Little short for my taste and would like to see how it connects with the actual hp story. I did like the idea of the baron being treated as he himself treated his female conquests however. Would like to read more of ur work.Author's Response: Hi! Thank you! I'm glad you liked the moral of the story even though it's a little cliched.
I agree that it is rather short. I rushed it and I'm completely accepting of the fact. I was pretty desperate to complete something that wasn't a one-shot, but my interest in the actual story was waning and so I just got out as much as I could and marked the whole thing off as done! That wasn't the smartest move on my part, but I don't have any inclination to go back at the moment, though I will definitely take more time developing the fic if I ever get some must for it again.
As for its connection to canon, I unfortunately had no idea how to connect it to the HP books as I never really felt the need to connect it. With that in mind, however, I'll think on some relation more and maybe add something that connects it to their present day (book present day, I suppose) at Hogwarts, perhaps even involving the final battle or something.
Thank you so much for the lovely review and advice, I will definitely be taking it should I ever work on this story again! Report Review
Hi there, Nicole again. :)
You must be sick of seeing my name now :P
I liked how Helena was showing Henry that she was not like every other girl that he had dated, that she wouldn't fall for his charm and grandiose. I also liked that she was able to take him by surprise and that he was outwardly taken aback. Also, it was nice seeing them able to get along and then their guards coming back up as soon as the other let slip.
"Slippery enough to get out of their little clutches as soon as they loosen their grip? Well, I was in Slytherin after all," - You have no idea how much I loved this line, it was awesome.
The only thing I would say was that Helena seemed all too willing to give up a bit too early, it would seem more 'her' to blow him off a bit longer. Although, if this is part of the plot, disregard that previous statement.
"The only women to not address him with a "Lord" before his name were always the women he enjoyed to ensnare the most." - This line was also amazing!
Overall, it was well written, as per usual, very good characterisation and it flowed very well.Author's Response: Hey Nicole!
I'm definitely not tired of seeing your name :)
You're giving me feedback I desperately need with this story.
Helena is...well, I meant for her to be different. I sort of tried to translate her mother's wit into her personality of pride and the desire for glory. Henry was definitely supposed to be surprised. He's not used to girls like Helena. Their relationship is supposed to be a bit like they'd actually work if they ever got a real chance, but both their personalities make it impossible for both to ever have a relationship with each other or anyone else.
I'm glad you liked those two lines! I'm not entirely sure where they came from, but I suppose that's what being an author is!
Erm, not sure which part Helena gave in too easily, but I know what you're saying as she does give in many times throughout the chapter. It's not a specific plot point, once again, it's just my personal laziness interfering with me creating a few lines in which she holds back longer. I tried, but it didn't sound like it flowed with the story, so I'm hoping I can attribute it to her desire to "play" the "player" and get to Henry-which is a major plot point.
Thank you so much for the lovely review and feedback! I will be contacting you on your review thread once my last chapter is up! (Sorry if that's an annoyance to you)
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Nicole here again from the forums. :)
I liked his disregard for Lucy, he's got what he wants and he wants her out. A bad attitude albeit for a man, but really good for a Casanova. :D
I really liked the repetition of the first paragraph from the first chapter, it shows his routine and I like it. His snappy attitude towards his co workers stood out, it showed me that he seemed ruthless and a man not to be reckoned with.
Hat's off to you. I absolutely loved Helena. She was brilliant. It was exactly how I imagined her and her attitude. Her characterisation and attitude were spot on in my books.
Overall, this chapter flowed very well, it was well written and had really good characterisation.Author's Response: Hey Nicole!
Truthfully, his disregard for Lucy was more of my personal laziness and eagerness to get that part over and done with than with displaying his character. *blushes* I'm glad it worked though with his character!
I'm glad the repetition of the first paragraph came through well! I wanted it there for the same effect you got from it!
His snappy attitude was meant to be more of a professional one, but it got the same result, you got the impression that he is an important man who shouldn't be trifled with!
Helena...I worked off a lot of my personal attitude towards life and the pride and thirst for glory we see in the book (those are what we primarily see of her.) I'm glad that the character was realistic to you!
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
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Hi, Nicole here from the forums with your requested review. :)
I liked the characterisation of the Baron, it was exactly how I imagined him, a smooth talking Casanova. Speaking of Casanova's, you really did a good job with the challenge, he is a true Casanova. It's also very fitting how he seems to think of Lucy as a game, a conquest.
His smooth lines and determination made me chuckle during this chapter which I really like in a story. I like that he's kind of swept Lucy off her feet, seems exactly how he gets all of his other women. This is well written.
All I can point out are the beginning few paragraphs, it seems a big haggard from the rest of the chapter, it doesn't flow as well, I believe this is because you are just getting into the piece, finding your feet.
Overall, this piece flows really well and there is really good characterisation. Also, I loved Walter, he was a really good drunk. :DAuthor's Response: Hi Nicole!
Thank you so much for being quick with the review! (Though I wasn't with my response...)
Anyways, Yay! I reached my goal of Casanova! I tried to make Henry's relationship process mimic that of Casanova's. That would be to find a damsel in distress, save her, be with her for a bit, then ditch her with a different guy (as you see in the next chapter.) I also tried to incorporate today's society's typical view of a "player" in there too, because that's what a Casanova is, isn't it?
I'm so relieved that my message went through and you realized that those lines are the same for all his women!
The first few paragraphs...meh. You're right, I have trouble starting projects that are large. And 4 chapters, my goal for this story, is quite large for me. I work primarily with one-shots. Also, I always find the first few words are the hardest to write. I think I'll most likely be editing this at some point, and I'll try to work out the flow in the beginning, though I looked back, and I honestly don't know how.
Walter! Oh my gosh, he is my favorite character here. I love writing drunks. Enough said.
Thank you for the lovely review! It's given me good feedback to edit this piece on if I ever do so!
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Sorry hun! Not logged in!!! GREAT chapter and submission!!! I love the way you incorperated the song into the fic! Your expression and usage of words was beautiful!! 10/10Author's Response: Hey there!
Thank you so much for the challenge! I was really stuck on how to continue this fic until you gave me the song, and then it was like a light came down and inspired the plot. I'm so happy that you like my writing style! Thanks for the review!
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