20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by schoenemaedchen Then you may learn to love another.

22nd June 2011:
Hey there.

This review is shamefully long overdue...but that's what 60 hour weeks do to ya :)

I just wanted to come by and really give this review because its deserved.

I'm a huge fan of James and Lily and I can just simply say that you did them a good justice here. It's a classic.

I thought the characterization was well done and overall story was fitting.

If I do have one small CC it would be watch punctuation, grammar etc. The first paragraph, for example, does have a bit of a run on sentence--nothing a nice and quick one-shot Beta couldn't solve!

I thank you for stopping by my review thread, though, and sorry for the wait!

Best wishes,
schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #2, by mpr Then you may learn to love another.

1st June 2011:
Lily is just horible! But I still love her anyways. Poor James getting pushed into the lake. Serves him right for being a git. Loved the one-shot.
-MPR

Author's Response: Naw, Lily is just a teenager, not horrible. And James somewhat deserved it in my opinion. But thank you!

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Review #3, by FoundriaPenguin Then you may learn to love another.

1st May 2011:
HEY HANNAH :D
Here for your review because you won Riddles for Tom last month. And yes, I am an absolutely horrible procrastinator. I really should've done it sooner D:

I think that you incorporated the movie quote really well. :) The last exchange between James and Lily was as heartbreaking for me as it was for James, though. Yikes, poor bloke. But the situation Lily put James in was pretty funny. What a solution to that problem.

I found that the parts where the flashback came and went were a little murky. Some parts of the story got a little confusing because of a few grammar errors here and there, though. :)

Overall a lovely story! BUT WHY SO SHORT -mock rage- I want to know what happens after that shocking order! :P as;dfjeojz. Will they still end up together 'cause of FATE?

teehee. xD

--jordan

Author's Response: Muhahaha..I istt eveil and I thought I'd annoy you and make it short ;)

But, I love that last bit :D It was fun to write and they probably got together somehow..*will write how they got together one day just so you find out*

lol...I live for your amusement :D But I have a beta'd version..I'm just too lazy to put it in the queue :P

Thanks for the review hun!!
Hannah x


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Review #4, by Pen2Paper Then you may learn to love another.

21st March 2011:
Hey, Pen2Paper from the forums here with your review :)

I really love it when people actually explore events leading up to James and Lily's relationship instead of when it actually happens. We can clearly say they would not have had a easy path getting there and smooth sailing throughout. So this was a refreshingly original piece.

I really like your portrayal of the characters, Lily and James they were sufficiently canon and still had a good original personality.

Your story flowed very nicely, but I would suggest to smooth things over where the time gap switch with the flashback scene starts. Its a little unclear there.

I like the inclusion of Severus and especially Peter who tend to get rear seated or cut out completely from the story.

The point of the story was good and well delivered but the story end kind of abruptly, I wish there was more :)

Anyway it is a solid effort. Great work :)
9/10

~Cali

Author's Response: Hey

Thanks for the lovely review! I have my beta copy in front of me and I think it will improve the flow a little bit..all I need is to submit it :P

Thank you! :)

Hannah x


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Review #5, by hpgrl Then you may learn to love another.

13th March 2011:
Hi Hannah!

So I never got around to actually reviewing this :P
Its a great story-line, very believable. The emotions and feelings you included were moving and felt real. The story flowed well, and I love the line "Then you may learn to love another". I could feel James' pain as Lily uttered those words and I could sympathize with him. I did feel that Lily was crying a bit too much, but that's your call, and it fits the characterization you gave her anyways :)

Great job overall :)

Author's Response: Hey Jade!! - I got your name right, right?? I'm really bad at remembering them and I feel bad that people know my name and I can't remember theirs :P

I swear we're going to both end up like Sophia and I, with nothing left of each others to review :P

Umm thank you! :) I don;t actually remember her crying...but I wrote this a little while ago and my memory is really bad!

I am so glad you James' pain, I feel bad to admit this but it was more fun then it should have been to break his heart. I'm glad you liked m'dear! :)

Hannah x


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Review #6, by presario-x1000 Then you may learn to love another.

5th March 2011:
That is the second timE I've read it and it still makes me sad•

Author's Response: Aww thanks!

Wow..you read it twice!!!
Thanks!!

*does happy dance*


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Review #7, by Slytherinchica08 Then you may learn to love another.

3rd March 2011:
First i must say the ending was rather different then i was hoping for although with it still being in their 5th year i knew it wasnt going to be what i was hoping since they didnt get together for a while. but it was a great oneshot and was a cute james and lily take. I feel so bad for james who finally got the girl to kiss him and then she pushes him into the lake. great job on this oneshot and good luck on the challenge.

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you!

I really appreciate your thoughts :) I am glad you liked it, anyway who wants an ending they expect :P
Thanks for the good luck!

TP


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Review #8, by Miss Marlag Then you may learn to love another.

2nd March 2011:
wow. powerful! this was so awesome. that lily-james-sev scene looked really real, like something that might happen. for a while i was confused until she got back to the beggining :) was this for a challenge? i love how you incorporated the quote, really awesome. aww, i wish lily would get over it already and snog james :) we all know she wants to!
ah! loved it. glad i read it. i needed this type of story right now. 10/10!

Author's Response: Haha! Thanks :D

It was for a challenge, the quote was the thing in bold but I have been told it was the last thing she expected with this quote so I was happy with that :D

I'm glad you liked the Lake scene.

Eep! Your making me all happy now :)

Thank you!

Hannah x


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Review #9, by NeverGotHerLetter Then you may learn to love another.

27th February 2011:
Hi!
So you asked for a review, and here it is :)
My general opinion is that this was a lovely little story, but so heartbreaking at the end. it wasn't a traditional ending, like when Lily finally realises her love for James, but this made it really good and unique.
Characterisation: Oh, I love your characterisation for the snarky, sarcastic James. James is my favourite. I love James I. :) But yes, it was amazing. And then with Sirius being all worried, and Remus knowing what to do, the marauders were perfect. And then I loved Lily. Lily was the best I think. She was angry and fiery but cool and kind in just the right proportions, and I think you got her spot on.
The plot was great, although I think that you could maybe cut down the flashback as I think it dragged on just that little bit. Maybe if you cut down the little conversation between Sirius and Lily, as I think that was the problem, then maybe it would be better. Totally up to you though, of course :)
Realism was great too, I think that this might have really been able to of happened, maybe at the end of seventh year or something. But the end was just perfect. Lily's last line, and then James' reaction. "James' face crumpled," With that line I had like an inner NO!! from my brain. Seriously great :D
So overall I think I'll give it a 9/10
Great job :D
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x x

Author's Response: I'm blushing! Thank you so much!!!

I kinda tried to avoid the whole cliché ending of Lily falling into James's arms as such and I am so happy you liked that!
I am so glad you liked my characterisation of the Marauders and Lily! That was the first time I have ever written them and I am just so happy I seem to have got them right!
I think the flashback could've been cut a little bit but because the ending was so short and so was the beginning I was a little bit afraid to cut the bulk of the story out, but thank you for that bit of advice :)
I am so glad you enjoyed the realism of it, I think I have quite a bit in common with Lily so I almost wrote it how I would react but then added the cannon bits just to make it a tiny bit more Lily and less me if that makes sense and James's reaction seems to have had almost the same effect on almost everyone who has read this and I am so glad to be able to provoke such a reaction!
Thank you for the lovely review it has made my day :)

Hannah x


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Review #10, by Akussa Then you may learn to love another.

25th February 2011:
Hey!

Lovely story; a tad confusing but a good read none the less. I would have loved to read more though; I think if you took more time to add describtions and detailing in between the actions and dialogue, it would make this story even better.

I noticed a few gramatical errors, mostly commas and would recommend you read it out loud. For example, read this piece of dialogue :

“As if Potter you couldn’t mature even if someone stuck you in a suit, gave you three kids and a wife and made you join a drinking club.”

It's all good dialogue, snappy and humorous but because of the missing comma or period, it loses a bit of its quality.
Other than that, the characterization is great and it was a great read!

Akussa

Author's Response: Thank you! :) Got it with the comma :) I know I am notorious for silly grammar mistakes and I am trying to get a beta, Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it despite my mistakes :)

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Review #11, by silverstarletworld89 Then you may learn to love another.

25th February 2011:
Oh Lily, how clueless you are that you and James are destined to be together!

I enjoyed this one shot. I LOVED the flashback scene, with James being all different and Lily not being able to handle the new James. How evil to both kiss him AND shove im in the lake, but I understand why she did it. I thought your characterisation of Lily was great, having her protect Severus even though he called her a you-know-what, it's the type of person I could imagine her to be.

There were a few grammar errors that I came across, but nothing terrible that took me away from your great story:-). Just a suggestion, your summary has the 'e' missing out of something and the 'n' missing off then. It might be good if you just added those in =D

Overall Great Story!!
Silverstarletworld!!

Author's Response: Thank you :)

I am trying in vain to get a beta so those grammar mistakes should hopefully get sorted :)

Thank you for the lovely review though, I am so happy you enjoyed it :)

Go Team Bronze!!! ;)

Hannah x


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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princess Then you may learn to love another.

24th February 2011:
Hi, Ravenclaw_Princess, here as requested :D

My heart broke a little bit at the end. It was very somber ending but in many ways, realistic and it's always good to not have that happy ending all the time.

I noticed a few grammatical errors like missed comma's and a few spelling errors but nothing another careful read over would fix.

But other than that, it was delightful read. It had a nice flow and pace, although I would recommend a few more spaces between the flash back passage the rest of the story just so the break is more apparent. The two sections seemed to run together and I didn't immediately realised I had jumped back to the present (I was too engrossed).

The dialogue was nicely written and I thought it was sweet how Remus and Sirius were so worried about James. I also think you managed to capture Jame's two different moods really well between the present time and the flashback.

I also really liked how Lily as portrayed and her embarrassment was well done; I think anyone would be embarrassed after doing what she did. I also loved the line “Immature, bigheaded, arrogant, conceited, pigheaded, broomstick moron?"

So well done, it was an enjoyable little read.

Author's Response: Thank you!

I am trying with all my might to get a beta but It seems that people don't have the time :(

But I am so glad you liked it so much! The line of insults has been picked up before as people liking it, which is fairly amusing considering I literally just put my opinion of him at that age and made it sound like Lily.

I am glad you liked the dialogue the characters and the ending :)

Thank you so much for doing this! You have made my day a happy one! :)

Hannahx


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Review #13, by Liberator600 Then you may learn to love another.

23rd February 2011:
Wow. Very nice story, and very well written. I especially liked the part where Lily pushed James into the lake. That was her inner Slytherin coming out there. 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

I never really considered she had an inner Slytherin...incoming plot bunny there methinks :)


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Review #14, by ErinColleen Then you may learn to love another.

21st February 2011:
Aw, poor Jamesy!

I do love my marauder fics and you did very well, I must say!

I loved it!

Keep writing

Love,
ErinColleen

Author's Response: Thank you!

My first ever marauders :O but I hope to do more in the future so keep an eye out ;)

Hannah x


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Review #15, by liza_potter Then you may learn to love another.

19th February 2011:
I don't typically read James/Lily but this was a fun little one-shot! ^_^ I really liked it. At first, I thought it was simply going to be a scene about what happens after The Incident (as I refer to it in my mind. And yes, the captail letters are needed.) But it was a pleasant surprise to find out it wasn't.

All of the dialogue was really well done. Like here: "Immature, bigheaded, arrogant, conceited, pigheaded, broomstick moron?” Hehehe, I love all of Lily's many, many insults for James. And how she doesn't trust Sirius, but Remus instead. I always thought she would be closest with Remus. It would have been nice to see some of Peter in there, though. But the Marauders trying to figure out what was wrong with James was so cute. And how Lily kissed James to stop him from hexing Snape. When in doubt, always kiss. :P

The ending was actually a bit sad. I wasn't expecting it- I wanted a nice, fluffy ending. It seemed very in-character for Lily, though. But imagine James actually did it! Ah, good thing he doesn't follow orders. xD

That was a really sweet one-shot. Your writing was nice; very fluid and moving. It had some humor in it, and I liked all of the characters. Great job!


Liza

Author's Response: Oh my potatoes on a stick! I have no words to express my gratitude!

Thank you so much! I honestly don't know what to say, I actually have a lump of happiness in my throat! Thank you so much!

The ending was the only bit that I wouldn't normally do but it fit with the challenge thingy and it worked surprisingly!

Thank you again!

Hannah x


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Review #16, by orderofthephoenix Then you may learn to love another.

17th February 2011:
Hey Hannah!

I liked this! I don't read James/Lily fics usually but you had a different take here. At first I thought you were just telling the aftermath of 'that event' from Lily's POV. Then I realised you were going to change it to make it yours! And you wrote it so well!! :D

My favourite bit was where Lily kissed James just to stop him throwing Severus in the lake :P Brilliant!

Sophia x

Author's Response: Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I am so glad you liked it :D

I shall get to yours tomorrow...A George fic i believe..YAY!!! :D

Thank you..again :D


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Review #17, by SexyDoorFrames Then you may learn to love another.

16th February 2011:
I adored this. I have a soft spot for Lily/James. I haven't read any recently though, but this has made me gain my Lily/James love back.

This was really well written. I like your style, it's very fluid.

I loved the ending; something inside me broke a little. It was heart breaking! I mean, Lily ordering James to stop loving her?!?! Thank merlin, he didn't. It's just lovely to read when you know there is somewhat of a happy ending, until the war of course.

I loved the ways you wrote the characters. They are always very relatable. I loved the fact that Lily stuck up for Sev. It made sense and I loved how she kissed him to shove him into the water.

Lovely one shot. I really enjoyed it :)

- SexyDoorFrames

Author's Response: Thank you!!! Aww you made me glow inside!!

This was my first ever attempt at a Lily/James type thing and I may have to write more! It's the first one where everyone has agreed I wrote it well.

Thank you...I've been wavering about my writing skills but I think you and the others from the forums may have just brought my confidence back :D

I'm glad you liked it and the shove in the lake thing was a spur of the moment thing and I really enjoyed writing it and I am so happy you enjoyed reading it..THANKYOU!

Hannah x


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Review #18, by _Leo_ Then you may learn to love another.

16th February 2011:
Hey there!

This was really well written, it made it so much easier to follow the story.
Only one thing, where I had to go back and read again: Lily runs to the castle, and then she walks into the common room where James is sitting starring into the fire. I'm guessing some time has passed between those moments? It's not a big deal, but I thought I'd point it out.

Lily/James was the first pairing I've ever read on here, and you did very well with this. How they all dealt with the 'Mudblood' thing, and that Lily and James don't immediately start going out.

I really enjoyed reading it :)

xxx Leo

Author's Response: Thank you!!

I know there was a time jump and I forgot to put the little star do-da thingy to show that :S I'm glad you liked it!!! First time I've ever done L/J so Scary but I'm glad you thought I did well!

On to your review!!

Hannah x


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Review #19, by justonemorefic Then you may learn to love another.

16th February 2011:
You change from Sev to Snape, which I think reads a little oddly. I think it's best to keep him as Sev throughout.

I like that scene with James. Baw. And then with the other Marauders! Bahah I love how she rejects Sirius to tell Remus. And baww they care so much about James. I will say that I didn't quite catch the sudden shift in emotion at first, that perhaps there may be a better lead up to it.

Aww, cute at the lake. I like their conversation there. I LOVE THAT SHE PROTECTS SEV, TEEHEE (my Snape/Lily is showing). Although I don't know what happens to him after, he kind of pops in and out.

Booo, so cruel in the end, but understandable. Makes sense for all you built up and it wouldn't have been right to end so happily yet. Poor James though, going through all that 'maturity' and then bam back to crumpled little James D: *patpatpatpat*

I don't typically read L/J but this is a fun little oneshot! ^__^

Author's Response: Thank you! Got it with the emotion bit.. :D but I needed Lily to go back to the common room and Snape didn't really come into it really..

I couldn't just have them suddenly going out! But I did feel bad for james...and it seems It was a good plan to put Severus in there...and I know with the Sev to Snape bit..but I thought she was confused about her feelings at that point because it was just after the mudblood fiasco so that was proabaly why..I could revise this and make that more obvious though..Thanks..Will get to yours in a minute!!

Hannah x



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Review #20, by TenthWeasley Then you may learn to love another.

15th February 2011:
Hello, Hannah! FINALLY I'm coming by with your review - I'm sorry it took this long. ^^ Thank you for being the first one to complete my challenge!

I thought that this was a very creative way to incorporate your chose lyric, this was probably the furthest thing from my mind in assigning the lyric but it totally worked! I just love a good James/Lily, no matter the circumstances or animosity between them, and you've definitely pulled out stops here toward writing a good one. =]

There are some minor grammatical error and punctuation errors here - nothing major and overly distracting, but just little things I notice. ^^ Have you checked into having someone read over this story for those?

Overall, you've got a great piece here, and props to you for getting it in so fast! Obviously the deadline for this piece is a ways away, but you can make any sort of changes to it you like and let me know - I'll re-read it each time. =] Thanks for entering my challenge!

Author's Response: No problem :) It was the easiest one for me to write out of all the challenges so it kinda took priority :)

But I am planning on getting a beta (eventually) :) But i am so glad you liked it! I was originally going to do a remus/Tonks but I had no inspiration and this just seemed to work and the whole point was it to not be what you expected :D

Thank you :)

Hannah


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