That was a really cute idea! I enjoyed the ship a lot, and I can't think of ever reading it before. There were a large handful of typos through out though. They were small things, like forgetting to add the "n't" to wasn't. Now that really can change the meaning of a sentence, luckily the few places that occurred the context of the sentence made it pretty obvious, but still an extra read through of this could really help you.
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: thanks, I do try to look out for them, but you just don't see them till you've already sent it for validation... lol
Thanks :D Report Review
Hello there! It's bamboomei from the forums, here to review :)
The things I think you need to work on are breathing spaces! Read the piece out loud (it helps me every time) and don't be afraid to split your paragraphs up into shorter lumps -- a stand-alone line is fine! It helps suspense and readability :)
The things I think you got right were genre and wit. Bravo! It was funny, and I liked that he was addressing the reader directly :)
xEAuthor's Response: Thanks, if I change it will you take another look before the deadline... if not that's O.k. it all adds up to experience right?!
When you gave me the ship, him talking to the audience was an idea that kind of jumped out at me and I had to write it...
Glad you enjoyed it though, I will take a look at breaking down the chunks! Thanks xxx Report Review
this was a GREAT story! Its so gorgeous, I love how u made Fred smart and sweet and funny! so gorgeous!!
Hope you write more stuff like this
10/10, loved it so muchAuthor's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it, I'm glad I was challenged to do something a lot less angsty than normal, it was fun to write :D
I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Fred, I'm not sure it's as canon as it could be but then again he's not mine so we're allowed a little bit of leeway aren't we..? I'm sure I will at least attempt to write something like this again, in the meantime why don't you take a look at some of my other stories and see if there's anything you like there :D
Thanks for the encouragement! Report Review
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