Reading Reviews for Journey Into The Unknown
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by velajune Journey Into The Unknown

12th April 2016:
Hi Leigh,

I wasn't sure what kind of review you were looking for with this exchange, but I just went with how I normally would if it was a request. Hope that's okay and it helps you in some way. :)

I liked the idea of a Metamorphmagus. That's a pretty cool topic in it of itself. I also love her name. So, those were the two things that led me to read this over your more popular, The Silver Lining (that I'm also curious about).

I did find a few things that bothered me while reading. Sometimes it's a the awkward sentences like "They both did a double take" or found some details, again, awkwardly introduced like, "She looked at her husband, who was a Pureblood wizard whereas she was a Muggle." And each time something like that appeared, it interrupted the flow of the read. For the first, I recommend going back to certain lines that make you stumble as you read. For the second, maybe rearranging word placement would do the trick.

There are also times where you mixed up your "Her". For example, you mention "Her mother" and then move on in that same paragraph to say, "She looked at her husband". The first "her" referred to the baby whereas the second referred to the mom, but being that they are in the same sentence, and no differentiation was made by using a name, it seemed like both times was reffering to the Ariana which isn't the case. Otherwise, we would read that paragraph like this, "Ariana's mother just shook her head. "I'm sure it's nothing." Ariana looked at her husband." I hope this makes sense. If you go back to your first, you were able to separate the first two sentences with the last half by say, "Ari looked up". This clarified that we were no longer reading it in Rachel's perspective.

Moving on... I noticed a few typos that I usually gloss over.

I did at times wish you elaborated more on certain parts, like Rachel and Michael's relationship because you pointed out their difference in blood, or Rachel's growing, but still limited knowledge of his world. I think, not only would we have been amazed by Ariana's circumstance, we would also really fallen for the parent's relationship. Also, it would have let us understand this part more, "Rachel shook her head. “I can accept that she is a witch, but not this. This is just…too much!” Rachel sat down on a nearby sofa. She was shaking, unable to accept this about her daughter." Her break down was a bit of a quick development for me without a steady ground to hold it, and even more so when she stepped out.

I definitely can sympathize with the situation, but I would've loved more details! This is such a great idea. Ariana, this intelligent Metamorphmagus born from a Pureblood wizard and a muggle mom, is an interesting child.

I was surprised to remember that this was only a one-shot. Again, great idea, and I like the characters you've come up with. They may have all been OCs, but you've given each such distinct personalities that I think really fit the situation and the world you've created.

If you ever decide to edit, I hope this helps and I loved reading your story. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I didn't even notice half the stuff you mentioned until reading this review. I might edit it at some point in the near future since I am back and into my writing. I just hope my other stories are good too. It was my first one shot so I felt like I had to rush it a bit. I'm sorry if that caused any problems with your reading experience. Feel free to read my other stuff and review it if you want.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Unwritten Curse Journey Into The Unknown

3rd April 2016:
Woah, this is so cool!

First, I think it's interesting that you wrote about a Metamorphmagus other than Tonks (and that you mentioned Tonks at the end--loved that).

I also liked that the mother was a Muggle because it gave an interesting perspective to her daughter's transformations. I can't imagine how frightening it would be to think that you wouldn't recognize your own daughter! (Also, I think it's cool that a pureblood wizard married a Muggle--it shows that the world is becoming more accepting and that's a sweet detail)

My only complaint is that this chapter is so short! I want more! I want to see what happens next. :)


Author's Response: I might write a sequel. I'm just thinking about how to do it.

 Report Review

Review #3, by xtinjsc Journey Into The Unknown

7th August 2011:
I always like it when authors explore inconspicuous issues like this. Thought I thought the mother was a bit tough on her daughter, I did understand that it must've been so hard for her to be thrown into such a foreign, bizarre magical world where everything was unfamiliar for her. I must've have been doubly painful that she had to see her own daughter be a tad more different, no? Personally, I would've been amazed, but every mother only wants their children to be born normal and I couldn't blame Rachel here, really. This was a very curious and touching piece and I was glad that I stumbled upon it. Your OCs were all very interesting. Nice job!

xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Aw thank you. :) I do my best to make interesting characters. :D Thank you for reading and reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Diana Journey Into The Unknown

1st March 2011:
I really liked it!
Great work! n.n

Author's Response: :D It took me AGES to write it! I am glad you like it! *hugs* :D

 Report Review

Review #5, by WhatAboutRegulus Journey Into The Unknown

1st March 2011:
That was really good! Great job! I liked how you had the mother a muggle and overwhelmed from he daughters gift :) But sad since the mother isn't to happy :( Great Job! I'll send to the results of the challenge to you sometime tomorrow!

Great Job ;)


Author's Response: :D YAY! I was hoping you'd like it! *happy dances* I worked really hard on it! :D

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login