No! I love Ron/Hermione :( Oh well, you've written this well, so I'll forgive you. I kind of adore songfics, and you've done a good job of fitting the story to the song.
At first, I was a little concerned about your characterization of Hermione. She's a very emotional person, very intense and passionate, and I wasn't getting much of that. However, as I read on, I think you did a good job of setting the scene. She went through that emotional stage and has made peace with the end of their relationship and is back to calm logic.
Ron's character was good too. He's a little bit awkward, not really knowing what to say, but knowing that he needs to say something. I could see him acting like this in this situation.
Overall, I'm sad that Ron and Hermione did not have a happily ever after, but this is a nice story anyway. ;)Author's Response: Sorry for breaking Hermione and Ron up and I'm glad you forgave me :)
It's a relief to know I got Ron right, I always find a him a little hard to right. And it is also good to know that I got Hermione's emotions to come through, you made me a little worried for a second there.
Thank you very much for the review Report Review
Wow. This was just absolutely beautiful. The wording of everything, the feelings and thoughts and possibilities that were explored...loved all of it.
I love the comparison of Hermione feeling second best to the fact that that is how Ron grew up: feeling second best to his brothers, to even Harry at one point.
I like how you clearly make Ron regretting his decision to break up with her but feeling that he couldn't get back with her because she deserved more. That is so Ron. Before they were lovers, they were friends.
I'm glad that she was able to get closure and move on in the end!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you :) I'm so glad you liked it. I hadn't actually realised the comparison between Hermione feeling second best and Ron's childhood but you are so right. It always surprises me when people point out things that I did completely unintentionally.
I find Ron quite hard to write. He isn't my favourite character so I tend to have a habit of really making him the villain by exaggerating all his flaws. I tried not to do that here, and I kept him pretty honest rather than making him a cheater.
xJacqui Report Review
That was so sweet, but so sad at the same time! I loved every word of it, and even though I am a loyal Romione shipper, I fell in love with this songfic. The lyrics grafted themselves beautilfully in between the words, and it flowed like magic. Your descriptions were simply amazing. They were by far my favorite part. I could nearly feel the sand and the waves, and I had such a clear image in my mind that I felt like I was there. I am so jealous of yor ability to put words together like that.
The only small critique I have is that the dialogue could be a bit stiff at times. I think your characters were overly formal. Don't be afraid of contractions! There were a lot of "there are"'s that I think would have sounded better as "there's" just because that's closer to how most people normally speak. There were also a few grammar errors, that made the story a bit confusing to read at times, so I would suggest proofreading again or getting a beta, but other than that your story was simply amazing. You have a talent for descriptions, which I love. Great job, really!Author's Response: Thank so much. I had a very clear image of how I wanted the scene to be and what I wanted the characters doing so I'm really happy that it came across with the descriptions.
I will give the story another proof read and have a look at the dialogue and see what I can do. I don't use contractions all the time when I talk which is why the sometimes come across in my writing.
Thanks again for the review and for all the tips. Report Review
Firstly, I'd just like to say, I've never seen a Song-Fic done to an ABBA song and you've done this so well! I absolutely adore their music and I really feel that you've managed to capture the essence of the song without specifically retelling the same story in the lyrics, which I see in quite a few song-fics, so well done on that also! I really like how you've used portions of the lyrics scattered throughout the fic which hint at what in to come in the following paragraphs.
I also love your portrayal of Hermione and Ron, they both seemed well within character. Hermione calm and logical, and Ron he was, well - Ron and despite him having his moments of weakness here, I felt it was realistic and very possible with his character. I like how you've portrayed their emotions and the difficulty of their situation, and it was really interesting to read how this situation unfolded upon this beach. Their emotions were beautifully portrayed and both characters seemed to compliment each other nicely in terms of balancing the story and the emotions you were portraying. In particular this line really struck me: "Somewhere deep down you know that I miss you and that I still love you, I'm sure of it" and perhaps it is the small part of me which secretly ships Ron/Hermione, but I just felt it was something that Hermione would have said to Ron in a situation like this, and it's not often that I think that reading about them.
My one small criticism, and of course it is minor, is to perhaps not have the characters using dialogue which is so close to lyrics you've used within the story. As it sort of (in a small way) distracts from the story. Other than that small issue I really enjoyed this story and particularly loved how you ended it with such a note of optimism on Hermione's part as it really allowed the story to finish in a way which left me wondering how she would move on from this.
Well done! I really loved reading this! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I know what you mean about the lyrics in the dialogue and I will look at it again. I'm really happy that you though I got the characterisation right, it can be a be a hard thing to portray at times so to hear comments like yours is really touching. Report Review
I really really really really really really really really really like this! I almost cried!Author's Response: WOW. Nine really's. I think that is a record :) Thanks so much for taking the time to review. Report Review
hi there!! saw you in the blue vs. bronze and thought that i would review one of your stories!
so i'm not usually one for song-fics because i feel that usually the story is actually the same as the one in the song--but yours works because there's not actually a concrete story in the song. i did notice a couple areas where you took ideas right from the lyrics though and had Hermione saying them; this is something that i might consider revising. if you have the lyrics in the story we can see them, and i don't know that having them again in the dialogue advances the story :)
i liked that this story didn't end the way that i thought it might; i also like that it deviated from canon. i think that Ron could realistically be weak as you portray him; and even though i would have not given Ron as much of the right things to say ("she deserves better than me anyway," and things to that effect!), i think that it's a nice story over all!
--lily :)Author's Response: Thanks for all your comments. I'll look at revising some of the text in places to include the idea rather than the lyric itself.
I'm glad you like my portrayal of Ron. I always feel that he would give in to temptation thinking that it might be better than he already has. And in doing so, he lost the one thing that really mattered to him, and so needs to punish himself for his weakness.
I'm glad you like the story. I'll have a look at revising some things it like you said. thanks again Report Review
An interesting song fic you have here. I would never have thought of doing an ABBA song, but you pulled it off.
I like how Hermione went from despondent over Ron to looking toward the future. You did that well.
All in all, good job.Author's Response: Thank you. It's always funny how song fic's just materialise. This one just came to me one day. I wanted to show Hermione moving on so I'm glad that it came across in the story.
Thanks for continuing to review my stories. I didn't update for a long time and I must say, I did miss your reviews when I did return. So I'm really happy to see you back. Report Review
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