Interesting chapter, I'm not sure what you meant when you said Lexy realized she wasn't acting as she kissed Harry, it seems like its a bit sudden for Lexy to come over to the good side even though I am guessing that she will eventually come to her senses and turn against Voldemort and the Death Eaters or maybe Lexy will convince Harry to join the dark side and turn against his friends. That would make for an interesting twist in this story that I would definitely love to see happen but it is your story so you can do with it what you please and I am sure I will love it regardless. I hope you can update soon because I want to know what will happen next in this story between Lexy and Harry? Report Review
write more! really good story. i must know the end!!! Report Review
This is alot better! Few spelling mistakes but it will do. The transitions between events seem to be lacking, it's as if you're recalling the events not describing them... The main part I got confused on was the kiss right after the fight. You just rushed through that part and it was hard to grasp the meaning you're trying to send out: lexy is a bad girl with q good side in her. Overall I am impressed with the work so far! Report Review
Sorry for being kind of mean with my first review. You've gotten a lot better. I recommend minor tweaking on the phrasing and spelling. However that's pretty minor. I really don't get the story, why does Lexy randomly get into an unexplained fight, and then all of a sudden Ginny runs in and kisses Harry? The story seems kind of random. I'd appreciate it if you could make it a lot clearer, because this chapter is really ambiguous and random. But I see major improvement, so keep up the good work. Report Review
This story does have potential. Some things that could make it better are (like everyone else has said) fixing those small spelling mistakes, which is probably the easiest way to improve, and also if you developed Lexy's character a little more. Right now, she is very one-dimensional. Develop her backstory, and maybe give her a flaw or two that will affect the plot. Right now, her character seems extremely unrealistic as a person, which really interferes with the flow of the story.
Don't get me wrong, I do think that this could be a really good story, just make sure you pay attention to these little things :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'll do my best to fix these things! Report Review
Ok, that was better. Your spelling could use some work, but you're actually building a story. Unfortunately, there is a lack of tension in any of this, and the formatting is kind of hard to read, and it gets really annoying. Please don't be hurt or offended. This story could be really good if you work on it. Report Review
This was much better chapter than the previous one but still you have spelling mistakes which get annoying after a while! otherwise it was a good development so far but just remember to add more depth so we to each event that happens like when Lexi is about to face off against Harry. It would've have been better if you added dialogues between them. Report Review
God damn... This story has potential, but you need to add depth into story. Right now you're just skimming through the surface, add more dialogues and if you put a flashback when voldy kills the girls parents it will make it better and also your chapters will be longer.
You definitely need to check your spellings but otherwise it was good but you can make it better with some changes! You seem to be rushing too much! I hope you take the constructive criticism, it will only make you a Better writer! Good Job in the story so far though!Author's Response: Thank you and I think criticism very well. I thank you for your advice. Report Review
Uh, use SPELL CHECK! It's there for a reason. The story would have been pretty decent if you had used spell check and hadn't wrote like you were texting. I recommend at least minor editing before submitting. Trust me, crappy spelling turns people off a story in a flash. I like to be the first to review a story, I know it sucks to have no reviews, so I hope this helps you.Author's Response: Sorry but I'm really new at this! Thank you for your advice and I'll try my best to fix it as best I can!! Report Review
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