Hello, it is your Secret Santa here, spreading some Christmas cheer around your stories! And I really did like this one shot! It is nicely written and the characters were so realistic! It was funny and witty and I loved the way you described Justin, Ernie, Hannah and Mandy. It was nice how you wrote about Justin's thoughts, I thought this worked really well with the text and dialogue. If I had to give you one criticism it would be...it would be...I CANNOT THINK OF ONE! I love this so much, well done!
Your Secret Santa xxAuthor's Response: Hi :D
Thanks ^^ I'm glad you think they're realistic! Thank you so much for this lovely review ^^
~ Chloe xx Report Review
HELLO! Sorry for the really late review... I'm only just getting round to my challenge entries now.. oops. Incase you've forgotten it's me WolfieAli from the forums. :)
Anyway, I felt so sorry for Justin! Ernie's horrible, I loved the bit when he was going on about how she was laughing at something he'd said, and how Justine believed Ernie wasn't ever funny. That bit was hilarious.
With the last line as well, you really feel for him. He's definitely lost any chance of being with Mandy now, and he knows it. I also love how the elderly warlocks laughed at both him and Ernie as they were thrown out of the pub.
This definitely brightened up my afternoon. Thanks for submitting it for my challenge and I apologise again for not getting round to it sooner.. and the really short review.Author's Response: Don't worry ^^ Of course I wouldn't have forgotten! You're one of my favourite people on the site :)
Aha thank you! With all of my writing, I try my best to be funny :')
Aww yeah, although as they're in fourth year (something like that) they're quite young, so hopefully he'll get over it eventually!
Teehee, I always expected the elder people there to be amused at the ones from Hogwarts XD
Aww I'm glad! That's really ok, don't worry. And short review? This was fantastic! I get much shorter! :D xxx Report Review
haha, good story I quite liked it, poor guy though...
my favourite sentence:
"I looked up and saw Madam Rosmerta, the owner of the Three Broomsticks, glowering at me furiously, her face as red as a London Telephone Box."
just pure genious!
I actually think that Mandy is the one being a bit immature stomping off like that! she has a dream guy that could make her happy and she's upset about a date with Ernie?
Justin's better off without her ;P
Really liked the story, made me laugh :)
*huggles*Author's Response: Thanks :)
Awwh yeah I liked that sentence too! It took me a while to think of it though :P
yeah, well they are only 13/14... and maybe she actually fancied Ernie! She'd never really talked to Justin before so she didn't know he was a dream guy :) But I totally agree, Justin could do better!
Thanks again! *hugs*
~NGHL X Report Review
I really liked this oneshot! I think you gave Justin and Co really good character building! And also I think your Ernie was pretty lifelike! I think you can add more description of the surroundings, of any time passing, perhaps more attention to detail.
Great story though! Good job! xxAuthor's Response: Hi!
Why thank you! It's really good to hear that you like the characters, specially Ernie. I was worried that I had made him too like the books' Ernie :)
Thanks for the CC too, I'll be sure to look over the story again :)
~NGHL X Report Review
Hehe, hello dearie! I'm here with your review from zee swap!
First of all, congratulations on getting second ini your challenge! It was definitely deserved (though I've only read your story for the challenge, but your story was great!) because you did a great job of stepping out of what you normally write and rising to the challenge.
So, let's get reviewing, shall we? I have to say, really did feel bad for poor poor Justin at the beginning, but then the little meanie inside of me started to want to laugh at him and I still felt like I could relate to him and I was torn between thinking he was a little attached, but then also because you did a great job of making Ernie seem like a total villain.
As for Mandy, the way Justin idoliozed her in a way that she was perfect in every way was a wonderful way to add to both of their characters. At first, she came off as a bit Mary Sueish in her description (there's a but coming; don't worry!) but then having read further into it, it changed to Mandy just seeing what he wanted to see in Mandy. I really love it when authors put that quality in their stories, even if it can be difficult to paint that picture for readers.
Anyway, great job and congratulations again! Hehe, my thread is undergoing a MASSIVE spring cleaning (I did like 14 reviews last night in like... 4 hours or something) so feel free to swing by later today for the new short story you were talking about because I'm excited to read it! :)
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hello :D I've done your review from zee swap aswell :D
Thank you! I was SO happy :D I'm really glad you think it was stepping out of what I usually write. I really didn't want it to be similar, and so I'm glad you saw that!
Hehe yes he was a little attached I think :) He just "fell in love" with her as soon as he saw her, and wouldn't let her go, which I found pretty funny :) And yes, from Justin's POV he was a total villain so I'm glad that came across!
Oh yeah, I totally wanted to make her a Mary Sue in Justin's eyes but then make it clear in the end that she wasn't. Aww thanks :D
Yay! Thanks! Woah, 14 of YOUR reviews in four hours? That's awesome! I'll definitely stop by later tonight and put The First, from Spring to Summer in your queue!
Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
hehe, I'm here with my lurking, and after this I'm off to r&r some more of Chloe's story :)
I loved this one-shot, and I don't know why, but this line cracked me up - I could hear a couple of elderly warlocks laughing hysterically at us as she went back inside.
Anyways, I'll see you around!Author's Response: Hehe Yay for you're lurking :D Aww thanks :) I got over 5000 thanks to you! 5012 and going strong ;)
Thanks! Haha I quite liked that line too, and could totally imagine that happening in The Three Broomsticks :)
See you! x Report Review
Oh, the woes of young love! This was really cute and funny. I love stories about minor characters so this was great for me! I love the way you characterized everyone, especially Justin and Ernie. Ernie was just how I always imagined him to be and though I've never really thought too much about Justin, he seemed spot on to me! I thought it was really nice the way you wrote it. And I was actually very happy with the ending. I mean, they're so young, it's nice to see that you've written this for what it is. That sounds odd but what I mean is that they're young and this is a crush not true love, despite what Justin may think. I think that was a great touch!
Good work(:Author's Response: Hehe thanks :)
Yeah, I'd never written a minors fic before, so I'm glad you like the characterisation :D
And Yay! Someone's got that they're like fourteen, and don't understand what love is!
Thanks, this review made me smile :) xxx
BAHAHA! I laughed so hard in this.
Go, Hufflepuffs, we make the best characters in stories.
Hehe, really great!
ErinColleenAuthor's Response: Hehe thanks :)
Ah yeah, the minors are real fun to write :D
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x Report Review
HAHAHAHAHHA! that was great! :) thanks for writing it.Author's Response: You're welcome :D And thanks for reviewing!! xx Report Review
haa. this was really funny. I was giggling awkwardly the whole time I was reading it 'cause it reminded me of something me and my friends would probably do. you know, first-class stalkers :P that's the way to be. ...yeah. so anyways, uhh, I really liked this, obviously. :)Author's Response: Thank you :D Oh, don't worry, I've totally done this too :D Thanks for reviewing :) xx Report Review
first off i want to thank you so much for entering my challenge! :) And also congratulate you on being the first to finish!! :)
When it comes to reviewing stories the main things i look at are characterization, plot development, rythem and paceing and then grammer and spelling (which i suck at) lol
I notice that you kept ernie and his arragance very will in tact from the books, that is the one thing i always picked up about him. Also as these are minor other canon i cant really pin you down much for being off but on justin you did great, i always saw him as being very determined and at the same time shy when it comes to trying to make a good impression, which you handled brilliantly. :) The only thing that might have been slightly off was that they ARE in huffelpuff, and loyality is what they are made of, i understand that thats the point of you story and yes ernie is kinda known as the exception so it works out fantastc. I really would have loved to have heard more about justins personality through his thoughts maybe and his body language through the pub scenes.
Your plot development was amazing. I never in a million years would have come up with this idea so again congrats!! :D My first one shot was a lot like this, so much dialog and not so much details. It has a lot of details but it seems like the dialog over takes it slightly. Ways to go through and fix that are maybe going into more depth on how nervous he might have been around Mandy, how awkward it was at the pub, and maybe a little more pain as to lossing her because at the begining he swears she is "the one" and at the end he kinda brushes it off like oh well on to the next girl. Just a thought, overall your plot was great!! :)
Again as far as pacing goes it just seemed very short and like you wanted to just get it over with. like you rushed from one thought right into the next. A way to get over that is to just go through and touch it up on details. A way to do that is maybe by addin in his spying being slightly more descrete, like have him look away a few times and add his emotions into that! Just a thought!! :)
Over all i really did enjoy your story. You got the point across that he was jealous and angry and that he really DIDNT trust Ernie anymore. I loved the ending i was literally laughing at the computer screen! It was not an average lovey dovey he always gets the girl ship ending which i loved!! Great read!! Author's Response: Hi :)
Thank you :D
Thanks, and yeah, I get what you mean about seeing more of Justin's personality. Maybe I'll edit that at a later date.
Thanks so much!! Ok, I'll definitely fix that up too. At the end though, I kind of meant it to be like that; like a fourteen year old swearing they are in love for the first time, but then when it doesn't work out, just brushing it off and looking for the next girl, showing they weren't really in love at all. Sorry that didn't show through!!
Thanks, sorry I know it was short, I just didn't want it to go on too long, but instead I did the opposite :L :)
Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it :D xx Report Review
Haha! That was nice and short, but really funny. It's a lovely breath of fresh air...I can definitely see how this would be out of your comfort range, but it was really good. It's kind of funny to see the whole Hufflepuff crowd acting so...un-Hufflepuff-ish. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks :) That's really good to hear :D Thanks so much for reviewing :) xx Report Review
Hi! It's me! I was checking to see if you had written anything besides Chloe Bonaccord, because I am your biggest fan :) and I LOVED this. You're such a good writer, your stories always make me laugh, or make me shout, "Oh no, oh my God NO!" because I feel so bad for the characters. This is a really creative idea, I've never seen hide or hair of Justin Finch-Fletchley on the site and I love the way you characterize him. Your Hannah is amazing. I would love to read more about them, I hope you make this into a longer story. Oh my, I'm just dying inside because this is so amazing and there isn't more of it! Please, please, please keep writing! A million out of ten.Author's Response: Hey!! Yay! I have a fan!! Thanks :) This story's for a challenge in the forums, and my given character was Justin Finch Fletchley, so I didn't think of using him, but I thought of everything else :) I know this is a one shot, but I might do another couple of one shots surrounding these characters because of the response it's got... And there's a Teddy one shot coming up so make sure you read that! Thank you SO much! You're the best!! ~NGHL X Report Review
It's an O for Outstanding! You'll never pass your OWLS and NEWTS, if you don't remember your grading levels! O for outstanding, E for exceeds expectations, A for acceptable, P for poor, D for dreadful and T for troll.Author's Response: OOHH Oh, ok :) Sorry, I didn't recognise that :) Yeah, I know them, I just don't use them on this site :) But it's good to have finally got a HP grade :) And the best one too! Thank you!! x x x x x Report Review
I like it. Great sense of humor and very believable for a couple of boys first getting interested in girls. BOYS! ~sighs and rolls eyes~ They think if they ask you out they own you. But back to the review. The spacing is a little distracting, but not overly so. The story arc is good, characterizations spot on and the plot line is realistic. I give it an O.Author's Response: Thanks so much!! Haha, about the owning thing, that's really what I was hoping would come through in the story, so I'm glad you saw that. I've edited the spacing, and thanks!! Is that O a zero or a ten, or something completely different? Ah, i don't actually mind, I'm just grateful you reviewed ^___^ xx Report Review
This seems like it'll be a cute story! I love Rowling's minor characters; Dean's my absolute favorite. :D I was quite surprised with how you decided to defriend Justin, Hannah, and Ernie, considering how close the Hufflepuffs are in the series, but hey, it's your story. I can't wait to see how it plays out. :)Author's Response: Haha thanks for the review :) I'm afraid it's only a one shot, so this is the only chapter, but I'm glad you liked it!! :) ~NeverGotHerLetter xx Report Review
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