You completely cliff hangered me! Ahh!!!
Anyway, I really want to know what is going on with this island and who is responsible for brining the dead back. I like how adventures lily and James are, it feels very realistic and makes for an incredibly interesting read. The questions that Aron asks about airports made me giggle too. I couldn't imagine trying to explain an airport to someone.
I love the sense of 'this isn't right' feeling you've created for the last section of this chapter, as well as making the crow extremely creepy!!
I hope the seventh is published soon :)!!Author's Response: Hehe, yup I did it again. ;)
Oh, that will be somewhat answered in the next chapter. Well, they are Harry's kids, so of course they are adventurous. Hehe, yeah I just had to include that. :P
Hehe, glad I achieved what I wanted. :D Report Review
I love Lily! She's so adventures, and a contrast to what I usually see in next gen. So, I think you've chosen something really complicated to write about, but so far it is very well described! Everything makes sense and I love that you had some of the siblings wanting to call mum and dad, with the more adventurous (and possibly stupid) ones wanting to handle it on their own.
The story about Kara and Aron is so sad, I want him to be able to cross over so he can be with her again :(.
I love the way you're moving the plot forward, I don't think I've gotten anything close to bored during any of these chapters! I'm excited to read the next!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Hehe, I'm glad you like her because I really enjoy writing her. Yeah, a bit of planning went into this one. :P Yeah, whether they are being stupid or not is up to the reader...
Yeah, their story is sad. and not to worry, they will be reunited in the end ;)
Yay for not getting bored! Report Review
You cliff hangered me! I really wanted to be on the cobblestone path shopping away. I really liked that lily was suspicious of the man and not Albus because now I don't know just what to think about him.
So far im really loving your characters, they're fun and easy to relate to. I can't blame James for sulking about losing his wand either, haha.
I'm excited to see what happens next!!Author's Response: Hehe. And that was my intention. ;) Hehe, I'm glad that you are liking them. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I am so jealous of this group!!! How much fun would taking a trip like this with such a large family be!? I'm curious to how they got the approval of their families for the younger siblings to come, but Victoire would be in her twenties right? So maybe just having the older cousins there was enough.
James made me giggle in this, but I'm really with him on the it's just a tiny bit of magic why not use it, haha. I would be sneaking my wand and doing spells left and right ;)
I love the description you put into the travel accommodations and the hotel itself, it really made the story feel real.
I'll be back soon for the next chapters!!Author's Response: Yeah, I am too. I would love to go on a trip like that. Yes, Vic is in her early twenties and several of the older ones are out of school as well, but she's technically 'in charge' of them all.
Hehe, yeah I think I would too. I'm glad you enjoyed it and see you at later chapters! Report Review
What an intense prologue!! It really got me interested on who these people are and what this legion is all about. I love being throwin into a story like you did here, I really created a sense if urgency.
And of course now I really want to find out how and when out cast of hp characters will get wrapped up in this group.
I think you really did a great job making Aron a complex character in such a small amount of words. We learn he's caring behind his tough exterior, and that hi feelings for Kara go much past thinking shed be a suitable wife, but that he truly does love her.
Awesome start, I'm excited to see what happens next!Author's Response: I'm glad it got you interested and that you felt the urgency. Thanks for reviewing and glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Well, now I'm intrigued already. Sorry it's taken me so long to get here, Lee! Also, just in this prologue I can see the difference of how much your writing truly has improved and been honed. :D Curious, is this a crossover? I can't remember... and I didn't read the summary... Anyway, great prologue! You write action scenes so well, really held my attention.Author's Response: Leslie! Glad you're intrigued and that you finally started reading it! Aww, thanks! And no, it is not. It was just inspired by a Danish film I watched for my film class a year or so ago. Thanks Leslie! Glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Oh boy. I suppose Lily and James should be like their parents, not allowing the authorities to take care of things. Nope. Not these Potter children. Which should be expected. I mean, I bet Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Ron have spoken to each other at great lengths about the trouble their children could get into if they were anything like their parents. Which they are.
I love it!
Thanks for the dedication!
LenAuthor's Response: Hehe, it's a genetic trait to not let the authorities take care of it, even though the authority is now their father. It's just part of being a Potter, diving into the unknown and possibly dangerous. and you're very welcome, love. :) Report Review
Oh my gosh! Wow what an interesting twist. Well that explains why he was acting like a loon! I am so fascinated with this story. I love it, and I can't wait for the next chapter! Brilliant job, Lee! :) I can't wait to see who this person is! Awesome!
DrueAuthor's Response: Yup, that explains why he was acting the way he was. And I'm glad that you are enjoying it! Oh, you already know Aron. You met him in the prologue. :) Report Review
Al is stuck that way? That's so not cool. Poor Albus! One can hope that he is still in there, watching and communicating with Aron.
I rather like this chapter though. It's an amazing chapter and I feel sorry for the Potter/Weasley bunch as they are stuck dealing with this situation. Of course, if anyone can handle it, it is them. I do not imagine that they will call their parents though, even when the situation is dire and calls for it.
I'll be anxiously awaiting yet another chapter by you, Lee. You've done fanstatic with your stories.
LenAuthor's Response: Yup, Aron can't get out of him for some reason. And you'll find out how he's doing that in the next chapter, cause how to you think Aron learned English? ;) I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yeah, of course they aren't going to call their parents. :P Though they will be seen in this story but not for a while yet. Thanks Len! Report Review
oooh, just stumbled across this! i love Potter kids stuff, and especially when they're all good friends and that! i love the idea you've got here - of the cousins all going on holiday together. i think that's adorable :P
ALBUS! nooo! he'd better be alright, otherwise i might just cry. it's only chapter three, but i think Lily, Albus and James are all nicely developing and i think the relationships between them and their cousins are lovely and quite realistic.
i admit, the first chapter confused me a little bit, but it was intriguing - i can't wait to see how it ties in with this! i assume there'll be some drama and action and everything later in the story, so i'm already looking forward to that. i'm anticipating the next chapter already!
i'm sorry i don't have time to review your earlier chapters, but i'll be ready and waiting for chapter four...so don't make me wait too long? ahaha, i'm joking, but an update soon would be rather brilliant :D
^^Author's Response: well, I'm glad that you did come across it. hehe, I'm glad that you like the idea. I'm partial to family fluff myself ;)
oh, he'll be okay.eventually. you'll see what happened in the next chapter. ;) I'm glad that you enjoy them and their relationships, they are very fun to write.
oh, it's not all supposed to make sense right now. just intrigue you. ;) oh yes, there will be plenty of drama, action, and adventure in coming chapters. hehe.
eh, it's fine. one review for the first three chapters is good. I'll try not to make you wait that long, but I'm currently dealing with computer problems so no promise about how long it will take. Report Review
Hmm.The first bit is definitely intriguing. But let me tell you, the second bit reminded me entirely of the spirits in the Inheritency Series. I couldn't help but picture poor Albus becoming a Shade. I'm sure that's not what is going to happen, but that's what I pictured lol.
Anyway, I love it! Wish it weren't so short but I understand why it was. You left it at a perfect spot for me to rant and rave about the fact that its a cliffhanger! I hate cliffhangers! Okay, to be honest, I love them, but only when I'm the one leaving them! lol
I do hope James wakes up and tends to his brother. I think I might beat him (and i luffs James) if he doesn't. Of course, I also love Albus and now I am incredibly worried about him.
Can't wait for the next chapter to come out, cause I really wanna know what's happened.
LenAuthor's Response: Haha, I hadn't even thought of that when I wrote that part. But your not far off on what the ball of light is. But no, he's not going to become a Shade. This story is not a crossover and I can't even see how a crossover between the two verses would work now that I think about it. :P
Hehe. Yes, it was going to be longer but it wanted to end there so I stopped there. :) Hehe, I think that is the way every writer feels. They love writing them but hate reading them.
Oh, he will defintely wake up after that yell. But what happens after will be revealed in the next chapter. ;)
YES, LEE! You updated! YAY! And this chapter was so good. I wish it was longer because I just want to keep reading. :D But i was great! It ended in such an exciting way. I'm really curious as to what is going on with James and what the ball of light was that went into Al! You've got me worried and sitting on the edge of my seat. I am so eager to find out what's going on here. Initially I thought it was a patronus, but now I have no idea!
Super awesome chapter as always, Lee! I loved it! :) I can't wait for the next! You're amazing. :)
xo. DrueAuthor's Response: Drue! Yes, I did! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I was going to make it longer, but it was just calling for me to stop it there so I did. But I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Oh, James is just pouting since he got his wand taken away. And what that ball of light is will be revealed very soon. Hehe, then the chapter did what I wanted it to do. And nope, not a patronus. ;)
Glad you enjoyed it Drue :) Report Review
WOW what a great, suspenseful chapter. A ball of light. 10/10 and please You must update soon.Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. and as always, I update as soon as I can. :) Report Review
I read part of this when it was posted, I just never finished it, and I never reviewed it. So, now I am going to review it.
Hahaha! I love that James used magic and they haven't even been there a day yet! That's fantastic. The fact that James gave up his wand so quickly and easily seems a little odd to me. I can't imagine any wizard handing over his wand to anyone, regardless of their blood relation to them. That's just my opinion.
I am looking forward to seeing where the mayhem comes in, because that seriously has me intrigued. Can't wait to read more, and sorry this review was rubbish.Author's Response: Hey Len! Yay! I love getting reviews from you!
Yup, that's James for ya. Oh, he may have given it over but he is not a happy camper. Now he's just going to pout and ignore everyone. :P He only handed it over because of the deal that they all agreed on before they left on the trip.
I'm glad your looking forward to it cause I got plenty planned. and no, it was not rubbish. Report Review
Lee! Yay what a brilliant chapter. I loved it, and I love the family closeness you have given all if the next gen characters.
Haha I enjoyed reading about everyone sort of picking on Albus in a way: Hugo with sarcastically not thanking him and Fred with his prank those were enjoyable little snippets you added in there. I personally love your characterization for James, and I really do believe that a wizard would have a hard time not using magic. Especially a new seventeen magic-drunk happy boy.
I'm so excited to see where you take this and to find out what goes wrong, but till then I rather enjoyed all the family fun and the unity the entire family shares. It was brilliantly done. Geez, I can't wait for you to update all of your stories now. :D
DrueAuthor's Response: DRUE! -glomps- I'm glad that you liked it. yeah, I always invisioned them being a close family, seeing everything that their parents went through together.
Hehe, yup. Poor Albus. :P I'm glad that you liked how I've done James! And yes, of course it would be hard and it's that one little bit of magic that causes the rest of the story to happen. ;)
You'll see the start of their problems in the next chapter. Hehe, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And now you know how I feel since I love all of yours :P
Lee! Finally here to read and review your wonderful story! :D
You did an awesome job with this opening chapter, and the story seems so unique and original. You always have a way with creating such realistic and original characters, and you have done just the same with Aron and Espen. They remind me of the attractive dues you would find in Narnia for some reason. ;) And Jensen Ackles. Well done on the faces for the characters, love. ;)
This was brilliant, and while it was short, you captured me into your story. I'm so excited for what is to come!
Love it, Lee! And love you! :) Author's Response: Drue!! so glad to see ya! thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! daww, your making me blush! Narnia huh? hmm. and yes, had to use Jensen. ;) yay! I'm glad that it captured you! thanks Drue for the lovely review! love ya hun! Report Review
Since when does james not do anything stupid... :):). Anyway another great chapter. Though you refer to the minibus as a van later on in the chapter. 10/10 and please update soon.Author's Response: hehe, very good point. Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Really? bah, thought I had caught and fixed all of those. Thanks for pointing that out and I'll updates this as soon as I can! Report Review
Hey there, Lee!
Sorry it's taken me dreadfully long to get to this. Real life has been a pain in the tush these passed few weeks. But, I'm here now to read what you have (and review it!).
Anyway, I am rather intrigued by what you have here so far. The story itself seems quite interesting. Its a shame there is only one chapter up so far, I'd love to read more right away lol.
It is sad, however, that Kara had to die almost immediately and that Aron is now without the woman he loves. I do hope he finds someone. I'm sure he will (hoping maybe Lily).
Anyway, Soren seems like a really bad guy. Though I do hope he's more like a misunderstood bad guy than a really bad guy like Voldemort was.
I do hope you'll update this soon (and sorry this isn't my usual long review).
LenAuthor's Response: Hey Len!
Eh, it's fine. Life gets in the way sometimes. :)
Hehe, well I'm glad you are interested enough to want the next chapter already. Yes, I didn't like killing her but it had to happen. The answer to whether he finds someone else or not will be revealed very soon.
Yes he is. Eh, it depends on how you view him I think.
I hope to update this as soon as I can and don't worry about the length. I'm just happy to get another lovely review from you! Report Review
Hello! It's Tallesttower from the TGS forums with your review. I'm very sorry about the wait, things have been really hectic.
I thought this was a brilliant first chapter for setting the mood and tone. It was intense and deeply atmospheric from the start. The mystery of the 'legion' really sets the mood of the fic. I especially liked the description of Aron's journey at the beginning, the rain seemed to suit the moment.
In comparison to the darker overall tone of the fic, Aron's characterization as a main character was lovely. He seems to have a sensitive side to him, but perhaps that could be a weakness? The comment about children was lovely, it suggested his character and made his relationship with Kara feel like it had more depth, as well as her small smile at the sight of him - which made the ending especially sad.
I thought the dialogue was perfect for the legion members as it was very official and seemed to build up the atmosphere of the society. I like how mysterious you made the Legion, as we know very little about it! Their motives and Soren's motives are both extremely intriguing! You built up the suspense really well.
I liked your description, it made the scenes vivid. However, to improve flow be careful not to overuse and. Like here "Her screams turned into a yell and she forced her arms forward and Soren was struck by a ball of golden light that pushed him away from her and right out the window behind him. " The repetition of the word and makes it begin to sound a bit like a list, so maybe when you proof read try and looking out for that and replacing the extra ands with 'whilst' or something similar that fits :) Hopefully that will improve the flow.
You've built up the intrigue very well for the first chapter and I think it's a hooking prologue! Very well done!
One more piece of CC, in the second paragraph you refer to Aron as he/him, and then say "After all these years, they finally had him" which sounds a bit like your still talking abotu Aron, so watch out for that in the future, although it did build up the mystery, I thought you were talking about Aron at first.
Otherwise extremely well done, an atmospheric and intense prologue! Hope this review helped.Author's Response: Hey Helena! It's fine, life happens. :)
I'm glad that you're liking it so far! Okay, I'll have to watch out for using 'and' too often. I'll go back soon and edits things like that in this chapter. Yay! I'm glad that you felt it was hooking! Oh, yeah I can see how you would think that now. I'll have to keep an eye out for things like that in the future. Thanks so much for the review and it really did help! You'll be seeing me again once the next chapter is up! Report Review
I was checking out the TGS review tag thread and thought I'd drop by to take a look at your story. You know, I have a weakness for dark fics with intense plots and morally questionable characters and this chapter contained all of the above. I already like Aron. For some reason, he seems slightly different from the rest of the Legion members. There's something thoughtful and sensitive about him that I was really able to connect with. And I have to admit, I felt terrible for him when he had to watch Kara die. His desperate attempts to save her were quite heart-wrenching.
In addition, I'm quite intrigued by this Legion organization. I love the fact that you haven't told us whether they're the good guys or the bad guys yet. Although they seem dedicated to stopping dark magic (the necromancer, for example) I'm not sure they're motivations are entirely virtuous. And Soren himself is quite a mystery. Even though he killed Kara, I do feel like he was only attempting to defend himself.
This was a solid start to what promises to be an interesting fic. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it. Good luck with your writing!
celticbardAuthor's Response: hey Lee Anne! Yay! I get a review from you! :) I'm glad you like him. He's very fun to write. And yes, he isn't like the other members. Yes, that part was very hard to write because I like him so much. But I'm glad that you were able to connect with him and felt bad for him.
Yes, more about them will be revealed later in the story. That is what they are dedicated to yes and more about what Soren did and why they sentenced him to death will be explained later. Keep reading and see if you feel that way about him later ;)
Thank you! I'm very glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review Lee Anne! Report Review
First of all, I wanted you to know that this line "And Aron already had someone in mind that he would love to have children with" brought a smile to my face. It was really sweet, although now re-reading it makes me sad considering how things turned out for Aron and Kara.
I'm marking your story as a favorite. Please update! This has a lot of potential, and really, I've yet to read anything quite like it. I'm really looking forward to seeing where things go from here, and how the Next Generation kids get involved.Author's Response: Hehe, I'm glad that you liked that line. And yes, her fate was one that was really hard to write but one that had to happen.
Aww! Thanks! And I always update as soon as I can, though while being a college student its not as often as I would like. Thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Hello there--LMW from the forums with your requested review. I love your title by the way. It took me a moment but the Latin finally caught up with me :)
I am really intrigued with your summary and your first chapter and how the two fit together. I'm the girl who wused to sit in church trying to figure out where the sermon was going and then checked out once I did. So interweaving storylines and such is in my blood.
Your graphics are AMAZING! They are certainly high quality and definitely help set the tone for the chapter and I bet the story.
Woah, this was quite the first chapter! And a prologue to boot. It was definitely intriguing; you did an excellent job of creating a great atmosphere and setting. Your intricate inclusion of the rain was good foreshadowing and it didn't seem like you were telling us that it was raining. It was just included as an element of description and definitely seems to fit the flow of the chapter.
All of your characters were original and the Legion definitely seemed suspicious. Kara and her power also leaves the reader hanging for more details, likely to check your page for updates and such. I'm curious to know how you were inspired with such a plotline. I am also curious what Soren's "crimes" are.
You do a good job establishing the major motives and situations of the main character, Aron. You definitely revealed some interesting information about him without just telling the audience in a declarative setence. I have to point this out more than once because it just is such a breath of fresh air.
Now, for the first chapter (prologue) of a story, it is quite fast paced and action packed. You have an established pace and flow and I'm wondering how chapter two will fit in with the set flow. I'm wondering if you will have issues--just a thought to keep in mind.
I didn't see any major grammar issues, syntax issues, or typos. You clearly communicated your intent and message in each of your sections. And I think the emotions were believable and relatable. You also definitely introduced quite a bit of intrigue. Good luck!
LMWAuthor's Response: hey LMW! Now this response is simply going to be a lot shorter then your nice, long review simply because you had me blushing the entire time I was reading it. You just seriously made my week with this lovely review that once again makes me wish I was able to write none-stop, twenty four seven. So, I thank you for such a lovely, blush inducing review. :) Report Review
Wow! This was so entirely original! I can't even begin to describe how happy I was when I saw that. Also, I'm curious as to how this fits into the next part of your story :) The best thing about NextGen fics is that one can simply mold them to be whatever one wants them to be, as there is no precedent! Something you have done so very, very well.
Just one grammar issue that I caught.
"...and to protect the all those that are not in this room..." The placement of 'the' within the writing is a bit awkward.
Other than that, truly very fabulous :) Let me know in my thread when the next chapter is published!Author's Response: Thanks! That is exactly why I am having so much fun doing this because with NextGen we are given so much freedom.
Oh, thanks for pointing that out. I rewrote that line several times and I guess the 'the' wasn't removed when I rewrote it the last time. I'll go fix that in a minute.
Thanks and I will be sure to let you know! Report Review
I haven't read a fic like this for a while, makes me sort of miss them. I think you've made a great start with this story. The first line alone drew me in to the mystery of it all and the ending was just as good! The setting of this story is something I also like...you've taken the characters away from dreary old England and most certainly out of Hogwarts.
At first I thought all of them were Muggles but then you introduced this book. I'm curious about this group of people now...the Legion. As for your characters, you've clearly made Aron one of your major characters. I rather like him and would love to see how you develop his story in the following chapters. To be honest, I'm a bit upset about Kara. (Aron had plans!)
Anyway, great start, Lee! Can't wait to see an update.
LiaAuthor's Response: Hey Lia!
Thanks! And I am glad that I made you miss them :P oh yeah, none of this story is going to take place in England at all.
You'll find out more about the Legion later on but you were right in your first thought of them, they are all Muggles. ;) And yes, Aron will be coming back very soon. He is a major player in the story.
Thanks Lia and thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
Well, what an opening! That was rather good.
From the first line you had the reader hooked. Which was brilliant and why you already have two favourites.
I loved how you held details back and that gave the story a rather mysterious air which i thought was fantastic and just what a prologue needs.
I liked Aron as a character, although of course i don't know much about him and if/when he appears again i would like to see lots of development of his character.
I also thought you had a brilliant ending to this chapter. You wrote well with no grammar mistakes that i could see and overall you should be proud of yourself. :)
I would also like to say that when you next update could you let me know and i will happily review the next chapter as well. unfortunately first chapters are the hardest to review so i wouldn't mind reviewing this with something a bit more substantial. That way i might be able to find something to give you advice on :)
TheProphecy xAuthor's Response: hi there!
wow! thank you!! and this reply is going to be short since everything you are saying is just making me blush! thank you. and I'll be sure to let you know when the next chapter is up! Report Review
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