A very interesting look into Ravenclaw! I love how you describe everything about her and how it no longer carries the brillience that it once held, it is no longer this gem. The ending was wonderful as well. It really tied into what you were talking about, going from how she was kind of over looked and then suddenly there came a boy (Tom Riddle) who was very interested, only for his own selfish reasons. But she couldn't see that and did she really care, I dont think she really does until she finds out what he did to it. And the ending kind of hints to that, that she doesn't care about the future, only the past. The description was beautiful and the flow and pacing were just wonderful. I found myself really enjoying this look into her life and how it must be to be a ghost, not part of the living nor really a part of the dead, they are in this limbo as you say. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I didn't even see that you'd written another Every Word Counts entry until now! It's a bit sad, how quickly I clicked on it once I realized what it was. I'm not sure why I like these stories so much, but they're fascinating, somehow -- I love how stories can be fit into such a small amount of words. I'll never get tired of reading these, I think.
I actually really enjoyed the sort of mysterious air that this one-shot had at the onset -- I had to continue on reading before realizing that it was about the Grey Lady, and I enjoyed the sort of suspense that came before it. And more credit to you, again, because this is such a short story! That's difficult to do in three-thousand-word one-shots, and you managed it in five hundred.
I've never seen the Grey Lady's personality being written quite like this, but I think it fits her. Even before finding out that she was Helena Ravenclaw, she was known to be quiet and tragic and melancholy, and those are all personality traits you've written here. I do wonder why she might have chosen to remain behind as a ghost; JKR's stated in Pottermore information that it's got to do with a choice, with unfinished business. I can't imagine what hers would be, but then, that's a bit off-topic!
Bottom line: I really enjoyed this, and your writing style in this story in particular was very lovely. :) It was enjoyed thoroughly! As all your stories were -- I've said it before, but I liked having an excuse to come by here and read a few stories for you. I hope you have a very happy rest of your holiday season! ♥ Report Review
Your writing here is beautiful, and oddly poetic in a way. I love how you describe everything with a sense of purpose, and your sentences are short in the way where it still gives out enough description to be satisfying. I love the way you portrayed Ravenclaw, and this was such an enjoyable read, and I really wonder why it doesn't have more reviews.
- LinnAuthor's Response: Hi Cavell/Linn! First of all, thanks for reviewing! Never can get enough reviews haha.
Aw, thank you, your review is very sweet and I appreciate it a lot. Glad you got the sense of purpose and powerful characterization in such a short amount of prose!
Thanks again hun!
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I found this really very poetic in its style. Its a very mellowing sort of feeling that comes attached to this when reading it. Your imagery is beautiful and powerful and your descriptions are intricate, but simplistic.
I love the shortness of your sentences because they really emphasise the message of the character's, sort of, monologue.
I adore the start, where the description of your character comes in and where you've set the limitations and intertwined the past knowledge of what came to be this person now.
Its such a beautiful and ethereal piece of writing - and its so short, which makes you savour the words that are there.
This really reminded me of Dickens' Mrs. Havisham - in my mind's eye this was the exact portrait I had and you did it so well, that even when you mentioned Salazar's name it didn't break the spell.
This is, honestly, a beautiful piece of writing.Author's Response: Wow, that's quite a powerful literary reference you made there! I never thought of Mrs. Havisham before, but now that you mention it I can see the bitter sentiment as a similarity. And Mrs. Havisham really did haunt the entire novel and all the characters. Hmm, I like this connection you've made! I'm floored by it really.
I'm glad you enjoyed this piece and found it to be beautiful. It is very short, but I feel like that's all that needed to be said on the matter.
Thank you so much, Cirque!
(I can't be bothered to log in :D)
This is lovely. And I mean really lovely. Your imagery here is just... wonderful. There are several really well-written sentences here, and I can see that you've crafted them really carefully. Most of them are just the right length and just add to the overall lovely-ness of the flow.
This line, especially, is just... wow:
"I would run my fingers to brush them out, only if I could."
I can't say why I like it so much, other than the fact that it's sort of... refreshing? A unique way to say things, I suppose. Anyway, it's lovely.
This whole thing is lovely. Lovely lovely lovely.
xx RinAuthor's Response: Hi Rin! :)
Thanks for reviewing! I love the review swap. Anywho *beams & blushes* thanks SO much! I'm glad you find this to be so lovely, lovely, lovely haha. I was going to make it much longer, but the idea of the 500 word challenge really helped me to prune back unnecessary words. And refreshing?? I am beyond happy you think so! I always think everything's been done before, so thanks for the compliments they have boosted my writing spirits up!
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Hello fellow slytherin! :) hehe, as a fan of the whole Ravenclaw Tom Riddle story i couldnt pass up a story with her as the main character (because i two have wrote one) hehe This was amazing, the word choice you used made it seem eerie as if it were truly a ghost from the founders era reading it to me in my head. The flow was just as gret, at times i had to reread and reform and image because i wasnt sure how well the descriptive words flowed, but then after re reading it i understood.
White poppies, i love the title, but im not sure how it ties into your story? Care to explain?
"We were one in the same. His lineage was intrinsically connected to mine. I taught him more about his history than he could have imagined and he gobbled up my fancies and whims as he did with all that passed my lips." This was my favorite line in your story purely for the fact that it is the exact reason that they were so much alike that got Riddle to get information from her. I am glad i got time to stop by and read some of your work it is great! Congrats.Author's Response: Hi hi fellow snake pit-er :) Thanks so much for reading & reviewing one of my stories, I appreciate it a lot! I did notice that you wrote a Helena one-shot, hopefully I'll check it out soon!
Hmm I'm not sure what you mean by "how well the descriptive words flow" and wish I could understand that better so I could improve something in particular :/ But I'm glad it made sense in the end and that you enjoyed that line. I agree that they were very similar, ambitious characters.
As far as "White Poppies" is concerned. White poppies signify peace and I used them in a rather ironic/comical sense (or, rather, funny to me) because clearly Helena isn't at peace. I thought the contrast was funny :P And originally, I had included a part about Rowena having a garden and Helena remembering it...but later on, I nixed the idea.
Thanks again for the review!
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Wow. That was definitely something special. It's such a short intriguing piece that leaves me wondering... The words you used were very descriptive, very well written, and gave me quite a unique look at, (I hope I'm right), the Grey Lady?
What strikes me is really the writing. Such strong, powerful sentences. I guess that's the point of the 500 word challenge, and you've definitely achieved it, I think. Loved it, a completely different to style to what I read, and also to what is usually written. :)Author's Response: Hi hi! First of all thanks for reviewing my story, maskedmuggle! Your reviews are also so sweet and I love reading them! And secondly, thanks for letting me know that you thought this was perfectly done for the 500 word challenge :D I'm glad the piece really seemed to work for you and that you found everything about the piece to be so striking and excellent! These things make me happy!!
Yes, it was the Grey Lady ;) Go you!
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ooh, your writing here is rather beautiful! I love the descriptions...I had an english professor who told us to "show, not tell", which you did wonderfully. bravo!Author's Response: Aw, thanks albus22 for the unexpected and lovely review! I appreciate that you took the time to review this story and *blushes* thanks for the compliment. I glad you felt that I was able to show and that you found my language to be beautiful (geek outs). This review is such a confidence booster, thanks again!
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