Hey Ciara. I'm just randomly popping here with a review :)
When I first read the summary to this one shot never did I imagine it could turn out to be something like this. So deep. So emotional. So subtle. I can't even begin to genuinely express my awe at how marvelous this story was to me.
Peter is a really underdeveloped character. In many Marauder stories he is forgotten, just a background character with no lines and sometimes even completely cut out from the story. He's nowhere to be found. That's why I rejoice every time I find a story about him. More so when it's a beautifully written one, like yours. His emotions are so raw, so deep, I was truly shaken. Enveloped in your amazing use of words, his personality came to life more than in any other story I've read about him. He seemed so real...so human. His descent into darkness was masterfully handled. I especially appreciated your idea that he never really intended to betray them (contrary to popular belief) and that he regretted it. But you captured his cowardly essence so perfectly that the passage didn't seem forced at all. The last scene, with him lying in bed and crying over what he did, how his last hope of redeeming himself dissipates is just heart wrenching. I never imagined him as a cold, treacherous human being, who planned his betrayal in detail. I've always imagined that mostly he got swept off his feet. That he just...went with the current.
I admit that I haven't really read another story written with this style (second person) before but there is something there, very special, that I feel makes this style perfect for Peter's story. It gave me the feeling that the speaking voice was his unconscious. I kind of like imagined him sitting in front of a mirror with his reflection talking back to him, spilling his innermost thoughts and feelings.
I really can't praise you enough for this story! Loved it to bits. This is canon material for me regarding Peter Report Review
huh. thats a way to look at it. a little sad and crazy. Report Review
firstly, thank you for entering my challenge and for writing this wonderful piece! you really captured the spirit of what i was looking for!
second person is love. i adore it when it is done right and boy, did you do it right. there is a wonderful detachment to the narrative but it draws you in at the same time, like good second person should. makes you stand back and view it from afar and be completely immersed in it at the same time.
the characterisation in this was wonderful. i really did feel for him, and beyond that, i could understand him. i could understand why he did what he did and why he is like he is and oh! the last line. goodness. it gave me chills. such a powerful, prophetic statement.
i love the metaphor of the fool, because honestly, that is how i see him. he never really fit in anywhere did he, which makes me sad :( it would be terrible to not be accepted by your peers but even more terrible to not accept yourself.
and can i just say that your prose is delightful. delicious even. you wield words with skill and dexterity and i could not look away while reading this. i needed to get to the end, even though we know how peter's story ends. excellent use of language and again, the second person narrative works so well with the tone and overall feel of this piece.
fantastic work. i love it and again, thank you for taking part in the challenge!! and look for reviews on The Garden very soon!!
Kate xx Report Review
Hello there. From a series of inspection and a sudden rash decision to join the Sympathy for the Devil challenge, I decided to come check out who else wrote for the challenge. Yours was the first entry and you had Peter and I was just too intrigued to not come see it.
And you was the most grateful of all. -- In the first paragraph, the very ending. I assume you mean "you were?"
There was no misfortune or discomfort that could touch a member of such an elite club, nothing that could mar the days you spent at the side of his brothers in mischief.-- Did you perhaps mean your brothers in mischief? Because this sentence confused me slightly.
Those were the only typos I seemed to find ^^. You did an excellent job with this otherwise; I think, besides those spots, it is a flawless piece.
I loved your characterisation of Peter; I think it was a fantastic and great manipulation of what we consider a spineless character. You did not deny his spinelessness but certinaly embraced it. My question is where does his sense of Gryffindor lie? I know that he was placecd in that with purpose but I did not a great sense of Gryffindor in this fic.
I loved the fact that you did not pin the entire thing on James, Sirius, and Remus. The description of their unintentional cruelty, I think, was the most brilliant way I've ever seen the entire friendship portrayed. It was a very brilliant perspective.
You are a very talented writer and it was a pleasure to read ^_^
10/10 LindseyAuthor's Response: Both of those very embarrassing mistakes were definitely born when I changed POV's midway through the second paragraph and then had to go back and rewrite the first -headdesk- Thanks for pointing them out!
The way I like to think of house characteristics is as a representation of a person at their very best. Peter absolutely has the potential to be very brave and daring. If his friends, at the height of their bond, had asked something of him that required great bravery, I absolutely think he would have done it. How much bravery do you think it must have taken for him to resurrect the lord he never really felt loyal toward?
I think the saddest thing a person can experience is not cruelty, but neglect. Or perhaps not the saddest thing, but one of the most harmful things to a person's spirit. Peter could have been this brave person, but he really never got the chance- that's really what I meant in the story when it says that it has always been too late. By the time he got the opportunity to be this brave person, he was broken.
Thank you so, so much dear! Report Review
This was awesome. I didn't want to read it at first because Peter's character doesn't appeal to me at all, but the summary and the title just drew me in.
You write like a poet and it's wonderful to read. I read it three times and I can't believe I actually enjoyed something about a character i despise. Blew me away.
I was just wondering, where you find all the challenges? I checked the forums and I couldn't find it. I would love to read other entries and vote for you Cuz this was just too good not to win.Author's Response: TO be honest, if I hadn't been given Peter as a character, I never would have written him either. I think it can be really hard, especially with someone like Peter, to be open to the idea of hearing his POV. I mean, everyone hates certain characters, but often it's just because they dislike how the character acts or the way they're written. But how could anyone NOT hate Peter, honestly?
Thank you so much, darling, I really appreciate that.
The challenges in the forums are in the 'Story Challenges" section, which is only visible if you have and are logged into a forum account. Inside the forum is divided into sections depending on what kind of challenge it is.
Thank you!!! Report Review
I forgot I'd read and favourited this and then not come back to review. My bad.
I really enjoyed this. I first read it because I've entered the challenge too (and having read this I'm rather nervous about my own attempt!) and I think you fulfilled the brief very well - you really investigated Peter's potential motives for doing what he did, and you also made the reader feel sorry for him without actually making them like him, which wouldn't have been too realistic as we all know he's a horrible little traitor xP
Everything you said about him was very believable, and felt very accurate somehow. They had given you a place in the world and then snatched it away, left you to stumble awkwardly through life alone - I really liked that, it makes a lot of sense and feels like it might have been a genuine motivation for Peter. I also liked the idea of him as 'the Fool', and his conflicting feelings towards the Marauders. The use of second-person also worked very well. Your writing was wonderful, as well, really beautiful in places, but somehow dark and cold throughout, which given the content obviously worked rather well :D
Loved it! Great stuff :)Author's Response: Oh, thanks darling!
I'm excited to read everyone's entries! I think I really lucked out getting Peter. I mean, we know exactly what happened to him- that he switched sides and betrayed his friends- and all I had to do was figure out why. I mean, how could you ever be made to like Peter? You can't, what he did was so evil and twisted. But you can at least come to understand him better.
I always got the impression that Peter was the Marauder who didn't belong. As much friendship and kindness as they showed him, he could never really be one of them. When you're young and you have these dark ideas in your head, it's easy to let them get twisted up into things that aren't true- the idea that the Marauders betrayed him first, for example. It's easier for him to believe that than to believe that he was just never going to fit in.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate this, not many people are willing to read a Peter fic :] Report Review
I loved this story, very well written! Your point of view was an excellent choice as well, it made me feel much more sad for Pettigrew. =) I've entered the Sympathy for the Devil challenge as well and feel a little inferior knowing you're my competition! Best of luck to you, and you have a really amazing piece here!Author's Response: Thank you! I originally did not write this in second person, but never having written a second person story before, I felt like this was an appropriate place to debut it. Oh, I can't wait to read everyone's entries! Good luck to you as well! Thank you! Report Review
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