Reading Reviews for Checkmate
  
108 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Caro Facta Non Verba

8th April 2013:
what a great story! really enjoying it so far :)

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Review #2, by TenthWeasley Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

5th January 2013:
This was, I think, the first James/Lily novel I've ever read (which is perhaps a bit hypocritical of me, since I've finished two-and-a-third novels in which James/Lily is a very centric ship). I very much enjoyed this! I never thought, starting out, that you would have such an interesting take on the way the Marauders spent their final year at Hogwarts. I've never read anything else that comes close, and that originality factor is awesome in setting your story apart from others before it.

I think perhaps the only thing that turned me off this story is all the swearing -- I do understand, of course, that teenagers swear, but it's a personal preference. I did not let it detract me from the story, you will be glad to know! You have a smooth writing style that was pleasant to read, and the plot intrigued me from start to finish.

Great work, and congratulations on finishing this -- it really is an accomplishment!

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Wow, this is a very old story of mine, thinking about it -- the fact that you enjoyed it so much means a lot, so thank you very much for this review. I personally think there are many, many things wrong with this story, lol (I deleted it from my MuggleNet Fan Fiction author page, actually), so I am really flattered you enjoyed reading it and that you thought it so original, despite the fact that I wrote this when I was fourteen/fifteen.

Hmm, I think I was quite defensive to other reviewers who had similar objections regarding the swearing; I do think, looking back, that it was quite gratuitous at times, so I understand where you're coming from. Depending on the story, swearing may or may not fit in -- at times, I do feel like maybe Lily swore a bit too much (though the Marauders, ha, would definitely swear a lot -- well, at least Sirius and James would XD).

I'm really so pleased that you enjoyed Checkmate; it was quite a popular story here, which makes me sad because nothing I've written since has been quite as popular. (This really isn't me self-pimping -- LOL.) I guess part of the reason for that is because the fandom is slowly shrinking, sadly, which is a shame because my latest works are of far better quality than this -- though, like I said, that is not an invitation for you to go and read/review them, although you're more than welcome to if you want, hehe.

Thank you for the review; it means even more to me because of how accomplished an author you are, with winning a Dobby and all! :D

Soraya xxx


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Review #3, by Joanna Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

14th February 2012:
It was really good, yet sad at the same time. Especially the last chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review ;) Do read my other works if you liked this one -- I would love more reviews.

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Review #4, by LeviosaQuest23 Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

2nd January 2012:
I seriously loved this fic. I wasnt sure if I'd like it all that much before starting. I wasn't really looking for a war centered story. I only chose it because tit was the most intresting on the page and i didnt feel like browsing anymore, but after only a couple chapters in i was hooked and was so upset when it was over. The whole suicide thing kept me up a whole like hour longer than i meant to that night.

Author's Response: Hiya :) I'm so glad you liked it! This is one of my crappier fics, lol, so it's nice to know that it's still being read.

Checkmate did have a few dark themes in it, so I hope I had handled them well and I am really happy you were hooked. If you're interested in any of my other works, just click on my author page -- there are few bits and bobs you might like, and if you do find something that you enjoy, I would love another review :)

~Soraya~


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Review #5, by Shay_Gryff Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

28th December 2011:
Aww! I love it so much! If only... nevermind, i'm not sharing my story idea! Lily and James are perfect for each other! the only thing i don't like about their story is that it ends in death and sorrow.

i know i didn't review every chapter, but if you start another story i will be the provider of a basket full of reviews. i hate Snape, but i love how you ended the story. it worked very well.

KEEP WRITING!! :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Lily and James are perfect for each other -- I definitely agree.

I have one other chaptered fic that I wrote in a rush for a story swap and am now thinking of expanding. It's a femmeslash -- Katie/Leanne. If that's your thing, do check it out when I post it, though I'm far more active on MNFF than here since the posting restrictions on HPFF do get on my nerves at times. Also, I have a Remus/Tonks oneshot posted on MNFF and I have a Louis/Lily story in the queue on MNFF as well, all under the penname xxbabewithbrainsxx.

Ta again for the review and have a nice new year!


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Review #6, by Shay_Gryff Vicious Circles

28th December 2011:
um... that was weird. you have so many minor characters die i don't know enough about them to be sad, but death is always sad. don't think that i'm some strange person who doesn't think death is bad, i'm not, but i just don't know the characters enough to be sad for them.

Author's Response: Um, I don't know if when you say "weird" you mean it in a good or bad way... but thank you for the review nevertheless.

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Review #7, by Shay_Gryff Hogsmeade Visits And Hiccupping Hearts

28th December 2011:
why? Kian is aborable! well...for some reason i picture him as something like a little kid telling his babysitter that he loves her, but he's only a year younger than Lily so i guess the apropriate word would be 'cute' or, well not adorable. so much death in only eight chapters!

Author's Response: Well, people who are good do die. It happens. Look at Cedric Diggory and Dobby. They were good people/Dobby was a good elf and both of them died.

Thanks for the review :)


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Review #8, by Shay_Gryff Prologue

28th December 2011:
I don't like watching people cry, so I'll reveiw.
What just happened? I know that Lily was at her friends house, her friend left, Death Eaters came and were looking for her friend's dad. Other than that, i'm slightly confused. Did the girls side-along Aparate with Lily or were they left behind? Who were the Death Eaters? What happened after she Aparated? I guess I'll find out later!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you for your review. Um, you probably have the answers you need since you've obviously read on, lol. But I'll tell you again, hehehe.

Basically, Lily was at Marlene's house looking after Marlene's two sisters. The Death Eaters arrived, looking for Marlene's dad, but they couldn't find him so the Death Eaters took the sisters and Lily along by Side-Along Apparation to... somewhere :) Then Lily managed to escape but she left Layla and Jenna behind because the Death Eaters had caught up with them.


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Review #9, by Me Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

2nd November 2011:
It was amazing! Sorry I didn't review until now, I couldn't stop reading! You got all the characters exactly right!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! If you liked this, you might like Blood and Roses which is a Scorose, though it does have slash in it which you may or may not like...

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Review #10, by X Sanat Vulnera

2nd November 2011:
Hey :) I love this story!
I was just wondering, did you mean to say Aunt Anne when you said Aunt Laura? x

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks for the review.

Oh! Thank you very much for pointing that out, but this story is an age old and I frankly can't be arsed to change it >.> But thank you anyway :D and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.


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Review #11, by TheLittleBookworm Hogsmeade Visits And Hiccupping Hearts

20th October 2011:
Awesome story! Have you written any other ones?

Author's Response: Thank you! Just look at my author page for more works -- and please review!

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Review #12, by Potterforthewin Vendettas, Vexation and Vindictus Viridian

18th September 2011:
OKAY. So, I just started reading this story, and I felt like I had to share this with the world.
1) This story is awesome so far, and I love it(:
2) I totes get it. Like, I understand how Lily is going to tell about the 2 daughters she babysat, but I won't say on here to spoil it(;
Sorry, I'm just really excited I was able to see the foreshadowing, lol!
Awesome story.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review. I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. I won't spoil you on any of the twists or anything, since that would ruin your enjoyment, but I will say that you're in for one bumpy ride. :D

Thanks again for the review -- much appreciated.

~Soraya~


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Review #13, by Bellatrix_Lestrange_24 Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

5th September 2011:
I love this story. It was really well written. The ending was really sad and I was almost crying. I enjoyed reading and good job. :P

Author's Response: Oh, I feel bad for making you almost cry! Thank you for your review; it means a lot. *passes tissues*

~Soraya~


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Review #14, by Raphie Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

29th August 2011:
Can I just say that this is a truly inspirational story, I love Marauder stories and this one has definitely classified as one of the best I have read. You have clearly put a hell of a lot of effort into this and I'm proud to say that I've read this and feel really quite moved. You said in a previous review that your self esteem was quite low so I also wanted to say that it shouldn't be as you are a fantastic writer and if you continue you could have this as a career or something. Thank you so much for writing this story, greatly appreciated.X

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you very much for your review -- I'm very flattered. I can assure you that there are far better stories out there, and that as a fifteen-year-old, I have a lot to learn about writing still.

I am very happy you liked the story nevertheless, and thank you again for the lovely review.

~Soraya~


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Review #15, by lime flavoured bertie bott Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

20th August 2011:
And how old were you when you wrote this?!? One word: amazing. More words: except for the fact that I could consider you a better technical writer, I could believe that this was J.K. herself, it was so wonderfully written. You paid such great attention and took such care that I may need to broaden my reading pool to include others like this that don't just focus on the relationshippy side of things, and actually read like a Harry Potter novel. Kudos, this is a 100% completely awesome piece of work, and will be remembered on my favorites forever.

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much! I must disagree with you, however; JKR will remain one of the best writers ever, and I could never be any better than her. I am fifteen years old, and I was fifteen when I wrote this :)

This was never supposed to be a purely relationshippy fic, and I'm glad you drew attention to that. Thank you very much for the lovely review and the praise that I certainly do not deserve. If you liked this story, you may like Blood and Roses, which is Next Gen. It includes slash, so I'm not sure if you're into that, but the main ship is Scorose. If you like it, I'd be grateful for a review :) If not, there are plenty of other stories on my author page that you can check out. Ta for the review!

~Soraya~


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Review #16, by DetectiveMenace Epilogue Blood, Sweat and Tears

10th August 2011:
It's over?! Really? Truly, madly, deeply over?! Wow. I kinda can't believe it, to tell you the truth. :)
This story has truly been a roller coaster on the reader, too (or at least it was for me). There have been sad parts (Layla and Jenna getting kidnapped), sick parts (Marlene receiving her little sister's fingers), sadistic parts (When they finally find Layla and Jenna), happy parts (Cinderella!), parts that just made me say "FINALLY!" (when the Tongue-Tying Curse was finally broken!), and parts that made me want to jump up and scream "YEAH!" (Lily's speech about choosing sides).
The epilogue surprised me. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this did take me off guard, with Snape's feelings and actions after Lily and James's deaths. A very bitter scene, yet it's almost sweet in a way. Not sure how, but still.
And so, to wrap this lengthy, confusing, odd, jumbled-up review, I take off my hat to thee, babewithbrains, for a story very wonderfully written. *cue curtain drop*

Author's Response: Yep, it's over :) I couldn't believe it for a while either, tbh. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I'm glad you pointed out the sad parts, the sick parts, the sadistic parts and the happy parts, but also that you wanted to scream "yeah" at any point. LOL.

I wanted the epilogue to be James and Lily's deaths. But apparently, it had been done so many times over, it had become a cliche, so I decided against it. So I had to *kind* of put a new spin on that cliche and I decided to write a snapshot of what happened just after James and Lily's deaths. I'm really ecstatic that you liked it, and it was intentionally bittersweet (or, at least, I think it was :D).

Thank you so much for the support, for the reviews and most of all, for staying with this story. It would be nothing without reviewers, and it makes me so happy to hear that you thought this was wonderfully written. My self-esteem has dropped down to zero lately, so this really made my day. Thank you again, and if you're interested in my other stories, I have a femmeslash coming up soon. That's the one I'm very, very unhappy with, but I'll let you be the judge of that when I finally post it. Heart heart heart! (Because I'm not allowed to do the actual hearts, LOL)


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Review #17, by Silk Tea Eternal Lapse

5th August 2011:
Hey there, Silk Tea from the forums! Sorry it took so long to review and get back to you.

When I started to read this, I must say I was surprised. I've never really read a Marauder's era story from the point of view of Lily. I really love how you made it feel from the beginning really dark. You started to show that it was dangerous during those times.

I love the side that you showed of Lily when she wanted to jump off the tower and how James saved her. You characterized them perfectly. You instilled darkness when I was reading this. I love how you made it flow when James and Lily put things aside for the bigger problems that they were having.

Overall, A great story!

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm glad you liked it. The darkness wasn't intentional, so it's good to know that from the beginning, it was dark, and dangerous. It's to be expected, really -- it's a war, of course it's going to be dangerous! I'm very happy you enjoyed it and I hope that if you continue to read on, you'll enjoy the epilogue. Thanks for the great review!

~Soraya~


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Review #18, by DetectiveMenace Eternal Lapse

3rd August 2011:
Revolting, starving two children to death, locking them in the dark, taking them away from their families. I nearly lost my lunch. It reminded me of the Holocaust, though, how the Nazis and officers starved and overworked the Jews they captured, men, women and children, just because they were Jewish. I'm not surprised James and Lily couldn't sleep.
But Lily's speech at the end was beautiful and so powerful, about taking sides. I nearly teared up myself. I personally thought that in light of the horrific incident they had just gone through, the ending was perfect.
Absolutely haunting story, and I can't wait for the epilogue.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, I agree that it was completely revolting and it made even me feel a bit queasy writing it, as well as lose sleep.

I'm glad you liked Lily's speech -- it took a lot of time and hard work. This story is a labour of love, and I'm really really happy you read it all and reviewed so often. It means so much to me, and I will post the epilogue when I have a spare moment. Thank you for all your reviews!

~Soraya~


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Review #19, by Emily Sectumsempra

27th July 2011:
I really love this story! In general, I think fan fics are really lame, but I just wanted more stories about Hogwarts, and your's has exceeded my every expectation. The writing style is your own, but it is reminiscent of J. K. Rowling's and stays true to the world of Harry Potter. This is definately more romantic (which I like) and also deals with the issue of suicide very respectfully and gracefully. My only qualm is that you swear a lot. This isn't just me being a prude, I think it detracts from the quality of the writing, and I know you're better than that. Rowling didn't need to drop the F-bomb to make her writing more powerful and neither do you. Keep up the great work! :)

Author's Response: Hi there. Thank you very much -- I don't think my writing could ever live up to J K Rowling's so I'm flattered you thought so. And it was romantic? Thank you.

I must say that I disagree with you on two of your points. Firstly, fanfiction being lame -- well, you can see why I would dispute this. I can't help but wonder why you would be on a fan fiction site if you think this.

Secondly, I didn't include the f-bombs to beef up my writing or anything. I can't help but add that if you are a prude, and you saw the warning on my story that there is strong language used, as well as countless warnings in my author's notes, then really, should you be reading it, if you're going to complain about it? Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad you liked it, and you can't have liked it without reading it, but I do think that the swearing does nothing to the quality of my writing. JKR couldn't possibly drop an f-bomb when she knew nine-year-olds were reading her books. By rating this Mature, I can drop f-bombs as I please, and I'm afraid I'll continue to do so in this story and in my other stories too. Swearing is something that happens in RL -- you'll just have to accept this, or not read any further, because I must warn you, strong language will be used in the remaining chapters of this story.

Thank you for reviewing.

~Soraya~


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Review #20, by uncivilized Prologue

27th July 2011:
So, I'm finally here to review you. I got a bit bogged down for a bit and then I forgot, but I'm here now. ^_^ I'm sorry about the wait!

Sometimes I struggle to get into Marauders era fics, simply because there are a lot of them and I have read many. However, I am intrigued because of your description/introduction of sorts. This: "And, stuck in the middle of all of this, James Potter and Lily Evans realise that, in a war, you have to take a side..." is my favourite line and it's a great way to end it - you draw readers in that way.

I like that you jump immediately into the action - it's a good way to get readers into your story, but I do feel that you might have rushed it slightly. Maybe take the time to add in what thoughts were running through Lily's mind, how she was feeling - was she scared? What about the children? Little things - their expressions, were there eyes wide? Mouth open? Was Lily close to hyperventilating? Did she squeak in fear? Trip over something as she tried to back away? Adding those little details allows the reader to feel more involved - like they're actually there and seeing this happen. I think that's probably one of the most important things you can do when writing a story - making it possible to feel like the reader is there too.

I like your transitioning from one scene to the other - it's smooth, which is good, because an abrupt transition can sometimes throw readers off. Jenna and Layla's hope and belief in Lily seem to be very typical of what younger children are like - they always seem to believe that the older, 'wiser' person are able to get through things without worry. So, I like this accurate depiction of the children and Lily's thoughts and reactions to it. :)

You're very good at writing action scenes - so much is going on and you manage to get the urgency of the situation to come across, but I do think the chapter would benefit from adding thoughts and feelings behind the actions, just so that there is more for the reader to hold onto and feel. I absolutely adore the ending sentence - it's a lovely way to end it. The scar itself ties into Harry and his "I must not tell lies" scar and I love the parallel that you've drawn between the two.

thank you for requesting! :)

-Taylor

Author's Response: Hello there, Taylor!

No worries about the wait; the fact that you reviewed makes me a very happy bunny :)

I'm really glad you liked my summary, particularly that line. It took a lot of work, my summary, and when I couldn't even fit all of it in due to the length restrictions, I had to truncate it further. So thank you.

Yes, I know, the beginning has been rushed slightly, but since the story is complete, I don't want to change anything :/ Seriously, I don't think I could. Thank you for the tip, though -- if I write any other action scenes, I'll definitely use that.

It's good to know that I did the transition okay too. Often that's the hardest bit in a prologue so I'm glad you thought I did it right. Ditto the depiction of children -- being, pretty much, a child myself (fifteen years old) and having cousins and siblings, I do know what children are like so it was likely my portrayal would be accurate.

The scar, in fact, has got nothing to do with the I must not tell lies thing, actually :D It was stolen from DH Part 1, when Bellatrix did something similar to Hermione. But I'm glad you thought that anyway.

Thank you for your lovely review :D

~Soraya~


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Review #21, by Christine Sectumsempra

27th July 2011:
Oh my goodness, thank you for a wonderful story and a sleepless night as I could not stop reading it once I started. I love your storyline and how the characters stay true. Lily and James stories are my favorite but yours is truly one of the better ones I've read! Can't wait to read the rest!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. Wow, just wow. I hope you get your sleep now :) This story has been a challenge, to say the least, and juggling it with schoolwork and exams has been really difficult. So I'm glad you liked it -- Lily/James stories are very, very popular, and I love them too, so it's good to know that you thought mine was one of the better stories. Thanks so much for the review. Have a nice day!

~Soraya~


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Review #22, by TheJuneBug Hogsmeade Visits And Hiccupping Hearts

26th July 2011:
Your writing is amazing...I'm hooked. This is almost as good as having more from JK Rowling herself. I can't wait to find out what happens in the chapters ahead; my goal is to read the whole story in one night. I love the mystery of the kidnappers, the romance between James and Lily, and the way you used Lily's flashback of Snape. It's all very accurate too, although I'm pretty sure James was a Seeker back in the day. I could be wrong about that, though. This writing is awesome, thanks so much for sharing it.

Author's Response: Hello there!

What? My writing is almost as good as JK Rowling's? Woow. High praise indeed, and praise I certainly don't deserve. Thank you, thank you very much.

In canon, James is actually a Chaser. This is on HP Wiki, if you want to see.

I'm so, so glad you liked it, and I hope you continue to like it as you read on. This story is completed and it is only a matter of submitting the chapters and waiting for them to be validated. Thank you very, very much for the review.


~Soraya~


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Review #23, by RupertsPheonix Sectumsempra

25th July 2011:
This is a great story. You're a very good writer, and you write suspense very well. Do you do much writing on your own?

I think you have a nice interpretation of Lily and James' relationship, and I enjoy reading your dialogue. Great job. :)

Can't wait to read more--I'm definitely favoriting this one!

10/10,
Kate/RP

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! If you mean "writing on my own" as in original fiction, yes. I've written my own novel, actually, and plan on writing three more at least.

Everyone seems to think my dialogue is good, for some reason :) I'm glad you liked it, and I really am posting updates as soon as I can. The queue is slow, though. Thank you very much for the review, the comments and the praise. Much appreciated :D

~Soraya~


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Review #24, by DetectiveMenace Sectumsempra

25th July 2011:
AH!
That is the BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER EVER. I'm going to go mad until you update! What could the sadistic Slytherins want with Frensham? Are Layla and Jenna still alive, and which one had their fingers removed and sent to Marlene? Will Zoey live? Will the girls FINALLY be saved and the kidnappers caught?
WILL YOU UPDATE SOON!??!?!?

Author's Response: LOL... yes, it is a big cliffhanger. I have already put the next chapter in the queue, so hopefully it won't be long before it is validated. Unfortunately, for obvious reasons, I can't answer any of your questions. I hope that the next chapter, when it is validated, does your questions justice. Until next time :)

~Soraya~


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Review #25, by DetectiveMenace Ambush

23rd July 2011:
TWO MORE (and an epilogue)?!? I'm going to be so sad when this is over! :(
They were so close, but then that damn nail had to ruin everything! But, then again, their plan wasn't too solid to begin with. They're not really cut out to be detectives like the Trio. :)
Marlene is so desperate to get the girls back that I'm afraid she'll do something reckless, like try and rugby-tackle the Slytherins. Although that is a pretty solid idea...
I love the birthday present Lily gave to James. Not the pen, the chocolate, of course.
Another wonderful chapter...BUT REALLY?!! Only TWO (and an epilogue) left!

Author's Response: Yep, just two :) To be honest, I will be quite happy when it's over -- being able to tick the "completed" box has got to be the best feeling ever on fanfiction, imo.

LOL... Harry, Ron and Hermione are hardly detectives, so it's no surprise Lily and James and Marlene aren't either. And yes, the nail! Ah, that was a snag in their plan that they hadn't forseen.

It would give it away if I told you what Marlene did, and if you're right or not, ha. And the birthday present... somehow, I prefer the pen over the chocolate. The pen, James gets to keep, but the chocolate's in his stomach in a heartbeat, so there's not really much to it, is there?

There are only two chapters plus the epilogue left, but I hope you continue to enjoy the story, until the end. Thank you for reviewing.

~Soraya~


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