I'm doing the challenge too so I thought I would pop by and leave a review.
Great start, a really haunting chapter that sets a fantastic tone for the rest of your story. The way you write is really easy to read and it's top quality, well-written prose which is always a must!
I'm really looking forward to getting into the story and meeting our heroine and hero - the plot in your summary sounds fascinating.
Sending you lots of creative good wishes!
AlcyAuthor's Response: Wow thank you so much for the review! It really made my day :) I need to keep on working on this, like majorly, but RL has been sucking my muse from me (and my time!). I will get to updating it soon though! Thank you for all your compliments, they made me smile :)
If you have anything up for yours I'll make sure to pop by and return the review ^_^
I really can't wait to develop the characters. They are both very fascinating to me!
~VB Report Review
Yes, I am at last working through my reviews of my challange stories and this story will be the first.
I'm wondering what these Muggles have to do with the main character, Elena, and this Zane of hers, but I'm really anxious to see how it will be weaved into the rest of your story and what the setup is even going to be.
I can't wait see what you have created for te school we wilk see, what the name is, and how it will differ from Hogwarts. Please promise you won't make me wait for too long!
If were really worried about people not understanding your characters were Muggles, here are a few tips that could have let people know. You could have mentioned electronics in the room (computers, televisions, phones, PDAs), which wizards wouldn't use. You could have them talk about the Senate or Muggle football or baseball teams.
Mr. Danvers could even ask Mr. Taylor how his flight to America was. Wizard don't use airplanes, and likely wouldn't make through all the customs and regulations needing to take an internation flight. This would be a big clue as to the fact that these men are Muggles.
It's still not to late to add some edits into the story to help in this. Try making a list of Muggle topics or nouns that wizards wouldn't have anything to do with and think about how you could include these to make it clear that these men are Muggles as opposed to wizards.
But I think you have an amazing start here and I hope you will soon feel the insperation necessary to write chapter 1.Author's Response: Ooh, I've got first review! How exciting! I'm still planning out what the school will look like, but I have the name down, so that's one thing I can check off, haha.
I'll try not to wait too long to update the story, I just want to get it right, you know? And I have another chapter in the queue right now hehe.
I'm not too worried, because what with the whole magic letter thing, I thought it would be sort of obvious. However, you're right, I definitely could have put things in there like that, though I did mention a television set and a tape in there.
Thanks for all the advice and imput, and more importantly I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the challenge!
~Becca Report Review
Holy cow. If this is outside your comfort zone what is it like to be inside??? I solemnly demand this story be written, finished, edited and published!
Spot on, in medias res, as the Romans would say, chilling and intriguing from the very first sentence. Becca, m'dear, you surpassed yourself.
Very tight, concise writing and full marks, of course.Author's Response: Haha, wow that is really a compliment! I'm glad I did well with writing it-- it is a bit scary to write about something NOT related to Hogwarts. All my stories have either had canon characters in them or... had canon characters in them that have gone to Hogwarts! So now that I'm writing about a school halfway around the world, it's exciting but hard not to have something to rely on, you know?
Thank you so much for the lovely review and I'm glad you liked it Zoltan! :)
~Becca Report Review
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