This was very well written too. I couldn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, which makes it a really nice read.
I really love the relationship between Victoire and Dominique- I thought that it was really nice. I really liked how you put that they got on well, when they weren't arguing- I think that is so true with siblings!
I was also interested in the characterisation of Victoire (got the right character this time ;) ). I thought that her character was actually very realistic, and her need for perfection and control is added into the story- her personality shows through with her argument with Teddy, which I liked.
Oh, and I also thought that It was a nice touch that Teddy could draw paralells with Remus/Tonks- and did something about it. Plus, I think that the kiss was really well written too.
I'm only aware of the really well known Taylor Swift songs, so I don't actually know the song but, the lyrics were used nicely, regardless. :)
LeanneAuthor's Response: thank you! im glad the sisters were right - i dont have a sister myself so this was dificult! if you like victoire here, i hope you read more about her in "All You Need Is Love"!
Thanks again! Report Review
awww! love it, it's really, really great...so, i'm off to go check out your other stories :) .Author's Response: aww thanks so much! i hope you like it! Report Review
ADORABLE! this is so well written, so much detail. such a good characterization of victoire.Author's Response: hi! Thanks so much for your review! I'm really happy you liked it so much and flattered you liked my writing and Victoire! Thanks again! Report Review
I picked this fic to review because I am madly in love with this song.
This is the sweetest one-shot I've ever read. I love how you compared Teddy and Vic's relationship to Remus' and Tonks' :D
That was cute!
I actually uttered an "aww" out-loud. I will be on the look-out for more of your stories. You haven't heard the last from me!
10/10Author's Response: Hi! I really like the song too, its perfect for fanfiction! Oh I'm really pleased you said that, thanks so much! Hahaha I couldnt reist drawing that parallel and I'm so glad you liked it that much! My other one shots are linked, so this Victoire is in "Delacour", and will be in others! Thanks so much again! Report Review
Aaaw that was so cute, thanks for the post :)Author's Response: Oh thanks! :D Glad you liked! Report Review
Sev here with your review: :D The end of this one is really cute. I love it to bits!!! There are a few errors here and there, but you're getting there. I'd say to include a bit more dialogue, but that's just me. Some people like stories with less dialogue and more details!
Some parts were a bit confusing. I got confused on who was speaking at what times, so you might want to go back and specify on that with anything. "Victoire said" or "Teddy stated" etc.
Other than that, I see nothing wrong. I love it.Author's Response: Aww thanks! personally i dont like a lot of dialogue, bit ill keep in mind if/when i edit!
oops, ill definately have a look at that! thanks so much and im glad you liked. Report Review
Hey, it's me again, lol.
This was cute.
First off, I wanted to say that, like you said, Victoire is a bit full o herself, but then again, most Veelas are, correct? But she is only part Veela, so she, maybe, shouldn't be too full of herself, such as keeping a "controlling" reputation and making herself look like she's perfect.
But I know that she's supposed to be, so I guess it's okay.
BY the way, the scene where Teddy wasn't talking and she started to walk away depressed, couldn't she just wait for him to speak?
Overall, this is very well written except for a couple lines of dialogue were you put the punctuation mark outside of the quotes. Here's an example: "It is pretty safe to assume most of the adults know, Victoire. Harry and Ginny are well aware at this point".
But obviously that was just a typo, so it can be overlooked.
I like how Teddy is a lot like his father was when around his mother.
I also like how he decided to change that, and do what his father didn't have the courage to do.
Overall, this was a great read, and I liked it.
9/10Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much!
good point about veela's being full of themselves! i like to keep in mind that shes part veela, but only 1/8th!
I think, at the part you mentioned where she walks away, that victoire walked away because she needs to have the last word if its an argument, part of the control thing. hope that makes sense! :D Report Review
Hyenni101 from the forums here! :)
first impression? 'oh a teddy/victoire!' i love Teddy. i love Victoire. i love canon. so this was just lovely. i think you should be more confident in yourself, as well! don't put down Victoire before the reader's even started reading, it makes them more eager to spot flaws, and you don't want that. so just let people judge for themselves before you start defending anything :)
grammar: like in your other one-shot, this was lovely. i could barely find any errors, so well done! just a little note, though - commas go inside the quotation marks, not outside, so it would be more like this: "While you're at it,", not the other way around :) but that's the only issue i could find, so congrats!
characterisation: i loved Victoire. i thought she was very realistic, and her relationship with Dominique was sweet - i love how close the two sisters were. i also thought how you wrote Teddy was very effective - how you threw in that "normally he practically had to be gagged to stop him from talking" and contrasted that with his quietness! i loved that. and then when he DOES start talking, he doesn't really stop, and it's like the roles reverse - suddenly she's quiet and he's speaking, unlike before. i thought this showed how they complimented each other very nicely, plus it was rather romantic! *squee!*
flow: i thought this flowed very well! just like with 'The Roofwalker', i was sucked in and couldn't stop until it was finished! there was the right amount of long and short sentences to a)stop it sounding too longwinded and b)too jerky. very nice!
areas of concern: you mentioned that you think Victoire is a bit full of herself, but i don't really think she is. she just seems to have a bit more self-confidence than other girls of her age, but i guess she IS part Veela and doesn't have to worry about her looks. so, really, her confidence is quite a nice aspect of her character, as it marks her out as different! i liked her character, so well done!
another lovely little piece, congrats! :) ^^Author's Response: Hi! Thanks again, I owe you!
Haha I really should stop being so protective of my stories, good point!
Thanks for the grammar help, glad you liked Dom and the thing about teddy!
good point about the veela thing! another excellent review thanks :D Report Review
This is great! Write more about Trddy and Victorie! ThanxAuthor's Response: Aww thanks! I plan to! :D Report Review
Hey!! You knew I wouldn't be able to resist reading this, didn't you? ^^
Oh my God. This is so beautiful!
I wasn't too impressed at the beginning. To be honest, I thought it was just going to be another one of those first-day-at-Hogwarts type of stories, (Yes, I'm guilty of that too). But you really impressed me. This was like a missing moment from the epilogue of DH! It was that good! Okay, enough of squeeing. Back on track.
I like Victoire a lot. I think she has the potential to have a really interesting character. I understand why you wrote her as you did, though, and to be honest, I didn't think she was as stuck up as I was expecting. Yes, she's a bit too concerned about herself and her appearance to others, but it was subtle. It wasn't shouting out at me, which is good :)
And the kiss... well, that was simply perfect! It was so beautiful and sweet. I love how you integrated parts from the book, such as James finding them & Teddy's power not working for the same reason that Tonks' didn't. That just made it more real.
I only found one mistake: 'They climbed out of the car, stretching them after the journey'. This should be 'They climbed out of the car, stretching themselves after the journey'. Apart from that, spelling & grammar was great! :D
Okay, I'm going to stop now. I loved it, in case you hadn't guessed :P
-Sophia xxAuthor's Response: Hiya! Aww I'm smiling like an idiot now, lovely review! hehe I was very clever and knew how to get your attention alright!
Oh i know the stories you mean, and i was scared mine would be like that! what i wanted was a missing moments feel - so glad that came accross!
so glad you liked vic too - i wrote her worse than this originally, in delacour shes a little more spoiled! I find its so hard to get next gen characters right! aww i loved the kiss too, hope i gave it justice! i think its slightly different in the book (barely though, only realised a day or two ago!) but i did want to be faithful! oops sily me, i should edit so!
thanks so much, so happy you loved!!! :D xx Report Review
Hey! This is AditiDraco95 from the forums with the review you requested for!!
This fic was quite nice. Good characterization, nice plot-line, fairly well dialogues. There are quite a few grammatical errors here and there and I think they could be fixed if you just got a beta-reader for the fic.
All in all, its a well-written piece. And I think Victoire is full of herself but then that is what makes her character realistic =)
~ADAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for that!
I'll make sure to get on the grammatical errors, thanks for pointing that out! Great that you understand how I wanted Victoire to be! Really glad it came accross well, thanks again! Report Review
kirstenalanna from our review swap :)
I really enjoyed this. It was in canon, but added a layer to what we already knew. Good song choice as well. There weren't any awkward bits at all, and if there was I could tell they were intentional, or at least that's how it came across.
Oh, the Lupins...rather clueless aren't they?
kirstenalannaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for this!
Glad you enjoyed this - to me, cannon is the only way to go hehe! Great that the song fit for you! hehe silly lupins!
Thanks again! Report Review
Aw this is sooo SWEEET!!! I don't think that you wrote Vic that full of herself, she seems to act like a normal teenage girl. Worrying about her hair and boy troubles, sounds about right. I enjoyed how you gave us a quick snippet of her background with Teddy also her relationship with her sister. I like that you made her and Dom close, as I always see that either one is jealous of the other.
The whole pace was great, it wasn't too rushed and it felt real as though it come have been incorporated into the book. Overall I thought it was brilliant and adorable!!
Great Job :-) and good luck for the challenge!
Silverstarletworld89Author's Response: Hi! thanks for the lovely review! hehe i was aiming for sweet, so im hapy that came accross, and that victoire seemed right! i like her and dom - there was a temptation to make them fight over teddy, but i always wanted a sister, so i made them close like id want! so glad you liked it and it worked! thanks so much!!!
- B x Report Review
Hello again! YAY for getting to read more of your writing! Hehe, I love your stuff and can't wait for the next swap! (We seem to do a lot of those, don't we? :D)
Anyway, Teddy/Victoire is my favorite canon ship, so having Taylor Swidft and Ted/Vic in the same story made this really fun, right off the bat! The way you wrote Victoire was really interesting, so I thought you did a great job of showing her in a new way. Hehe, I am on a Deacour girls roll today, but I still loved this and thought the lyrics at the end fit in really well with the story! :D
Have a great day,
-AnnieAuthor's Response: Hey again annie! hehehe we should just have a review swap arangement all the time, i love tour stuff too! i love tedoire too! and taylor swift, she really suits tedoire! so happy you liked vic (i write her so spoiled!) and that you liked the fic in general! haha yay for delacours!
- B xxx Report Review
You write Victoire different to how I would write her but you wrote her well all the same. Everyone writes her differently and it is nice to see the different aspects of her.
I love this though because I adore Teddy/Vic. They are cute together and I always see them as a care free ship. YOu have certainly captured that in this fic.
Although, the best bit of this story is the original idea. I love the fact you have filled in this little gap in our knowledge and you have done it so wonderfully too.
Really nice. :)
Ginny45/RandomRed xxxAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for this! I'm so glad you liked this! I imagine victoire to be very spoiled so I hoped people wouldnt mind that! I love Tedoire too, I think they are so perfect! Again, happy you liked it! Thanks! Report Review
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