Sorry, but I just couldn't get past this chapter. Too much DETAIL...not enough substance. I don't like shopping with my wife, why in the world would I want to READ about it in 'detail'. Sorry.

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About a quarter of the way into this book, I nearly gave it up because I found that too much was "told" and not enough was "done". I'm glad I persevered, though, because that definitely got better. A couple of things continually jarred on me, though. Firstly, the use of "mom" - I assume that the author's American but the characters are not. Most Americanisms I could just gloss over ("fall" for Autumn is another that irritated) but this was particularly bad and intrusive.
Then there were a couple of things about the Australian scenes. The description of the AFP offices included "coffee creamer", bags of ground coffee, and an "electric coffee pot". I'd be astonished if such an office had that today. It certainly wouldn't have in the late '90s. The little cups would have been marked "milk" (if they were there at all) and there'd have been a jar or tin of instant coffee, no ground stuff. Even today, most workplaces don't have real coffee available. Also, we don't have National Service and we don't induct all boys into the Australian army at any age. I'm guessing the author was thinking of Conscription during Vietnam and also of US Selective Service but we had nothing like that in the '90s and still don't today.
On the whole, though, these are just quibbles and the book was good. I was a bit concerned that there was going to be no action so the introduction of the pirates was welcome.

Author's Response: LadySappho,

Yes, there's alot of exposition. I think a professional editor would cut that back and shorten the story. Yes, I am American, and older at that. But, I thought I had all the moms changed to mums except for the last four chapters. I'll change fall to Autumn, and fix the coffee nomenclature. I read about the Vietnam era in Australia and was under the impression that conscription was used, and that part of the story is about that era, I can make that clear and cut back on the modern references.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions.

Bill

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This chapter better written but the action is getting a little slow.

Author's Response: Delphinapterus,

Thank you. I agree that the balance between the expository chapters and the plot-oriented chapters is a bit skewed. I'd guess that a professional editor would drop some of the early chapters but I enjoyed writing them and they do move Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione's adaptations to their new circumstances forward.

Bill

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Two Bills, one chapter? Could have used a different name.

Author's Response: Delphinapterus,

Yes, agree, but kind of late to change as both appear in later chapters.

Bill

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Ok, but when are Harry and Ginny going to get it on?

Author's Response: Delphinapterus,

Not until much later in the story. My logic was that as essentially traumatized young people, they'd need time to settle into their desires -- sort of the some argument Molly and Arthur make in a following chapter.

Bill

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No funeral for Snape?? Interesting, but dialogue still not representative of the characters.

Author's Response: Delphinapterus,

No, no funeral for Snape, I thought he was best remembered in the characters' retrospective. But, certainly it would have fit the chapter, although I thought it was already a bit over long.

Bill

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Great read, a seamless continuation from the end of DH. Dialogue's a bit forced though.

Author's Response: Delphinapterus,

Thanks, dialogue is a real challenge. I think it improves as the story continues.

Bill

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Like, yay!
but at the same time, like, weird...
yay
but I can't imagine them calling each other dear...
james potter is the only deer...

Author's Response: GinnyGryffindor,

Thanks again. I'll have to think about "dear," "sweetheart" or "darling" seemed even less likely for their age.

Bill

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:D massive twist... I love it.

Author's Response: GinnyGryffindor,

Thank you very much. Glad you like it! Hopefully, you'll like where the story goes from there.

Bill

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You are the most amazing write ever. better than J.k Rowling. Better than my favourites, pygmypuff and Jewels5.
you are incredible

Author's Response: GinnyGryffindor,

Wow, thanks! But most of the hard work, the characters we love, are JKR's and I've just moved her story along. "Beach Day" was a lot of fun to write because I really like their love stories.

Thanks, the encouragement is great.

Bill

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I absolutely love this story!!! Please write a sequel, your style is unique but you still keep JKR's flavor to it and I want to read more. I am a frustrated writer myself and am in awe of anyone brave enough to put themselves out there like this. Maybe one day I will get the courage to do so. I hope that if I do it is half as good as what you have written!

Author's Response: Thank you mamabear,

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I have started another but could not resist one more edit of this one.

The people here have been very helpful in their reviews. I'm sure if you were to try your hand at a story here, it would be good and pleasant learning.

Bill Mullens

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I like your story, could you write another one.
Only about Ron's art ability. And more about the
Antique Store and the goblin made tiara.
Thanks

Author's Response: McGonagall,

I need to finish this one first, my edit has about ten chapters to go. But, I am thinking of another and will keep your idea in mind.

Bill

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The story is good but I found some general mistakes:
- "October 4th 1925" is not Minerva McGonagalls birthday. She was born on the 4th of October 1935 making her 63 on her birthday but only 62 on the 1st of September.
-Harrty should be Harry (4th last line)
-Vert should be very (3rd last line)
Your story is one of my favourite on this website.
Can you check out my story 'Life in peace-almost' please
Love and best wishes 19ginny81 x

Author's Response: 19Ginny81,

Thank you for your corrections. I have made those changes. I'm glad you enjoy the story and appreciate your taking time to review so helpfully.

Bill

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lol... my last name is ashworth... and i'm a Gryffindor on pottermore. ADDICTED 2 THIS STORY!!!

Author's Response: GinnyGryffindor,

Sorry for the slow reply, I had to travel.

Thank you for your review, I hope the rest of the story will please you as well.

Bill

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Absolutely amazing. Thats all I can say. One of the best I've ever read. :)

Author's Response: Siriusluver,

Thank you very much. Encouragement is always welcome.

Bill

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Hey :) I really liked this story so far, its really interesting and funny. I love how you characterised harry as a starcrossed lover, hahaha.
Sadly, I have some downsides. too many bill's, xD, and some facts wrong. you should read quidditch through the ages for info on aussie wizards. (even though im a new-Zealander :P)
and NO TEDDY??? >:O!!! lol but 8/10

Author's Response: GrinnyGryffindor,

Thanks Ginny, for your review and suggestions.

Bill

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Hi Bill, thanks for the story I did really enjoy it, I really liked that you didn't skate over finding Hermione's parents like other stories do but I did find at finds that you seem to run away with your description. I'd recommend prioritising it, like don't need a full description of each meal or a diner, its the extraordinary in HP I always find I want to emerge myself in. also thanks for making an effort with the British colloquialisms, so many writers ruin stories for me because of american slang which just doesn't suit HP. my only real qualm is that I don't like the whole marriage stuff, but that's my personal preference. I think it's so sweet you wrote it for your son though and love that you stick to the canon,

thanks for writing - write more!

Author's Response: Gwenevere,

I have never written fiction, much less dialog, and in retrospect I agree, there are scenes and I think even some chapters that an editor would knock back a bit. Sometimes what was driving the prose was what I was learning to do.

I got a lot of help on British English from HPFF readers and I hope when I finish this current edit the Americanisms won't be "cringe worthy" as one reader called them.

Thanks for taking the time to review, I appreciate your response.

Bill



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In the words of Ron, "bloody brilliant"!!

Could not stop reading until the very end. Your work is great and I hope you will continue!

Author's Response: Thank you very much Gbartkiv. I do plan another.

Bill

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It is a great story, thank you for writing it.

Author's Response: irloserable,

Thank you very much, I'm pleased you enjoyed the story.

Bill

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this made me hungry. GOOD JOB!









m.

Author's Response: Thank you Lisa.

Bill

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Your story captivated me; I very much enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing!

Author's Response: Thank you Tia.

Bill

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Again with a another good chapter, I was reading it at the start and I was thinking you forgot about hermione's parent's. When they were tidying the burrow but you came through and so far, so good.

Author's Response: Kon-MaRTiNZ,

The idea was not only to setup the Australian premiss but also establish that the four friends experiences during the wizarding war left them with enough uncertainties to take Molly and Arthur's concerns seriously.

Bill

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I Can see I'm going to love this. Made me laugh at "at least it wasn't follow the spider" . Thanks again

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the second chapter. By bringing in memorable phrases, sayings and circumstances from the seven books, I hoped readers would recall aspects of their personality and attach those to my renditions of the main characters.

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Just finished the harry potter books again for like the 10th time, and it always annoys me not getting that closure. Now finding this will give me what I wanted. Awesome so far hope the rest is just as good. Thanks

Author's Response: KoN-MaRTiNZ,

You have pretty well described a motive behind writing Harry Potter and the Chinese Book. Like you, like many, we've attached to the characters. Although it was great that we get to see their "19 Years Later," we miss seeing more of their life and development.

Thus, I've tried to keep the story a reflection of the personalities and natures that JKR gave her wonderful characters.

Bill

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I have to say i have read HUNDREDS if not more on 5 different sites ( i checked ) and after reading the first 5 chapters i knew that this was going to be one of my favorites and now after finishing this story it is in my top 3 of all time, the writing is superb the story flows brilliantly and the depth of all of the characters was beyond 3-D and i must say the ending was probably the best i have ever read.
I will read anything you write even if its on a napkin.

My hat is off to you.
and one final thing to say ! ! !

Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

Author's Response: Dumbeldave,

What can I say but thank you? It feels so good to get a review like this.

You've been an energetic and encouraging reader, thank you very much.

And yes, Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! If I can refer to the films once more, in the King's Cross scene of the second Deathly Hallows Dumbledore says ". . words are our most consistent source of magic." I hear JKR in that and I think it sums Harry's story. Certainly her words have magicked us such a wonderful experience that we're still enjoying it.

Thanks Dumbeldave, my best for your next reading.

Bill

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