This was a great story! The characters were pretty well developed and I loved your imagery. It has a few spelling errors, but other than that it was great. The only suggestion I have is to maybe add a little more dialogue. That may just be a personal preference though. Report Review
Pretty awesome story.Author's Response: thanks ^^ Report Review
This chapter was great!
It was absolutely hillarious and also REALLY AWKWARD. Seeing as I'm a girl and all...but the fact that it was a hex made it way less awkward and just funny. It was kind of weird, because it was told I. Scorpius' POV but I couldn't help but imagine it from Rose's POV at the same time. Because she was freaking out, and I was freaking out, and she had no clue what to say, and I had no clue what to think.
Very clever on your part. I don't think I've ever read about a prank like that!
I also really liked this chapter because it was just so SWEET! Scorpius has the most adorable thoughts. Thinking about how beautiful she is and always being so nice. Even when he's mean, he's still kind of nice. That probably doesn't make sense, but what I mean is that he's still nice because he feels kinda bad about being mean. Or at least he knows he's supposed to feel bad.
And when he cried I found him incredibly endearing. He's so sweet how he loves his mom so much and how he tries to be a good person all the time. I just love him :)
And I'm really excited that he's going to stand up for himself! I hope he gets them good :DAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks for such an amazing review! It made my day:D
Ahaha I'm glad you found it awkward!XD Ah that's so good! It means you can connect to my characters:D
I haven't either.. it was a spur of originalityXD
No I get what you mean, he's a little douche-y sometimes, but sometimes he's sweet:) He definitely knows he's supposed to feel bad:))
YAY I'm glad you love him! And I hope you enjoyed him getting them back:) review that chapter to tell me what you think if you have time! XXx Report Review
I loved this so much! It was so funny and fast paced. Your description was amazing and you used some great words and it didn't interrupt the flow! The spelling and grammar was really good as well! Well done, this is one of my favourite stories I have ever read!Author's Response: Thank you :D I'm so happy you think so ^^ awesome :D ~Chloe xxx Report Review
And another great story! I loved this so much, it was so funny and faced paced! Your description was beautiful and it flowed so so well!I just love all the characters, their faults are so funny to read and they balance well off of each other in the text. I didn't see any grammatical errors or anything bad either!! This is such a great story and I cannot wait to see what happens in the next chapters. I'd love it if Rose/Scorpius got together. :)
SSAuthor's Response: Yay! Thank you :D
Yes, I'm glad you can see their faults:) I really wanted to make those clear. Awesome :D You shall have to wait and see ;)
thanks :D Xxx Report Review
meh it was okay. but way to short.Author's Response: Aha, well it was a short story so yeah X)
and there's a sequel! See Pipe Dream on my author's page :) Report Review
excuse me chloe
THE BLODDY HELL
IS THE NEXT CHAPTER YOU EROHW
i did just find a way round the stupid gnikcuf censoringAuthor's Response: It's finished
that's the end of the story XD
I might do a spin off though
and yeeeaah... I'm not sure whether that's going to work, we'll see X)
I LOVE YOU Report Review
Aweee this story is really sweet! :)Author's Response: Thank you :D Xxx Report Review
Aw, that whole story was great! it was funny, and adorable and just generally believable :D
I like the part with James at the end the best though :)Author's Response: Thanks honey :D I'm really glad you think it's believable ^^
Thanks! I tried to get his character just right :D Thanks for reviewing!! Xx Report Review
whooop whoop!!! Fred's better, they have forgiven Scorpius and Albus Serverus has a date!! Everything is right with the world lol.
I am glad that Fred persuaded them all and saw the errors of his ways of how he maybe took it a bit too far with the joke on Scorpius and how Scorpius didn't mean for his prank to go so out of hand the way it did.
my fingers are crossed for more rose/scorpius!! And I adore your humour you have me chuckling away :)
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: Hahah XD
I'm glad you're glad! I was a bit worried that people would find it unbelievable, so thanks for that!
Oh, I think I can make that happen ;) AND OH MY GOSH THANK YOU!
I'm writing that stuff down and I'm like... ehhh is this funny? so thank you! :D
Love, NeverGotHerLetter Report Review
Thanks so much for taking part in the challenge and so sorry that it has taken me so long to get round and review these last two chapters.
I thought it was great how Scorpius decided to get them back after what they had done to him and not just sit back and take it. The pranks he gave them were really good ideas and I am sure Scorpius couldn't have know what would have happened to Fred. I really hope that Rose forgives him *fingers crossed* and that Fred is ok.
I enjoyed how you made Scorpius so different and how he cares so much for Rose. Gotta love Rose/Scorpius lol Author's Response: That's ok, and don't worry! My laptop broke, so I haven't been around for like two months anyways -sobs-
:D thank you!!
And thanks for the unique-scorpius comment that gives me alot of confidence! And yes, gotta love them both! :D Xx Report Review
You know, I haven't been on in a really really long time... Don't ask me why, I don't know why. But when I got on just now and checked up on this, I cannot tell you HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS STORY!! It's just so much fun to read. So yeah, you just inspired me to come back to this lovely little world here :) 10/10!Author's Response: Yeah I noticed, I missed you! :(
I'm glad you love it ^^ It makes me feel all fuzzy when people say then love my writing :D
I inspired you? Wow, that means alot :D Thank you honey! x Report Review
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
You did well on this Chloe, I love how you made Scorp so diffrent from what most writers/readers think of him it makes him so unique. XD
Maybe its me or does Molly sort of seem like Percy? Maybe its the attude or something...
Did Fred (II) see the other Fred (I) in his vision thingy? (I can't remember the name XD) Thats funny!
Anyway, I can't wait for more so update soon lovely!
Jessy :D xAuthor's Response: THANK YOU :D
Thanks, yeah, I never really saw Scorp like other people. I always thought he'd be calm and humble (Like what I imagine his mother to be) :)
I didn't mean for her to seem like Percy... I tried to get away from that by not making her unrealistically clever...Percy was just a bit pompous, he wasn't actually MEAN or whatever. Molly's just been whisked away with attention and thinks she's better than everyone else and that it's her right to act how she likes because of who's she's related to. Yeah... I wouldn't like her o.O
YES! I was hoping someone would pick that up! I imagined Fred(I) being like "Uh... nephew... um, what the hell are you doing?" Something more Fred-like obviously XD
Thank you Jessy! As it's summer it'll be much quicker than the last. And then, alas the story will be over :( -I'll probably do a sequel in the distant future though :D
xxx Report Review
Glad to see things are getting better for Scor. Also like Fred's Molly's and James change of attitude. Can't await for the next one!Author's Response: Yeah, me too, I hated him being miserable :D Thank you! Xxxx Report Review
Love this story!!
I'm so glad everyones forgiven him!! XD
Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapterAuthor's Response: Thank you! :D
Teehee, me too, I couldn't stand making Scorp's life a misery :D
I'll try and get it up ASAP :) xxx Report Review
Forgiveness. I < 3 forgiveness, it works because they had a whole month to get over it and think about why Scorpius pranked them to begin with.
Go Rose! I like the fact she didn't forgive Scorpius, but I'm not too keen on the fact she gave him a specific date, but I guess that's the whole point it's strange.
DUDE, you need a bit more description. I don't describe, but you have to describe more. :)
I like how Molly didn't jump completely onto the forgiveness wagon, it suits her personality as she's rather bi--hy , so it's rather befitting a bit like her father.
Loved this chapter!
Don't take too long till your next update!
Nell :) xxAuthor's Response: Thank you Nell :) I was really worried that it was too soon but I'm glad you think it's ok!
Yeah she's an oddball, Rose is XD I wanted the date because I wanted to make it obvious that they would be seeing each other if you get what I mean??
Ahahah in edits, I shall describe. Formspring me what you have in mind?
Thanks. Yeah, Molly's horrible in this >.< But she's also very pro-family so she has to do what Fred thinks is best :)
I'll try my hardest to get it written ASAP :) Xxxx Report Review
Wow. I really like this story. It's refreshing to see Scorpius in Gryffindor and to actually see a story from his point of view where the older kids aren't saint-like.
I really enjoyed this chapter and the fact that Scorpius actually becomes friends with Fred. It makes sense that the family would bond together and that they wouldn't tell anybody about what had really happened. I actually thought that the pranks were awesome. And the fact that he ended up hurting one of them was rather horrid for poor Scorpius. I also like the fact that he went to try and make amends even though the rest of the clan wasn't talking to him.
The ending was also awesome. The fact that Albus actually got a girl he was interested in - and got into trouble for snogging on the table - and that Scorpius got Rose to talk to him, even if it was just to say that they would talk later in the month was something really good to make the reader want to see what happens in the next chapter.
Overall really awesome and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Can't wait to read on :DAuthor's Response: Thank you :D Yeah, I always saw Scorp and Al as Best friends, and I didn't like Al in Slytherin and I think my Scorp suits being a Gryffie too ^_^ Thanks :) I really wanted to get away from cliches in this (apart from ScoRose of course ;) )
Thank you :) I'm glad it makes sense, and I'm glad you like the pranks! I took ages thinking about what to do for them ^_^ I really put Scorpius through the works in this XD
Teehee, Oh Al; he pretends to be all-knowing and clever but really he's just clueless XD Thank you, I really appreciate all those lovely comments :)
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU :D :D :D Xx Report Review
Besides Fred, I don't think Scorpius has been that harsh. I guess Rose is just being loyal to her family. Update when you can, I really want to see where this goes. :)Author's Response: I know :) I think Scorpius just went a little overboard with Fred, although he didn't mean for what happened to happen ;) YES she's verry loyal :D I'll try! I'm going to try and get this finished before carrying on with my novella :) I'm glad you like it! X Report Review
They're so cruel. But I love your representation of them three, pranksters and class clowns aren't that nice, which slightly annoys me in James/OC's when he's a sweetheart pranker. It's an oxymoronic character trait.
Are they trying to be protective of rose by embarrasing Scorpius?
love this.Author's Response: I know :) I really tried to get away from the commonly-used-plot-devices with this :D
It's a mix between the two. As you've seen from the previous chapter, they do little things to annoy Scorp just for the fun of it. But this thing was pretty big so I think the seriousness escalated because Rose and Scorp were getting close :) Gosh, my characters write themselves! :D
Thank you! X Report Review
I'm glad to see Molly Weasley, even if she's a bully. At least she's not pathetic because everybody still hates Percy. (Oh, percyyy)
I LOVE your scorpius, I'm not even joking, he reminds me of my best friend. He's got a refreshing voice and you haven't bombarded us with swear words to highlight the fact he's a guy.Author's Response: Yeah I know! Nobody ever mentions her and if she IS mentioned, then she's just annoying :P
Thank you! I love writing in the guy's perspective... I think I do better with that if I do say so myself :)
Teehee yeah, I do that with my female marauders OC though XD I just didn't think Scorp was the swearing type :) Thanks for reviewing! :D X Report Review
(Prize Review #3)
Aww. :( Such wonderful humor gone so wrong. :/ Poor Scorpius, he just wanted a little payback. --JennaAuthor's Response: *nods* Such a shame :( Hopefully things might be better next chapter though ;) XX Report Review
(Prize Review #2)
Poor Scorpius. :( That was so mean. I hope he gets them back good too! And poor Rose also, that HAD to be awkward for her as well. I like your choice of baddies in this. Not many people use Fred and Molly. :) --JennaAuthor's Response: I know! And Rose... well I think she did get just a little embarrassed XD Thanks, I'm glad! I always wanted to see what James, Fred and Molly would be like as a little evil trio thingy :D xx Report Review
(Prize Review #1)
Okay this was really funny. I got quite a few giggles out of it: from his repeated insistence that he isn't gay to poor Albus being strung up. Quite funny. I like that you have seemed to break them out of their stereotypes. Gryffy Scorp is great and I rather like neurotic Al. And fiesty Rose is a nice change from the book toting norm that people shove her into. Not very often you get a story from the guy's point of view, so nice choice. :) --JennaAuthor's Response: Prizes! I forgot :D
Thank you! I always imagined Scorp as a Gryffie :) Ah I hate the Rose that's basically Hermione 20 years later! :D
And I actually prefer writing in a guy's point of view... 3/5 of my stories are :) I don't know why... I think I probably can experiment with the character more, and it makes it less cliche :)
Thanks Jenna! :D XX Report Review
lol! I'M SO glad Scorp decided to do something about it! I love all their pranks, so ingenius! But poor him :( Freddo's in Mungo's! :o no way. And He KISSED her! eeep! and she rejected him :( :( :( why must you be so mean to him?? make him happy. now.
in all, 10/10!!!Author's Response: :D Thank you! I was hoping people would like the pranks :D
Yeah I know :( Hopefully he'll be back soon though ;)
HE DID!! AND SHE DID!!! D: I felt sad writing that bit but I think it was right :)
Hehehe by the end of the story he might be happy for once ;)
THANK YOU :D XX Report Review
NOO!!! I am like heartbroken! It was a very good chapter by the way :D But that ending was horrible to a ScoRose shipper such as myself. I loved it, don't think I didn't :D It's just the drama at the end... so heartbreaking.. *sniffles. You have another chapter left to go right? I hope they get together.. *begs.
Anyway! I LOVED the ideas you had for the pranks. Especially that one where that boy thought James had come out with gay pride.. oh it was brilliant :D Made me laugh so much.
I can't help but feel really really sorry for Scorpy. He's not having a very good time :( He cried in the other chapter, almost killed Fred in this one. I just want to give him a cuddle.
Great job though!Author's Response: I know! :( I couldn't bear to break them apart but hopefilly they'll be alright at the end ;D
Thank you!! I was worried that they were too much like funny spells but I'm glad you did like them :D Heheh I was quite proud of myself with that one tbh ;)
I know :( Luck just isn't on his side :( I DO TO!! :)
Thanks :D I'm looking forward to reading your Yaxbridge this weekend when I'm procrastinating from revision :D XXX Report Review
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