33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore It's alright

15th April 2014:
Hi Akussa! I'm very late (real life) but I'm finally here with your review for taking part in the February Reviewing Competition. I saw this on your page and since it combines James and Lily and the Beatles, I couldn't choose anything else!

The lyrics that you used were really well placed and chosen and I think that they helped the pacing and flow of the story well. The last line in particular seemed to fit in with the narrative.

Although I don't think that there was a battle at Hogwarts in the first war, I liked the idea that it took something like that, the war appearing right in front of them, to make them realise the extent of the war and that they were vulnerable no matter what. It must have been a terrifying realisation for people living at that time.

I liked your characterisation too. James as the confident, natural leader and Lily's caring side shining through. Though we only saw glimpses or heard mentions of the other Marauders, I thought what you wrote about them seemed in character too. The mention of Sirius and his feelings about Regulus, especially, seemed appropriate.

I liked the fact that you showed this moment which seems to be one of transition in their relationship; they're working together and are getting close to being friends, and that moment isn't one we normally see, especially in one-shots. I'm glad you chose that to write about.

The detail and description was nice as well. This was an enjoyable read!

Sian :)

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Review #2, by Rumpelstiltskin It's alright

2nd March 2014:
Hey there, I'm here for Blackout Bingo!

It is an unsettling thought to have your enemies in a place that is considered to be a safe haven. That is definitely a taste of what is to come; there's a war brewing.

Of course, James jumps right on it, being the natural leader. But then Lily kind of overrides him, and she takes the lead. I loved that, and I loved that he listened to her. It was definitely a good idea, to have the older students all together to fight. With the unity, there's strength.

So, this played out rather nicely. I liked it a lot! Everybody seemed to really pull together.

Aw, no worries James; she'll come around.

Fantastic job!


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Review #3, by MEW It's alright

15th February 2014:
ohh... very good characterisation of all of them. Even the slight moments were Sirius and Remus come in are super convincing. Hadn't had a moment were I thought "would she/he say that?", something I usually do have when reading fanfic! And that song is very well picked, it really sets the tone. No need for improments at all. Great job!


Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for this nice review, I'm so glad you liked this story! This was a first for me becasue song fics really aren't something I read a lot.
And that comment about the characters? Wow, that is the one thing an author wants to hear when writting about canon characters; you just made my day! Thansk again for taking the time to read and review this story!!

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Review #4, by classicblack It's alright

22nd March 2013:
Hello and happy birthday! At least, I hope that it's still your birthday... because you might be in a different timezone. Regardless, I hope wherever you are in the world, you're having/ had a wondering day! And yes, you guessed it, it's Ali here for your Gryffie Birthday Review. Congratulations! You lived another year that was zombie-apocalypse-free.

I loved this one-shot! It was James and Lily, but a nice break from the usual angsty James and Lily or lovey-dovey James and Lily. I'm always interested to read the period between hate and love, especially because authors often skip over it. You did a nice job showing how common enemies can bring people together.

I liked the theme that you kept going that Lily was finally experiencing the real world and that her safe little Hogwarts bubble had finally popped. It sets up Lily's courageousness, demonstrated by her participation in the Order of the Phoenix and her protection of Harry, very nicely. It gives her a tipping point and shows how she changed from the kind, pretty, smart Head Girl into the loving and brave and fierce woman she becomes.

I laughed when you mentioned the line where Lily describes how Sirius gave her a hard time about not going after the Slytherins. It really fit Sirius's hot-headed personality.

Overall, fantastic job and happy birthday!
Happy writing,

Author's Response: Something happened and I know for a fact that I had answered this review but here I come, almost a year later, and see that it is unanswered. For that, I apologise whole heartedly.

Thank you so much for this review. I'm so pleased that every theme you mentionned in this review is exactly what I wanted to show. This, to me, is really the moment where Lily realised that she had to grow up, become an adult and a part of the fight.
I'm not good at writting Romance, I don't read it either and I'm really not a fan of James/Lily stories because I usually find them unbelievable in the way they behave together. I thought I was alone though so I'm happy that you liked how I chose to present it!

Thanks again for this present I really appreciated it last year and still do today!!

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Review #5, by CloakAuror9 It's alright

18th May 2012:
Hey there!

The story is just so sweet and the song was very matching.

I love the way you were so straightforward with the story. I really like the way you characterised Lily and James. I can so easily imagine Lily worrying and being scared of the future and James just being there for her. (It's so sweet!).

Anywho, I thought the story was really great and I loved every single bit of it! ♥

CloakAuror9 xx
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this sweet review! I'm glad you liked the mix between the very happy lyrics and the dramatic events taking place in there.

To me, this story is really about discovery. Discovering that there really is a war outside, discovering who you are and what you are made of, and discovering the others around you and their true nature. I think Lily was surprised to see that James' cocky nature turned out to be a strenght in terms of leadership and courage. And that gives her hope for the future.

Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it and sorry for the delay in my response...

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Review #6, by Elenia It's alright

24th April 2012:
Why haven't I read your stories before? I'm really trying to rack my brains and ask myself that. Oh well, I'm really glad I got the chance now because this was another wonderful story!

I really liked the whole idea of this story. It showed that there's still hope even during darker times. And I think the story fit really well to the lyrics!

You did a good job on Lily and James, they were both in character, and it was really cute to see her starting to realise how much he has matured, I liked that a lot.

You used descriptions well and the whole story flowed. Your dialogue also works and sounds natural. So good work!

I'll continue checking your author page because there were still more stories that caught my interest (: see you soon!


Author's Response: Oh you are so nice, makingme blush like crazy over here!

I'm so glad you liked this story and think it works well with the lighter lyrics. I like writting darker stories and I feel the first real confrontations of the Marauder with the first war are so important and emotionally charged. These moments changed everything; from the way they saw the world to how they saw themselves and that, is a very positive thing.

I'm not a fan of romance stories; hardly read any and can't really write it without feeling so corny it hurts so writting this little moment where they are friends and on their way to become an item is easier for me. Plus, I think it's a much lovelier moment!

I hope you will find some other pieces of interest in my list of stories because I love your reviews so much, they always make me happy :) Thanks again!

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Review #7, by fauxthefox It's alright

2nd January 2012:
This is so cute!

I wish you'd woven the song into the prose a bit more, just to make it more relevant. But that's my only real suggestion. Everything else is wonderful :)

I like the dynamic between James and Lily. They act mature and they seem to be well-rounded characters. Lily's mixed feelings about James and her growing (maybe unwilling) respect for him are very believable and tie in well with the canon.

"Knowing James Potter was ready to fight against the darkest wizard in the world and his army - ready to fight for her - gave her confidence that all wasn't lost for wizard kind."

Ahhh, so cute! :)



Author's Response: Thanks so much for this nice review, I'm so glad you liked it!

I think I understand what you mean with this suggestion and I will try and modify it, if I can. This was my first take at a song-fic so all comments are apprecated in order to help me improve it for the next time!

Thanks again!

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Review #8, by daliha It's alright

29th December 2011:
Tag! i said I was reviewing another fic but I had already left a review on that one.

The song fit the story even though I don't like The Beatles, but the way you presented us Lily's emotions was my favorite part. I feel like James was in character at least I see him in a similar way that you wrote him.

Author's Response: Hey hey, no problem!

I'm glad you gave that story a chance even if you don't like the band. It was the words that mattered, that there is always a ray of light in darkness, if you look closely enough. And that is what James represented for Lily, in this time of fear.
I'm glad you liked how I presented Lily and James; they were a bit hard to write because so many people do them in a different light but I enjoyed it none the less. Thanks again for this review!

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Review #9, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap It's alright

11th December 2011:
First let me say I despise the Beatles but I'm open to reading just about anything so I decided I would read this and I'm glad I did! I thought the song fit perfectly and I actually hummed it as I read the entire thing (yeah, I know the song, might not like the music but you have to be living under a cave if you don't know the Beatles). I think you conveyed the battle perfectly and the emotions of Lily. I could really picture her as she talked to James and in the beginning I could see her sort of curled up and hugging her knees, nervous, not sure what's going to happen and contemplating everything. I got a little chill as I read this because it's sad and I don't want to say ironic but that's the only word I can think of because in the end she thinks it'll be all right (well sort of anyway) and we all know what happens to her and James.

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you gave this story a try no matter your dislike of the band! I didn't want this story to be a tribute to them either, simply used their words to enlighten a story.

Your comments just made me really happy; if you could imagine Lily and what she was going through, then my goal is reached! The battle isn't canon and I didn't want it to be "too much" but I felt it was a necessary trigger.
The use of the song was just for that, to show that no matter how dark things are, there is always a ray of light, if you look closely enough. And for Lily, that ray of light is James, love and all that comes with it, no matter if it doesn't last long.

Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it a lot!

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Review #10, by Myxomatosis It's alright

1st December 2011:
Oh, this was lovely! I always get goosebumps when I think about the building threat in their final Hogwarts years and I think you communicated that anxiety and fear really well. This is also one of my favourite songs! It's my ringtone, haha, and I think it was really lovely in this context.

You're a wonderful writer. This flowed so well and your characterisation was so human. It was just the right length to provide a teasing little tidbit of James and Lily's developing relationship. I really enjoyed this! Thank you for writing it :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for this!

Really? It's your ringtone? You rock!!

When I wrote this story, I wanted the song to be a counter-balance to the tension of the war. To show that no matter how dark times are, there is still a ray of light in the comfort of our friends and loved ones.
I'm glad you like how I portrayed James and Lily's relationship. I didn't read many stories where their relationship is in the middle stage (not screaming at each other and not madly in love either); one where they are simply friends, growing closer together.

You made me blush with your kind words, I thank you a million times!

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Review #11, by adluvshp It's alright

21st November 2011:
Hi there, here for Tag!

Aw this was a cute little one-shot. I liked how you showed "light in the darkness" theme. It was really well-written. I think you captured James and Lily quite well too. It made a nice read all in all.



Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked this little story. It was my first real try at their relationship and I'm glad you thought I captured them alright!

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Review #12, by WeasleyTwins It's alright

8th August 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review for the review extravaganza!

I have to be honest when I say that I don't really care for the Beatles. However, putting aside my dislike, I really enjoyed this piece. The lyrics were a nice contrast to the darkish theme to the piece. The lyrics gave me hope, you know? James and Lily know there are going to be difficult times ahead, but they remain, somehow, innocent. "That wasn't a no, was it? So there's hope!" - I like the allegory here - there's hope for the two of them and for the wizarding world; perhaps it is also an allusion that the two of them together will create hope, aka Harry. It's a lovely allegory, one I almost missed, it's subtlety was so excellently written.

Overall, lovely read.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review and please, accept my apologies for such a late answer.
I think you gave me the nicest compliment about this piece, you know? Although you do not like the song /artist, you still enjoyed the piece and were able to apreciate the contrast I tried to make.
I decided to chose a moment where James and Lily had gotten to more of a friendship state in their relationship instead of making them haters or lovers. It usually goes that way in real life so, I thought it would be believable! And yes, the notion of hope was a big theme in there, I admit!
Thanks again reviewing, I really apreciated your coments!

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Review #13, by Cleopatraa It's alright

8th August 2011:
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
First thing first you really have a lovely banner and I didnít even read the summary just clicked because of the banner so I didnít know what this was about but I really liked it to be honest with you. I actually can imagine Voldemort doing something like that so kudos for you on that point. You did a truly great job on this little piece
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review and please accept my apologies for such a late response. I'm ashamed but truly happy to come back to this place and see such great compliments; makes me feel like I made the right choice to come back!
I'm glad you appreciated how it could have happened. Of course, it's not really a canon event but it felt natural when I wrote it.
Also, isn't the banner great? I can't believe how lucky I was to get such a talented artist for this piece!
Thanks again for the reivew and congrats on the House Cup win!!

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Review #14, by maskedmuggle It's alright

8th August 2011:
Aww, I loved this! The whole plot of this story was great. I liked how there were 'Death Eaters'/imperiused Slytherins in Hogwarts passing on a message for Voldemort that nothing is safe. I can so imagine Voldemort actually doing something like that. I liked the course of action taken - James distributing orders, and then Lily using her clear head to make smarter decisions.

I also loved the end conversation between Lily and James. They didn't hate each other, but they weren't in love yet. They're halfway in their relationship, and it's just very refreshing to see a story with that in it.

Songfic wise, I really liked the song, and it does go with the story! I have to admit, it's a little confusing if you think about it like this: here comes the sun, but in the story, it was more like, here comes war. But anyway, the last line was brilliant and fit really well. A very well written and enjoyable story to read.

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Sorry for the horrible lateness in my respond, I've been kept away from my computer and this place for almost a year!!

Thanks none the less for taking the time to review my story, I'm glad you liked the feeling of it!

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Review #15, by Pixileanin It's alright

6th August 2011:
I'm a sucker for the quiet moments in a story, and here I found a nicely written song-fic that was all about a quiet moment between James and Lily. I really enjoyed it. I love the song anyway, and I think you did it justice with your one-shot here.

It was lovely to see Lily and James in an honest moment after what was, I'm sure, a difficult day. Their compliments and reassurances to each other were really sweetly written. And I loved how you tied up the piece with the last line of the song.

pixileanin (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Alright, this is ackward... I'm really sorry for the delay but can you believe I am finally getting to your review seven months later? Yeah, things got a bit out of my hands in the last couple months and I'm really sorry about the delay.

Thanks for such a lovely review though, it means the world to me. This is precisely what this piece was meant to be : a quiet moment between two storms. I'm really bad at writting fluff and this is pretty much as far as I'll go but this is what I imagine happened between them. They certaintly didn't go from screaming at each other to being madly in love in a minute; I imagine they were civilised and friendly before it all happened.

I'm glad you liked it and so, so sorry about the delay. Know that it means the world to me, what you said here and to know that this songfic (my first and only!) kind of worked well is a really nice thought. That last line is actually where it all started; where the idae began so, thanks!

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Review #16, by MrsJaydeMalfoy It's alright

4th August 2011:
This was another beautifully-written piece, dear; I'm really glad I got to read it. Even though the overall tone was a bit darker than 'The Revenge Plan', I still found myself smiling at the end. And I didn't feel overwhelmed by darkness, if that makes any sense; that sort of thing can happen sometimes in a more serious fic. Was this canon? I can't remember if it was! But if it wasn't, you did an excellent job remaining true to the series. Again, I didn't see any mistakes and enjoyed reading it the entire time. Another one for my favorites list! Well done, 10/10!


Author's Response: Alright, this is ackward... I'm really sorry for the delay but can you believe I am finally getting to your review seven months later? Yeah, things got a bit out of my hands in the last couple months and I'm really sorry about the delay.

I'm so glad you liked the story though. It is slightly darker than my other stories altough it is still the fluffiest of my stories...
Finding the right balance was the hardest in this. And keeping it believable. This is not a cannon story but I like to believe that at some point, maybe Hogwarts wasn't the safest place on the wizarding world; maybe there was a reason why it became so. But if this makes you doubt, then I guess my goal was reached and I managed to keep this believable!

Thanks again for the lovely review and I hope you will see this response (altough I doubt it, after all this time) but know that it meant a lot to me, what you wrote!

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Review #17, by Christine_Nighting It's alright

4th August 2011:
I liked this. It had a dangerous tone, yet it ended well and happy and playful.

This was very well-written, and I didn't spy any mistakes that were noticable (but I'm no beta, so yeah :P)

Although I don't know or recognize the song that this was written for, I tied the connection with the lyrics, so I think that's really well-done. I thought the lyrics were almost haunting in a way, too.

The main banner for this story was what caught my eye. Especially the way it flashes dark for a moment (but then again, I usually am drawn to more darker fics :P)

Great job! Definitely interested in what else you have to offer :)

Author's Response: Alright, this is ackward... I'm really sorry for the delay but can you believe I am finally getting to your review seven months later? Yeah, things got a bit out of my hands in the last couple months and I'm really sorry about the delay.

The song is from The Beatles and is a happy-go-lucky kind of tune; very light, which is a bit at the opposite of this story. A darker story with a lighter sound to it whereas the song is light with a darker undertone.

I'm glad ou liked it and thought the lyrics fitted with the story; it was my first (and still to this day, only) songfic.

I also love the banner! I absolutly can't get over how great it is and I have forwarded your compliment to the person who deserves it, the creator on TDA.

Thanks again and sorry for the delay!

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Review #18, by Mintleaf It's alright

9th April 2011:
Hi! This was a nice idea, though I'm not sure hoe much the story fits the song. As I was reading I found myself forgetting it was a song-fic because I couldn't find the relevance in the story. That being said, the story itself was good! The speech was a bit unnatural in parts, bur it was certainly a good idea and story nonetheless.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

I will take a look at the speech parts; I know it's a bit off but I'm still working on a better one to fill the blanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story even though the "song" part of this song-fic wasn't perfectly adapted! Thanks again!!



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Review #19, by peace2lovepotter It's alright

16th March 2011:
Great story, great Song!1

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your kind words!

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Review #20, by minimah It's alright

11th March 2011:
First of all, gorgeous banner. I think I stared at it for quite some time before actually getting into reading ... sorry 'bout that. Your spelling and grammar is also very spiffy, so that earned you brownie points - I didn't feel the need to go back over and write down notes on where you'd slipped up. Be aware of your capitalisation though, as some parts it seems a little funny - rather than 'First year Slytherin', you can just say 'first year Slytherin', e.t.c. It seems to flow better visually and by capitalising the year they're in, you're giving them titles, and all round that makes it a little messy. 'Disillusionment Charms' also is far more aesthetically appearing and in accordance with how spells are written in the series, too.

You have a very compelling writing style. You pace your story very nicely, but you don't info dump on us, which is really good. A minor irk is, I don't actually know what's happened or why it's happened. I understand that as a songfic, there's no overwhelming need for you to explain anything, but as I'm a fairly nitpicky person, I did write down that I was uncertain what had happened. To the extent of my knowledge, no battle occurred at Hogwarts when Lily and James were still Head Girl & Boy.

Do note, I have no huge objection to this, it just doesn't fit with the canon-verse. That immediately makes me question the story's plausibility. Rather, I was convinced for a moment that I was reading about Harry/Lily Potter, e.t.c. I understand you want to heighten the drama, and you do that quite artfully, but I'm going to whinge and say it didn't happen. Maybe it was a minor battle? I'm quite uncertain, but I think a preceding attack on Hogwarts would've been recounted to Harry in the Second Wizarding War, e.t.c.

I quite liked your description of the world. You don't do too much to describe soaring turrets, e.t.c, like an awed first year might see, but you simply PULL us into that world. It's almost effortless on your part - your reiteration of HP-verse facts, places, houses, and so forth, bring us into the heart of your story.

Your characterisation is also crisp and believable. I honestly think that, while Lily is indeed quite shattered, she's been through bad times before - her best friend insulting her, her sister abandoning her, e.t.c. I think part of her charm is the fact she is a firecracker (and, well, a gorgeous one at that). While seeing a bit of vulnerable Lily beginning to appreciate James is sweet and awww-worthy, I'd like to think she's still sparky. While I'm sure she'd be fairly open, I don't think she'd so willingly spill her feelings of hopelessness to someone she's growing attracted to, but doesn't quite trust.

It's nice to see a different side to James, although don't forget his original personality. It'd be nice to integrate some comedy between the two, some verbal sparring, no matter how worn - they could've bonded through that, too. Or she could be potentially cold to him. After all it's been a trying day.

I will say though, I adore your writing of this ship. It shows how they've bonded, how they've come together, although I still think that the timing is a bit off - refer to back to HP-verse! Don't forget the original timeline! :)

Overall, I gave this an 8/10. I loved the way you tied the song in, the pacing, the way you brought the reader in, and such. You lost points for the fact I wasn't too sure of the battle itself, and just a few irks, along with my being a little uncomfortable with Lily and James' sudden spill-all. But it's a sweet read and definitely something that left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

And plus, big Beatles fan.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this long and nice review. I'M glad you appreciated the piece and the banner (your lovely comment was passed forward to the maker of the banner).
Sorry for the delayed response but I had trouble with my account and couldn't answer my reviews. I really appreciated your review and the time you took to write it, went straight to my heart!

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Review #21, by SexyDoorFrames It's alright

11th March 2011:
This was really good! I loved this. It was a brilliant one shot! You are a really good writer. You kept me enchanted through this whole piece. The lyrics fitted perfectly with the story. I loved the way you characterized James, it was wonderfully done. I loved him in this story. It was wonderful.

- Keely.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review, you made me blush with your kind words!

I'm glad you enjoyed this piece, it was very hard for me to write it considering it was my first song-fic (although starting with a Beatles' song does make it much easier!) and I am also not a big fluff of romance writer...

Once again, thank you very much for this review, I'm really happy you had a good time reading it!

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Review #22, by orderofthephoenix It's alright

5th March 2011:
Hey! I'm here with your review :)

This was awesomely good. You have no need to worry about anything. Your story fitted with the lyrics well and your writing was very good.

James' characterisation was really good. You showed his strength and maturity in the Great Hall and then his lighter side in the common room. I also liked that subtle reference to Sirius and his brother. :)

You did really well with this. Good luck for the challenge.

-Sophia x

P.S. I like the banner for this story; it's quite fitting with the song you used. ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this nice review; I am really happy to, er, read that you appreciated this piece!

I had a great time writing James as a strong young man but I couldn't resist the urge to also have him make his final cocky comment!!
Oh and I forwarded your compliments about the banner to the maker; she's the one that deserves them (but I am also in love with it!!).

Thanks again and in the end, I finished second in the challenge; something I am really proud of!!


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Review #23, by NeverGotHerLetter It's alright

28th February 2011:
Oh WOW! This was so good! I totally loved it! My favourite character of ALL TIME is James I, and I think you portrayed him brilliantly, showing both sides to him, in the Great Hall, the true brave Gryffindor, and then at the end, the immature, cocky Potter :)
Also, I like that you added a little reference about Sirius and Regulus Black's relationship as it gives us something to remember, it's canon and it reminds us about their relationship, and the fact that Regulus was a death eater.
I love that you made Lily chuckle at the end of the chapter, instead of making her angry, as it shows that she is close to breaking point about saying yes to going out with him (YEESSS!!) :D
I think the song totally went with the story, and I love the relationship between Lily and James in this. Also, as much as I love OCs (I have 2 or 3 myself) :) you kept this entirely canon, which made me think about whether this could have "really happened" if you get what I mean. It was so believable, it gave a taster of what the First Wizarding War could have been like at the beginning.
It showed us worries and pain and house rivalry etc., with those little Beatles and Potter and Lily/James twists we all know and love :)
This story made me really happy, so 10/10 :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x
P.S., that is a totally AWESOME banner!! :D x x x x

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your nice review and I apologize for the lateness of my reply; life got crazy and I couldn't find time to come over this place...

I'm glad you enjoyed my little one-shot and my James; I loved both sides of his personality and couldn't help throw the cocky comment at the end!

I did picture this story to happen before they become a couple but at a point where they admit to at least share friendship. I read a lot of stories that focus on moments when they hate each other or when they are completly in love but rarely did I read stories happening when they are just friends.

Your comment : "this could have really happened", that made my day! Seriously, I know it's far fetched to imagine DE breaking in the school and that's why I didn't make it a huge event (i.e. no death or heroic moments). I simply wanted the message of Voldemort's power to be shared with the characters and bring them to have this discussion about what the future would be like for them.

Thanks again for your kind words and I am really happy that this made you happy!! Oh and I forwarded your compliment about the banner to the maker; she's the one that deserves them afterall!!


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Review #24, by Capella Black It's alright

26th February 2011:
Aww, this was lovely! The James and Lily saga is such a great part of the HP canon world, and as such it can either lead to something magical or something horrifically cliched. Yours is definitely the former. I love that you've focussed the story on a minor battle from the war. Not only is the action itself extremely original, but the very choice of having this play a part in the romance seems unique too. Furthermore, the confrontation feels extremely realistic - no melodramatic gore or horror, but lots of serious consequences and tension throughout the school. Great stuff.

Generally, I'm not in any way a fan of song fics, but this worked - you didn't have too much lyrical interruption, and that words that were used fitted with the storyline nicely. It probably helps that I love this song, and so could picture the hopeful melody in the background.

Overall a nice story, without anything I'd want to critique. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Author's Response: Wow thank you so very much for your kind review, it makes me feel loads better about my story!
I'm glad you do not consider I fell into the "cliche pit" for it was my fear. My other fear was the song-fic part; I'm not a big fan of it either but, as it was a challenge, I had to!
I'm glad you think I did a good job and that it doesn't feel to much like a song-fic (if that makes sense) because that's what I wanted; I wanted the song to complete the story, give it another feel and a hopeful side no matter how scary (for the characters) the events depicted must be.

Thanks again,


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Review #25, by notreallyblonde44 It's alright

25th February 2011:
Hello Akussa, it's me, notreallyblonde44 from the forums, doing a little reviewing for the 10th anniversary *cracks open a noise maker* First off let me saw that banner is AWESOME! It draws me into the story and I love Lily/James so I'm excited to see where this goes :) Oh, and cute summary, I sense the pending fluff haha and had to play the song while reading :P

/spam onto real substance review!

The first chapter built up the anticipation. I like your writing style so far. It's smooth and not forced/awkward at any points and the text is raising my curiosity levels; I want to know what happened!

"The moment the Headmaster rose to indicate" -this seemed kinda odd, I think that this is a formality that doesn't fit with Lily...if that makes sense. Basically, I think she would just say their name and not "The Headmaster" in an impersonal way. And since Lily is reflecting on what happened I donít think she would refer to herself as the "Head Girl" lol.

"They were only there to pass a message; to let the wizarding world know that nowhere was out of their Master's reach." -Gulp. I got the message loud and clear. That's a powerful message eep!

"but think as a grim shiver went down her spine" -what's a grim shiver? :P

"Slytherin wishing to go back home and not be a Slytherin anymore.'" -as a self-proclaimed Slytherin, I understand this. This whole line was sad and I like how you mingle in war and relationships throughout this one-shot. You weave together complicated things and make them come together nicely -leaving nothing out, very thorough job here.

"grim confidence was coming from." -again with the grim lol what's grim confidence?

Ohhkay, so I think it's safe to say I misjudged the fluff lol. This was a rather complex piece, in the good way, and I enjoyed it. I think the Death Eater's breaking in probably didn't happen in canon, or it would have been mentioned, but I suspend my canon-sticklerness in favor of this good Jame/Lily. I think the dialogue overall was smooth and I enjoyed the writing of this potentially 'missing moment' :) Thanks for sharing!


Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for your review and sorry about the delay in my response, life got crazy and I couldn't find the time to come back here.

First of all, I simply love my banner too and forwarded your compliments to the maker; she's the one who deserves them afterall!!

I have to say that I laughed when reading you were expecting fluff! Sorry, this is just not the way I saw it!!

I have to say that I really appreciate your comments; they really helped me understand the mistakes and structural problems this piece holds so I thank you for that; you are great at explaining without it sounding like criticism. I will definitly make the corrections you spoted!

Thanks again for your great infput and kind words, I'm glad you liked this piece no matter if it isn't all canon. I am a sticker for canon too and usually don't want to write things that break canon, which is why I wrote a consequence-less event.

Have a great day my dear!


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