Reading Reviews for Shine
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Shine

8th July 2014:
Hello there!!

I did enjoy reading this, it's different from what I normally read, and was actually rather refreshing. I really really loved their relationship with one another, the bond between them really shines through.

I noticed in your authors note that you were experimenting with different writing styles, and to be perfectly honest, the story was a bit hard to follow at certain points. I think you probably could've left out some of the bits about her not feeling successful enough for her family, while still portraying the feelings that you wanted to get across. It's definitely not bad, it just feels sort of...incomplete maybe?

With that being said, I really do like the focus on her relationship with Lysander. He seems to lift her up and make her whole, in the way that only your first love, and the naivety of youth can make you feel. You've made both your MC and your story easy to relate to, and that is definitely something to be amazingly proud of.

I didn't notice any spelling errors, so good job with that as well. Like i said earlier, I know you said this was kind of an experiment, so I'm not sure if I noticed a few grammar errors, or if that was the effect that you were going for.

Overall really good job though, and I seriously commend you on being brave enough to try and write something outside of your normal comfort zone, and you did a pretty good job at it.

---House Cup 2014 Review-
Pretense of Perfection, Gryffindor

 Report Review

Review #2, by vespasian68967 Shine

28th December 2012:
Cute story. It's a nice little vignette into Lily's thoughts and I think it would fit her character very well. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #3, by alicia and anne Shine

14th August 2011:
This is extremely cute! I am so glad that Lysander can make Lily so happy and not like part of the crowd.
She seems to love him very much as well and I'm glad that they seem made for each other.
I like how you described how she feels overshadowed because everyone would have done things better, kind of like how Ron used to feel at school and that.
I thoroughly enjoyed this

alicia and anne
slytherin

 Report Review

Review #4, by bluecharlotte Shine

17th July 2011:
I think it's short and sweet. The way she sees Lysander and how he sees her is adorable (yeah that word is supposed to describe teddy bears but whatever). I think it's cool that you show how she has grown and accepted herself in so few words. She realizes that she may have true love and is thankful for it. She knows that she can be who she is, because she is Lily, and there is no other Lily. Like I said, short and sweet (: Nice writing!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad that is the way it came across.

 Report Review

Review #5, by xxpetrapan Shine

29th December 2010:
It was short and sweet! I adored it! Lily is the only next gen chacacter that I think is good with Lorcan or Lysander since they are fairly younger then the rest!

Great Job!

-Kattia

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad it worked :) Thank you for the review!

 Report Review

Review #6, by lunylovegoodlover Shine

17th December 2010:
This is really good. I often thought that the next generation would have exactly the problems you described. I don't think this was sad at all. It was hopeful, and really, really good.

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login