Reading Reviews for Marrow
38 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Akussa Six: The Shepard and His Flock

18th October 2015:
Hello again!

Ok, I loved this, no matter if it is still a bit filler. This insight into Lia's family was incredibly well written. All the details of her Da's home, life. The small bits that lets the reader know just enough about why she might have distanced herself from this life and the effect it had on both herself and her Da. Very well done, easy to picture.

I liked Benjy's presence, his clever way of droping informations and, at the same time, whithout even his knowing, letting Lia know that Sirius hasn't blabbed.

Since you ask for CC, I would say that the format is stange at times, comparing to the previous chapters; some sentences seem unfinish (ex : Her velvet bag that was atop the ashes between her feet.) which breaks the rythm at times but it's nothing too big. It does not take away from the great writting.

I hope this story continues, I really enjoy pretty much everything about this : the setting, the strong original characters, the story that might only be starting - has a lot of potential.

Great work!

Akussa (yes, for the last time I'm telling you that the House of horrors is REAL, it is the last time I promiss!!)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and all the little details that make up Lia's old home life with her Da :) Benjy's great, I think I need to make him come in sooner, give everything a bit more context.

I do love CC and appreciate it! Sounds like my writing style is all over the place, I hope to remedy this soon, thank you got pointing out some of the odd parts.

Yup, definitely continuing this story and I hope you check it out in the future! Thanks for all your amazing reviews &heart


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Review #2, by Akussa Five: Pieces of Perfection

17th October 2015:

I agree that this was a filler chapter but I also found that it was a great insight into Lia's personnality. I really enjoyed the moment with Penny, it showed a different, more vulnerable side of her. That she can put her barricades down sometimes.

I have to admit that this chapter felt like a break from the previous one. Like you tried a different way of writing, even more flourished vocabulary and a slight change in your narrative style. Was there a gap between the writting of the previous chapters and this one? It feels different, not better or worst, just different and that takes some adjustments as a reader. I'm not saying to go back on the previous chapters, not at all, I'm just letting you know that there is a break in the writting style.

I enjoyed it a lot though, the character development is fun to read. Great work!!


yep, I will tell you that the House of Horrors is REAL, I just have to!

Author's Response: There's so many gaps in writing this!! Every chapter seems totally unlike the other, and I'm glad you commented on this pet peeve of mine. I hope to clean it up a bit. Thanks :)

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Review #3, by Akussa Four: Turning Tables

17th October 2015:
Hello again!

This chapter was good but a bit confusing I must admit. I'm a bit unsure as to why Lia tried this. Her hatred of Sirius seems to be really really deep into her, so deep that she forgets her targets (work or Order related). As for Sirius, well I think you captured him well as well. His reaction was exagerated - although his answer seems to say that he might have just experienced some dark moments. He is definitely very, very proud and is a perfet bully : loves to intimidate and make fun of others but does not deal well at all when the tables are tuned on him (see what I did there :P ).

I like the tid bit into her personnality as she evacuates stress by cleaning and pressing her clothes. Focus on the task, get your hands busy, look good on the exterior and you can pretend like there is no disturbances inside.

It's really interesting altough I have only gotten part of my answer (she furnishes the Order in medical stuff, how great is that!!), I'll have to read more I guess !!

Akussa (I'm repeating myself but the house of horrors is REAL, you and I must deal with this!)

Author's Response: It took my a minute to realize what chapter this even was :/ Yeah I totally agree it's confusing and the build up REALLY missed the mark. I plan on changing like a lot of thing, so I appreciate your feedback here. Her hatred is deep, and I think it needs more backing and build up - so the tension isn't all over the place.

Hehe love your reference of the title. I'm glad you're enjoying Sirius. See I think Sirius is a very dramatic person, I don't see him as chill as his post-Azkaban days. Also, you're right, there's a lot of behind the scenes attacks and deaths that Sirius has experienced and now he's talking to this girl who's throwing his Hogwarts days in his face. Yada yada very layered and over-explained on my end. Basically, yeah, I think I could write this better.

What am I supposed to do with the house of horrors eeep

squish, squish, Ellie

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Review #4, by Akussa Three: Blow Me Far Away

17th October 2015:
Hello hello!

Another good chapter! You manage to keep the suspence alive even in the little moments. I really liked how you described the way to get to the Faerie bar : it's original and very true to the spirit of the magic world as described in cannon. Mostly, it feels natural; not exagerated.

Same goes for the description of the ward : it feels natural although strange. Reunions between patients is pretty rare, I definitely can understand why she was feeling nervous and unconfortable when she walked in, especially considering she felt like she had let Emmeline down.

I'm getting more and more interested in fiding out what her role in the Order could be and what her task will be. You have done a great job tickling my curiosity!!

Great work once again, I feel like I will get answers pretty soon, I can't wait!

Akussa (did I tell you that the House of Horrors is REAL!!?? Because it is!!)

Author's Response: Thanks again! Glad my semi-creation seems to fit nicely into canon. Yeah the ward thingy may change - I kind of hate that whole scene :P Glad the intrigue is alive and well :)

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Review #5, by Akussa Two: Hit Me With Your Best Shot

17th October 2015:
Hello again!

The mystery keeps on growing, what is this message and why did she receive it??

I have to congratulate you once again of your characterisation. Rarely does Sirius gets portrayed as a real bully (aside from Snape's perspective). People usually make him out to be just a funny guy and, that his victims aren't really angry at him but you give it another spin. A real bully, no matter his motivations are (making others laugh, breaking the boredom, evacuating the stress...), makes real victims and the consequences leave a lasting memory.

It'll be interesting to see how she will get over the pain he caused her in order to learn to work together, I assume.

Once again, a really well written chapter. I like the descriptive aspects of this story, the scene really comes to life and Lia's perceptions, based on her emotions and memories, gives a dark spin to the events.

I noticed a small error though; you write : (in leau of a brain) and it should be (in LIEU of a brain). Nothing big, something pretty much only a real French speaking reader would notice :)

Great work once again! And I was real, the House of Horrors is REAL, for real!!


Author's Response: What is this house or horrors? I hate all things jumping at me and scary, I do not want to visit this house of anything ~has the creeps~

Dun, dun, dun, the plot thickens! What is this message??

Ahh my heart is melting, thank you! I think Sirius' pranks/antics are reckless and sometimes all good and fine, but that doesn't mean other people enjoy/ed it. Especially someone as uptight and Prefectt-y perfectionist like Lia. She cannot stand jokes! Esp when they're hurtful. Sirius never understands the impact of his action actions, and I'm glad you felt that I've captured this other dimension here. I don't think Snape was his only target.

Are you native french - so rad! Thank you!

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Review #6, by Akussa One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

17th October 2015:

First things first, I really like the way you opened this chapter. The dream was brilliant; the descriptions, the emotions and the thought process were just so well done. I thought she sounded a little conceit but it works, it's a strong definition of her character. She does think a lot of herself to have dreams of grandeur like this after being employed for only two weeks! It speaks of her determination.

I think you really captured the moment well. When you start a career after long studies, you really feel like you are up for great things and that little things are beneath you. This usually passes rather quickly and you understand that you need to be great at the little things as well as the big ones but Lia clearly hasn't come to that realisation yet!

The introduction of Sirius is well done, leaves a mystery open and now I want to know more; does he really not remember her? Somehow I don't think so.

Well done opening chapter, I enjoyed it a lot. It was fresh and daring; not many people will have a strong character that is slightly arrogant straight up in the first chapter. Kudos!


psst The house of horrors is REAL!!!

Author's Response: Hey Akussa! Thanks for all the lovely, lovely reviews :) This is my NaNo project this year, so I appreciate all your comments so much!

I may be changing the opening of this chapter, but everyone loves it so much ahh -so torn- Lia is definitely conceited, she takes care of herself and that's her tactic. Haha yup, you've got the feelings down as far as feeling amazing and up for anything,m then totally understanding you know nothing when everything hits!

Hehe, he remembers her. I'm glad you enjoyed.


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Review #7, by BellaLestrange87 One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

21st August 2015:
Review tag!

I really love the introduction to this chapter. I immediately want to know more, mainly what happened to make your main character so famous and respected, enough to be given the Minister's wand (even if only temporarily).

That second part of the introduction was really tense and really well-written. You could really tell how surprised and desperate the narrator was. Good job!

I'm really happy that it was only a nightmare! And not so happy that Lia's 2 hours late for work (although it happens to everyone, having it happen after only working for 2 weeks doesn't really set a good first impression).

That was a rather inconvenient day to be late, when she gets transferred to another department. I loved your description of her fear and panic when she was searching for hr name on the assignment lists, and then of her relief was she found out she hadn't been fired after all.

I love the inclusion of Sirius Black! "Siriusly Isawup" and pretending to be a patient are exactly the kind of thing that I can imagine him doing. I also love the mention of a past relationship - good or bad - between Lia and Sirius; I want to find out what it is (and what happens between them next!)

Excellent chapter!


Author's Response: Hi Olivia! Thanks for review tagging by ;)

I'm glad you loved the opening nightmare and suspense of Lia almost being fired two weeks in! Except she's not fired at all haha. She's lucky Sirius was willing to wait an hour to see her though o.O Yes, I enjoy his part a lot. Adds a different level to my writing and dynamic to the story.

Hope you read on to find out more about Lia, thanks again for reviewing :)


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Review #8, by Unwritten Curse One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

15th February 2014:
Hi there! I'm finally here with the review you requested. Sorry for taking so long!

First, I'm rather intrigued by this nightmare. I was hoping that it was reality, but I sensed when her robes changed color that it wasn't. I rather like Lia as this proud, confident woman; it was quite a contrast with her real, panicky, somewhat sassy self. Obviously in dreams we imagine ourselves how we want to be, so I'm hoping she gets there. I'm already quite fond of her so I'd like to see her succeed.

From just one chapter, it's hard to comment on the consistency of Lia as a character, but judging by my affection for her, you've done a nice job setting her up. I'm a bit curious why she overslept, though, if she's so concerned with being professional. But perhaps this will be addressed later (I'm sorry--first chapters are so hard to review (and write)).

Sirius is my absolute favorite, so I was pleased to see him make an entrance. I do hope that you bring depth to his character, because I've seen him portrayed as a prideful, girl-chasing snot far too many times and he needs redemption! (sorry, I'll get off my soapbox) He's such a layered character, so he'll be fun to play around with I'm sure. :) I'm curious as to how he got this "bug bite" (I'm sensing it may be a werewolf bite?).

Oh, I just noticed that the dream was in first person but the rest of the chapter is in third. I'm curious as to why you made the switch. Care to explain? I prefer the first, actually, but that may just be a personal preference.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Feel free to come back and request again when I have a free slot.

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina!

The nightmare is just a nightmare of Lia's entire literal dream being entirely ruined lol. She wishes it was a reality too, up in a certain point obviously. Who knows, may be it will be? (she overslept because she was up late getting instructions from the Order...which I should probably make clearer somewhere o.O)

She is a very confident and smart woman, perhaps too much so. I'm glad you like her, I cannot say that's my intention as I don't think she's the nicest person in the world.

This Sirius has oodles of depth. He's not remotely fixated on women. I enjoy his character a lot. Don't be surprised if you see entire chapters dedicated to his POV eventually haha.

The switch was to highlight perspective in conscious versus subconscious actions. First person as internal, third person as external-more room for playing around later in POV and perspective. Idk if it works, but that's what I did when I wrote this four years ago.

Thanks for your time and for reviewing :)

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Review #9, by Leightning Five: Pieces of Perfection

16th February 2013:
Hi! Iīm a little confused here. Do you still write this story?
I hope you intend to continue since I find it both fresh and fascinating...Sometimes itīs difficult for me to follow with the language, I need to stay concentrated to understand but I guess thatīs good training for me xD

What I like about this story is I donīt know where itīs gonna end up. Is this a love story? A thriller? I dunno but Iīm captivated by your original and well-done oc. ;) Itīs kind of fresh with a "duty and apperence abouve all" character with guts and brain (!).

If I log in and fav do you promise to update? haha

Author's Response: Hi there! I do still write this story every so often, but I've been very much absent in the past year. Sorry about that, and for my delay in responding to you. I'm really glad that you like my story and think it's fresh and fascinating :) Thanks so much for reviewing!

One day I'll update :P

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Review #10, by academica One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

11th December 2012:
Hey Ellie! I'm here to return our swap :) I've actually been wanting to check this story out for a while.

Woah, Lia's dream was intense! I really liked the flow in that section, and the way you used the imagery made it really easy for me to picture the scene. I could definitely imagine her like a glamorous movie star, posing for the cameras as she prepared to embrace her brilliant destiny. Then, watching the dream fall apart was really powerful. What a great way to start a story!

I liked the section where you described Lia getting ready and rushing to work. The sense of urgency there was very tangible. If I was to make a suggestion, it would be to clear up that part where she re-checks her watch and confirms that she's really, really late. It seemed like she already figured that out when she woke up from her dream, so it seems a little redundant and confusing.

The part with Sirius was great. I get the sense that there's some tension coming between them, as well as between Lia and Jason. I was a little confused as to why he would request to move her things from one cubby to another, besides the fact that it's Sirius and he likes to mess with people :D

Your writing style is really nice and I like this plot so far. I suspect I'll be back to read more later.

Thanks for the swap :)


Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

Thanks for the review! yay glad you felt the opening was powerful. Oh, yeah,I can see what you're saying about the time checking. Originally the chapters were split right around there and I guess I should trim that up haha.

Lots of tension! Haha. He didn't request her cubby to be moved it's just a weird thing that my Mungo's does. Your name changes based on your assignments and all the documents will be in a certain cubby. Like the name changes reflect the shift changes? I totally made it up, so maybe I should re-evaluate if that makes sense at all lol.

I'm again you enjoyed this story so far and thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #11, by SilentConfession One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

10th December 2012:
I could tell it was a dream pretty early by the language you were using and just the overall tone of it. I thought it was a nice touch because it shows a lot about your character right away and it gave us an idea of how much she cares about healing and her job. It makes her hating being late and irresponsible more poignant and real. I wish we had spells as quick as her to make hair lay flat so quickly, it would be helpful for when I lay in! ;D

I really like the set up you have with this story and i've always had this idea that St. Mungo's could be a really interesting place for a first war story to take place. I connected to it because I suppose i see it the same way (at least, from what i get from the summary) that the Order may use it for their own advantage and that they wouldn't necessarily go there to be healed as the years go on because of mistrust and fear of which side the Healers are one. This is really intriguing and i'm definitely interested in reading more after this point.

I liked how Sirius introduced himself, he has this cocky way about him in your story that we can already tell which is great since we see so little of him. Although, it was a little hard to imagine she wouldn't have been able to figure out who it was as not many people were called Sirius at that time i don't think... though i suppose it would depend on their association at Hogwarts where she'd make that connection or not.

Lia also seems to be interesting and i think she'll be a strong voice to tell your story. I wonder how Sirius or the Order will convince them to help her and basically throw away her dreams of being a big time Healer.

Anywa, overall, i think this was a great first chapter and i really enjoyed reading this! It's a really interesting premise!

Author's Response: Hey SilentConfession!

I'm glad you could tell, I always think things are obvious because I'm writing them haha, so it was nice to see that the tone came across nicely. I figured the POV switch really helped too. Haha - I wish I had spells for many reasons, the top ones being that I'm lazy and Accio would be my best friend.

I think so too! I see it as middle ground, but not really because people have prejudices no matter where they are. It's certainly a dynamic setting for war. I'm glad this interests you :)

I think Lia tried to repress his existence and the name "Siriusly" wouldn't have phased her because she wasn't expecting him you know? Maybe? She knew him the moment she saw him, I mean he's pretty unforgettable haha (girl crush).

Yeah, I love Lia and I think it will be a fun ride! Well, not fun actually but dynamic. Hope you come back and check out the rest :)

Thanks so much for reviewing - it was a lovely response!

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Review #12, by Remus One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

10th December 2012:
Heya! Perelandra from the forums! :)

The first part I didn't know what to think of your main character. She felt cocky, too full of herself and shallow. And then I read that it was a dream...Haha, in dreams we're allowed to be better than anyone else. We're all guilty of doing that so I definitely enjoyed it! I liked how you began to describe the dream turning into a nightmare. However, right at the beginning, the very first small paragraph, the two sentences would make it sound better if combined or if you were to add more. It just reads weird and it starts with an awkward flow that you managed to grasp in the second paragraph. If you were to combine both sentences you'll definitely achieve that nice flow right at the beginning.

I really like the set up that you had towards the end. I even laughed at the name Sirius chose. She seems like an interesting character and I hope you keep her that way throughout the story without making a Mary-Sue. I'm interested, thought, why she wanted to run away from Sirius. This was a great beginning and I hope I get to read more in the future!

Until next time!

Author's Response: Hey Rosie!

Well, she is cocky and a bit shallow, but she's only human. And she was certainly dreaming, quite a nasty dream too. Thanks for the tips and for reviewing, I appreciate it!

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Review #13, by Aiedail Two: Hit Me With Your Best Shot

10th July 2012:
Things got very strange in this chapter--a lot of split-second recognition that I didn't quite understand. I mean, I know why it would be insulting to be called what she called him, but I'm missing the importance of the note and what Lia is involved in. Perhaps we don't know the latter yet, though.

The whole love-bug stuff was funny, though as a woman myself I was a bit offended by Sirius's antics, and so I felt for Lia there :P

It's just occurred to me that if Lia is involved in something and if she's remembering her father's advice like this, there's probably some good reason for the way that she has nightmares and that she gets so worried about things. There's this sort of sinister feel to the goings-on here, and I'm not sure if it's just me being paranoid or if I'm meant to feel it. Either way, this is getting interesting, and I can't tell if I'm supposed to be looking forward to the "date" or not, so I guess I'll just read on to see :D

Author's Response: Haha, yes it's supposed to feel ominous and you should feel paranoid. Tensions are high and Lia is a generally paranoid person thanks to her father.

Oh goodness, it's definitely not a date. Or a date I would like to be on ever, hope you read forward and find out what's in store for them both ;)

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Review #14, by Aiedail One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

10th July 2012:
So. I am here like, a thousand years late, for a TGS review swap. I think it was supposed to be for May? I honestly have no excuses for being so late and I'm SO SO SO SO SORRY I didn't get here on time :(

That being said, I shall launch into my review!

I admit, I had no idea that the beginning was a dream and fully expected to encounter a slightly cocky and self-confident, albeit quite accomplished witch at the end of the ceremony. I was a bit surprised and only very slightly disappointed to realize that this was a new healer and her life looked much more like a realistic bundle of chaos than the "American glam movie" of her dream. And the dream turning into a nightmare was horrifying; it was excellent imagery, I had a very clear view of everything turning dark and all the creepy stares. I'm getting shivers now, just describing it back to you alsjhflkajsdhflkas

I thought this was written well, too, in a casual and energetic voice. I'm interested to know where the story is going and I hope that Lia doesn't get in TOO much trouble for being late to work! She seems stylish, too, I'm just going to say--practical kitten heels, psh, I nearly broke my ankle last time I tried to wear them and she's going to march around St. Mungo's all day in them, healing people, for that matter! I'll definitely read on, this was a very interesting first chapter. (Again, SO SORRY that it's been forever since I was supposed to have reviewed D: )


Author's Response: Hi Lily!!!

I'm sorry I equally am terrible at the review/response thing. I have been MIA for quite some time and though that does not make up for anything. I'm still sorry! :(

I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter. I combined it with the second so I think your review for that might be lost now, but I'm glad you got the creepys when the dream shifted into a nightmare. Yay well-writtenness! Yeah, the heels will go soon. First impressions go far, but heels as a Healer is silly :P

Thanks again for your kind review.

xx Ellie

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Review #15, by Aderyn Five: Pieces of Perfection

23rd May 2012:

I meant to review this earlier, when I saw you posted it, but I just had time now :)

So, this may be a filler, in terms of plot, but I think you establish more of Lia's personality here. The extended scene with Penny was nice, because it really showed that Lia is caring and dedicated. She handled the situation well, and in a kind, confident way, which shows that she is very suited to the job. While she may be stressed and perfection seeking, I think she still has the right heart for the job (as cliched as that sounds.)

It's interesting that you're expanding the setting with in St. Mungo's as well. It makes sense that there would have to be a place for injuries that were unable to be cured by most witches and wizards but still pretty easy to fix. And I also see why the trainees would have to work there.

The end of the chapter sets up something interesting, I think. Lia handles Frederic-Pierre pretty well, though he is a rather intolerant guy. And then the very last line made me very interested as to who the healer who wasn't asleep was. The way you mentioned it, it seems like he may have some sort of important part in the coming chapters. I'm intrigued.

I wasn't really reading this for grammar/typos, but I did catch one thing: "sever manner." I think you mean "severe."

Overall, this chapter was a nice continuation. If I'm right, you seem to be setting up from more action in the future, which is important. I wonder what Lia's visit will be like. And who the other Healer is. Hopefully he won't be too problematic for Lia. While there's no hurry, I'll be excited when the next chapter comes out!

Author's Response: Thanks Aderyn for your review! It's only taken me a million years to respond and, as you can see, I haven't updated a thing since. Incredibly sorry about that. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a detailed review. This chapter is a filler/building chapter. Development needs to happen and it isn't always bangs and whistles so meh, here we are.

Thanks again :)

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Review #16, by Lillylover22 Five: Pieces of Perfection

17th May 2012:
This was an obvious filler but it was great. It was written well. Update soon 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Thank you, hun! Maybe I've update sometime next year haha.

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Review #17, by luvinpadfoot Four: Turning Tables

20th April 2012:
I love this story! Lia is such an original character. I can't wait to see how she and Sirius interact when forced to work together again. Their relationship is simple incredible. This has become one of my favorite stories and I'm excited for more! :)

Author's Response: Thanks luvinpadfoot! A review and a fav. *squishes* I'm flattered and I really appreciate the time you took to review!

I'm glad you feel like Lia is an original character. Yes, the dynamic between the pair is deep seeded and chock-full of mood swings. Quite fun to write ;) Hopefully I'll get the next chapter out by the end of week. Thanks for reading, glad you enjoy it, and I hope you continue to enjoy Marrow!


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Review #18, by Aderyn Four: Turning Tables

26th March 2012:
Hello, again :)

And this story keeps getting more tense. Lia's teasing of Sirius seems a bit confusing, since I would have thought she would have wanted to make a good impression, for the sake of the Order. But Sirius' reaction also takes things way out of proportion. I get the sense that I'm missing some history here. But that only adds to the intrigue.

It is interesting to see the comparison between Lia and Sirius. Sirius seems jaded by the War, and scarred by loss. Lia has more trouble with her family, from what I've read. But both have their own share of internal struggle.

Lia's ability to calm herself down, and her need for perfection (as described at the end of the chapter) is surprising. It's as if cleaning her house is somehow erasing all of her problems during the day. While that's perhaps not the most healthy way of dealing with things, it makes sense for Lia, who seems to not have many social connections.

One technical thing I noticed: "And not once did Lia get a refrain from his irate spirits." I'm not sure if "refrain" is the right word here. Did you mean "respite"?

Overall, you've created an interesting, but certainly flawed character in Lia. And you've got a conflict set up already between her and Sirius. I have to say, I wish there was more to read, because I want to know how things play out. Good job and I'm glad I had the chance to read this story. :D

Author's Response: A, hopefully not, finally Hello & response to your lovely reviews :)

Tee he. I've added a bit of filler to help with the history and their reactions will hopefully be better explained in the future. As you've said they ar both strained characters and war brings out the best and worst in people unfortunately. It's a fragile time for them both. One being asked to put everything she's hoped for on the line by someone she hates, and the other finally asking for help from someone he would rather not help out. I hope that explains a little bit better for now :P

Lia's a perfectionist yes. The next chapter will expand on her inner dilemnia I hope.

Opps. I changed it to respite haha. Thanks for catching that!

Thanks Haley! More will be up eventually :) I'm glad you enjoyed what is up so far though. Thanks for everything!

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Review #19, by Aderyn Three: Blow Me Far Away

26th March 2012:
Hello :)

This chapter certainly opens up more interesting possibilities. Your description of the Fairy Bar is intriguing, but the setting seems to fit with the wizarding world in general. It sounds beautiful, really.

I have to say, Lia is pretty harsh when it comes to judging others. I'm not saying that's a horrible thing, but the way she is annoyed with Jason seems a bit abnormal. I suppose though, she keeps these thoughts inside her head. It would be unacceptable, really, for her to say that out loud, even if Jason isn't organized. Through her critique of others, you make it clear what Lia values in herself, and in others.

One mistake in grammar I noticed: "7 minutes tardy" You should write out the word "seven" here.

Good job overall, there's only one more chapter for me to look at :( I'm interested to see how the meeting goes.

Oh, and what actress is Lia in your chapter images and banner? I've been wondering that.

Author's Response: Hi!

I edited the chapter a bit here and there to amend for what you mentioned about Jason, to explain her actions more. Which I'm going to be trying to do more in the future now that you've brought it up in this chapter and the 5th chapter.

Yes, she's very decisive about what she likes, dislikes, can do, and cannot. She thinks she knows all about herself, which will make more sense when her parents pop into the fic later, but she can't possibly have all the control she wants. It's not humanly possible. (Aside to my OC: Sorry Lia :P)

Mostly, she's portrayed by Leighton Meester from Gossip Girls.

Thanks again for the lovely review! They been most helpful and constructive :)


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Review #20, by Aderyn Two: Hit Me With Your Best Shot

26th March 2012:

Wow, there's definitely more action in this chapter. I can't help feeling a bit sorry for Lia though. Her father makes life sound horribly depressing and though it seems Lia understands this, that's not a healthy thing to be taught as a child.

It does, however, seem to explain some of Lia's mistrust of Sirius, as does her recollections of his teasing. But even if he made her life horrible, she really seems to resent him. How long has it been since she left Hogwarts?

Interesting, Lia cursed in French. I wonder if that says anything interesting about her heritage. It's probably not instinctive (as you described it) for most people to curse in a non-native language.

Ah, this last part makes me want to read more. Is she a member of the Order of the Phoenix? You have a talent for cliff hanger/suspenseful endings to chapters. :)

Author's Response: Hi hi!

Yay, action. Eventually, everything leads to action, which is always more fun to read :P

She's only been out of Hogwarts for two-ish months at this point. Sirius' been out and in the war front for a year and some change.

It is a tell, her french, but she is not native french. ;)

Ah, that she is a member as you can tell from the later chapters I'm sure. Yay suspense/ways to make my readers keep reading!

I like watching your questions and thoughts progress. Lovely reviews, thank you :)


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Review #21, by Aderyn One: Dream A Little Dream of Me

26th March 2012:
Hi! I'm here to give you a review from the TGS review swap. :D I saw the lovely reviews you left me, and will respond, but wanted to start on your story first.

It is funny that we both have stories with Healers, perhaps we were paired up because of that.

Moving on, I like the way you began this story. There is no way to know that it's a dream, until things start going wrong, so it really gives the reader a sense of Lia. You introduce her appearance, some what, and get a chance to show her aspirations, though the content of her dream. I just wonder what she discovered :)

I think you do a good job characterizing Lia in this chapter. Her anxiety at being late to work is understandable, and I really felt harried as I read through the scene where she gets ready for work. I hope she doesn't get in trouble, once she arrives at work

For the most part all the technical aspects looked fine. I did notice one tiny thing though. It might just be a matter of opinion but in this part : "covering bits of her bare skin and not others. " I think you need an extra word. It would read better if it was "covering some bits of her bare skin and not others. " The word "some" creates a parallel in the sentence that is otherwise missing.

So, great job on the start of this story. I can't tell what the main conflict is going to be, since this is only the beginning, but it will be interesting to see what challenges Lia has to face. (By the way, I love the name you picked for her!)

Now, I'm off to read (and review) some more. :D

Author's Response: Hi Haley! Eeek your reviews are so lovely, thank you x1,000,000 in advance :)

(I think that's why we were paired too haha. And yes, our stories are vastly different -yours is very creative)

She technically hasn't discovered anything yet haha. She's pretty young still and despite her dream, she's only made so many strides. But that will come into play later.

Ah, I see what you mean there. I find that no matter what, there is always something to correct haha. I will work on this ;)

Thanks hun! Off to respond some more and read/finish what you've posted of "Vital"!!


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Review #22, by varja Four: Turning Tables

7th March 2012:
As always, great chapter! You definitely deserve more reviews.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review, varja! Glad you feel that way ;)


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Review #23, by Lillylover22 Four: Turning Tables

6th March 2012:
Great chapter. You write it well. Please update soon. 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Lilly, for another positive review :) I'm glad you are enjoying the story!


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Review #24, by varja Three: Blow Me Far Away

28th February 2012:
You know, this story is really intriguing. Hope you'll update soon :-)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, varja, glad you are enjoying and finding the story to be interesting. Also, check out the most recently updated page ;)


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Review #25, by Lillylover22 Three: Blow Me Far Away

20th February 2012:
Great chapter. Update soon. 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Thanks for your kind review again, Lilly! Glad you liked it. I can't say when the next update will be out, but I will shoot for soon ;)


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