hey! So I was searching your things for your last review, and I found another tonks thing! And I love your tonks so i just had to read it :D
Seriously, you're amazing with Tonks. Gah, as an Adult or Teen (and presumably child) you can write her perfectly. I love how clumsy and prone to accidents she is. And meddle-some. Is that a word? i don;t know, but she is sure meddle some! I found myself really wanting charlie and naomi to get together (love your characterisation of naomi too!!! She's perfect!)
and one more thing!! CHARLIE! You put them as classmates! Genius! I've never seen that before. I don't know whether it's canon or not, but it can totally work, I love it. Really well done on this, another brilliant piece as always. I've really enjoyed reading your work, so good job. Have a brilliant christmas and I shall talk to you in the new year :D :D :D YAY 2012!! XDAuthor's Response: Happy New Year, I guess I should say!
This was actually my first ever attempt at writing Tonks, but I've really come to love her! She's become one of my favourite characters to write - and apparently I did her justice. Yay!
Charlie's born on Dec. 12th, 1971, while the lexicon and HP wikia put Tonks in 1972 or 1973. So I thought, why not? Though I can't image them as a couple and that's where Naomi comes in.
Thanks for some amazing reviews, and I look forward to talking to you too :D
PS: meddle-some sounds awesome enough to be an actual word ;) Report Review
I like it, it's cute. I'd really like to see what happens next...
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your review! It's originally a one-shot, though I have ideas to expand on ... Now I only need to find the time to write them down :)
xxx Leo Report Review
This is very cute. I like your take on Tonks. And I love that her and Charlie were friends. I've always wondered if they were! So it's nice to see someone exploring that idea.
I like that this little fic is just kind of like a peek into the life of Tonks and her friends. It's not like the most dramatic situation or craziest situation, it's just a day in the life. But quite the amusing and entertaining day in the life :P
I think you've done very well! Good job.
Erica.Author's Response: Hey!
I always thought they must have known each other, and that they would be hilarious together :D
I've realised through this fic (it was written for a challenge) that I don't write many classroom scenes, but then had so much fun writing it.
Thanks for your feedback :)
xxx Leo Report Review
Omg! I'm so sorry D: I literally forgot about this challenge
Seriously though I feel really bad. Anyway ... you won the challenge :) First place so that gets you six reviews :D pm me which ones ;)
Okay onto the review of this story. I love your opening it draws us in right away. In general I love what you did with this scene :) Really when I gave you Tonks and a someone gets changed into a small animal I had no clue what you were going to do with it :P But I really like this it made me laugh. Oh and I love the title.
As I'm not really good a pointing out grammatical errors I'll skip over that part :3
Your ending was pretty good. It made me laugh :D Okay I suck at reviews. But here you go anyway :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! A nice surprise when I logged in and not only found a new review, but won the challenge too!
If it made you laugh, I must have done something right.
To be honest, I didn't know if I could do this either. I wrote the first paragraph and didn't know how to go on for weeks. Then, I got hit with this plot bunny and wrote the rest in one go :D
But I am really proud of the outcome :)
Anyway, I loved this challenge, it made me realise I haven't written a classroom scene before!
xxx Leo Report Review
Hello Leo! I'm starting to chip away at my reviews and start your prize! Fun title and pretty banner!
Solid opening, I could see that she was on the floor right away. You do a great job with showing and not telling us here and everywhere for that matter. It's always hard to balance between showing and telling and I think you picked showing and did it justice!
'All she could see was a forest of heels' -heels like the shoes? Or heels like the bottom of feet? Confusing...and either way implies that men are wearing heels, which if they are is cool, but still I don't think that was intentional :P
''and for everyone else, for that matter!"" she tried' -capitalize the S in she. Haha to Charlie's comment. Her correcting him also shows how close they are in their friendship, nice show instead of tell here. Actually, throughout the entire story there is a capitalization after dialogue issue. Once dialogue ends with a punctuation (.?!) the next word is capitalized. Transfiguration would be capitalized too since it's a subject.
' With nothing else to do, she tuned back in to what was being said.' -Haha, your characterization of Tonks seems spot on to me. She's a klutz with a sense of humor.
' And no fooling around, please," the last comment was distinctly direct to her, and Nymphadora attempted her puppy dog eyes. Sadly, those were lost on McGonagall.' -Haha, your MinnieMcG is funny too and accurate. Again, with punctuation. After the please would have been a period since there is not dialogue tag (ex: she said) that follows. Then the t in 'the' would be capitalized.
"Petrificus Totalus," everything seemed to freeze, -who said this? And it everything froze, would she have fallen? Or was the freeze for dramatic effect? lol
' hurrying towards their desks. Or where it had been before.' -their desk? If not, where they had been before.
I found the end a bit confusing and had to do a double-read of it. It certainly seemed like a mess haha. But I couldn't tell what was happening with the freezing spell and something falling on her...huh?
Funny ending with her life ending and good story all around. I found it entertaining and, for the most part, well-written. Everything flowed well and Tonks was really enjoyable. Other than what I have commented on above, I like your characterizations, use of language, dialogue (besides the punctuation issues) seemed realistic and also humorous. Overall, good job! Fun and quick read ;)
nrbAuthor's Response: That was fast :D
I'm coming to love your reviews, they're always helpful! This one-shot wasn't beta'ed, so there might be some kinks, I'll edit it soon and I'll consider you pointers.
I'm glad you liked it overall, it's always nice to hear that :)
Thank you! Report Review
"don't startle them? How do you suggest we do that? A dragons got nothing on Minnie McG!" hilaurious! Great job! It really captures the unique teasing friendship between Charlie and Tonks. You should really consider making a short story collection about multiple incidents they run into at hogwarts. This is brilliant!Author's Response: Woah, thank you so much for this review! I was so glad to get Tonks for this challenge, I always wanted to write about her :) Maybe inspiration will strike again xxx Report Review
This was such a funny story I love the way you make Tonks just the way I've always imagined her clumsy and unfocused.
I find it simply excellent that this one-shot only covers a lesson which makes it so much easier to follow and it creates a very good short, easy fun and flowing situation.
great story :)
*huggles*Author's Response: That was fast :D
I was going for funny; it's nice to see I'm not the only one who thought it was lol
Thank you so much for the review, it really makes me smile :D
xxx Leo Report Review
Hahah this bunny. Love it! Nice work!Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
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