Hi there. Im wildcat from the forums, here with your overdue review. Sorry about that. life got a little more complicated than expected.
At first I liked the way you make molly so scatter brained and all over the place, it makes her funny to read and her sense of disorientation didnt seem to effect the flow of the story. It does tent to get a bit messy as the story goes on, because molly is so easily distracted and her monologues are kinda irrelevant to the situation she is in which makes me lose my focus exactly as she does. They make the story hard to read somewhat as it starts to progress. You have her attention pulled in all directions and its hard to keep up with her. Thats in character with molly, but I think you should try to make her a little less over the top, so that it will help the story flow more gracefully.
She is kinda weird though, I mean more than normal. Who spaces out like that while hugging someone?! And some of her reactions made me wonder because they are a bit too dramatic, but then again, this is a oneshot ,so you can practically do whatever you want with her.
Id suggest you dont capitalize so much, but that’s just me.
I would make a nice terrorist - LOL!!
I really liked that part where you differ the dining rooms and describe the Saturday night evening. You could actually write more on that, expand. it would be a nice thing to read I think.
The cupboard scene and how it came together was a little messy as well, as if rushed and it didnt feel realistic. It was funny the way parodies are.
Overall, I think you have a really nice idea and an original character, but you should probably give this another read and try to structure it better to help the story flow easily, without compromising your characters. Report Review
Okay! (hopefully this one makes it through!) what did I think? Hm. Let's see. . . . I really liked it! It was super duper enjoyable, and it felt like you could (well at least I could) relate to Molly. Her quirkiness is really cute, and they helped to get points across and keep the story flowing which was pretty good, too. There were a few points were I got confused, but they were super brief and may have just been me! lol Oh! And the quote fit in great! Overall I really, really enjoyed this story!
p.s. a sequel or continuation would be amazing!Author's Response: yay! :D :D :D :D im so glad you liked it! yeah, everything in her mind just kept flowing and flowing and flowing and flowing that i was unable to cut down this chapter :& but still im glad i didnt! hm, i don't know, its long, so guess it would be expected to be confused for a second. but im so happy and its great that the quote fit : D yay!
thanks so much!
sequel... hmmm... i may be considering it! Report Review
OH MY GOSH. THAT WAS REALLY DAMN FUNNY! Hahahahaha, I was laughing OUT LOUD like so many different times throughout this! You HAVE to write more. Oh my God. It's fantastic! Hilariously funny!
And the situations are just os ridiculous -- not to mention DISATOROUS -- and Molly so freaking adorable. I have a special place my heart for loony, crazy, insane, sporadic characters like Molly!
I love, love, LOVE how her name changes like a thousand times! You do such a good job of reiterating funny things throughout, too! And it pays off in the end with the HYSTERICAL twist! AHAHAHA! STILL LAUGHING!
Thanks for this! I was havin' a bad day!
ashAuthor's Response: hey!
that laugh was so long that it inmediatly made the page bigger :D but im glad!
yay! i have to say this review put a smile in my face. and THANK YOU!!! i have ben wanting someone to mention about her name FOREVER. Thanks!!! And im so glad you had fun and that i brightened up your day :D that brightened mine! *though its night*
thanks so much!! Report Review
“That’s what Granddad calls Nana Molly in bed.”
M, I wouldn't lie to you. It's not who I am. I laughed out loud here. not in the usual way I lol during your fics, which is a little snigger. No this was a massive belly laugh. MASSIVE! How can one line be so escellent?
ANYWAY, moving on. 10,000 - that was long. and yet, i loved it!!! Im glad you didnt cut it down. i was weirded out for a while because i forgot your stories arent internally consistent or whatever (eg dom in her guide to life is younger than molly etc, james loves CHARLOTTE!!! but here likes lily rose... btw i am so angry at her for being with james, the only thing saving her is her HILARIOUS name - also, on a side note, one of my bffs took a guy to prom who had the exact same name (first name and last name!) as her dad. i know!!! lily rose. love it) but not for long.
apart from the aforementioned excellent line i quoted, my fav bit was the image of all the wotters in bed. also, may i use the word wotter in future? please? ill credit you in the authors note!!! anyway, that was gorgeous.
hehe also wench - i used to think that was an oldfashioned term for a slut :L
Lastly - i knew it was lorcan in the closet. that is what made it SO VERY TERRIFYING! seriously. well, i was still laughing at the line i quoted at the start of the review, but in a scared way because of these new developments. oh and i liked the hints that dominique is a bit of a femme fatale!
so yeah. LOVED THIS!!! go you! write more! :DAuthor's Response: BrightStar:
I always say reviews make me smile, and they do. But this is the first one where I actually felt my lips curl up into a toothy smile. Seriously. This made me so happy!
*before I forget, the revised version of what I think is chapter 6 or 7 of dom is dedicated to you :D*
See, i said it was long! but it wasn't hard to read at all and IM HAPPY YOU LOVED IT! yeah, i like how everything is consistent with you but i always mix it up to have more chance at stories, you know? its fun. Still, this is exactly how i picture them all -Dom being like way older than them and everything, since them her and vic would have a lot of age difference.
Yeah, Lily Rose... Really, one time i thought "what would happened if James II fell in love with a Lily?" and this started with the issue being that but then Molly's weirdness sorta cancelled it out :p really??? SO WEIRD!!!
Wotter *heart*, sure use it. it faster than writing Weasley-Potter - i got tired by writing it!
Wench -exactly. what you just said and a waitress. so a sl*** waitress ;)
yeah, that was obvious, and the thing was that it was obvious to everyone but Molly ;) of course she is. Dom is the bomb ;)
YAY! THANKS SO MUCH!!! Report Review
AHHH! Lol, that would be so embarassing in real life xD
SPORKS ARE AWESOME :D
Poor RoseandAlbus! Mean nerds :p
Lily Rose Potter ! hahaha, that would be really awkward. Especially at family reunions. It'd be like: "Lily, come here!" "Lily who?" "Lily Potter!" ". . . ."Author's Response: RoseandAlbus. Meh.
I know! Its just that everytime I see in stories James/Lily, I first think of James II, so I am like, what happens if that actually happened?
:p i miss you. gotta talk! thanks so much! Report Review
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