Reading Reviews for More Than a Divided Country
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lonelyheartsclub Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

27th August 2011:
I love this fic so far. History books always seem to glorify Japan, but they never mention the fact that the government occupied many countries in the past and wiped out their entire cultures. My grandparents grew up in Korea during the Japanese occupation. My grandpa's name was tomo I think.but his true name is SaBong.
A common misconception is that south and north koreans hate each other, especially the older generations, that remember the country being divided. The truth of the matter is that many lost family members during that period, through the country's division as well as the war.
I think that so far this story really personifies the pain that koreans went through at that time. Though not many liked the americans, they still were important to them.
So yeah, great job with the culture and all.

Just a few things though. The way you wrote the story is slightly choppy. Like the sentences don't flow well generally. Also, the names are pretty uncommon names, which I think is cool.
Like Bo-Ra, that means purple. And just the fixed generation ending, Cha, if you just have the word Cha, it means tea. Which is the first connection I made ^_^ ANYWAYS, i love it.

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Review #2, by Giola Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

14th June 2011:
Hi, it's Giola from the forums here with your review.

Alright, so I'll break it down into the categories you requested.

Characterization:
You captrue Mi-cha quite well in just one chapter. She's obviously quiet and shy, but she had a certain fire about her when she was confronting Lee Bo-ram, and obviously loves her sister very much. I'm glad you didn't make her depressed over not being magical, it's a refreshing change from many stories centering around Squibs (though, considering the time leap at the end, perhaps this is not the case?).

As for Eun-cha, I got the sense that she was very different from her sister from the get go. She seemed more passionate and more inclined to take changes. Mi-cha seems to play in safe, hence her marriage, she does what is expected from her, whilst Eun-cha doesn't.

Lee Bo-ram seems very mysterious, and also a little bit of a womaniser. I'm intrigued by him, I can't help wondering if we'll see more of him in later chapters.

Historical Content:
I haven't studied this particular period in all that much detail (I've studied those on either side of it, however, and China in this period), but I think you capture the atmosphere of Korea at this time very well. The small glimpse of the Korean War is also done very well, it all seems accurate to me.

Plot:
You have me intrigued! I ended the chapter dying to know where Eun-cha went, which is a good thing, it makes your readers want to keep going. I don't really have any criticisms here.

Explanations/Clarity:
Obviously we don't know everything yet, so I was a little confused about Lee Bo-ram, but you explained the back story of the twins very well. I was confused about their origins, but you quickly explained that, which is good. I think you did this well, you didn't reveal everything, but you showed us just enough that we weren't left in the dark.

Other:
Just one typo,

'Of course, old Mrs. Pak was nearly, so it was understandable that she might have the energy necessary for any amount of outrage. '

Mrs. Pak was nearly.what? Haha.

Overall, a nice job. I'll try and review some more chapters later on! (By the way, you're over at tgs, aren't you? I think I've seen you over there :D)

-Julia

Author's Response: Well, a large reason why the girls don't feel sorry for themselves is because they never had nything to miss from the wizarding world. Their parents sent them to live with Mrs. Pak when they were only three years old. They have very few real memories of their lives living among the magical.

And now that the archives are up and running again, I will fix those typos.


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Review #3, by LovelyMioneWeasley Chapter 2 Ryang Young-jae

20th May 2011:
Hi there lovely!

I'm so glad to see that this got updated and was very excited to read about the North. I think you do an excellent job really creating a beleivable and even likeable North Korea for the reader. It has been portrayed as this country that has no redeemable qualities but it was interesting to have the persepctive of a young girl who has respect and patroritism for her country.

I definitely enjoyed the chapter with the dancing and the fact that she enjoyed being the center of attention. It makes her seem like a realistic little girl. I also love the admiration she has for her parents and how much she loves spending time with them. Her disregard for her grandmother also is realistic because that is true of my own life.

I also enjoyed that her parents were very different and how she loves them and admires them for different things. I saw no major typos and I'm really curious about how the story is going to play out. I enjoyed reading this again. I love the fact that you updated this and that you are evaluating different cultures. I would love for the South and the North to get together and see how the two different mindsets and two different idealisms.

Thanks for requesting again!

LMW

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm trying to take a page out of Tim the Enchanter's book and create a three dimentional character from a country with think nothing but bad thoughts about.

I'm glad to know you think I succeeded, though.


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Review #4, by Liberator600 Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

24th February 2011:
Hello! Libertae60 from the forums here.

This is a very intesting story. I have never seen anything like this before, so I'll keep my eye on this.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it!

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Review #5, by Aderyn Chapter 1 Kim Hae-won

19th February 2011:
Hi!

Again, the history in this chapter was interesting. I can't check the accuracy, but I'm sure that it's fine. I like how you fit it in, with Hae-won's Mother's presentation. It was a lot of history, but I think it helps add context to the story.

I like the set up of this story. It seems a bit like how something might happen the Harry Potter books, only with different settings.

I am interested in seeing how Eun-cha's ancestors come into play. That should be quite interesting.

Author's Response: Well, the next chapter will take place in the North, and it is one I have been slaving over in an effort to convey the true scariness of this place, while still trying to create the naive innocence that a child would see it at.

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Review #6, by Aderyn Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

19th February 2011:
Hello, here for your review!

I know you said you wanted help with historical/cultural context. But I'm afraid I don't know much about the time period you're writing in. It seems accurate to me though.

I like the setting of the story, I would say that it's probably unique. It's not a type of story that you see every day.

I do think, however, that in this chapter, things seem rather, told. I know it's the prologue, but try to make the writing flow. Don't just tell the information to the reader, try to show it, through dialogue and make the reader infer somethings.

Author's Response: Well, I hope the nect chapter appeals more. I do think I did a bit of telling, because I wasn't sure if a lot of people knew about the history of Korea.

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Review #7, by LovelyMioneWeasley Chapter 1 Kim Hae-won

18th February 2011:
Sooo I liked your author's note at the end; I'd wish I'd been patient enough to wait till the end but I googled the terms and got a very interesting lesson on Korean. It was definitely informative ^_^

Well I certainly have to say that this was a very lovely chapter and heartbreaking all the same; I thought you did a really excellent job with relaying a good relationship between grandmother and granddaughter. Hae-won was definitely a lovely "old soul" to read about because she definitely had the streak of a kid with some nice sensibility.

I also loved the idea of Mi-Cha being an illustrator for children's book; it says something really good about literacy and I think it sends a good message about how important and valuable an education can be. Mostly, I liked the idea of The Stolen Princess. I thought it was a really beautiful way of honoring her lost sister.

I also really liked the sibling relationship you had going on; Eun-kyung is a definite studious fifteen year old with a short fuse for her little sister and her questions. I did like Eun-kyung's honesty though too. It was refreshing to read about, and she was a flawed character that was still good to read about.

The presentation was particularly informing and sadly, I knew some of the bleak stastics about the North. I've actually had some neighbors that were able to sneak into the country and known a missinoary that was killed while in North Korea. Its scary how unreal it can seem between the North and the South. You really captured that element well; I'm also positive that you will try to give us a creepy but true version of what living in the North is like (to the best of your own knowledge and imagination of course).

One of my complaints was between the three girls that are friends. I thought you did well at the beginning of the scene but I wasn't quite sure why the two girls didn't put up more of a fight to walk with Hae-won. At age ten, I feel like they wouldn't just shrug it off; it is, of course, your characters but I feel that my friends especially one with an out-going personality would put up a bit more of a fight. It just seemed a little off to me.

I thought you did an excellent job bringing the chapter to a close; your A/N was also a wonderful addition. It does good for the reader to be able to have some idea about the phrasing and gives more evidence of your good research.

My favorite part of the entire chapter was the inclusion of the dragon scales! I hope that dragons have some place in the story because they were my favorite mythogical creatures growing up (eventually it got tied with unicorns) but I think it would be a lovely additon. And selfishly, I would love to indulge in such fantasties myself.

Thanks for the request; it was a pleasure to most certainly read.

-Lindsey

Author's Response: I suppose I considered the notion that because Hae-won is so reserved and rather aloof about social relationships, that they might not be so shocked when Hae-won wants to run off.

But maybe I'll have to change it a bit, but they certainly would get into a full blown fight over getting her to join them. It's just not in her nature to do so, and you know how usless it is to change someone's nature.

And to answer you're question, yes, the dragon is going to be apart of the story. You think there would be a Chinese Fireball running wild in Muggle towns, and it wouldn't be a part of what happens.


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Review #8, by LovelyMioneWeasley Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

18th February 2011:
Hello there lovely. I had the choice of packing for RL or reading and its pretty obvious what I chose ^_^

Of course, old Mrs. Pak was nearly, so it was understandable that she might have the energy necessary for any amount of outrage.--- how old was Mrs. Pak?

But while everything was in place for revenge against Lee Bo-ram, Mi-cha had no idea how she was going to get Eun-cha back, and she had a feeling the wizarding authorities would know how either.-- would not know how? Is that what you meant? Otherwise, this sentence confuses me.


^^Those were the only two typos that really stuck out to me. So good job on that front :).

So I know that as soon as I get a request from you that I'm going to be sucked to some far off story that is definitely well researched and well written. I was not disappointed by this; I am actually very excited because during my high school years, I spent four years sitting next to a Korean and a Japanese boy and girl (respectively) and we spent several mornings over the years discussing the differences of the cultures. And the names.

I'm sure you researched but I just wanted to confirm for you in my own personal experience that the names were good reflections of their cutlure; Japanese and Korean respectively.

Mi-cha was really a great character to read about; her reserve was very clearly there but I enjoyed her own fierce streak. Lee Bo-ram had it coming; I don't mean to be rude but he really, really had it coming in my mind at least. What a jerk to use and abuse like that; it made my heart break for the twins especially since Mrs. Pak agreed that there was nothing to do. Once girls reach a certain age, good luck stopping them.

I really liked the flow for the entire chapter; I thought it was informative but entertaining. I thought you did a good job of introducing new characters and making it clear how these girls were treated differently from other Squibs. I thought it was a believable and kind set of parents especially for the times.

Now my major CC is the ending of the chapter...it seems rather abrupt and you really seem to rush through the ending bits. I think you're trying to include information that may be necessary for the reader but it just seems a bit forced and it really loses its steam in those last paragraphs. Also the last line definitely alludes to an intriguing next chapter but it also seems a bit lacking. I don't know how to translate the information you include in a more effective way; is it absolutely necessary that we understand that Mi-cha got married to that man, had kids who had their own families and all the while she was suffering? Is it possible to allude to the information especially grandchildren in later chapters maybe?

I'm not quite sure what else to suggest but other than those bits, it was a really enjoyable chapter.

-Lindsey

Author's Response: Wow, you certainly love to lay on the flattery, don't you? Not that I'm complaining, of course. I also might have to ask you questions about Korea as well.

I'm glad you like Mi-cha, because I always worry that people will see more reserved characters as boring. Of course, it's always that sort of thinking that leads to the creation of Mary Sues.

I suppose that the reason behind the abrupt ending was to illistrate the sudden change in Mi-cha's life. I don't imagine losing a twin is something you just get over. I suppose I should be asking if you can see that now that I've told you.


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Review #9, by VioletBlade Chapter 1 Kim Hae-won

10th February 2011:
I think you did a good job of jumping from the story in Mi-Cha's POV to Hae-Won's, so bravo! I really like that the story she hasn't finished is that of Mi-Cha's long lost sister, and I hope that by the end of this story, it will have been completed :) I'm glad you were able to tie in the dragon-- it's not easy to do when not writing about magical folk, so you did it really well. I can't believe Hae-won is a witch! That was certainly an unexpected turn of events. Anyway, I'll add this to my favorites and keep checking for some updates! (:

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: Well, I am hard at work on chapter 2, where we finally go to North Korea, and I am obsessing over it making every detail perfect and delightfully creepy. I'm sure you'll love it!

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Review #10, by VioletBlade Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

9th February 2011:
Wow, Olive, this is a really creative idea, something you have quite the flair for! I'm glad you decided to participate in my challenge and I know this review for the story is dreadfully overdue! Anyway, I like the way you've so obviously researched the culture and the time period to make everything match up with actual historical events. I also think Lee Bo-ram is basically scum. xD

Anyway, wonderfully written, Olive!

~VB

Author's Response: Well, thanks for the compliment about creative stories. And maybe Lee Bo-ram will have something to do with future chapters.

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Review #11, by The Captain Chapter 1 Kim Hae-won

9th February 2011:
I adore your plot so far, and your story is a definite favorite. Although, you might want to break up your chapters into more, shorter chapters. Even the best of stories can get a bit tiring when the chapters are long.
Other than that, there's really nothing you should change, so I just wanted to bring up a few typos and points of clarification.
First, when Hae-Won is racing her sister it says "the time it took the high school to scramble for it" when her sister loses her shoe. Also, you might want to change your phrasing when their mother gives her presentation. There's a line where she talks about how difficult it is to move around in the North which isn't as easy as "just moving from Seoul to here in Jeonju". I was confused for a while since Seoul is in South Korea, and the way the sentence read it sounded like Seoul was in the North. In another sentence you're missing a couple words "While Hae-won had been hearing all about human rights violations in the North since kindergarten, her mother had always worried her classmates might not ". "her shorts usually showed a little too much over her legs" should be of her legs. Finally, you've got a double any in a sentence. "it wasn't like anyany sort of jewelry Hae-won"
Please keep writing!

Author's Response: Yes, I handed this over to a second beta, and the new version should be up in a few days. I hope you'll take a look at it then!

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Review #12, by The Captain Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

9th February 2011:
I generally avoid reading stories set in other countries, or with foreign exchange students because they're normally full of cliches. Your story is certainly not one of those. While the wizarding laws and culture are still the same, you've drifted far enough from Harry's world that your story is totally unique. I'm a history nerd, but I don't know that much about Korea, so I found this very enlightening. I'm not sure if I can quite believe that the twins' parents were so out of touch with the Muggle world that they didn't understand why the twins had to use their Japanese names, however. Even if they are wizards, I think that wars and foreign occupations would be large enough events that they would affect wizards as well as Muggles.
You also had some lines that should have been written negatively, but were not, such as "They were even very good at being Muggle Koreans." and "Over the years, Mi-cha lost touch with her parents- they could very well come calling now that their daughter had a Muggle husband and was raising Muggle children-not that this really felt like much of a tragedy in her eyes." I'm assuming you meant to say that the twins weren't very good at being Muggle Koreans, since they didn't quite fit in.

Author's Response: Yeah, I need to go over this story with another beta to get rid of the typos. As far as the isolation from what was happening with the Japanese later. Remember, there was a war going on with Voldemort and Muggles didn't know a thing about it.

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Review #13, by Ellerina Prologue The Missing Yu Twin

6th February 2011:
So, I have such a soft spot for Korean culture and also for the idea that magic exists in other cultures just the same way it did in Britain and this story combines both! Foreign witches and wizards are sadly neglected in FF and it's great to see someone trying to explore some more possibilities.

I can't wait to see where this goes!

Annie

Author's Response: Thanks for that. Maybe since you have a soft spot for Korean culture, you might be able to help me out with some of the cultural points.

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