Reading Reviews for On Letting Go
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by schoenemaedchen The Return

19th February 2011:
Hi there! I'm here with your review. My queue was full, but you asked so nicely...so I figured I'd give your story a look over.

So, I didn't quite expect this when I started reading--your story is borderline AU because it's quite non-canon. I'm actually not a fan of many AU stories because I'm a die hard canon fan, but that point aside, I wanted to touch on some of things you wanted me to mention.

As for general readability, the grammar and writing is well done! I really thought it was well written in this aspect. The reader isn't too distracted by spelling errors or tense problems (etc.) The flow is okay, though there was one spot where I wasn't sure if you wanted a page break or not. (The spot where she listens to the message, and then she suddenly seems to be talking to her mom. You don't mention her having dialed, so I was a bit confused.)

Otherwise, I thought the flow wasn't bad at all. It all seems to follow in a logical order.

As for believability...well, for a story that goes in the AU direction, it's always hard for me to say. I think it would be extremely OOC for Hermione to travel to the US to do her NEWTS when she has a perfectly good school (Hogwarts) and Ron isn't there to be in her way/bug her anyways. For me, HP and America is a pretty big clash, and I just can't see it. Why America and not somewhere else in Europe? But from the perspective of a die-hard AU fan, all is possible, so this is a bit hard for me to answer.

As for characterization, I didn't think it was bad. The only dialogue I didn't find to be believable was Hermione's mom. We don't even really get the impression in the books that Hermione had a lot of contact with her parents, and I would expect Harry to contact Hermione rather than her Mother who had talked to Harry. I wouldn't expect Hermione's mother to be so closely-knit to Ron. Just my opinion. Some of her comments like "Sure, Sweetness" and saying goodbye in French just seemed a bit out of place when you're clearly having using the British version of "Mum" to address her.

All those points aside and remembering I'm not a fan of AU...the story is still solidly written. If you're going to continue straying from canon so strongly, I would strongly advise that you change the genre to AU, so you're not misleading your readers. If Hermione is just having a phase and canon will be reintroduced strongly, I think you could leave it.

Otherwise, thanks for stopping by my thread. It's certainly a unique idea you have here and I'm sure it will be an interesting story once you continue.

Bye now!
-schoenemaedchen

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Review #2, by Janvi The Return

6th February 2011:
Hey! Awesome story! It seemed very depressing at first but the tone surely improved later on. Wow! You can really do a good variation between characters.I actually liked the part when Hermione imagines Harry and Ron to be at the airport with the flying car! Really liked it! Keep going!

Author's Response: oh hey, thank you! i probably won't update this for awhile, i have a few challenges to get in the queue first, and i need to do some serious editing on what i have written so far. i'm so glad you read this and reviewed it! i love hearing from you! thank you for your fabulous reviews! :D

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