Hufflepuff review tag!
Oh my god! This was the warm and fuzzy feeling to the max! I think I said awwhh with every other sentence I read. Fluff is just the greatest thing in the world :) I really liked how you portrayed them at a young age not understanding what their parents ment by marriage in the future. The innocence of a child is such a lovely thing to
It was a bit sad to hear that Teddy was with someone else in the end, but I think with the way you (very brilliantly) wrote this peice, it worked for the pair of them. It brought a very real sense to the story, showing that, unfortunatly, sometimes things just always aren't meant to be.
Rambling aside, I really loved this. Brilliant work! Oh, and I love that song, long live. Taylor Swift is fantastic!
(moonyxluna, hufflepuff)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thought I portrayed their child innocence well. I'm always hesitant when it comes to writing children because it's so hard to get their mind and thoughts to seem like something a child would be thinking. I find teenagers/young adults easiest to write, but then again that's simply because I remember more about my teen years and being in my early twenties as a young adult that's the freshest in my mind so that's why I tend to stick with writing characters of those age groups. But yeah, anyway, thanks!
And Taylor Swift is a wonderful musician. I get inspired by the majority of her songs; for instance, I wrote a one-shot (Breathing Underwater) that her song 'Breathe' inspired me to write. Thanks again! Report Review
That was a really sweet and really cute and well thought out one-shot. This made my heart flutter with happiness and made me remember the times I used to play like that in my backyard with my younger sister when we were the tender ages of 7 and 5. This touched me and made me remember the good old days :) Thank you for writing the magnificent peice of writing with a single error all thats to your beta reader.
Snoopy from the Hufflepuff review threadAuthor's Response: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it and I was thrown back to the days when I played with my own younger sister in the backyard because we spent all our afternoons outside until dark. So many memories. And another coincidence, my sister and I are two years apart, as well. Thanks again! Report Review
hey darling, here to review for the exchange.
that was really lovely. it was so sweet and innocent and i loved the narrative voice - it was slightly detached but not so much so that you lost interest, if that makes any sense. you didn't force us to feel anything but you showed us a glimpse of them.
i had this wonderful image of two kids running around a backyard playing, and the first section held such a peaceful feeling. i like it when people write teddy and vic as children - there is none of the pressure to make anything more of it than a friendship, and i loved that, in the end, you broke with custom and left them separate but with her still yearning for what was.
Kate xxAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks, Kate! I'm glad you felt the innocence I tried to invoke in this one-shot and enjoyed it. I really wanted to show these two as children because I can seem them playing together since they're two years apart.
Yes, I don't really find it plausible that these two would end up together in the end. I like Ted/Victoire, but I much prefer reading them broken up than actually making it through and lasting. I see Teddy with an OC, rather than one of the Weasley/Potter girls as so often in fanfic he's paired with. I just don't think he'd fall for one of the girls since for some reason I see him as thinking of all of them as family. And who in their right mind (or even an insane one :P ) would date a family member? No one, that's who. Anyway, thanks so much for the lovely review! :D Report Review
I generally run when I see "Fluff", but the banner got my attention. Very nicely done. Short, but capturing all the important things in just enough detail to remind one of the better years gone by.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad that you liked it despite the fact you don't normally like fluff stories! And that banner is gorgeous, isn't it? I still find myself staring at it when I open up my author's page... I have to tear my eyes away from my computer screen. Bahah, thanks again for the review, I really do appreciate the feedback! (:
-hugs- Leslie Report Review
I really liked this! Teddy/Victoire always gets to me, and I especially love the fluffy one-shots of them. They're just so cute. Anyway, I thought the idea for this was absolutely adorable. I always loved pretending to be a princess or a queen when I was little and who doesn't want a king to go with that?
The imagery was really great, as well. What stick with me most was the instances of "a small branch; which was really a magnificent, gleaming silver sword with jewels encrusted on the handle" and others phrases like that. It really shows the imagination not only of Teddy and Victoire but also of the piece as a whole.
Also, props on not having them be together in the end. I mean, we all love a good get together in the end, but it's nice to see a change from that sometimes. Extra props for having Victoire not be upset about it. It wouldn't have fit at all with the feeling of the story if it had ended with sadness and at first I was like "OH NO IT'S GOING TO BE RUINED!" but then it wasn't. It was a perfect ending.
Great story! Very enjoyable.
Erica.Author's Response: Aw, thanks Erica! I'm glad you enjoyed this short, fluffy one-shot of mine. It kind of morphed on its own when I was listening to Taylor Swift's "Long Live" for the umpteenth time. And I thought the imaginary would be great to describe to remind readers of how children loved to play make-believe, or at least I did. It seems anymore kids now a days are inside watching television and playing video games, so uncreative. But I'm so glad to hear you were the same way and was able to relate to the writing in this piece.
And of course they couldn't end up together, and of course Victoire had to be content and happy regardless. It didn't work out, it's not the end of their friendship, nor does it erase the memories that they shared together as they grew up in each other's company. Gah, I suppose I've rambled off enough. Anyway, thanks so much for the wonderful review! I really do appreciate it! :)
Leslie -hugs- Report Review
Ah, Leslie. :)
Well, this was heart-warming, to say the least. It's adorable and fluffy and I think it has that common aspect of relate-ability. Anyone can look at this and say, "I've been there." Because, in a way, we all have. So looking back over this and reading it was just lovely, because the reader can totally imagine being there themselves.
And your characterizations are just as good as they always are, my dear. I can see two little kids running around and I can ALSO see two fully grown adults. The ability to jump time like that while still seeing the characters is lovely. So, kudos to you for that.
Lovely, as always. :) Your writing is heart-warming and adorable and fluffy and I just want to squish it all day long.
xx RinAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks Rin! I'm glad you liked my characterizations of Victoire and Teddy and found it easy to relate to. That's precisely what I was going for, a fun piece that could have readers thinking back on their childhoods while at the point in their lives where it is time for them to put fantasies/dreams behind them and grow up. This is saying, as does the Taylor Swift's song "Long Live" that even if you have to grow up, it's okay to remember and cherish those times you spent playing make-believe and such as a child. Or at least that's how I interpret the meaning behind that song. :P
Anyway, enough rambling, thanks so much for the lovely review!
xo Leslie Report Review
Hi Leslie! I'm so sorry this took so long for me to get to. When I'm on a writing binge, I don't seem to be able to find the time to sit down and review. However, whilst I'm mulling over the next chapter of what I'm writing, I thought I'd clear out my thread.
I'll just run through some of the usual bits and bobs.
This is what you asked about so we'll start here. Firstly, I think it'll be worth casting your eyes over this again. The tenses are a bit skewy, especially in the second section. It alternates between past and present in places it shouldn't. I also found the transition between the two sections a little difficult to wrap my head around so maybe try and differentiate between the two scenes - up the spacing between them, put one in italics, use a line break, any of those will work to make the distinction stronger. Similarly, some semi-colons in strange places (the very first one used is a prime example) that disrupt the flow of the story quite significantly. They make the reader pause in odd places and it's not especially smooth.
They're so cuteee. I loved playing those games - as I'm sure many people did - with my friends as a child. On the playground at school, we used to make the boys be the horses for our carriages and all sorts. This brought back all those lovely memories.
I think it's really easy to get people to relate to the characters in this. Looking back when you're older on your earlier friendships is always so wonderful, and also a bit bittersweet. I like how Teddy and Victoire's relationship was just a fling and the fact that they've grown apart a little is really sad and made my heart twinge a bit for them.
I like how their families matter little. There's not even a mention of another Weasley. It's just them and it's gorgeously adorable.
Okay, I think that's all I can say really. Because it's so short, I can't add much else. It was really very sweet and fluffy and just a lovely short one-shot. If you sort out those little grammar issues that messed up the flow, I think it'll be just right.
xxAuthor's Response: Rachel! That's quite alright, I understand how it gets when reviewing seems like a never-ending task and all you want to do is write or do other things instead. (:
On to responding to your critique on tenses, I actually meant to switch from past to present as I was trying something a little different, but I can go back over this and smooth it all out as the last thing I want is for this to be a rough read. And I think I was just on a writing high of being inspired by every little thing when I sat down and pumped this one-shot out.
I'm glad you still liked it, though, and appreciate your feedback as always. Thanks, lovely! XD Report Review
Aw, Leslie. This was so bittersweet. I love Teddy/Victoire but for some reason, I feel like this was the only one I ever read that didn't have a fluffy, happy ending. Despite my unhealthy love of fluffy, happy endings, though, I really did like this. You did a fabulous job depicting them as King and Queen when they were younger, and of showing where they ended up years later.
Good job with this, lovely :)
~ AlexAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review, Alex! I'm glad you enjoyed this cute, fluffy one-shot that kind of morphed and exploded into a word document of its own accord in a matter of half an hour. (: hugs. Report Review
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