I liked this introductory chapter.
Very, very good. You can picture it in your mind and the emotions in it are powerful, but yet they feel exactly in the right place and not too over the top. They are just perfectly accurate and flow easily, like I think you meant it to be like to us readers xD
You do have a few typos (I'm sorry to point it out; I get so 'bah, I should have seen that before posting! D:' when someone tells something like this to me. Anyhow, I hope you don't mind. And if you do, I'm so sorry :x)
Paragraph 3 "not matter how much he wanted them too". I think you meant 'no matter how much he wanted them to.'
"She looks at her hands, so white and pale and fragile. Now that he looks at her, she is fragile. She may have been strong once, but now she is fragile. Breakable. Too be handled with care." Again, I think you meant 'To be handled with care.' (Yes, I lost my count on the paragraphs, because I'm silly like that xD)
The last one I noticed (and that actually made me laugh, sorry xD):
"Yes. Do you feel that every set of arms that doesn’t work just breaks you father apart?" I think you meant 'farther' and not 'father'. But in my mind, my overly active imagination came up with a scene where they were actually trying to break a petrified Draco xDD (I'm sorry)
Anyways, appart from my randomness and being a real pain by pointing out your typos, I hope you have enjoyed the review.
Again, really nice work on characterization and story overall =)
-S. GreengrassAuthor's Response: wow. there's no way that i can write that well. thanks, though! (god, my ego is swelling so much.)
no, i don't mind you pointing out the typos. thanks for that. i'll have to fix it. i laughed at that third typo, too, if it makes you feel better ;)
anyways, i LOVE your reviews! they're all amazing and are probably going to give me a swell head. oh, well. thanks again! Report Review
Love this ending! I love the away you discribe ScoRose live together. 10/10Author's Response: thanks for the review! i'm happy you liked it, i thought it was a little too cliche, but oh well. thanks for the rating! Report Review
Gorgeous! I love it. And the no quotations really helped the flow. I can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing! i'm really glad you like it. i'll put the last chapter up in the queue right now. Report Review
WOW twas pretty damn amazing O.o
I really actually liked the no quotation mark thing, it kinda made it flow more, if you get what I mean... It was really good, great imagery and really cool kinda flow of consciousness thing (or whatever the actual name is...) :D
So, just wanted to say, please continue with this? Its bloody fantastic!!! :D
(and so are you!!!)
beautiful :)Author's Response: thank you so much! i love all reviews, and yours is one of the best. i will continue it, promise! Report Review
Heey. I like your beginning but why don't you have dialogs with "."? It's easier to read. xDAuthor's Response: i understand wat ur saying, and i imagine it must be a little confusing, but i did it that way to make it as real as possible, the whole im-not-good-enough thing he's got going. thanx for your review! Report Review
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