Ah! I love this A/N ;). And I love this chapter not only cause I got to read it first but because. So. Many. Good. Things. Happen.
Like, I love how hopeful you make Rose seem and how lovely it seems that she can find humor in the situation. Annabelle and Oliver seem very intriguing; I like their dynamics and how you are displaying them. I love the humor :)
I also love the Berlin scene. I love the speech you give and the clear sacrifice that is made on Mika. Mika was very lovely, and Artem was so sweet. It made me so sad; you are doing such a great job by just adding these snippets of other peoples' lives that are being affected.
The radiation part almost made me cry the first time around because I was just so saddened by it because I knew what it was! It was a very good idea on your part to do that; I think that is very scifi and very believable. I just really in general enjoy this story and its an honor being your beta, Ciara!
xx LindseyAuthor's Response: Of course! I have to let the world know why this chapter makes any sense at all, and that's mostly down to you >.<
I think that Rose, being the daughter of Ron and Hermione, would have this very healthy, hopeful outlook on life. She'd be one of those very inspiring people who you meet who just lift up the people around them. I try to write her that way, I'm glad she comes off well. Ron and Hermione are such optimistic, unashamedly loving parents, it would be hard not to be a great person.
There is going to be a lot more Mika in the future, she'll be continuing on in the story and given some new twists.
The radiation thing is scary to me, I think. Because it is such a real thing in our world, and it is also almost a magical force in reality itself, it has all these terrifying affects on people and can do all these crazy things. I think I chose it because I see it almost as the anti-magic anyway, it's just this purely destructive force.
Thank you so much hon!!! Report Review
, it an entirely different world, with no wand, no power, and no idea what was going to happen to her. -- in an entirely different world ;). First paragraph on the page.
I should warn you," -- need to a quotation.
The politics of the war were co convoluted, the news coming in from so many places, that much of it became mixed-up background noise-- so convoluted ;)
but he shoulders were shaking and it was obvious that she was crying, sobbing with alarming force, physically shaken by the power of it.-- her shoulders
He was really a bit awkward, it seemed- not shy, not timid, quite, but uncertain. -- Did you mean quiet instead of quite?
This has to be one of my favorite chapters because I just love the little bit at the end. I loved the talking going on back and forth and the burst of humor that Scorpius had. I think it was really original and a nice repreive from all the action going on.
But your bit about the girl in Brazil is very powerful. I think it strikes a chord that not many authors are even willing to acknowledge. The religious struggle that could take place for a Muggleborn witch or wizard; her weakness doesn't really exist in my mind. I think her brother is the correct one but I think its really cool of you to include.
I like your descriptions of L.A. in the beginning; I can totally envision it, having been there myself. I can totally see the barricade in my mind, this huge boundary of fear and unknown just rising up to seperate these people.
I really, REALLY like your Scorpius. I find him intriguing and honest and simple. It is a really refreshing perspective and take on such a character. He is usually so haughty or obnoxious or completely far off that it bothers me. I think yours is perfectly in the reign of reasonable.
Love it Ciara!
xx LindseyAuthor's Response: Awww hello love! You're amazing for reviewing this stuff even after you have to read it anyway, thank you so much!
I have to say what really got me going on the Brazilian girl was thinking about Arianna Dumbledore- how she tried to control the magic and couldn't. And then I thought about all those really religious people who ban HP in their homes an stuff and I was thinking about what would happen if one of them found out they could do magic? What kind of struggle must that be, to feel like you can't trust yourself, or like you're a terrible person for reasons you can't control? That is definitely my favorite "other places" segment to write, because it's just fascinating to me.
I live in California, so the L.A. thing is a bit of an indulgence for me >.< But it is going to make more sense later on, whenever I can write something because right now my computer is waiting on a new power cord...
I hate the idea of this suave, super cool Scorpius. How could he possibly be like that? With Draco for a dad? I can just imagine their family being intensely private and his parents being really attentive but also kind of making it up as they go along, so that's how I end up with sort of awkward Scorpius. He's a really private, quiet person.
Thank you so much love! You're awesome XD Report Review
Hi there again Ciara. I'm enjoying this reviewing spree! I hope you log on to find these and are excited :D
I love this chapter because we get a real look at the dynamic between adult Ron and Hermione even if it only happens for a little bit. Hermione is still clearly the compassionate and organized leader; I appericiate the way you have her handle herself. You clearly create a dynamic that is clearly wrestles within her.
Hermione is a Muggleborn wizard torn between the world that she grew up in and the one she chose, where she had a family. I think that you did a great job relaying that point. Ron is still a fighter at heart, a Gryffindor and I love how you make him fidgety and impatient.
I also think that you did a great job on the POV of the muggle. I think that you are creating a widespread and well thought plot. You are making it hard for the reader to demonize one side; it is all driven by fear and by defensive.
Finally, I like ScoRose. The coming chapters I know include some real action so I'll comment on that then :D
xx LindseyAuthor's Response: That is exactly what happened. It was like "five new reviews" and I was like WHA?!?!?!
That is exactly the point I am trying to make and will continue to try to make, and I am so glad you picked up on it. Yeah, from Rose's POV, the muggles are being really messed up about all of this, but truly, there are sides of every story. No one behaves in a way they truly believe to be evil, everyone always thinks they're doing the right thing. So maybe wizards should have interfered with their war, maybe Muggles shouldn't have the war, whatever, it doesn't really matter. The point is, something is going to have to give, and we shall see what.
ScoRose will only get better, I promise. I didn't want to include too much romance in the first chapters, but there will be more soon.
THANK YOU Report Review
Hello again! This is the chapter that really set the turn for me; I read this and realized the dynamic nature of your writing. I think that you got really inspired for this fic and it clearly shows in your specific choice on how the army handles them.
It is clearly very organized and well-thought. There are no sporadic details that deter us from the clear intensity of the situation and the confusion surrounding it. You also make it realistic by making these flashes to other details like Tripoli. It makes it more believable because it is on a worldwide front.
I really liked how you included people like Malfoy and Zabini being caught. You show no predjudice and add Dominique and Louis as well; I'm glad you just didn't make it Scorpius and Rose. It would come across as cliche.
Finally, you are very good at the descriptions; I don't have a hard time envisioning the last bit. His running through the city and the smog and poor air quality are really easy to imagine. In my head, I can see the action scene camera shots and its dark and shadowing. And dirty, it just seems dirty in my mind. ^_^
Well done on all of this Ciara.
LindseyAuthor's Response: I am trying really hard to make sure that everything makes sense in this story. That is the main focus for me, is making it very clear. Because really, the plot is a bit complicated! But hopefully nothing ever comes across as vague or nonsensical. You must tell me if it does.
I kind of figured, with so many cousins running around one city, at least more than one of them was bound to be caught up. I wanted it to be a brother and sister, and I think Dom and Louis fit it well. They're a bit different from Rose, I imagine, because they're really not related to her by blood. Or, they sort of are, but barely. Anyway they will be clashing with her a bit in the future.
I always see a movie type scene when I read that part too. And yeah, definitely dirty!
Thanks love! Report Review
This was a particularly intense chapter of yours. I thought that you did an excellent job setting the tone for this. You ease into the chapter and give us some real insight to Rose's character.
I love how you make a Healer interacting with kids. That is a really good way to allude to important details to being understood about her; she seems to have her mom's kindness and her father's humor.
The interaction between her and James was also really lovely to read. James and her were relaxed and good natured with one another; Rose also seems to have the analytical nature of her mother but tactical like her dad as well. You do a good job blending them; Hugo also comes across as an intriguing character. A lovesick fool at times.
You do tension scenes really, really well. I can feel the build-up and the panic settling into my stomach; it doesn't across as forced but natural. And it rises as the chapter goes on before going out with the boom of darkness. I can envision all the actions going on in my head like a movie.
I really am fond of this, Ciara. And I promise to get to all the chapters and review.
LindseyAuthor's Response: You're amazing, seriously! I am so happy to be working with you.
I imagine Rose as being very much a good hearted, kind to the core sort of person. I think she would love kids, having grown up in such a huge family. She can really relate to them. She definitely has Ron's humor, as well as his inability to filter his words!
Hugo will get a little more spotlight later in the story, but for now, yeah, he's definitely a bit foolish. A bit like Ron's romantic side, I think, because Ron could definitely be lovesick.
YAAAY! I am just going to keep going because I am so excited! Report Review
Hi there Ciara!
I had some unexpected time and wanted to come over to grace this lovely lovely story with some reviews! I don't think that its fair that such a good story has so few reviews! Your plotline is very original and already has a great foundation that you are building.
I loved your bit with Ron; I thought it was a very realistic and very spot on for a canon Ron. His grim but perceptive observations are very intriguing and I love how you introduce characters from other areas. Including the bit with the professor offering the information and lesson.
I love it, Ciara and I think that this is a really fun piece :).
Lindsey xoxAuthor's Response: AWWW YOU MADE MY DAAY!
Thank you SO much hon! I am so glad you like this story! It means a lot to me that people do review even if it isn't all the time. When I first started the story, I couldn't imagine writing a grown up Ron, and then he ended up as my opening character! It surprised me. I am glad you think he's realistic, because honestly, it's hard for me to tell. That's why I love having a beta :]
Thanks love!!! Report Review
This is too, too gripping. I don't understand why people hardly review stories as great as this, you really deserve people telling you how onteresting and orginal your story is. This is so well thought out, it doesnt read too far off a novel I would pick up at the book shop.
I'm really, really enjoying this and you should really, really update soon, for fear of my terrible, terrible wrath.
Voldemortia.Author's Response: OH MY GOD ITS VOLDEMORTIA.
Hello my lord. I'm so glad this story has pleased you. You are ever so kind and generous with your words and I really appreciate them. Thank you so much.
I will update soon to avoid your terrible wrath, as it sounds terrible, and painful and all that.
Thank you!!! Report Review
I'm still really enjoying this. I just thought you should know considering you haven't got as many reviews as you deserves. This is all really interesting. I really like it.
Keep updating :)Author's Response: Thank you so much hon! I really appreciate that you took your time out to say so, it means a lot to me :]! Report Review
This is phenomenal and I really can't wait to read more! Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you! I will, don' t worry :P This has a way to go yet. Report Review
Liked it, things are getting slowly into place... love the fact that you write also muggle POV. Upadte soon!Author's Response: This chapter was a little slower than most will be. At least, I hope so. It will pick up soon, I promise :P THanks! Report Review
I like the reference you make: Tripoli, North Korea... ANd the change in the POV is a great idea. I like the puzzle you're writing, it gives more perspectives to the fic. Loved it!Author's Response: Thank you! There will be a lot of references to current politics in this fic, as I am using the current conflicts as the beginning of the conflicts that escalate in this story. Thanks agaiN!!! Report Review
The plot is interesting and well written. It's really great and I wonder what will happen now. It's amazing how you make the readers imagine the scene and the angst. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am really excited for this fic, I think it is going to have quite a complicated storyline. Hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
Okay, so I love this. I've never read a fic that I wanted to read more of so badly, but I haven't got time to review all the chapters right now. I'll do that later.
This is a fantastic plot and the language use is perfect. The way you switch between different perspectives: Ron on the front-line, Rose at home, and Hogwarts, is really effective and it helps the reader understand whatís going on.
You've invented such a convincing plot that it almost feels as if this was taken from Rowling's notes or something. Not an eloquent way of saying it, but this is just really good.
I wouldn't use so many spaces between each scene break, it comes across as disjointed and a bit sporadic.
For a prologue, itís amazing and it would definitely make people want to read on. Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! That is amazing, I am so glad you like it. I will be updating this regularly. I have never written an action/adventure before, so I am pretty concerned about the pacing of it, but I am so glad to hear you enjoyed it!
The whole story will be switching perspectives a lot, so I hope I don't confuse you!
Sorry about the spacing, its the curse of both laziness and the use of the advanced editor. That's what I get for actually italicizing and not including my coding in my word document!
Thank you so much!!! Report Review
your story seems amazing! youve really got a talent for righting im waiting in anticipation for the rest of it the way you were able to describe the situation of the magical world as well as that of each individual character is really brilliant !Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really excited about this one. I am having some fun experimenting with new characters, for me anyway. I hope you continue to enjoy it! Report Review
this is a brilliant start hun!
i love the changing POV's and the inclusion of the newspaper reports - they add a real authenticity to the story and their inclusion saves you space in terms of backstory. its very effective!
i particularly loved the last section, the muggle pilot. i thought that was brilliant and im wondering are you going to maintain that POV, or at least the POV of another muggle or two throughout the fic.
your characterisation is wonderful so far. i particularly loved scorpius, and even though that little section is just an intro, i thought you captured the dynamics of his family perfectly. i also think opening this with ron's POV was genius.
can't wait to read more!! wonderful start darling!
Kate xxAuthor's Response: I think if I tried to write in the entire backstory of this fic, which is really complicated in my head, it would take up like the first three chapters, so a lot more will be revealed as the story goes on.
I think I will be continuing with a Muggle POV throughout the fic, not all the time, but sometimes, because there are definitely things that need to be revealed that way and also I think it's really interesting to write about the way both sides view the same events.
I've never written Scorpius before! But I think I like him :P
Thank you so much hon! This means so much to me, considering how much I adore your stories. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! Report Review
I really wasn't expecting anything quite so... action/adventurey. Most stuff on this site is all romance, so I was really suprised to stumbled across it - but I like it. You've really considered how this whole war thing broke out, and you've made it seem realistic and it's really interesting. Definately want to read on. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I write a lot of romance, but when I got this plot bunny I couldn't resist trying something new. There will be romance included later, but it probably won't be the focus of the entire plot.
I'm glad it sounds realistic, that is one of my main concerns with this fic, because it revolves so much around politics. Thank you so much!!! Report Review
This sounds absolutely amazing!!! I can't wait to see where you take this. Please update as soon as possbile!!! I'm looking forward to reading more. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will be updating this weekend with chapter one, it is already written I just need to make a few changes. I hope you like it! Report Review
The premise seems extremely interesting. Very well written and it's gotten me hooked. Update soon please!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am really glad you liked it, I will be updating in just a few days, so keep checking back! Probably sometime this weekend. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection