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Review #1, by notreallyblonde44 You Really Thought I Would Date You?

22nd February 2011:
Hi hi petra! It's me again nrb, reviewing!

OMG! Dominique is such a rated M bad word. She is horrible! I feel so bad for Alec...even though he is a bit creepy/stalkerish. She is cruel and horrible! I want to punch her. I'm curious what happened to make her so fabulous lol. She must get it from her mama.

Outside of my reactions to the characters, the writing was pretty solid and description too. But there isn't much to comment on because the one-shot is so short.

Some things I noticed:
'Had never uttered one word to him. Was the Queen of Hogwarts, while he was but her lowly servant?' -She had never uttered...She was the... (Just added she to the beginning of both sentences.

Again I like the opening you have in this one-shot. Very to the point and lets us get into your main character's mind about how they feel about a certain character. This kid sounds obsessed! Creepy lol.

'Her brains were loved by the professors.' -Er-this made me see her brains all mashed up and being loved...icky image I know haha.

'Invisible to girls especially Dominique.' -comma before especially

'but some deep part of his brain kept telling her to walk on.' -him to walk on

green grass was repeated in the same sentence.

'All three strawberry haired head shot his way, faces of anger ad annoyance staring at him.' -heads. Lol this backs up the thing about everyone wanting to be her for sure.

Hmm, quick one-shot. I wish there was something more I could take away from it other than how NASTY Dominique is...I think I might seriously hate her forever now haha.

Best,
Lisa

Author's Response: The challenge was to descripe a raw emotion and mine was digust. I know it is short but I had a deadline, I could make it longer or should I say I will make it longer and add more.

Thanks for the review


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