First off, I absolutly LOVED the Quibbler article. Poor Luna. And Malfoy.
-MPRAuthor's Response: Thank you! It was fun to write. Report Review
Hannah that story is not awful!!
I really enjoyed it.
I loved how you depicted Luna as strong and resilient as well as whimsical, it was great characterization. It's hard to capture Luna and I think you've done it brilliantly here.
'Well and he has also found new evidence on the crumpled-horn snorcack. So they might want me to stop him releasing that." ' favourite sentence of the whole thing, so like Luna to think of something like that.
The ending was really good as well. Having her saying sorry to Draco was a brilliant idea because it shows how much of a selfless person she is, and a good judge of character; she can see things others can't.
Great job :)Author's Response: You're making me blush!
Thanks m'dear, next time I post just pop it in after that it will still count, I did it with another one :)
The characterisation was so hard and despite my feelings about it I am glad you think it was good.
Thanks Report Review
hi!! back for the review battle--
firstly, i think the end is my favorite part. it's sad that Draco can't be softened, but it's very like luna to think of him.
overall I think the characterization is very nice in this story, you've pretty much got all the characters down :)
the banter in the train is well-done, and makes it sadder when the attack happens.
I think that luna's detachment is interesting when she's first waking up and talking with olivander. it's a realistic way that i can see her dealing with her fear, even if she doesn't know that she has it.
overall, there are lots of periods missing and the dialogue grammar is a bit iffy, but it was still worth the read. well done! :) :)
--lilyAuthor's Response: Hey!!
For some reason I always get a tiny bit scared when I see I have a review from you :P
But I am surprised you like this one..I honestly hate it and would delete if I hadn't been for a couple of threats from some readers :P
But I am fine with the criticism..it was my first one-shot and not that great :) Thanks for the review though! :D
Hannah x Report Review
HANNAH!! Im sad to say this is the first time i have managed to make it around to your authors page to read a story of yours!!! BUT im not sad i did it! :) This was fanaminal, never in a million years could i trump luna, i dont even try really ive done it once and NEVER again will i. You did her so well, and bella i couldnt believe how spot on you were with the characterization. . . Like you said in you a/n that you are not good with endings, the plot does sort of just drop off, nothing a little touch up couldnt fix though :) I love reading those simple missing moments sort of stories and this one is really good!!!
Operation green with envy!Author's Response: Hey!!
Um..you liked that one...eww. I hate it WITH A BURNING PASSION!!! I plan to delete it soon...
But um I'm glad you like it :D
Thanks Jess x
Hannah x Report Review
Anyways, very nice concept to the piece. I've always wondered how they got ahold of Luna.
I absolutely adore your characterization. One of the couple critiques I have in that category is Bellatrix's dialogue, the content of what she's saying is perfect, but the way she says it sounds too much like how I would imagine Umbridge. Oh, and Voldemort, I was a bit confused. Firstly, I would never imagine him caring enough about media to see Luna personally. The fact that he would bring himself down to a level to know she's in Ravenclaw was a bit appalling.
Draco's character was perfect, your empathy towards him was fantastic! Mr. Ollivander's description was nice, but his character wasn't developed enough for there to be any critique or praise on it, Ginny's character like-wise. Neville's quick acceptance that he was the "new Harry" disturbed me, I always found Neville too humble for that.
Now to rant on Luna for a bit, my absolute favorite character! She's amazing! Anyways, her disbelief that her father would print that was great! And her eventual acceptance while talking to Malfoy was good. I think she was a little too quick to realize she was being used for blackmail-but she has to be a Ravenclaw for a reason.
Other general comments not relating to character:
-several typos, though I'm sure you're already aware of them yourself
-While your writing flowed very nicely, it felt a bit choppy at parts.
-You could've also used a bit more diction to make the fic more eloquent.
Overall, I liked the story! (I'm biased, however, I just really, really adore Luna!) The concept was great, and this was your first fic posted! So excellent job considering that!
p.s. I only found 2 song titles in the Quibbler article...I probably missed a bunch... :0
I saw "We Must Unite" and "Dance Again" by the way.Author's Response: Ahhh! Of all the ones you could review you pick my worst! ;)
This was done before I even though about the concept of characterisation or I cared about flow..IT IS AWFUL!!!
Tehe..there were quite a few other songs and song lyrics...I went through my AVPM stage then 0.o
But thank you!...I'm not sure how you managed to compliment this at all! But thanks all the same ;)
Hannah x Report Review
great story, Luna stays true to her character and I liked your characterization of malfoy. The story was well written and flowed wonderfully. I think you could've expanded on some of the thoughts and feelings here though- like for example when you talk about being taken, you could've added how neville and ginny were feeling about it, but you just kind of speed through it. And you can try to distinguish between parts to show that time has passed, like when you mention luna waking up, you could put ** or a line, or some other symbol to separate the parts- although I don't think its important, i just thought I'd mention it.
so i know this review seems full of criticism, but thats not the case, I really think you have an excellent story on your hands here and you ended it perfectly, aside from the stuff I mentioned before (which are really minor stuff) the piece is well written and constructed.
Great job! hope that helped and you get what I'm saying ;)Author's Response: Helllooo!!
Wow! Errrm thank you :D
I despise this story..it was my first ever one-shot and I wasn't even happy with it when I wrote it but thank you so much for making me feel like it wasn't a complete failure!
The criticism is fine, I know if I ever go back to it I would do it differently anyway, :)
Thank you :D Report Review
Hey, orderofthephoenix here again :)
Aw, this story deserves more reviews!! Another story about a unknown moment in DH, I like it! :D
I'm glad Luna stood up for herself and defended Harry even after her father started printing news stories to the contrary. And it was a nice touch to include Draco and how he felt about torturing Luna.
I believe 'snorcack' may actually be spelt 'snorkack' although I might be wrong. :/ And you may want to consider getting a beta to correct spelling and grammar.
Sophia xAuthor's Response: That was one i did ages ago before the forms but i'm glad you like what i wrote :)
I know my spelling is awful and snorkack looks right :D I wasn't sure at obviously feeling too lazy to look it up :D
Not one of my best but i'm glad you liked it. I'm still worried about how i did Luna though..not an easy character but thanks about Draco..he's a character i find strangely easy to write. It was a moment i always wondered about so i wrote it :)
Thanks :D Report Review
This is a very unique moment to write about. I like how Luna is easily able to see the pain Malfoy is going through. My only problem is that it doesn't quite seem to capture Luna's essence, maybe because they are in a war. Luna is a very difficult character to depict, but I think that you did well overall.Author's Response: Thankyou. . I know I was actually really annoyed about how I portrayed Luna I didn't feel I did it very well either but I submitted it anyway. I always felt that Luna could see through people very well hence she could see what Malfoy was going through. Thankyou for the review though :D Report Review
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