Lindsey, are you sure you aren't Christopher Nolan in disguise or something? Because, wow, I'm blown away by your prose here and how creatively you arranged this.
I didn't get this at all the first time I read this. I didn't know who was talking or what was happening. I was literally just staring at the screen thinking 'What the heck just happened?' but at the same time thinking 'Wow!'. Which was why I had to read this several times to get this and even then, I'm not sure I'm right. My theory is that Harry is narrating over the events which are taking place in brackets. Once I considered this, I read this again and it played like a movie in my mind, with Harry's voice in the background as the scenes played out. Am I right? :p
But oh gosh, Linds, it was all beautiful. The way you weaved words together, the brilliant imagery said words produced, it was all gorgeous, like poetry that played itself as a movie in my mind. (Did that make sense? Hopefully it did) It's amazing that you took a single word (correr) and managed to craft an entire story around it and so creatively as well. The plot and pacing was very well-done, how you managed to condense so much plot in so little words. I liked the little insights into Hermione's character through Harry's narration, they really spoke volumes in so little words. The beginning was especially lovely, I liked how it showed the progress of their relationship and how it was slowly disintergrating and how much the war had changed them.
Do I even have to say it? Wonderful job as always, Lindsey love.
P.S: I think yours is one of the few Harry/Hermione fics I'm willing to read ;). Ron/Hermione FTW!
*major huggles attack!*
~MistyAuthor's Response: Erm Christopher Nolan's mind is a scary place. At least for me o_O
But thanks for all the compliments. They made me smile, Misty. So you are sorta right and sorta not right; there are actually two voices in this-- Hermione and Harry. The voice starts with Hermione and then her actions are in (). Then it switches to Harry and it goes back and forth.
-BLUSHES- I know; this was one of the hardest things that I've written in a long time. It took some major brain dumping and I felt very exhausted afterwards. Thanks for the poetry in motion comment; made me majorly blush.
Linds Report Review
Hello, gingersnape from the forums, here at long last with your review!
So, I must start out by saying how impressed I was with this story. I am not a big fan of any of the big Hogwarts Era ships, and Harry/Hermione has to be one of the ones that makes me cringe the most, so I came into this with dread and then surprisingly left feeling like maybe this ship could work when it was like this and it was really quite something. So, before I get into my likes and dislikes of this, I wanted to let you how how amazing of a job this piece was and just what a wonderful picture you painted while making Harry/Hermione seem like a realistic ship and keep them close to the Harry and Hermione I know.
So, onto the review! I'll be doing the things you asked about in your request over in the thread, and then I'll point out some of the strong points and points that could be stronger in the story, and then I'll end the review with the usual spelling and grammar, pacing and flow, and my overall opinion! Alright, on your mark... get set... GO!
Easy to Read: This is a hard question to answer because I felt like the chapter was a bit of a tug of war between being deeply engaged in what was happening and trying to figure out what was going on. The story itself is captivating, but something about the revealing things slowly and with little explanation to begin with almost took away from the experience. Hmm, no, not the slowly revealing things, I guess more of the whole switching every other paragraph with the parenthesis. I was confused by those at first and then when I figured out the pattern and what was going on, the plot muting side of me was more subdued and I really fell into the story. So, yes, it was a story that was easy to read because it was hard not to be pulled in, which does make reading things easier and more enjoyable. However, I would say the format of it did have an effect on how I read the story, and I really don't have any suggestions on how to clarify the pattern without loosing the mysteriousness of it all at the beginning. Perhaps using more pronouns to have more of the he/she contrast, but other than that I'm really stumped on how to keep a reader's plot munching side happy while the detail soaking side was engrossed in the writing.
Typos/Phrasing/Language: Typos. I really didn't see any typos, though it is nearly three a.m. right now, so I don't think I am at my best, though I am trying my hardest to find a typo for you! I'm sure something's there if you look hard enough. Odd phrases. Hmm, this one I also couldn't quite find anything off. A lot of what i read in this could be considered odd, as I wouldn't talk like that, but it somehow fit, so I think you're good there. As for other writing and language things, I mostly felt confused as to what was going on because of how mysterious it all felt, so that was one of those mostly good but possibly a bit bad if a reader gets turned off at first by it not being really clear as to who and what is going on. But, I've already said that, so I think you're good! Moving onto just a quick note on the actual happenings of the story and then I'll end with my overall opinion and a wee pacing and flow comment and a sort of spelling and grammar comment, since I think I've covered all of the things I want to cover right here that doesn't have to do with the actual plot! :D
I really thought it was interesting that you chose to show that Hermione was leaving at the same time as Harry was finding out that Hermione had left after there was a bit of worrying over if Hermione was with child (I know, I can be really old fashioned sometimes, but it felt like it fit the mood of the story) and I think my favorite part was how it ended with the reader wondering if Hermione had really left for good.
Spelling and Grammar: Still the same as it was up there! *points up to earlier paragraph in review*
Pacing and Flow: They were both very good, and somehow managed to stay readable even though a lot of different things felt like they were happening at once.
Overall, I like how the story started out with a mystery and ended with a mystery, I really liked the actual writing in it, I was a little confused by it because of it's format and nothing to clear up what they meant, and I came out of it feeling like maybe H/H wasn't so bad after all if it was something like this, which is really amazing to think.
Good luck in the challenge, and if you have anything else you'd like me to take a look at, hopefully faster now that my queue is shorter, feel free to drop it off at the thread!
-gingerAuthor's Response: Ginger, I could hug the life out of you because you leave such AMAZING reviews and this was definitely reassuring to read.
Okay, so it was really good to hear about the H/Hr because it was really, really hard for me to write this o.O I nearly tore my hair in frustration while writing this.
Yeah, the thing about it is that I wrote this in column style so on one side of the page you had Hermione's part and on the other side I had Harry's. It was much easier to read but I really like the mysterious nature of it so I may add more pronouns though.
Its a hard one-shot for most to swallow but I think that a lot of pairings would "almost" work like this one did. Thanks so much gingersnape!! I am really thankful :)
LMW Report Review
Since I'm reviewing all the submissions to the challenge, here I am!
Congratulations on being first! I didn't expect any submissions to be validated already!
This is a nice piece. I like how you show both sides of the ship and reveal information slowly. That way, it's easier for the reader to understand.
Also, the way you write, for example, the level of language, is perfect for this one-shot because of its content. Nice job!
FleurAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review; I'm glad you liked you it. It was a fun piece to write.
Lindsey Report Review
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