Reading Reviews for Forgotten
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by blackthoughtsredwriting Forgotten

7th January 2013:
That was interesting. A little odd, but I like it. I'm just not use to Tom/Voldemort love stories. There's not to many on here. It was nice though. Good job =]

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Review #2, by Debra20 Forgotten

6th August 2011:
The prospect of Tom having loved someone and forgotten about it by means of a Memory Charm is...odd. In my mind Tom has always been pictured as someone who never loved someone, or if he had it must have been when he was really very young.

However, it's not that far off. At least the way you wrote the story does open that possibility. I enjoy diversity and original ideas and your story is different and original. I liked it!

I may have a suggestion to improve your story if you want to hear it. Some of your sentences go on for too long, thus interfering with the flow of the story and confusing the reader. Maybe if you could break them into more than one paragraph, that could change something.

For example, I see the second paragraph greatly ameliorated if you could adjust it like this: "The memories that I so willed to forget shoved themselves into my head. Those happy memories, the ones that made everything so much harder. The memories of Alice and her beautiful soft brown hair, her sparkling hazel eyes, her cute quiet chuckle. Everything about her made me love her. The way she playfully hit me when I teased her and how when she cried and I came to her aid she would push me away only to come back and find my comfort three minutes later" Doesn't this sound a bit better?


House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: Gryffindor

Author's Response: Dear Debra20

thank you so verry much for the review!!!
I was reading the last book of Harry Potter, when a though compleatly (sort of) unrealavent sruck me. I thaught 'it cant be possible for someone not to love, can it? I mean however bad his life was, isnt it the human nature to love? and than I thaught, ' what if Voldermort did infact love and he just didnt know it?' and so came the idea of the story. thank you for your suggestion! its just what i wanted!! Punctuation is my week piont :S (i tried really hard in this responce :D) iand i will try my best to fix it!!!
yours truly
DK


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