2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alopex I Hate Care of Magical Creatures

14th August 2011:
I don't normally get too excited by Next-Gen, but I have to admit it has grown on me, thanks to a couple of funny, well-written stories I've read. This is another example of a Next-Gen story that I really enjoyed.

There was something about this story that seemed a bit different from your other writing. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's because it's not dark and serious at all, but I think it has more to do with the flow. It has a flowy, dream-like quality that I really enjoy. You get that sometimes when you're writing about Luna, so maybe it fits to have it when writing about Lysander, but it just feels a bit different. It is something I could see myself writing, at least style-wise. :P

I liked the descriptions of all the accidents that Lysander has had with magical creatures, but even so he feels the familial pressure to continue with his studies in that area. Poor kid, trying to live up to well-known parents.

Anyway, it was a fun story with fantastic flow and little details.

There is one tiny thing I thought I'd bring up. Tons of people do write the Scamander twins along with all the Weasley-Potter cousins, but JKR has said (or so I hear) Luna had her children a bit later. Later, anyway, than the oldest cousins. There are so many of them, there's no real reason why you can't write some of them as the same age as the Scamander twins.

Alopex, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I actually knew that about Luna's kids, but I wanted to make it about one of the Weasley clan anyway. I personally always picture Luna being 8-10 years older even than Rolf and in her mid-thirties before having kids.

I'm glad that you think it has a flowy, dreamy quality, because I tried to tie it to Luna that way. I don't write next-gen all that often, so it feels weird to me, too.

As you know, romance isn't particularly my strong suit either, so it was fun to write a fairly light-hearted next-gen romance.

Thanks again for the reviews, and I'm slowly answering them.



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Review #2, by Jellyman I Hate Care of Magical Creatures

19th March 2011:
Okay, first off - sorry for taking so long! It's really really unacceptable. I read this last week but was having trouble getting my browser to to acknowledge, yes, I am logged on; no, I will not enter my name! and in the end I chucked a hissy fit and stormed off. So yes, apologies! ♥

Okay, review:
Never, never judge your stories worth on the review count! This is a solid story and just because no one is taking the time to review, does not discount it's worth ♥

That being said, while I enjoyed the story, I did find some the way you approached some parts rather...bland (it isn't the word I'm looking for but it's the only one I can think of that comes close). I feel that the extensive self-reflection that Lysander gives to his situation takes away from any kind of genre giving it a very general feel, very vague approach to the story. Take, for example, the first scene where Lysander is injured. This could be funny, it could be dramatic; instead you have introduced it mid-scene without it being any real sort of climax and then kind of gloss over it until you reach the self-reflection/arrival of Roxanne, which then falls into the category, I feel, of telling rather than showing.

I feel kind of like this should be a missing chapter of a story I haven't read, in that it is . Maybe introducing the story at a section that reflects Lysander at a point where he is dealing with his insecurities (Care of Magical Creatures, perhaps mid-class just before the incident?) rather than an almost afternote to the Lysander/Roxanne theme.

I really, really don't mean to be so critical - the idea that Lysander does not want to follow in his parent's footsteps is really original and brilliant and I love that you have taken it on. I just feel that expanding on this one-shot could help - it just feels like everything is a really quick, a little bit unsatisfying build-up to the Roxanne/Lysander theme at the end. Maybe, also, a more conclusive ending would help too.

I really hope you take this the right way - I really did like the idea, and I hope you request again ♥

Author's Response: I'm not worried about how long it took to get to the review. Thank you for the review and I'm sorry it took me a few days to respond. Real life's been busy lately.

I understand what you mean about it being bland. I wrote it very, very quickly to meet a challenge deadline and I think it has a lot of 'tell' instead of 'show.' I absolutely understand the point of it being better if it had been developed and possibly as a multi-chapter story rather than a one-shot.

I don't mind the CC at all. CC is what helps us to grow as authors. Normally, I don't sweat the read/review ratio as I know that many readers don't leave reviews, but this had no reviews at all, which is unusual for my work (a lot of love it or hate it, it seems).

I'm glad that you thought the concept was at least solid. I think that's often my strong point in writing; I don't tend to write the same cliched plotline that so many others do. Now if I can just work on the little details to push it to the next level.

Thank you so much for the CC. I'm in the process of re-writing a one-shot into a multi-chapter story to give it more depth and I think that at some point, this story could use the same treatment.

Thanks again for the CC and honesty, I appreciate it.


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