OK, this was completely an adorable little moment. I love that they’re grown up and not getting pregnant in school (I know, I’m sorry, that really was my first thought.)
Teddy is a bit “Gary-Stu” to me though. An example: “He turned away from the TV, muting it, and gave me his full attention.” This is every woman’s dream. Believe me. :) but it isn’t quite that real that he’d give Vic the attention right away. Now the following paragraphs where he’s clueless and then stunned, yes, that seems more male to me!
There are bits to tweak on your grammar and spelling. An example is the use of the word “like”. This does not really work in stories normally and is a bit unprofessional. You could also start expanding on describing what is happening around the character, what their environment looks like, the little things that they may be doing that could set off the dialogue that you put there.
Your dialogue and the interaction between characters is nicely done. I could see that there was a lot of familiarity and liking between Aimee and Victoire and also that Victoire held her love for Ted in high regard and that they were pretty comfortable with each other. I felt like I was just kind of standing in a corner watching their special moment.
xCharAuthor's Response: Yeah, I'm kind of tired of the school pregnancies at the point. Kind of cliched by now.
I think Teddy is trying to be perfect, but is at the same time, a stereotypical man. :P
Like I said, gonna get a quick beta. :)
Thank you, I'm sooo glad you liked it. I really am. I'm also glad you think I've grown as I writer. I started at least a year and a half ago. My first story was terrible. I knew it even as I was writing it, but I kept going until I was about halfway done. Then I deleted it. It was terrible. :P
Aw! I love telling-the-guy-that-you-are-pregnant Fics! They are sooo cute.
-cocoAuthor's Response: I do too! Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it! :) Report Review
That was a really sweet story. :) I liked how you wrote the two of them interacting with each other. They seemed so cute together. You also had some nice humour in it without making it over the top or anything, although Teddy was quite slow on the uptake, but some are and sometimes we all are. :P I especially liked the moment when Victoire burst into tears because of her pregnancy hormones and poor Teddy was so clueless. :)Author's Response: Always figured Teddy would be slow on these things, just because of, you know, Ron and Harry always being in his life and they are too. I'm glad you liked it, and pointed out what you liked. Thanks so much! :) Report Review
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