Firstly, thank you very much for completing my challenge and congratulations on your first challenge and one-shot!
Ok, I really loved the opening section of this and how you fitted the quote into the piece, it worked well. I was intrigued and wanted to find out who the speaker was and where they were.
When they said they were in Azkaban I figured the crazy laughing person was Bella (who else?) and managed to guess from the subtle hints you gave who it was :) Then obviously 'R. Lestrange' at the end confirmed what I had thought :)
I liked the overall story and the idea behind it, though I would have loved it even more if it was a bit longer!
You're writing style is really individual and nice to read, the way you phrase things is original but still makes sense. I noticed a few sentences I didn't get though:
I can be your conscience with you want to. (if you want to maybe?)
I lost track long time ago (should be a long time ago)
What I did violent to people was necessary. (what violence I did to these people was necessary (but that still doesn't make complete sense.))
I aso noticed a few times when the tense changed which was confusing. I think maybe you could get a beta to help with this because it would improve the flow a lot!
Well done though, I really enjoyed reading this and think you write very well!
Lily :DAuthor's Response: Yay thanks. I just wanted to say that it should have been all a leter, but ToS don't let the whole story to be a letter or a diary entry...
-Vi. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection