i adore how you wrote this. normally first person is annoying for me to read but i really really liked this! you pulled it off magnificently (: her thoughts kind of bounce around from one thing to another, just like real people's thoughts do! i like how lily justifies why she likes him, again just like real people do. basically i just like how you wrote this, before i repeat myself hahaha :P
-brennaAuthor's Response: I'm glad to hear that you felt like Lily was real. I was afraid this wouldn't come out so good, so thanks for the positive feedback! Report Review
"...I was thinking about showing this to my best friend,"
Is this story supposed to have been written by Lily? Because I originally got the impression it was her thoughts, until I saw that line. It would have been nice to let readers know in the summary thats all, haha.
In some places it gets repetitive and the punctuation and grammar could have been revised.
Despite all this I understand where this story is coming from and
it's a nice approach on what went on between Lily and James, keep up the good work (:Author's Response: Yeah, I kind of forgot about saying that in the summary. This isn't some of my best work due to the fact that I originally wrote this as something just to get my feelings off my chest. I then thought it seemed to fit the whole Lily and James ordeal nicely, so I changed some names and went along w/ publishing it! Thanks for the feedback though!
I really loved this! 10/10Author's Response: Good to hear you did! Thanks! Report Review
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