awww yay! I mean, not yay that he's injured, but yay at the cuteness. It reminds me of Ron when he was poisoned in 6th year, without the hysterical lavender lol.
great job though!Author's Response: Thank you very much! And yes, looking back, this really is quite similar to that particular part of HBP. Ah well, I've always been a sucker for hospital-bedside romances. Is that weird? No. It's not.
But thank you for the feedback! Report Review
I love Oliver and I think this is one of my favorites. Very cute and fluffy! Nice job.Author's Response: I love Oliver too - he's just so...insane. But quite adorably so :D!
Thank you very very much for the review! Report Review
I love this! It's a really sweet and romantic fluffy story. I love it!:)Author's Response: Well you're a sweet reviewer! Thank you so much for the feedback! :D Report Review
After you left me such a wonderful review on my not-much-reviewed WIP, I thought I owed you one in return. So here it is!
I really liked this. The freshness of the pairing, Alicia/Oliver as opposed to Katie/Oliver, was a refreshing change and while not unique, it was definitely un-clichéd, and I commend you for that. The beginning was very well written, and St. Mungo's was carefully described in an accurate way that was true to the books. I loved the (sometimes) annoying curtness of the Welcome Witch as well.
When Alicia arrived at Oliver's ward, I have to say, I was wondering what was wrong with him, and I think I'm simply more confused than Alicia was, because I don't really understand why Oliver was calling her "Alusha". Did he have amnesia or brain damage or something? That was the only thing I was a little iffy on, and I think it would've been okay if you just clarified this a little, for the benefit of the reader. But overall, this was a lovely piece, and my only suggestion for improvement is to make it a little longer, so it has a bit more plot and is therefore more engaging as a piece. Well done and keep it up!
~Soraya~Author's Response: Well shucks! You didn't have to do that fer lil' ol' me!
I know this should have been ten times longer, but it was my first oneshot and I kinda rushed it - sorry!
And about the whole 'Alusha' thing, I'm sorry if that confused. I really should go back and clarify that, but just so it's easier to understand, Oliver was hundreds of feet up in the air when a Bludger (which is no light object) hit him right round the head. He then fell from his broom, which really didn't help the situation. And when Alicia visits him, he's still (as the title says) unconscious, and not too aware of anything. However, in his mind, though he's in something like a mini-coma, he's thinking of someone - Alicia! I know, I know, I'm brilliant *wink*.
But anyway, he is still unconscious when he starts trying to call her, so it's kind of like he's talking in his sleep. He's not really in a fit state for talking in his comatose condition, and talking without being in control of your mouth would sound kind of like how he talked.
I'm no medical doctor, or even a CNA, but I think that kinda works? I'm going to have to rewrite this, because it made sense in my mind at the time and now I'm a bit confused myself.
Well, sorry for the novel here, but you asked some really good questions! And I'd like to see an update soon, young lady *shakes finger*
-Hannah :DD Report Review
Oh, I liked it a lot! So cute! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much :DD Report Review
I don't usually read fluff, but this was cute. I will admit that.
This is a nice start for a beginner in the fan fiction world. Most start off trying something cliche, you don't. I'm glad you didn't.
Now for the CC (constructive criticism), you have several spelling errors: Artefact-Artifact. Some words like Quidditch related injury should be capitalized, and I think you should of fleshed Oliver and Alicia out more. Like, maybe adding a flashback when she was petrified.
Overall, I am impressed with your grammar. Mines still isn't this good. If you need a banner, there is a link to The Dark Arts (TDA) on this site, they make some awesome banner and chapter pictures.Author's Response: Thank you very much!
For the whole Artefact - Artifact, I spelled it the UK way. I thought it would be more fitting, you know?
I do agree that I definitely should've fleshed Alicia and Oliver out A LOT more, but the point of both the oneshots was that they're unrelated. And yes, I think I'll go back and fix the whole capitalization thing in Quidditch -Related Injury.
Thank you SO much for your feedback on this, I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it :). Report Review
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