do. Unlike you; (I have things to do, unlike you. Maybe?)

and

I looked up to see Al burying his face in his hands, trying to alienate himself from the situation as much as possible, I presumed. (Alienate doesn't seem quite right. Perhaps separate instead?)

Characterisation: James seems like a huge jerk. But what drives his dislike of Jessie? Is it because she doesn't bow and scrape to him so she needs a lesson? Because he secretly likes her?

Jessie seems sweet but a total doormat. If it were me, James would be cursed into the next century, or slapped across the face. I would never tolerate that kind of behaviour, detention be d.. I mean worth it.

And Albus seems a bit cowardly to leave it so long before stepping in.

Flow: N/A as first chapter

Details: I'm pretty sure Hogwarts, like most schools, has rules about taking other peoples property. Also as Jessie is a witch, wouldn't she be able to cast a spell on James? Silencio? The one were you glue the tongue to the top of the mouth? Petrificus Totalus?

General Comments: You dived straight into dialogue so I am unsure where the story is occuring. The Entrance Hall? A corridor? The Common Room? (I am super guilty of doing this a lot.)

Also as mentioned she could turn around and say he is breaking the rules/curse him into the next life.

In answer to your concerns: The pace is great, The characters
are well, developing as it is the first chapter. It doesn't feel finished, she needs someone to run to her and comfort her *cough Albus romantic happy ending cough* or a good friend. That or she needs to decide to get some backbone and pay James back in a way so he never dares to mess with her again. I'd totally dob him in to McGonagall and get him expelled (or if I'm feeling really evil set him up to be expelled.)

All in all a good chapter. I'm interested in uncovering the motives behind James's behaviour, seeing if Albus will reciprocate Jessie's feelings and in a distant future where Jessie is sucessful and happy and James is nothing.

Love Pepper

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Review #5, by raberbar Words Like Knives and Swords

13th March 2011:
I like this because it is a unique way of starting the story. I'd keep to capturing the close aftermath for a bit before building up more tension, but I'm sure it will be good anyways, could be quite funny as well - especially James!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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