Here is the review I promised, even though I know it certainly took long enough.
I love stories about Padma Patil, mostly because she remains such an undeveloped character, both in the books and in fanfiction. So whenever I do come across one such story, it is a rare treat.
The descriptive language is beautiful and it paints such a clear picture of the surroundings and the people there. One thing that ca always make or break a story for me is what I see when I close my eyes. If I can't see the story, I know it is not one that appeals to me and one I won't be reading for much longer.
Your story certainly doews not suffer from this problem, and you should most definitely be commended for that.
One thing I would like to point out is that the word 'Muggle' needs to be capitalized. Most words invented by J.K. are capitalized (which is why Nargles and Hippogriff are capitalized while centaur and unicorn aren't). Also, spells are always in italics.
Some minor things, I know, but they were things I did find that could help you with your story.
Ah, getting into a country 'the old fashioned way'! I have several friends whose families came to America under those exact same circumstances.
I think I am now addicted to your writing style, and I'll have to come back and read more of your stories.Author's Response: Wow! *Blushes furiously* I don't even know how to reply to this, but I am.
Thank you so much for the compliments. Potential addiction? That's so flattering to my ego! Especially since I know you have high standards (I mean this in a good way, of course, as I would like to think I have high standards too). Gah! I'm stunned. I've been holding off replying to this because I just don't know how, and I still failed, but I really appreciate your feedback. I'll add your suggestions about capitalization and italics to my list of what to do before I submit any story haha. Thanks again!
I must warn you, if you do come back, stick to recent writings to get an idea of my writing style :P
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Hey! HarleyQuinn from the forums here :))
I have to tell you that I've never read a Padma-centered story before but yours look very promising. I think it was a well-done introductory chapter for an unusual story. I love how you made Dean a wizard artist - it's an original concept and the way you described the moving paintings was brilliant! I also quite like the idea of Padma teaching at Hogwarts, it suits her well. And you're right for Dean - he always seemed too nice!
So, all in all - characterisation is perfect. As for flow, I also think it was good - everything fit together well and I didn't notice any "breaks" in it. And I assume that for believability you were asking about this citizenship law. I don't find anything wrong with it - I think that in legislation, the wizard world is somehow similar to the Muggle one, so why not?
Just a teeny tiny correction - you spell Parvati's name Parvarti and Pavarti at some places. Of course it's not very noticeable but I am a bit of a canon freak for names. :DD
Nevermind that, I enjoyed the story and it's interesting how will things go for Padma and Dean. Good luck with it!
HarleyAuthor's Response: Hey Harley!
Thank you very much for the review! I really appreciate it :) I'm glad characterization and flow seemed appropriate and good. I tend to make transitions that aren't so smooth, so I'm glad I didn't seem to in this post.
Ohhh somehow I always fail with names. Thank you for catching that!! I will be fixing it the moment I can haha.
I was also thinking 'why not' in terms of Ministry law myself haha. So I'm glad that worked out/seemed believable too.
Thanks again! I'm excited for Padma and Dean too.
this sounds realy interesting
please update soon
i really, really want to read more
:)Author's Response: Thank you for the review, aasiya333!
I'm glad you enjoyed my story and found it interesting. Hopefully it stays interesting haha. As far as updating, I have no clue when the next chapter will be out. I plan for it to be out before Feb., but we will see if that happens :P Thanks again!
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great chapter! hope you continue.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed and I will be continuing haha. I appreciate your review!
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