Reading Reviews for A Snake in the Garden
  
32 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Janvi Halloween Hyjinx

24th June 2011:
Hi!*turns around to hide her shameful face* I know, you must be so mad at me, I mean its ages since I left a review! Sorry!
So here goes: Lol! I loved that rubber ducky part, so cute! lol.Oh, and finally happy at seeing them kind of together!!

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Review #2, by veronica_garvin Have Some Dignity, Man.

18th May 2011:
great chapter!!! canīt wait to the next chapter

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Review #3, by megz Halloween Hyjinx

25th March 2011:
wow great story so far :)
i like how u picked up from where J.K finished.
Putting Al in slytherin was risky but u pulled it off and it works because when i read HP & DH i wasn't even sure if Al would be in Griffindore.
Love the story and can't wait for more :D

Author's Response: thank you for the wonderful review! i'm glad you like the story!

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Review #4, by ilovebeatlesx100 Halloween Hyjinx

19th March 2011:
I love your story! Its a fresh take on a favorite pairing of mine. The writing is fantastic, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means a lot when people take just a second to write a sweet little review like this! I'm so glad you enjoy this story. I really enjoy it too. It's my favorite (Shhh... don't tell the others ;]) Thanks again, hope to hear from you in the future!

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Review #5, by Boris4 Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

19th March 2011:
What happens during those five years is very blurry and I would definitely like to know and I really enjoying her meeting an old family enemy. This one was very well written.

Author's Response: I've gotten a few complaints like that, about the gap of five years... but I've never really seen much of a need to spell out the pranks of twelve year olds. I just think this story is much more... fitted for the age that Rose and Scorpius end up being for the majority of the series. Thanks for the review :)

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Review #6, by Boris4 As You Wish

19th March 2011:
I wasn't sure about albus being a slytherein and Olivia isn't a very original name for an owl but this is continuing to be an interesting story.

Author's Response: I'm sorry that you don't have the same views on it as me, if it makes you feel better I don't think I've written in Olivia anywhere else.

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Review #7, by RomanticJC Halloween Hyjinx

19th March 2011:
This chapter was so funny! Rose plan went exactly as she plan it I mean Scorpius did revel embarrassing things about him self(the teddy bear part was great) and he did went to McGonagall's bedchamber. The revealing that he like her and getting caught naked by McGonagall part were just unexpected bonus...

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this story! This chapter was probably my favorite one to write to date just because it was so genuinely fun to write. My favorite scoop on Scorp-o is the bit about his Ruber Ducky keeping him safe from the monsters in the prefect's tub. :) I hope to hear from you in the future!

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Review #8, by Boris4 Every Story has a Beginning

19th March 2011:
I thought this was quite a humerous chapter and I think you have really portrayed the books well and I don't see any improvement.

Author's Response: Well thank you! I'm glad you like the story. I hope to continue hearing from you :)

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Review #9, by gingersnape As You Wish

12th March 2011:
Hello again dearie, ginger here with Gidileen and Eibian here holding me hostage until I clear my thread! (I feel like a politician the number of times I've said that... *dies*)
Anyway, let's get dis show on de road, shall we? (hands out cookies and buckles up*

So, this was a very lovely chapter and let's go ahead and get the limited CC I have for this done now so we can focus on the good things, which was the majority of this chappie! :)

First, your spelling and grmmar was a bit off, so I would recommend getting a beta if you haven't already done so just to read things over and catch the mistakes you miss. Second, I didn't think the sorting hat spoke aloud, but if you changed the wording so it made whether it was speaking a little more clear, I can see it becoming a great take on how the sorting ceremony takes place. See, this was really a great chapter and now I get to talk about all of the great things because I would hate to have to think about this as a downer, as it really was enjoyable.

Now, I know most people put Al in Slytherin, but I thought it was a great twist on his sorting that he was rather determined to be in Slytherin, which slides in a lot about Al's personality and character without being glaringly obvious.

Then came James' little telling off! Oh my, this was great. It certainly put that extra oomph of humor the chapter thrived with and certainly made me feel a lot better about him once the sorting hat told him off. I didn't think it would do that, but it sure was funny in the chapter.

And the Scorpius revenge,,, so amazing! I'm really glad this is one of the few fics that doesn't make Scorp terribly likable because usually he's disagreeable... but makes characters (writers and readers don't count. We always swoon for The Scorp.) swoon anyways. It set the next chapter up nicely and really gave me some more depth into what would happen. :)

Okie dokie, spelling and grammar wasn't bad, but there were a few places that had some typos and the likes. Pacing and flow, the chapter moved at a nice speed that was easy to read and entertaining enough to keep me on my toes. Overall, it was a good chapter and I'm off to go read the next one!
-ginger

Author's Response: PUMPKIN!
thank you so, so much! i love your reviews, and how long they are :)
I'm so glad you like this story as much as I do. Scorpius to me, in a lot of other stories, seems like such a pushover! I feel like most people don't take into account why it is that Rose and Scorpius butt heads but are perfect for eachother: THEY'RE BOTH STUBBORN TO THE CORE! Rose would love someone slobbering all over themselves trying to get to her! Scorp-o too!
I've gotten a lot of edit requests on the hat scene because it isn't so clear... but I've always pictured the hat as talking aloud.

I have a beta, and I'm going through correcting chapters bit by bit! Thanks for the concern :)

Love you pumkin. Thanks again for the fab reviews :)


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Review #10, by Mintleaf Every Story has a Beginning

6th March 2011:
I've never had a particular interest in next gen stuff but I'll admit I like the look of this! I like your take on the characters and I love that George and Angelina have a little one! Good work, I'll have to keep reading! :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you! I'm so glad you've taken an interest in the story. I like to think of this as a not-quite-like-the-other-next-gens fic. I hope it comes off that way in print!

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Review #11, by veronica_garvin The Plan

3rd March 2011:
hi i love your fic when are you going to post the next chapter? i canīt wait to find out what is going to happend!

Author's Response: oh gosh thank you :) i'm just about to post the next one, as soon as i get a couple of one shots up in my other story, i will get this up! thank you so much for the interest!

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Review #12, by JANZme The Plan

18th February 2011:
Hiya!! Ok first of all.you have really matured as a writer! The comic timings as usual are great and I love the whole plan of yours! The thing about Al having a crush on Alice is great! I do love this thing of Scorpius and Rose having a fight and all! As usual.AWESOME!:D

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much! :) I'll have the next chapter posted sometime next week, I do believe! I love your reviews so much!

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Review #13, by LadyMalfoy23 The Plan

11th February 2011:
EP!! :) i can see something going wrong even with the liquid luck!! ;D Another great chapter hun, cant wait! This has got to be the best next gen i have ever read without a doubt. :) CANNOT WAIT Too see what happens, i do have my ideas though!!
xxxJess

Author's Response: Oh gosh, Jess! Thank you so much!!! I'm incredibly flattered. I doubt it's the best NextGen you've ever read, but thank you so much! I squeed out loud when i read that! The next chapter is my second favorite so far. I have nine written, it's just a matter of plowing them all through the queue! I'd love to hear your suspicions! I guarantee there will be a bit of a twist involved. I had to think about what I would expect as a reader, and then wrote it, but threw in a little more. Thanks again, keep reading! :)

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Review #14, by Akussa Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

10th February 2011:
Hey!

This was a good chapter; not as good as the last one but still highly enjoyable. I like the fact that you jumped a couple years although it felt like a big jump to me; I would have loved to learn more of what happened during those 5 years (and those 468 pranks!!!).

Umbridge ! Just the name angers me so kudos on bringing her back; I loved that scene. It was very well written; I would imagine her giving mean and hard demands to Rose, just to spite her... Good reaction from Rose though; she's much calmer than both her parents!

So that's it for my reviews. I had a good time reading the three first chapters of your story. There are some things you can do to improve it but the idea behind everything, the small details that give your story its own originality is there and quite enjoyable. Please feel free to re-request later on and keep up the good work!

Akussa

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Review #15, by Akussa As You Wish

10th February 2011:
Hello,

I liked this chapter as well I must say. It is so great to see how everybody have their idea on the Sorting of those kids. I particularly liked the letter Rose wrote to her Dad; in this letter I found the same emotion and feeling as you had during the first couple of paragraphs in the first chapter (the ones I liked so much).
The idea that their are so many kids with the Trio's names is hilarious; excellent work!
Other thing I loved : the Sorting Hat putting James back on his place! Brilliantly written!

I found it a bit strange that we heard what the hat was telling the students. I found this part a bit strange; did you mean it like everyone in the crowd heard it too? I re-read that part a couple times and the part where you say : " I listened carefully to what the hat had to say" was confusing in that sense.

Other than that, I think the characterization could still benefit from a bit more emotion and soul but the some characters (Rose and Scorpius mostly) are coming into their own a little more. I like to see that and hope this will be the case with the others too!
Finally, I feel a bit bad for saying this again, but I really think having a Beta look over your story could help improve it greatly. The spelling errors are distracting at times and with such a good story as yours, you wouldn't want to loose readers because of something that can be easily taken care of.

I hope you do not find my reviews too harsh, I simply wish to help you improve this story; it's already quite good as it is but there are little things you could do to make it even better. I really enjoy it so far and can't wait to read the next chapter!

Akussa

Author's Response: Thank you! As far as the beta goes, I've posted in the boards and haven't had any luck yet :( Very saddening. I'll look over the hat's speaking part to see if I can add a word or two to make the scene a bit clearer. I've always pictured everyone being able to hear the hat during the sorting ceremony. Anyway, thank you for the wonderful reviews :) I'll take this all into account for my editing and writing later on. :) Thanks again,

Anna


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Review #16, by Akussa Every Story has a Beginning

10th February 2011:
Hello there! Akussa from the forum!

Well, this was a really good first chapter, very enjoyable. The beginning of the chapter was great, intriguing, fun and definitly got me wanting to know more.
The switch to the retelling of the first meeting was a bit... off. It felt kind of flat next to the first part that was so well written. I like the ideas you have and the action you put in the situation but it's the way you tell it that needs a bit a work I think. Just so it flows better with the rest and keeps in the same tone as the beginning.

When it comes to the characters, well, lets start with the canon ones. Brilliant job there; all of the adults were completly in character and I really enjoyed the little tidbits of information you gave on them.
As for the kids, well they could be great and should be. You seem to have created them in an interesting way and think of them with all their particular personnalities but the way the story is told feels off. It feels like they are kind of emotionless. You describe their physical features but it's a bit robotic at times; you should go over this part and try to give them more soul and try to make their personnalities jump out of the screen because we feel it's there we just don't see it at the moment!!

I have noticed a continuity error (or misunderstanding of my part); first you tell us about Rose and Scorpius "...pointing wands at each other, not that either of us knew how to use them" and just a couple sentences later, Rose uses the "Reparo" spell. Also, how does she know this spell?

One last thing I noticed was the fact that, out of 3 times where you wrote Victoire's name, you actually wrote "Victorie"... I noticed other grammar mistakes and typos but nothing dramatic and certaintly nothing a beta can't help you with.

All in all, this was a good first chapter. Judging from the opening paragraphs, it actually has the potential to become a great first chapter to a great story. I enjoyed reading this and can't wait to read the rest. Keep up the good work!

Akussa

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Review #17, by couldyoureallyknow The Plan

10th February 2011:
i like this!
please continue (:

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll make sure to get it up as soon as possible! I have a few challenges to get posted, but this will be up as soon as I have four chapters in my new story up. Thanks for the interest :)

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Review #18, by irrelevant The Plan

10th February 2011:
Really interesting!! I'm wondering how the prank turned out... hope you'll update soon!

Author's Response: I will update as soon as I get a few one shots up! Thank you for your interest. This prank is one of my more ingenious devices throughout the story so far, so I hope you'll like it :)

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Review #19, by gingersnape Every Story has a Beginning

9th February 2011:
Hello there, gingersnape (and #1 Snolly shipper :P) here with your reviews at long last! :)

So, have I mentioned how much I like your story before? Well, in case I haven't dropped enough hints about how awesome it is, I wanted to start this off with me telling you how much I've enjoyed what I've read so far, and how overall supercool this is! I've mostly got praise, and there is some CC in there, but I'm so glad this ended up in my thread and I had the oppertunity to read it! :)

Alrighty, let's get this party started! *Puts on music and grabs plate of cookies* Want one before we get started? *Sets cookies down for you and starts typing* Okie dokie, so I really liked the little bit at the beginning, as it did a good job of drawing me into the story and establishing a bit about who and what the fic would be about. However, it didn't feel like it flowed into the rest of the chapter and like it was off on it's own in the story. I would recommend maybe putting it in italics or just noting in some way that they were two different time periods and that it was separate so it won't come off as a bit odd, because I really liked having it there with the rest of the story.

YAY! Adults in a Next Gen fic! I have to say, there aren't enough Next Gens with the adults playing anything bigger than a "Goodbye, I love you" and that's it role. Hermione with her book published put a smile on my face, and George's watches were also great! You did a really wonderful job of showing who the characters were by who their parents were and it was a really great thing to have.

One thing I wasn't sure about (but now I think it works just fine, it just seemed odd at first) was how Rose was able to do the repairo charm on the wand well enough that Scorpius' wand was fixed at all. I can see that having Hermione as your mum can make you learn things quickly, but what I was unsure about was how she was able to have so much control over a wand to even get it to do that when she mentioned earlier that neither she nor Scorpius really knew how to use a wand. I know, extremely nitpicked, but it's the best I've got for you in the way of CC, so there it is!

Anyway, I liked how you had Roxy and Rose as best friends, because all too often is Roxy a side character, and you've got her characterization down pat from how the daughter of George and Angelina would act. Actually, your characterizations in general were great, from Harry slipping Rose money to Ron still collecting Chocolate Frog card, it was all spot on and that was definitely impressive to see.

Spelling and grammar wise, there were some problems that I noticed, and I think the best way to help with that is to get a beta reader to look over it and catch anything you wouldn't normally see. The next best way to get rid of those pesky errors would just be to print your story out if you can and either put yourself in a closet and read out every single syllable in a monotonous voice so you  hear every mistake (It takes forever, but works amazingly well.) or you can read your work backwards so you can't exactly follow the story line and miss any mistakes you've read a lot of times.

Pacing and Flow: Except for the section at the very beginning where it felt disconnected from the rest of the chapter, I would say your flow and pacing is pretty good! :)

Overall, I really liked this and as soon as I get does with this, feel free to head back over to the review thread and let me know if there's anything new you have posted and want reviewed. :)

Have a great day,
-ginger

Author's Response: I love you, I love you, I love you. Thank you for the cookie, it was delicious. I'm so incredibly glad you liked my story! Thank you for the compliments on characterization, as sometimes I fear that this is my weakest area. I'll take a look back at the chapter and see if anything could be done to better introduce the beginning portion to the rest of the writing. Thank you so, so much! I'm incredibly flattered :D

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Review #20, by Janvi Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

9th February 2011:
Hiii!!! As always- AMAZING! A really good approach and I love that rhyming sequence of blood is thicker than water thing! And of course, you've added another mystery about James. What's coming? Is he a parslemouth? I'm so excited about the next part!

Author's Response: HELLO! :D
oh thank you so much! it will come into play much much later... but not any time in the immediate future :) thank you for reading again!


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Review #21, by LovelyMioneWeasley Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

7th February 2011:
All righty--last chapter. And it was definitely interesting to read.

As far as pacing and such goes, it was quite a jump from the first year to the fifth year. I liked that you included the O.W.L.S. was good but it was just a big jump for me personally.

Rose and Scorpius were definitely enjoyable and I really liked their fighting. Albus and James broke my heart a little bit...its so sad to see the fighting siblings.

My reccomendation outside of betas and such would be to see how you wanted to keep the flow going between dialgoue and thoughts/descriptions. At some point, the dialogue seems natural but it seems forced at other parts. You do not have to have a perfect balance between the two but just think about what seems more approriate to communicate the thought in your head.

Hope these reviews helped!

LMW

Author's Response: they all helped loads! i hope you don't mind that i reply to them all in this one. i'm dead tired lol. yeah, i have to go back and correct grammar stuff. i've been looking over my chapters as much as i can stand. i have a topic posted looking for a beta but i can't find one :/ i do have one for my next story however, which is a plus.

as for the gap, i know it's rather large... but i felt that the tricks third years would be playing on each other would be nothing new, and i wanted to establish that this feud was now on and off again thing. it's the real deal. i'm sorry if the jump was off-putting.
i struggle with dialogue a lot. as lame of an excuse as it is, i'm an only child, so most conversations take place in my head, if that makes sense without making me sound loony. anyway, it's hard for me to come up with dynamic dialogue sometimes.

thank you for the reviews :) it's refreshing to hear such good criticisms!


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Review #22, by LovelyMioneWeasley As You Wish

7th February 2011:
Another chapter! And it was a good one to read about--the Sorting Hat is always a good part to include.

I liked the way you included flashes of some of the other members of the Weasley-Potter clan. Victorie and Molly were mentioned and described without having to say anything. It was a good way to build up your story even more.

I reccomend the beta again because there are some grammatical issues here that take away from the originality of the plot and the way you build up your own intreptation of the next generation.

The flow of your story goes pretty well because you are keeping the it in easy order for your reader to follow. Good job on that front ^_^

My only concern would be the Sorting Hat...I don't think that the Hat can actually be heard as it is sorting the students. It does have the ability to talk (in the instance of putting James in his place), but when it sorts, the thoughts always seemed to be in the head to me. I may be wrong about that but goggling the HP Lexicon and checking the facts there may be worth your time.

LMW

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Review #23, by LovelyMioneWeasley Every Story has a Beginning

7th February 2011:
Hi there--LMW from the forums with your requested review.

I wanted to start off by commenting on the beauty of the banner you have! It is so colorful and fun! I bet its a good refelction of the story you have composed wholly.

Onto the actual chapter, I liked the length because it was just long enough to be interesting but not too long to seem like it dragged on. And I think keeping it close to 2000-3000 words will continue to make it easy to develop a plot and characters.

I was intrigued by the beginning, but the transition to the story seemed a bit...off. I would reccomend rereading that part; let the story tell itself, do not feel the need to force the story into a certain direction. Guiding the story will make it more enjoyable for the reader and for you as a writer.

As far as characters go, I think that Harry, Hermione, and Ron were definitely in character; they were fun to read as adults and definitely a fun bunch to be included. Next-gen stories often tend to not include the Trio in real detail so I was glad to see it.

Rose was definitely believable as well as Scorpius, Al, James, and Roxanne. They came off as a little flat but mostly its a first chapter so a foundation is only being built but I wonder about how its going to continue to go.

Now for my reccomendations--I would reccomend having a beta read over your chapters. There were some major typos and grammar issues I would reccomend looking at. I would also reccomend looking at sentence structure and usage of commas and such. On to the next chapter.

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Review #24, by TenthWeasley Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

7th February 2011:
Nawww, Jess beat me here ^^ Another great chapter, as always, and now I'm really getting drawn into this Rose/Scorpius thing! Hehe, ever since writing about them I've become more and more intrigued by a good ScoRose. =)

Writing-wise, your style is very unique and flows well, so kudos to you on that! Loved it as always, Anna dear, and hope to see much more from you in the future!

Author's Response: My heart glows in admiration for this comment :) Thank you so, so, so much! :DDD

I really do appreciate you reading, and liking it. The next chapter is in the (remarkably short) queue as we speak!


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Review #25, by LadyMalfoy23 Hogwarts: A Battlefield Again

7th February 2011:
Oh, another great chapter! :) Your writing is remarkable. The flow is amazing i love it so very very much! :) I love how you have portrayed Al though, he is someone so much like the rest, yet so very different from them, And of course you have the Rose/scor down PERFECT! :) Great update i look forward to the next.

Author's Response: Darling, I love you. Thank you so much for the fabulous reviews! I'm so glad you like it! I'll be updating soon, but just not next week. I have challenge one shots I have to publish :)
Thanks again, love!
-Anna


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