You need to stop making these into one-shots. That is a frustrating cliff-hanger. Remus would probably feel so guilty. 9/10 : )Author's Response: Hehehe, that's the beauty of one shots, they implore you to continue the story in your head. :) Thank you again. --Jenna Report Review
Why do you pull me in with your amazing writing and slash and squealing and my favorite pairing, and your splendid descriptions and then not continue?! Wow, this was a great chapter.Author's Response: No?
Remus/Sirius is my favourite pairing too. ♥
Thank you so much for taking time to review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
And that's the beauty of one shots, you get to use your own imagination to know what happens next. :D --Jenna Report Review
This is a brilliant oneshot, well done!
It was really refreshing to read something which didn't portray Remus as a complete pushover; you made him angry and frustrated as well :)
Aside from the brilliant characterization, I really enjoyed the use of repetition; the use of the 'invisible man.' Your grammar and spelling is beautiful, the only thing I would watch, however, is that you don't 'overthink' Sirius.
What I mean by that is, occasionally I got the feeling that every single thing that Sirius did was described. Sometimes its nice to have a little mystery surrounding the character's thoughts. However this is merely personal preference (and what I think works well for syntax).
Snapecharmer.Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Yeah, I have a habit of that. o.o I call it ODD - Obsessive Descripive Disorder. :P I am trying to work on it though, I don't know why it's so hard to not write something. Lol.
Anyways, thank you for such a wonderful review!! :) --Jenna Report Review
So I'm not really one for slash fics (especially involving Sirius as I like to think of him as Mr. Lady's Man) but this was good and really well written. I liked the whole scene with the bar and the annoying lady. This one-shot is extrememly engaging and I devoured it. Which is good since I'm picky. I also enjoy the ending with the Dark Mark.
I'm now off to go see if you have any other works. If you don't, please write more! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad that you gave it a shot despite your preferrences. :) And thank you for taking the time to leave such a nice review. --Jenna Report Review
This story is amazingly executed, every bit of it. I particularly love the way Sirius admits the truth (his feelings) to Remus--unlike other stories, he is clearly ashamed and worried about Remus' reaction. The conversation (if it can be called that) in the bedroom is also strangely endearing. I really like the way you show his despair and 'invisibility'. The ending, though sad, also ends with all of them together and makes me wish you'd write a sequel. Still, it seems perfect on its own. I love your characterizations (:Author's Response: Wow thank you. :)
I wouldn't say Sirius is ashamed of how he feels for Remus. He's just ashamed of his own behaviour up to this point in not expressing it. And of course, he's worried how Remus will react.
I've gotten the sequel thing a lot. Lol. Sad part is, it would never meet what readers would want, quality wise. Sequels never do. :(
Thank you so much for your review! --Jenna Report Review
Wow dude, damn just kill the girl at the end jeez, but I guess that the title sums up that life's not fair. This story was HOT, okay. Really well written too. Loved it lots!Author's Response: Technically JK killed her. Lol.
Canon death. :/
Thank you so much! Glad that you liked it. :) Thank you for reviewing. --Jenna Report Review
That was really good! And the Dark Mark thing there at the end was a total shocker. :) Great work!Author's Response: Thank you. ^^ --Jenna Report Review
Heyyy, InspiredL here with your review as promised!
Firstly, I would just like to say thank you so much for being the first to post a story for my challenge (the other's have a lot to live up to now I'll tell you that!)
I've never read a slash pairing before but I loved this story and was completely taken by surprise! I thought he liked Dorcas and there was literally one line when him and Remus were talking in the apartment and was like 'ARGG, OMG, IT'S REMUS HE LIKES!!???' I was really taken in and I love the way you made the reader think he fancied Dorcas.
The dialogue between him and the older woman in the bar was superb, everything they said seemed completely natural- the way that she wouldn't stop talking to him and he wanted her to go away but was a bit drunk so told her a bit more then he should have. I really believed the conversation and was completely drawn into it!
As far as spelling and grammar are concerned I didn't notice any mistakes. There was one sentance that I think had a bit of a typo in but that was all (The woman said 'this story just keep getting better' and I'm pretty sure you mean 'keeps getting better'). It didn't disturb the flow too much, just thought I'd let you know so you can change it if you like.
The flow was wonderful, I didn't have to like force myself to keep reading because I got bored or anything. I was completely pulled into the story!
I loved the characterisation of all the characters (my favourite was the old lady because she was just so much like someone you would find hanging around in a bar). Sirius and Remus were also very well done and I have no complaints about them at all.
You completed the challenge wonderfully and the first line really fitted into the story (it didn't seem forced at all). I also loved how you kept bringing up the 'invisible man' thing in other bits of dialogue so it wasn't just a phrase used once that didn't really have much importance.
Overall, I'm afraid I can't think of any CC because it was a perfectly executed one-shot. I thought the ending was good and I am intrigued to know what you think would happen next with Remus/Sirius but I guess I'll never know! :'(
Thanks for taking part in my challenge and writing such a wonderful story!
PS- Wow, this is an insanely long review :S Sorry!Author's Response: No need for sorry. :) Thank you for putting so much time and thought into a review! I really appreciate it.
I'm glad that I fooled ya. :) I was hoping that it would read that way, so I'm really happy that it came across right! As a non-slash reader, I'm so glad that you allowed it in the challenge. I know when I saw that line, I automatically popped up with this plot line. It was exciting, so thank you so much for coming up with such a clever and fun challenge!
Thank you for pointing that out! *goes to add the s*
Lol. The older lady was so much fun to write. Thank you so much for all the kind words. *blushes* Ah, Remus and Sirius end up together, of course. Couldn't have it any other way. I'm a very devoted Remus/Sirius shipper. :D
Thank you so much again!! --Jenna Report Review
LadyMalfoy23 here with the review you requested! And just to start it out i want to say thank you for requesting this one! :) I have been hoping to find some great slash one shots, but they are impossible to find. Now on to the initial review.
I loved the plot line, at first when you talked about them being at a muggle bar i was curious to see where this goes, but i was really glad that you explained earlier about them venturing into the muggle world for a slight escape from the war.
Sirius, is very well writen here, i find that he is diffucult for me to write but then i find stories like this and they make it seem easy. I can see him drinking like that when he was just out of hogwarts and i can see him being VERY impatient because that is how he is in Ootp. But what really got me into noticing you nailed the characterization was his anger, his sorrow, and his view on living life on impulse. Very nicely done.
Remus, I was almost possative that is who you were talking about at the beginning but wasnt totally 100%sure untill when he came over to him. Remus' character to was very well written. You were spot on when it came to his sweet side (with Dorcus), his over analizing life and not living on impulse, his slight anger outburst and i loved when he finally kissed Sirius, that was very well executed. All in all I really enjoyed this story. :)Author's Response: Thank you for coming by. I know what you mean, there isn't much slash amidst all the ScoRose and Dramiones here. Lol.
I'm with you, Sirius is a hard character to shape. I'm so glad that you found him to be on the mark. :D Remus too, thank you so much.
This review certainly made my day, thank you again. :) --Jenna Report Review
Hello Jenna822! This is notreallyblonde44, a fellow Slytherin, I saw that you wrote on the forums you wrote you had this new fic and I love Sirius/Remus so I had to read it.
I didn't realize he said I'm an Invisible Man aloud because of the italics.
'she leaned over Remus and gave him a quick kiss'-confused me, eeps I thought she kissed Sirius at first. When I finally got it (slow), I laughed. A kiss can be very telling, clearly she doesn't like Remus drinking :P
'It was a short distance to the apartment and soon, they were upstairs in the warmth of their home.' -Only the 3 of them went to the bar? Do they share a place? Poor Sirius, why did he do that to himself? Haha
"I...I thought she'd turn you down," Sirius admitted.' -OMG he didn't just say that! (dies of angst)
No it's over. I knew that was how it was going to end but OhMyGoodness this was brilliant! I've always shipped Sirius/Remus and you have nailed it. Everything was great: the writing, the tension, the suspense, the build-up, and the ending. It all seemed natural and real and I loved it! I assure you I don't gush so easily, but this was awesome! Thank you for sharing this with us at HPFF.
To be more detailed (haha): The old smoking lady was hysterical. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but I was cracking up at everything she said and Sirius' reactions to her. I think you have a great ability to tell a story (using showing more than telling too). Your Dorcas seemed carefully crafted and believable. And your Remus and Sirius were superb! I love how the war was not forgotten and only added to the Drama of romance/lust/slash lovings. I had some questions (above) and the title is insanely long in my honest opinion, but c'est la vie!
nrbAuthor's Response: Hey, thank you for coming and reviewing! :D
Yeah, the italics were required by the challenge. I had to use them. Afterwards they will be removed. :)
Nope, she isn't a fan of the drinking.
Yes, only the 3 went. Sirius said that in the start. They take him on their dates so that he can meet someone too. :)
And yeah, Remus lives with Sirius. He had trouble finding work, that's something JK established in canon. I figure he couldn't afford his own place so he shared a place with Sirius. Seperate rooms though.
He was just being honest. Sirius isn't the type to sugar-coat things. At least in my head he isn't.
Aww thank you! Remus/Sirius is my top shipping so I'm glad that I got it right. I didn't purposely make her funny. You can't really force that stuff, but I did find it a bit amusing myself. I wanted a way to cut through a bit of the tension and angst.
Glad that you liked Dorcas. I've really been working on her character lately. She's growing to be one of my favorite females. :)
I hope I answered the questions. ^^'
Yup, I like crazy long titles. Sometimes I go for long ones, sometimes I make them as short as "I Do". Some are mid-length. I like variety. This story felt like a long-title wanter. Lol.
Thank you so much!! --Jenna Report Review
Jenna, this was an awesome read! You know, I am not a big slash fan but the way you described Sirius and Remus' lingering emotions may convert me to a Sirius/Remus fan.
Your writing was also awesome, in fact it's so good that it makes me want to crawl into a hole and click on the delete button of my Sirius fic for the same challenge. Eeek! Fantastic work! And the last scene when they realise about what happened to Dorcas? Heart-wrenching.
P.S. The steamy scene b/n Remus and Sirius... the temperature in the room went up a few degrees or was it just me? >_>Author's Response: *hands you a Remus/Sirius shipper button*
We'd be very happy to have you aboard. :D
Thank you so much for this. ^^
Don't delete! Your stuff is awesome. I gotta see what quote you got now...I'm nosy. Lol.
Yes, I'd say it went way up. ^^'
Thank you again! --Jenna Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection