I didn't read the whole chapter, but i would like to give you one suggestion because you are lacking something really importiant : punctuation . you don't have enough commas in you sentences. when reading it doesn't sound right. ( ie. quote: "yes that is exactly why I am here I was hoping maybe you would tell me your story? should be changed to yes,that's exactly why I am here. I was hoping maybe you would tell me your story? i added the " . " and a "," That way the sentence sound better.) I hope you would work on your punctuation it would make your stories better. Report Review
it is good but u need to use commasAuthor's Response: Thankss:) i know before i update any new chapters i am going back and fixing all of that stufff Report Review
I love this so much(: update soon! this is so freacking amazing. you're an excellent writer. can you help me out and read mine,maybe? I could really use some advice,or where you want to see the story go!Thanks(:
hugs and kisses,
EverAuthor's Response: This like made my day!:) I have had major issues with writing it lately but i am going to work on it soon! i would love to read yours:) Report Review
Very good story.When I read stories in FanFictionHP,I choose the ones who are close to JK's mind ,and your story is one of them.You have a personal touch.Keep writing.Author's Response: I will never be anywhere close to the amazing-ness that is JK, but thank you(: I am debating on how to continue this story at the moment i am suffering from a little writers block:( but i hope to fix it soon!
Thank you for the reveiw! Report Review
This was another lovely chapter. Though a bit short. I would have liked a little more on each of the funerals. But this did the job. I'm sorry your computer crashed, it looks like it caused some spelling mistakes, (especially in the title). So now that it's fixed perhaps you can go over and clean it up. I do look forward to what you come up with next. Exciting times.
FoMAuthor's Response: Yes my grammar is terrible..as for the title my computer screen had a huge crack in it (thanks to my darling sister) so i couldn't see what i was typing *sigh* so after finals/ regents are over (only 15 days!) i am going to go back and fix EVERYTHING before i update another chapter:) thanks for the review:) Report Review
That was sweet and a bit fluffy. But now is the time for all to get a bit of a breather. I always enjoy when Harry meets Teddy. He is always nervous, which is ironic, seeing what Harry has done the last few months. But then again, Harry has never been around a baby. So it's wonderful to watch, or read in this case. I must say I am enjoying your story, though I'm a bit behind. Sorry about that. I'll catch up though.
Keep up the good work,
FoMAuthor's Response: Thanks for the reveiw:) Report Review
I've loved all your chapters so far, and this one was no different. I had tears in my eyes as I read this chapter, I think you did an excellent job and this is how I pictured the funeral. I'm so looking forward to more.Author's Response: That was kind of the best reveiw ever:) to be honest i cried when i wrote it.. The next chapter i hope to have up soon but my finals are starting but i promise no longer than like 3 weeks :) Report Review
Brilliant! The chapter was the perfect balance of happy and sad! update soon!Author's Response: Thanks glad you liked it! I will! Report Review
There were a lot of run-ons and sentences that didnt have commas, so that made it slightly hard to read. Other than that, good chapter!Author's Response: i know i have alot of mistakes once i have the time im going to fix them all thanks for the reveiw! Report Review
u did well.
i liked it...
please work on ur grammer a bit , but everything other than the punctuation was realy realy good.
keep writing! :>Author's Response: Thanks for the review:) and i know my grammar sucks after finals week im going back and fixing everythingg Report Review
LOL! Typical Weasley brothers... very funny and well-handled. You got Ginny's anger spot on as well, and on the whole the grammar wasn't too bad in this chapter compared to the other either. However, it still needs some work.
Some spelling mistakes I caught were;
- "bat boogey hex him" (boogey should be bogey)
- "wrap there heads around" (there should be their)
- "answered a quite Mr. Weasley" (quite should be quiet)
- "all the Luna and Dean" (the should be that)
- "to hear the this story" (can use the or this, but not both)
It was very funny, particularly Harry's comeback to being called a loon and the fact that Mr and Mrs Weasley had been listening :-D Also well done for picking Bill and Percy as the ones who flip out the most at Ginny being in the same room as Harry most as they are the two who don't know him as well so would be less trusting than Ron and George, etc. Charlie is quite mature so good work on him being the peacekeeper. LOL with Ron when he comes down!
Overall a good, funny chapter. I look forward to seeing what will happen next... but I'm not sure why Harry would tell the entire teaching staff of Hogwarts, seeing as some of them (e.g Professor Vector) have never even taught him. All the same, more good work - the story is progressing well!
P.S. Thanks for the review on War is Over ;-)Author's Response: Thanks for the corrections i have to fix those:) I'm glad you liked this chapter it was really fun to write. I didn't mean the whole teaching staff just those teachers Harry new and trusted. Your reveiws are amazing so Thanks!
p.s welcome for the review loved your story Report Review
Hi!! Love the story keep it up!!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you! next chapter should be up really soon this week has just been really hectic(: Report Review
Good work on this chapter; it was powerful, very powerful. The emotion in it that you use to such great effect speaks volumes, and this was a much better chapter than the last. The passion and meaning behind Harry and Ginny's words really hit home and you have shown true understanding of them, particularly when Ginny said about trying to be brave (which is exactly what she usually does).
The part at the end is very funny and yet very real at the same time... good work there to use the humour laced with threat (or the other way around LOL) to good effect. I still see elements of a classic "After the Battle" there but this chapter you have really made the story and characters your own - a really powerful (emotion-wise) chapter.
The grammar still isn't perfect though, and this detracts from the experience. You need capital letters every time someone starts talking as well as at the start of normal senetences (e.g. "we do have rules though Potter" - the "we" needs a capital "W") and maybe more commas. Careful where you do put commas; put in the wrong place they can make a sentence sound odd and awkward.
Appart from the grammar, though, this chapter was a good one. It had progressed well since the last one and the standard is definately higher. I like the moments you create, such as the first 2 paragraphs, Kingsley's short conversation and Ginny's feared Bat-Bogey hex!
I am interested to see where you go from here so I will keep reading; keep the good stuff coming! It would be much appreciated, if you had the time, if you could take a quick look at my story War is Over - it is also set After the Battle and I'd love to get the opinion of a writer who also writes the same type of story. Thanks in advance, and good work!Author's Response: Your reviews are wonderful:) I love Harry/Ginny so writing them usually comes so easy. Agian I know my grammar is horrific I really need a Beta.
p.s im going to read your story right now:) Report Review
Not bad - I like the way that you had Harry confiding in McGonagall. Also, unlike many "After the battle" stories, you don't have Harry reconciling with Ginny straight away, in the first chapter, so good decision using it as the base for a sort-of cliffhanger instead.
That said, the punctuation isn't perfect and that has the effect of making some sentences seem too long, which stops the story from flowing. The chapter title could have been more original (then again, it's not part of the story so doesn't really matter) and I recognised elements of other stories in the beginning. That said, stories set after the battle will usually have similar beginnings, as (unless you do something unusual and drastic) there's not much else you can do.
On the whole, though, it looks interesting and there are lots of encouraging signs. Maybe sort the grammar out a bit (it's more lack of commas and capital letters than spelling) but besides from that, a good solid start. I look forward to reading on to see how you build on that.Author's Response: I know my grammar is horrid i really have to work on it when i get the time
Thanks for the review Report Review
This is a great start to Harry's life after Voldemort. Great ideas, just keep going. I need more. Thanks for writing!Author's Response: Thanks for reading:) I'm almost done with the next chapter should be up sometime this week:) Report Review
Great chapter and I love fluff. How about some Hermione/Ron fluff?Author's Response: there is some Ron/Hermione Fluff in the next chapter(: Report Review
I love it I have never seen a beter story like that!Author's Response: Thank you that comment made my day:) Glad you like it next chapter should be up soon:) Report Review
I loved this chapter and this story. Keep going, can't wait. ThanksAuthor's Response: Thanks glad you like it! next chapter should be up soon Report Review
This is so interesting so far. I love it. I hope you update soon :) You write all the characters wonderfully :) xxAuthor's Response: thank you so much! i love these characters so it is pretty easy to write them. i hope i update soon too i plan on it being in the next few weeks Report Review
I love your story and am very excited whenever you update! Keep it up, it's brilliant.Author's Response: thank you i love exciting people! Next chapter should be soon Report Review
You did a fantastic job with this. With one exception. You made it sound like there were 8 Horcruxes. There were essentially 8 parts to Riddles soul, but only 7 were Horcruxes, the eighth was in the body of Tom, so technically not a Horcrux. But the way you had them tell it was really good. I can't guess as to how they will tell the public the story, but I would suspect they will simple out the reason Tom was able to come back. No one should have that evil of info. I can't wait for your next.
FoMAuthor's Response: your right ill get back to that evenutally and fix it. but thanks for the review i wasnt totally happy with this chapter but it serves its purpose the next chapter should be up soon Report Review
Wow, that was really good. Also pretty realistic, as brothers can get a bit bent out of shape when lil sis is making time with a guy. Hee hee hee. I will also forgive you for the cliffie. It will be better to have the story in one chapter, rather than be hurried. This story continues to be a wonderful read. Keep it going.
FoMAuthor's Response: Thank for the review agian you're one of my most loyal reviewers! anyway i always wanted to write a cliffy but i will try to not write to many! thanks agian next chapter should be up soon Report Review
very good. their talk by the tree almost made me cry. it was so happy/sadAuthor's Response: aw i dont want to make anyone cry! but im glad you liked it that is one of my favorite scenes thanks for the review(: Report Review
very silly weasley scene :) I liked how harry was so thankful about her knowing the bat bogey hex so well that was silly :)
Also just wanted to let you know that my story now has an awesome banner by angelic. you might want to check it out. Also if you could please review on the 1st chap that'd be great. the 2nd one is being fixed :) I love how we're doing the same story, but in totally different ways :) it's fun :) great job!Author's Response: thanks i really loved the weasley scene it was fun to write i will totally review on yours(:
Loved it, your reviews are correct, you know your characters. I hope you will have some more Ron/Hermione time, fluff and all. Can't wait for the next, thanksAuthor's Response: 1st review on this chapterr! thank you... Ron/hermione are deffinatly going to be in more of the story! Report Review
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