Reading Reviews for Seven Deadlies
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Polkadot Wrath.

24th November 2011:
Wow. Double wow. Triple wow! This was awesome, but oh-so terrifying all at the same time. I definitely wouldn't want be that person walking past the window! You did wrath really well, and I can't wait to see what's next!

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Review #2, by comet855 Wrath.

6th August 2011:
Wow... This is amazing. It's really deep, and you can almost feel the emotions youself. You did an amazing job writing this, and I love how you did it, especially the ending. I actually didn't get it until the last line "I want to suck their souls out through their mouths." I really gave me the chills as well, that such an innocent seeming girl could become so evil. I can't wait to read about the other six!

comet855
Hufflepuff

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Review #3, by Dark_One Wrath.

17th July 2011:
Wow! That was truly an amazing piece! I could feel the wrath of the girl sat on the train and I could feel her transforming into the dementor. I also think you completely hit the nail on the head with what the dementors are and about and how they could have been made. So both thumbs up for characterisation, flow, pace and the general beauty and artfulness (is that even a word) of this piece! Please keep writing it, I can't wait for the rest of the seven deadly sins!

Author's Response: Thanks! That's such great feedback to get and I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it :)

Lily


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Review #4, by notreallyblonde44 Wrath.

6th March 2011:
Hello InspiredL, sorry it has taken me so dreadfully long, but I'm here to review your submission for my challenge ;) Feel free to take my suggestions and edit the piece or not. Either way, I will re-read the submissions and make my final announcement once the challenge ends. Best of luck and thanks so much for participating!!! Also, the premise of this story is BEYOND ENTICING! I've never read anything about the potential creation Dementors and I'm very fascinated with this concept now lol (dementor is misspelled in your summary btw.)

Particular lines:
'watching the head looking smug and proud and just all out infuriating.' -How does a head accomplish smugness? Lol

'Everyone thinks I'm crazy; everyone's right.' -GAH! I laughed, but I'm scared of this little girl lol. She's freaky. Also, the blonde guy, is that just some stranger or does she actually know him? And is she a muggle?

'Formally golden locks are turning black and shriveling up so they hang like tendrils around my face.' -Grotesque image! But in the good way, you've really embraced this Sin and everything altering about sin. Albeit, "Formally golden" sounds a bit too formal to me and doesn't match the narrator's voice at all to me. I suggest writing a simply, "My golden locks..."

'I want to suck their souls out through their mouths.' - hmm, this line isn't as believable and seems forced to me. I think ending it before this line would have been perfect and totally have implied what this line explicitly states...as in I find subtle to be better considering it's obvious she's turning any way, this line really makes me feel undermined as a reader...but that's just my opinion :P

Overall comments:
So, you've totally embraced this challenge and I love your overarching concept, can't wait to see it develop and come into play with the other sins, I can only imagine! Great idea! I think the choppy emotional language set the perfect tone for the chapter and for wrath in general. I definitely didn't picture a little blonde girl turning into a dementor, quite eerie indeed. The ants turning into people to squish was creepylicious and definitely displayed this girls' lack of interaction with the world.

As for CC, I'm curious about her home life and her family. They seem to be nonexistent completely, which is odd in my opinion. Also, I'm curious if she's magical or not and when this all took place. I imagine dementors have been around for a long time, and if this is the start of them (or maybe I misunderstand and this is just how they come into existence in general and not their beginnings), I think the period would be essential or some idea of where she is would have really set me in the story a bit more. Of course, I see how that's not important, but I think it would add a bit of connection between the reader and this nameless girl so that it draws the reader in, thinking maybe they have more in common with the little girl than they thought? Just some suggestions, feel free to ignore them lol.

Thanks for entering in my challenge, I hope you enjoyed writing this piece ;)

Best,
nrb

Author's Response: Hey, it's ok, I've not been on for a while :/

Thanks for the comments on those particular lines (I will try changing them! Think I've missed the deadline but will improve story anyway!)

Ok, I'll try thinking about some of that! I kind of want her to stay pretty anonymous though, as although the story is that she is one of the first dementors, I also want to create the underlying feeling that anyone could change in this way!

I enjoyed it very much, thanks for making such an interesting challenge!

Lily :)


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Review #5, by NessaMahtar Wrath.

26th February 2011:
Woah! That was SO intense and so well written! Great great job! This is a new and intriguing topic and you wrote it so elegantly and beautifully! So so well done.

Author's Response: Heyy, thanks, I'm really glad you like the topic and think it's well written :)
Lily ^_^


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Review #6, by BlackRain Wrath.

13th February 2011:
Oh. My. God. I loved this. I...I...I ...Sometimes I try to write like that. Expressing bad emotions: anger, despair, madness and etc. But I think you just owned me big time. I can't wait for other 6 chapters. I hope you never felt that anger in your life. I know it's hard to write about emotions that you have never felt. I loved the scene with ants. You are amazing!

-Vi. (I love you :D!)

Author's Response: Heyy,
Aww thank you this is such a lovely review, it was quite hard to write so I'm glad you like it!
Thanks sooo much

Lily ^_^ xx


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Review #7, by PrincessPadfoot Wrath.

8th February 2011:
Hi!

Here I am to review!

I seriously LOVE this idea, partly because no one really seems to write about Dementors, but mostly because it's such a GREAT idea!!!

This is prob one of my favortie lines ever!!

Purple and blue.
His face, purple.
His lips, blue.

I like that you show the gradual change from innocent blonde to dark soul sucking dementor!!!

The frying of the ants.O.O seriously I know a lot of kids do it, but the way you describe it shows just how evil her soul is. Really spooky but super cool!!!

10/10 fabulous!!

Ta ta!!
PP

Author's Response: Heyyy,

Thanks so much, the idea just came to me and I couldn't resist it!

Ohh, I'm glad you like :D

I tried hard to show that change so I'm happy it is apparent and effective!

Thankss so much for this review and thank you for being my beta on this chapter!

Lily :D x


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