Reading Reviews for Maybe...
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by angeless7fallenstarsong Only friends

17th March 2011:
Hey... Roughly fifteen decades later, its Ange with your challenge-winning-review-things! :) I have no idea how many I owe you, so I'll just muck around and review stuff for a bit.

It's all very cute. :) Your dialogue seems very true to the characters.

My main suggestion would be to watch out for little grammatical errors, etc. I'm a sucker for grammar. ^^; Also, although your dialogue is very good, I'd suggest adding some more prose. Maybe more description or insight into the characters' thoughts? (Obviously these are just my humble suggestions!)

Also - what exactly did he catch? Maybe I just missed something, but the last bit is sort of confusingish.

Great job :) Super cute!

Author's Response: haha yes I noticed that most people got very confused towards the end and as i tried to write my second chapter i came 200 words and then it stopped... so I've changed it a bit ;) I'd be more than happy if you re-read and found out what it actually is! haha

Mm, I am actually quite happy that the dialogue worked out so well in this piece as I see Lily/james as more of a on-going conversation than actual surroundings :)

Can't help my grammar- haha it's simply not all in my brain, but I love the story telling :)

Thank you for the review!

*huggles*


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Review #2, by BrightStar Only friends

13th March 2011:
Hey, it's B, here for the review swap! Sorry for the delay!

Aww, poor severus! I mean, I'm Lily/James all the way, but you really made me feel for Sev at the end. Your use of language makes it feel like its hapening RIGHT NOW, which is really cool! It's also very dialogue driven, which keeps the pace moving along nicely!!

This was a cool story, I'm glad we swapped! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review!
it just ended up being in present tense, haha I didn't notice until people started commenting on that XD

Happy you liked the story, I'm thinking about writing it into about 5 chapters so I hope you'll feel like continue reading!

*huggles*


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Review #3, by NeverGotHerLetter Only friends

13th March 2011:
Awwh that was really sweet!
I loved the contrast in relationships, Lily/Severus was really calm and sweet, but also I felt really sorry for Severus at the end. It really was a great ending :)
And then James/Lily you did really well too :) I liked James' little comebacks, like the 200 per cent comment, it seemed a lot like him. And Lily just not listening to anything he said, that was a lot like her!
Overall, very good! I think you write Severus especially well :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!
I'm so happy that you think I write Severus well, he's my absolute favourite! (and yes I'm falling a bit in love with him while writing...)

haha I usually don't write in dialogues but this story just required it! and the characters just bounced into my head talking so that's the way it ended up :)

I really hope that you liked it enough to keep reading the next chapters, the second will be up when I've finished it (which will be soon cause I can't wait to see what happens!)

Thank you again
*huggles*


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Review #4, by orderofthephoenix Only friends

10th March 2011:
Hey! I'm here with your review :)

This was certainly interesting to read because it was written in present tense. Most of the stories written on HPFF are in the past tense so it was a little unusual. But you stayed with the same tense all the way through and it worked so well done for that!

I like the storyline in this chapter. Apart from spelling/grammar mistakes, which I'll elaborate on below, I think you understood their characters. You wrote the dialogue between Lily and Severus really well :D I would have liked to know what was in that room though; I was interested in that :)

I'm afraid the one problem I had with this chapter is punctuation. There are a lot of sentences that need commas, semicolons and even full stops. Occasional mistakes are easy to ignore but I'm afraid I was constantly distracted by the lack of punctuation.

I would strongly suggest finding a beta to look over your chapters and correct spelling/grammar mistakes. You can find them on the forums. :)

A nice start to your story. :)

-Sophia x

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!
mm I know, I really do have a problem with neverending sentences :/

but I'm really happy that you liked the storyline and hope you'd like to continue reading :P

I am more than happy that you think the dialogue was good, I'm always very unsure about that...

I will try to find a beta as you said :)

*huggles*


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Review #5, by maskedmuggle Only friends

23rd February 2011:
Hey! :)
First off, I want to apologise for getting this review to you like, 2 weeks late :( I'm so sorry I took so long!

This was a lovely fic! :) Lily/Snape is a bit tricky to write, but you did it really well here, Snape's feelings really got across. Lily and James' emotions were also really well conveyed.

I loved the beginning! Typical James/Lily :P Ooh, what struck me about your piece was the writing - you wrote it in present tense! Something that's really hard, so I applaud you for that! You did a really good job! The dialogue was good, as well as the action and description.

Nice characterisation - Lily, James and Snape all seemed very in character. The dialogue was very realistic.

I'm a bit confused as to what Sev wanted to show Lily - what was behind the door? I'm a bit curious XD

Your writing is fairly good, but you could try developing complexity and more description into it - you have a lot of potential! All in all though, a very nice fic! It was quite enjoyable to read! Thank you for participating in my challenge! :D And once again, terribly sorry for the ridiculously delayed review.
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thank youfor the review and for the challenge! Im really happy that you thought the dialogue was realistic as its one of my biggest problems.

haha I find kind of amusing that this story turned out to float on the surface as most of my stories always are a bit too complex and littered with descriptions, so you're most likely going to see that in the following chapters (if you continue reading)

*huggles*


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