Great chapter. You should update this story. 9/10 : ) Report Review
Sorry this too me ages but..I have hundreds of excuses but I'm here now!
So, obviously this is he first chapter and the opening of your story and for an opening it is good. You have started to develop the characters nicely, I like that you mentioned the war and various effects it had on people.
I liked your beginning, it was nice and drew the reader in. But there was a spelling mistake, I think you meant to put "Waist" instead of "Waste", so you might want to go back and check that :) (Says the hypocrite herself :D).
I like your little twist after the pub scene, that was nice. I also like Alaska as an OC, You've written her very well.
Overall I like it, nice opening. Just keep developing each character further as you move on with the story.
Hannah x (TheProphecy) Report Review
"Tonight, she was blond with green eyes and a waste so small" - (Should be 'waist')
This is a very interesting start to your story. =) The way you have characterized Oliver certainly is interesting, but I'm not sure if I entirely believe it, to be honest, knowing him as we do from canon. (I don't want that to seem rude, I think it's great you're writing him in a light we haven't yet seen, truly!)
Also, just be warned - Alaska could be in danger of turning into a Mary Sue. From the way she is in this chapter and from the way she seems to be portrayed in your summary, this is just my opinion - and of course, I could be totally and entirely wrong.
Overall, though, I thought this was a good beginning to your story. I only saw a few minor spelling mistakes, and they should be prettily easily fixed once you go back and read through your story. I hope this didn't seem too harsh. ^^ Thanks so much for requesting! Report Review
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