Reading Reviews for In Sickness And In Health
  
156 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne The Battle

29th July 2015:
You've done such a goodjob making a tense atmosphere before they would have to go to the battle. I worry about them and what they're going to face. :(

I really hope that Draco is going to help them, and that he's going to turn against Voldemort. I hope that McGonagall was right in letting him back in and giving him another chance. I hope that he doesn't fight against the Order.

Merlin help me, I wonder which side will kill me first… - This right here is such a powerful line, and I can't help but think of how true it is.

That was a pretty action packed scene, you wrote the battle very well, showing Draco's indecision about what to do and having seen his dad die in front of him.

That ending as well is a brilliantly evil cliffhanger! I need to know what happens next!

Keep up the brilliant writing!

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11 Struggling

11th July 2015:
It's me once more! If you continue this story, please let me know! I would love to read on. So, let's go over this chapter:

Plot: It's always interesting to see what's going on in Voldemort's ranks. I still don't quite understand just WHY he's so obsessed with finding Draco, though. What does Draco have that Voldemort so desperately wants? And I like that Hermione's recovery hasn't been instant. Her frustration is so genuine, and I like that. As for the attack on Mungo's? Ah! I wish I had more to read on with so see what was going to happen!

Characterization: As I said, I think Hermione was really good in this chapter (as she has been for the whole story). She's very realistic in her annoyance at her condition. And I liked Draco too. His friendliness and affection make much better sense now. I don't know if I buy their snuggliness, but I didn't mind it, so I won't complain. ;)

Overall, I think this was another really good chapter. I'm totally excited to see what happens next. As I've said, I'm a huge Dramione fan, and this story has captured my interest. I'm going to keep it on my Reading List, and hopefully you'll update someday! I'm glad I read this! Good job and take care!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11 Recovery

11th July 2015:
Hello again! I have a lot more to say on this chapter, so let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a lot of errors in this chapter, especially at the beginning. There were a lot of misplaced apostrophes throughout the chapter, as well as other issues. Also, there were a couple of places where you shifted into present tense instead of past tense. A beta reader or a read through would help you fix these things!

Continuity: One error in continuity was that in the last chapter you say she's been unconscious for three weeks, but in this chapter you say it's been six. Just so you know. :)

Plot: I'm so happy that Hermione is awake! Really! I'm so excited. But I was concerned that Dr. Cartwright seems so different. I hope he isn't a Death Eater or something who's actually hurting her! And I wonder what they're keeping from her! I hope it's nothing terrible, but I've come to expect that bad things might happen throughout this story, haha.

Characterization: I really liked the dialogue between Harry, Ron, and Draco in this chapter. It was funny and believable. I also think that Hermione's confusion was good. I'm weirded out that Dr. Cartwright isn't acting very nice anymore. Maybe he knows she's dying or something. Hm.

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot! I can't believe the next one is the last you've written so far! Hopefully some answers show up! But if not, that's okay too, haha.

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #4, by DracoFerret11 Empathy

11th July 2015:
Hello again! I'm so excited to review this chapter!

Continuity: Brief continuity issue--you say she's in a coma again, just like the one she'd been in for "three months." But in chapter 2 or whatever, you said they'd only been in a coma for TWO months. Just so you know! :)

Plot & Characterization: I really liked the idea of this chapter. Draco watching over Hermione while she sleeps was really something I've come to expect from his character the way you've written him. And Harry being decent to Draco is also something I believe. I like that Ron didn't talk, since I think it's more realistic that he would be silent if he had to be around Draco. But I think that Harry was really believable here, and the way he tried to make Draco forgive himself was a Harry-like thing to do. Good job.

Emotions: I could really feel Draco's sadness in this chapter. I think his nervousness and despair were really evident and good for the situation. And Hermione's friends' reactions were good too.

So Hermione is awake! They haven't noticed yet, but she's awake! I'm so excited to see what happens next. I wonder how much she's changed because of what she's gone through. And I wonder if she'll still be so sick. If so, there's a long road ahead before the story is resolved!

Reading on!
Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #5, by DracoFerret11 Darkness

11th July 2015:
Why must you do this to me? Such short chapters stress me out! I have to know what's happening! Ah! Anyway. The chapter:

Plot: So we get a brief glimpse into what's going on with Voldemort. I was surprised when he wanted "the boy," and he wasn't talking about Harry! I have to know whether or not Harry is going to win the war! I totally started this story under the assumption that the final battle had happened and Harry had won. Now I'm so on edge waiting to find out how things will REALLY resolve. And I can't wait to get back to Draco and Hermione and learn whether or not Hermione is going to be okay. I can't believe I only have three chapters left. Are you still writing this? Planning to update? Etc.? Because if I reach the end and have another cliffhanger! Ah! I'll be so stressed out! :)

Characterization: I think Voldemort was believable. His dialogue was a little iffy, but he's so tough to write that I didn't mind. I do question just why he's so obsessed with Draco, though. I get that he's mad that Draco "betrayed" him and "failed" him, but that doesn't seem like enough to totally hunt him down. Doesn't he have more important things to be focusing on? Like Harry and winning the war? Or does Draco somehow impact that? Hm.

We're going to have to see where things go from here! I'll read on and hopefully find out what's happening to Hermione!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #6, by DracoFerret11 Purgatory

11th July 2015:
Such a short chapter! But we'll go over things nonetheless:

Plot: So we find out that Hermione's been hurt badly enough to have ended up in some sort of purgatory. Ahhh...so sad! But is this really purgatory, or just another coma? Purgatory would mean she's dead, right? So I guess maybe she's not actually in "purgatory," moreso she's just having these visions/hallucinations while she's comatose. Either way, I have to know what happens to her!

Characterization/Emotions: I think you did a good job of showing how Hermione was feeling as the reality of her situation became clearer to her. At first, she's curious. Then she's confused. Then she gets scared, and then upset/angry. I really think that that progression was believable. I would totally be freaking out from the first second, but Hermione is much more rational than I am, haha. I also liked Draco's concern for her, as well as Harry's over-protectiveness. We'll see how they interact (maybe).

Overall, this was a good chapter! It was really short, so I have to keep reading now to learn what's going to happen. I'm sure Hermione will wake up, but I wonder what will have changed while she was out. :O

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #7, by DracoFerret11 Killing Time

11th July 2015:
It's me again! So, let's go over things:

Formatting: Just a note--at the end of the chapter, the final scene where Hermione is calling Draco to come upstairs, and then she falls, that scene is pasted twice here. So you reread what happened from when she started calling for him. Oops!

Plot: Oh wow! Another cliffhanger, really?! I'm so excited to read on. I like that you subtly added in that Hermione hasn't gotten better, then that came to a climax at the end of this chapter. The formatting issue that I mentioned detracted from how I read the ending here, but I think it was really exciting nonetheless. It was such a shock that she hurt herself so badly! I can't wait to see how Draco deals with this and what happens to Hermione next. And I can't wait to see whether or not Hermione's condition can even improve!

Characterization: Great job with everybody in this chapter. Hermione's studiousness was very canon. Blaise and Pansy were getting better. And Draco was really good here! In particular, I thought the ending where he didn't immediately answer Hermione yelling for him was really believable. I think that's total a Draco-thing to do! He just wanted a minute to himself, and that seemed really authentic to me.

Emotions: Draco's feelings for Hermione are really sweet, despite the fact that I do think they came on a bit quickly. But I liked the subtlety of him watching her sleep, but not wanting to freak her out. That was good!

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot. I'm so excited to see what happens next and how they're going to deal with Hermione's injuries! Ah! Reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #8, by DracoFerret11 The Truth in The Orchard

11th July 2015:
Hello again! Let's go over things:

"Bleh" Phrases: I don't think I ever really include a category like this, haha, but I thought I should mention -- "full moon eyes" was okay the first time you mentioned it in the story--I actually thought, "huh, that's kind of poetic"--but the second time was a bit too much for me. ;)

Continuity: We have another seasons issue, I think. They're eating apples off a tree, but the snow supposedly just let up today. The apples would be long-since dead. Apples are ripe in fall, not winter.

Plot: This was an interesting chapter. We started off with Hermione and Draco being tense and awkward with each other, which made some sense to me. But they talk, which is good, and Draco decides to tell her a little bit about his past. But I was a little confused as to why he even thought that would be necessary...It seemed a bit random. And I hate to say that abusive-Lucius is a cliche...but it kind of is. :/ So overall, I'm not sure if I liked their conversation. I think the end result--her knowing more about him and deciding to try to befriend him--was good, but the conversation itself wasn't my favorite.

Characterization: Hermione was good as always. :) I really like how you write her! And I think Draco was pretty good here. I like that he didn't tell his whole life story, just a little bit before he closed off again. That seemed authentic to me.

Emotions: I liked that Hermione's horror at Draco's story was obvious. I think that her reaction was very relateable in this situation. So good job there!

Overall, I think this was a good chapter with the result that it had on the story. I'm not sure about the abusive-Lucius trope, but I do think that the effect of their conversation was good. :) Reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #9, by DracoFerret11 Information

11th July 2015:
Hi again! Let's go over things:

Plot: Ah! So much happened in this chapter! First of all, we learned that Harry didn't succeed in defeating Voldemort. No. :( And we learned that Voldemort wants Draco dead! Extra "no"! This just amped up the plot so much! I'm so excited to see what happens next! I definitely don't trust Blaise and Pansy. I think they're gonna end up turning on Draco, accidentally or purposefully. Voldemort knows how to read minds; he's probably going to find out where Draco is! AH!

Characterization: Loved Hermione again. Blaise was pretty good. I don't read many stories about him, so I assume this characterization is pretty canon. And Pansy seemed a little too nice and not whiny enough, but again--I don't read many stories about her. I do feel like the overuse of "Mudblood" sounds a bit odd in conversation, though. But I think Draco was pretty good here, and I'm interested to see how he'll change when he and Hermione talk about what they've learned.

Emotions: The fels! I seriously am so worried for Draco! I really hope that he's going to be okay! I could really feel Hermione's nervousness for him and her feelings of guilt in that last line. My own emotions are clouding the story's feelings right now, though, because I'm so excited to keep reading.

Overall, this was such a good chapter! It might be my favorite chapter so far! I have to keep reading and find out what happens next!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #10, by DracoFerret11 Repercussions

11th July 2015:
Hello yet again! Let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few issues again in this chapter. Last chapter was pretty good, so I didn't think I had anything to report then, but there were more here.

Plot: How could you leave me on a cliffhanger like that?! I liked this chapter for what it was, short but nice. I liked that Draco and Hermione started to acknowledge their feelings (or at least their changing perceptions). I also thought it was nice that Draco made breakfast. That's a very selfless gesture for him.

Characterization: Hermione is still on par with what I've come to expect from her (despite her immature moment at the end there), but Draco is moving a little bit too fast from being a jerk to being a nice guy. Don't get me wrong; I LIKE that he's nice, but the change is coming a bit too fast. But I did laugh at their "you're such a child" conversation. ;)

Emotions: I think you did a good job in this chapter of acknowledging Hermione and Draco's changing feelings for each other and the confusion that accompanies that. I think you did them justice in showing their discomfort in realizing that they're becoming closer. I wish I could really have SEEN the evolution of their friendship, though, since I feel like this chapter just TOLD me about it, rather than showed it.

Overall, this was another good chapter! Things are moving a litle bit too fast, but I think that will be okay. I love Dramione too much to mind yet. And I'm really interested to see if Draco's predictions will be right and Hermione's health will get worse. We'll see!

Reading on...

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #11, by DracoFerret11 Perseverance

11th July 2015:
Hello there! Me again! So, let's go over things:

Great Lines: I don't always include this section in my reviews, but when a particular line stands out for whatever reason, I like to let the author know. :) In this case it was: "Welcome to our lovely place of healing, Potter, Weasley." I literally laughed out loud when I read that. I don't know why I found it so funny, but I read it in Draco's voice, and it was great.

Plot: Another good chapter! I like that Draco and Hermione are trying to keep their truce going. The effort is nice. The flashback scene with Hermione explaining the TV was really funny, but she did say a few things that I wouldn't think would explain anything to him (such as "electronics" inside it). I think he would still have been confused after that explanation, haha. I'm not a huge fan of Ron or Harry in fanfiction in general, but I didn't mind them too much here. I'm sure Pansy will make me much more angry when she shows up. She always seemed like such a mean person. :P

Characterization: I think Hermione was good again! And I really liked the development in Draco's character in this chapter. I think he was really believable in the subtle changes he made, and his interactions with Ron and Harry were good. I liked that a lot. As for the boys, like I said: I didn't hate them. A good visit, overall.

Emotions: I wish I could see more of the worry that Hermione and Draco have to be feeling about their condition. Even if they've been told they're healed, you would think they would be upset in some way...

Overall, a good chapter! I'm reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #12, by DracoFerret11 Healing in Hell?

11th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the House Cup 2015! I read the first chapter of this a long time ago, so I skimmed it again before starting this chapter. But I think I'm up to speed, so let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed quite a few issues throughout the chapter with minor grammar/spelling things. Nothing that was enough to throw me out of the story, but a quick read-through might help you catch those little errors.

Continuity: You said that there is snow outside the cottage...but we know that the final battle was in May, so it can't be later than July, and we know they're in Britain. Is there even somewhere in Britain that would be snowing in July? Just a thought. Maybe that will be addressed. :)

Plot: Oh man. I'm such a huge Dramione fan. It's a total issue in my life. I'm obsessed. So I'm really interested in this plot. I can't wait to see whether or not they're actually cured, whether or not they hate each other again (well, we know they'll eventually like each other!), and what shenanigans they get up to. The plot of this story is intriguing. It's interesting to consider a curse that could cause a disease that would make people this sick. So I'm curious to see how you pursue that.

Characterization: I think you were pretty true to Hermione's character in this chapter. Some of the dialogue came off a bit awkward (maybe read it aloud to see how it sounds?), but for the most part, she was good. Draco was a little strange. He calls Hermione a Mudblood, but then he chills out by the very next time he talks, and by the end of the chapter, he's pretty friendly. That insult he used against her felt out of place.

Emotions: I wish I could have felt Hermione's panic a bit better. I got her curiosity, but she didn't seem quite as freaked out as I think someone would be in this situation. Something to consider.

Descriptions: I think you added good details about how things looked in this chapter. I would like to see other sensory details about how things sound, smell, feel, etc. too! Those things will really bring the scene to life!

Overall, good chapter! I'm excited to read on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #13, by krazyboutharryginny - round #6/7 Information

13th April 2015:
*attack!*
Okay, so overall a pretty good chapter. I definitely find it believable that Pansy and Blaise would break the rules where Harry and Ron didn't, by telling Malfoy about the outside world.
I don't really understand why Hermione would reveal herself like that instead of waiting for Blaise and Pansy to leave. However, that's not that big a deal, so I was able to move past it. I just sort of shrugged and went "huh, okay" and continued reading.
I'm now really curious about what this curse could be. Maybe Hermione actually has the right curse, and the symptoms are identical because they're soulmates or something? (That sounds super silly now that I've typed it out, but...)
I know for a fact that we don't find out in the next few chapters, so I may even have to check back :P
I'm interested in the characters of Pansy and Blaise. They're obviously unhappy about Hermione's presence, but I'm glad that they're going to help research. It's obvious that they care about Draco and his wellbeing. They're sort of morally grey characters for me at this point, and not obviously evil or obviously good.
-Kayla

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Review #14, by MissesWeasley123 The Battle

13th April 2015:
Hey Grace!

Wow! What an action packed chapter and beginning to what I think is going to be a great story! :P Well done. Every piece you write is so different and unique in comparison to the other, and I have to admit this is one of the best things I've read of your writing!

There was a lot going on, but you did manage to make it not too confusing to some extent! Your description was great, and very detailed as well. I liked how we were going through this scene that was happening and then you would switch over to another scene, and you did a good job in handling that properly.

As I'm not so much of a fan anymore of Dramione, this was a nice change. I'm excited to see where you can go with this. Good luck with it all!

- Nadia AA, Jailbreak

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Review #15, by randomwriter Information

13th April 2015:
Heylo Grace! Finally here for this chapter. This is an attack! Round six|seven... what do I know? It's been over a day. Haha. :p

Anyway, this chapter was one of the best of this story. I really liked it because it gave us a lot of information, but it also didn't feel like too much of an overload. It also had some cute moments, but they didn't seem inappropriate, even though they kind of don't get along and are talking about the war.

Your characterisation of Blaise and Pansy was excellent. It was quite different, seeing them from the perspective of someone who's close to them, because it showed us that they are capable of being nice people, and it's clear that they're extremely loyal friends to Draco. The whole dynamic changed when Hermione walked in, which was also in character. They said some pretty nasty stuff. I wouldn't have been surprised if one of them had fired a spell out of reflex.

The only places where I thought the characterisation needed tweaking was 1) When Draco'd father's death is mentioned, I'd expect him to get a little more emotional. 2) When they were talking about Bellatrix, Zabini referred to her like he was talking about an old friend. They may be on the same side, but I still think they may fear her and respect her. 3) Pansy could have been...er, a little more all over Draco (as much as that would disgust me).

In addition to this, there were some small spelling errors (wud for would, etc). Also, just a thought, but I was wondering if they'd let Draco and Hermione keep their wands, given their history. They do need security, however. Just something I was thinking about.

Those moments with them in the end were really cute. I like that you've built this slowly, and I also thought that Draco having little insights about Hermione's behaviour (like her being a curious one) shows how much he involuntarily observes her.

You also have a real knack for writing Hermione. The fact that she always turns to books for answers is so in character. And I like that she somehow got that to Draco as well.

Good going, Grace!

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Review #16, by jessicalorewrites - rounds 6/7 Information

13th April 2015:
~ for the gryffie capture the flag tournament, rounds 6-7 #accioattackers

hey!
I want to start by saying OH MY GOSH I ALMOST SCREAMED WHEN DRACO KEPT SAYING ‘WE’. get it together malfoy you imbecile! wow, almost exposed the whole thing haha ;) silly boy. except then he did asdfdgkfjg. Pansy and Blaise took it rather well if I’m honest. I would have expected MORE of an outrage if anything. your way of writing it was still in character though so don’t worry about that! even though I’m not a fan of pansy or blaise very much I’m glad they get over the fact hermione is living with draco to help them out with what spell they might’ve been hit with. pansy’s reaction to seeing hermione made me giggle ;) “she looks like hell” hah!

one of the more emotional bits was when pansy asked whether narcissa malfoy would mind her going round to look through their library ♥ I get the feeling that because pansy referred to her by her first name and not just ‘your mum’ that they’re fairly close and I think during a time like this narcissa would really need somebody to talk to, somebody who at least vaguely is suffering too.

HAHAHAHA I really enjoyed that last bit! poor draco. but still VERY in character for hermione I think :p brash, sometimes thoughtless and acts without thinking. also quite reminiscent of that time she punched him in prisoner of azkaban hehe

jess, xo

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Review #17, by randomwriter The Battle

13th April 2015:
Hey Grace! Back for more. This is an *attack post* for the never ending double battle, and it seems to be you vs me :p Haha.

Well, this was a great way to start off a story because you left a lot of questions in my mind. You gave us a pretty shocking set of events and left us with a cliff-hanger, so I'm not surprised at how my mind is turning. It was a bit confusing though. I'd look at making the events a little clearer. I know battle can be difficult to write, but it's imperative to get that right here because it's of crucial importance.

I did find some part of this a bit off though. For starters, I think that the battle and the whole thing about going into war seems to be a little too organised. I hardly doubt all tof them will be assembled in one place before going to Hogwarts, and the progression and depiction of events didn't truly capture the magnitude of war, in my opinion. I whatever you have written, you've written well. But you've missed the detail that the war was an ongoing process. The battle was not. I don't think they'd be give a time and place for it. The fight has to be a continuous process. Also, the way it jumps sections is a little sudden. If you can fix these things, you're sorted :)

The characterisation of Hermione was on point. I like how you didn't make her strong and brave about everything. It's only natural to fear war and the experience of potential impending death is certainly terrifying and you've shown that well. The only thing that seemed a bit OOC was that in the last section she seems to pay more attention to Draco than the duel, and I don't think that would happen. Also, it's important to note how she has no interest in him at this point, apart from that of an enemy, but surely he is no greater enemy than Bellatrix?

I really liked the ending. It shocked me and made me curious. I wonder what that curse was. It sounds really harmful. Also, since I've read ahead. I know its effects, but I'm still curious about this curse.

There were some punctuation errors, but I'm sure you could fix those with a quick scan!

Great job on a first chapter, Grace ♥

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Review #18, by jessicalorewrites - rounds 6/7 Darkness

13th April 2015:
~ for the gryffie capture the flag tournament, rounds 6-7 #accioattackers

hey!

ooh, what a mysterious chapter! I really enjoyed the initial air of uncertainty as to whether or not it was voldemort but then at the end you confirmed it. quite foreboding, in a way. it sent a shiver down my spine. poor draco! D: you captured voldemort quite well though, for such a difficult character. that sense of allowing brief respite before attacking seemed VERY typical voldemort :) very in-character, I feel.

another thing I enjoyed was the description in the very first few lines -- I would have loved to have seen that continued throughout the chapter, perhaps incorporating some more of the senses alongside that too just to give the chapter a real dank tone and atmosphere that would make the reader feel like they were REALLY there, in the room with voldemort.

it was great to have an insight into the outside world so to speak, rather than the whole story being just focused on hermione/draco! it’s an unusual stance to take but I really enjoyed the change in POV to allow us this view as it adds so much to the story ♥

one of the really poignant things was how voldemort referred to draco as a boy. it made me stop and filled my heart with sorrow. sometimes I forget just HOW young these characters are and so it makes me incredibly sad that it’s like this boohoo. I know voldemort is about 80yrs old so a teenager WOULD seem young to him, but still.

I really enjoyed your style in this chapter! great job

- jess, xo

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Review #19, by randomwriter-round 7 Darkness

13th April 2015:
Hey Grace! Here for round seven of capture the flag. *fingers crossed*

This was quite different from the other chapters I've read so far. For one, it does not feature Draco and Hermione, obviously. :p So it gave us an insight into what was happening in the outside world while Draco and Hermione are copped away. Also, your chapters are usually dialogue heavy, but I saw a lot more description in this.

I think you got the emotions and reactions really well in this. With Voldemort, he was cold, scathing and just reading about him sent chills down my spine. As for the death eaters, they seemed terrified and so servile. It is exactly how they act around him in tho books as well. So your characterisation was spot on, and I really think that the dialogues and speech patterns were apt as well.

Another thing that worked in putting the reader into the right emotional headspace for this is that you built an extremely tense and edgy environment here, and it automatically pushed me, as the reader, to feel edgy.

It was also interesting to see Voldemort's wrath directed towards Draco, and not Harry for once.

This chapter definitely raised more questions than it answered though, especially about the trio and Draco. It got me wondering and coming up with ideas, so I will be hunting for some explanations.

My suggestion for this chapter would be to elaborate on the emotions, especially those of the death eaters. Also, be a little more descriptive.

Sorry for any typos that may have crept in. It's really late. Anyway, intriguing chapter, for sure.

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Review #20, by krazyboutharryginny - round #6/7 Killing Time

13th April 2015:
*jailbreak!*
Okay, so again, I have issues with some details in this chapter, but like it overall. For example, I believe that Pansy and Blaise would be civil to Hermione for the sake of Draco's health, but I can't see the possibility of them becoming friends with her even crossing Draco's mind. Draco is starting to come around to her after being pretty much cooped up with her. Blaise and Pansy don't have that same motivation.
I also think if Hermione in her already-weakened state received a smack on the head like that, she would black out immediately. On top of that, I think it would make the next chapter (which I've already read :P) a lot more dramatic.
Obviously, you're the author and it's up to you. Just some small suggestions. :)
Hermione being re-injured is a good plot twist, and definitely serves a good purpose to your plot - Draco will now be forced to spend more time with her, allowing feelings to develop.
-Kayla

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Review #21, by randomwriter-round six|seven Killing Time

13th April 2015:
Here for CtF round six|seven. Attack!

I was still quite surprised to find them all being so civil, but I suppose they don't have much of an option at this point :p And perhaps Blaise and Pansy are doing it only for Draco? I found it odd that they had nobody else to help them though. With the reading and research, I mean. If there's a curse that's this serious, I'm sure Mungo's or the ministry would be interested to get to the bottom of this? They'd probably do tests and research and help them out as much as possible.

I can see that the relationship between Draco and Hermione is certainly building up. It's sweet how they're noticing the finer details and little things about each other. And I know that Draco is thinking of how he needs to overcome his prejudice to be her friend, but it's already clear that he's noticing her and has taken a liking to her here. :) I wonder what the deal is with Harry and Ron though. I'm curious to know about where they've come up to.

That ending was the most chilling thing ever. I didn't expect that at all, and it caught me completely by surprise. I felt so terrible for her. I hope that whatever she found in that book will be of great help, and that Draco will see what was talking about.

The only thing I felt like I had to point out in terms of writing was that there were some grammatical errors. Nothing a quick read through can't fix :)

That's it from end for now, Grace ♥

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Review #22, by krazyboutharryginny - round #6/7 Recovery

13th April 2015:
*jailbreak!*
Whew, I'm glad that Hermione woke up - but it's awful that her condition has deteriorated so much.
I'm not sure that I would believe that Harry, Ron and Draco would just stand around fighting like that when Hermione clearly needed a Healer - especially not after the way Harry and Draco were talking to each other in the last chapter.
I'm not quite sure why Draco has to stay with her in the cottage. It seems like he's in a much better state than her, and "You both got hit by the curse so you should stay together" doesn't ring true to me. I think that there's a way around that though. You've been saying this whole story that stress will cause their conditions to deteriorate. Draco has obviously been under an immense amount of stress because of what happened to Hermione and the intense guilt he felt about it. Wouldn't it be logical that the stress has caused his condition to worsen and now they both have to go back to the cottage? I just think that that would make more sense.
I hope you don't mind the criticism. I really like your overall story and just want to help you tighten it up a bit :)
-Kayla

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Review #23, by jessicalorewrites - rounds 6/7 Empathy

13th April 2015:
~for the gryffie capture the flag challenge, rounds 6/7 #accioattackers

hey again!

ahh i want to cry i’m so happy hermione is finally waking up! of course i’m disappointed that neither draco, harry or ron noticed her movement but that’s quite realistic for the scenario as all three of them were lost in thought rather than focusing on her indefinitely. it was a really good way to end the chapter and, i imagine, especially frustrating for readers as you updated :p i can’t imagine having to wait to read the next chapter after an ending like that haha

one of my favourite elements of this chapter was that draco and harry finally managed to have a proper, civil conversation. i knew they had it in them ;) even if it did take hermione being in a coma again for them to figure it out and be okay with other another, i’m glad they finally got there. they’re not as different to each other as they’d like to think.

i also liked draco’s line of dialogue “stop lying to yourself man” i’m not sure why but it made me grin like crazy. bless him! the fact he is still trying to pull himself away and invalidate his feelings is so heartbreaking, but at least he comes around and is fully aware he’s trying to kid himself.
another poignant line was “what has the war done to us”. wow. there’s a million and one ways to read it, each as interesting and unique as the last. i really dig that line ♥

another wonderful chapter! again, i’m sorry i’m not reviewing every chapter but i /am/ reading and enjoying every one ^.^

- jess, xo

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Review #24, by krazyboutharryginny - round #6/7 Empathy

13th April 2015:
*attack*
So, first things first: I have issues with Harry's characterization in this chapter. He and Draco have a lot of past animosity, and I can't see them opening up to each other the way they do with no prior friendly interaction. I think that the two of them, before speaking up, would want to feel out the situation through body language. I think it would be more realistic if they had a sort of "silent conversation" through body language first.
That said, there are things I really like about this chapter. There's some really great imagery here, especially at the beginning. "The pool of blood never left his mind. Sometimes Draco felt like he was going to suffocate in it" - what a fantastic line!
I also like the progression of Draco and Hermione's relationship. Draco's concern for her comes through really clearly and believably. I also find Draco's guilt really in line with his character - he clearly felt the same sort of torment in Half-Blood Prince when he was tasked with killing Dumbledore.
Not a perfect chapter, but still good overall!
-Kayla

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Review #25, by randomwriter-round Recovery

13th April 2015:
Hello Grace! CtF! Round sex|seven.

This was a heartbreaking chapter. But somehow, it was also light, in a way? I mean, given the theme, I'd expect it to be heavier, but you wrote it in a manner that didn't reduce me to tears, but it still hit me quite hard. Great writing!

I laughed at that point where she'd woken up and the boys were just bickering despite how serious the situation was. It was so in character because I feel that even if they did manage to patch things up, the trio and Malfoy would still argue and fight over the small things, like what happens here. But Hermione's interruption was a harsh reminder of the reality, and the way you described her at that point was so sad to see because it showed us how weak she'd become.

In small, subtle ways, we can see how far Draco and Hermione have come. On having to share the cottage again, Draco doesn't throw a fit. I think that even Hermione is relieved that she doesn't have to do it alone. In fact, Draco giving her a blood transfusion in itself was an indicator of how far they've come.

I appreciate that you've built their romance up slowly. One problem I often have with Dramiones is that they suddenly go from enemies to lovers or friends. I'm really glad you're taking the time to develop their relationship.

I do want to note that your characterisation in this chapter seems to have improved. One indicator of this is how Hermione reacts when she finds out the bad news. She is, I'm sure, afraid, but she handles it with maturity, which is a lot like her as a person.

I like how the healer uses the wand like doctors use stethoscopes in the muggle world. It was a nice touch.

But the idea of having to start over, of losing all the progress really broke me. It must be terrible. I don't even know how I'd react in such a situation, but gah. I can't even fathom.

As for suggestions, I feel like you cold focus on the reactions and emotions of Harry and Ron as well as that seemed to have slipped by completely.
Also, there are some grammatical and punctuation errors (you're/your, apostrophe confusion). Anyway, nothing you can't fix.

That's about it from my end for this :)

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