50 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 Journey to Hogwarts

7th May 2016:
Hi there!

I'm here for the BvB review battle! I was so excited to see someone else join the Bronze Team. I was worried I'd have to carry it alone this month!

I really enjoyed this chapter where you took some time to set the tone of exactly where Cassie is at, emotionally. I think you did a fabulous job getting the balance between all the pressures on Cassie and how she's dealing with them. With that, there are two things that I absolutely ADORE about your heroine in this story. First off, I LOVE that she's a goody-goody. I don't know how this story's going to play out, but it seems like she's embracing that part of herself. While she has times that she feels rebellious, she knows what her true nature is. It's refreshing to see a main character that isn't a prankster. The second part is that you've really nailed it with the double-edged sword that comes with being extraordinarily attractive. You don't sugar coat it and, at the same time, you also don't overplay her feelings with dramatics.

I feel like Cassie is being much too hard on herself. At the heart of it, she's just a kid in school. She should let herself have some fun and experience all the things that kids do. Larissa is so jealous, it's scary. I was nearly yelling at the screen some clever retorts that Cassie could've used. Only a bully ACTIVELY seeks out their target to make sure they put in some extra nasty digs.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

♥ Beth

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Review #2, by navyfail When My World Changed

24th December 2015:
Hello! Here for the QTR Holiday fest!

I think I read the first chapter of this story two or three months ago and I thought I would come back for the second chapter!

I like Cassie already. I find her relatable and I think her voice is developing great. I can totally understand why she is tired of all this campaigning. Spending your summer following your parents around the country and making sure to be proper sounds tiring!

Also her nightmare in the beginning... having that dream over repeatedly does not sound fun. Especially when it ends in the killing curse. I'm guessing that's what the flash of green light was? Also I have a feeling that the dream is foreshadowing to the future but I could be completely wrong about that.

I admire how flawlessly you switched points of views. Callum and Cassie definitely have different voices and different minds. I'm very curious about Callum's group. Do they have a name? And I wonder how big it is. I'm guessing we will find that out in future chapters. Also I'm trying to figure out his age but it's hard to tell... He could be as young as his late 20s or old as his 40s.

I really like the mystery that you developed in the end. And I have a feeling that Cassie is going to kidnapped when she's with her friend at Diagon Alley.

This story is unfolding really quickly and I love how things are going. I'm very intrigued by everything so fantastic job!


Author's Response: Hi Sama. Thanks so much for coming back for chapter 2 :)

I love Cassie and I had so much fun developing her. She's a good daughter, and loves her parents, yet is a little over following them all over the place and having to change herself for the campaign. There is a lot more to her though and this chapter is just the beginning of a much bigger mystery. And that dream.it could very well be a bit of foreshadowing :P

I had great fun with Callum too. He is the first villain I've written and it was cool to have him say and do things that I wouldn't dream of doing myself. He is about 40-50, he's been around a while, biding his time. I never actually fixed his age in my head to be honest.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I hope you return to find out just what the dream means and what happens to Cassie in Diagon Alley.

Thanks for stopping by.


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Review #3, by cherry_pop94 Prologue

20th December 2015:

I'm here for the Ravenclaw gift tag!

This is a really interesting start! You've packed a lot of information in this, but yet somehow still left so much unknown. The history is quite fascinating. It's such an interesting bit of mythology that you've created here!

This sounds like it's shaping up to be a wild kind of adventure full of action, history, and mystery! I cannot imagine writing something with so much breadth and scope!

Really good start! I hope you're having a lovely holiday season!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie. Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you like the prologue. I wanted to create a lot of mystery and intrigue to hopefully entice people to read on. There is a bit of action and adventure to be had and I used the prologue as a way of showing how grand the overall theme of the story was.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season as well.


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Review #4, by Panda Weasley  Prologue

7th November 2015:
Hey there!
Here with your b vs. b review!

I really enjoyed this chapter. It did everything a prologue should do. It introduced the problem, gave backstory, and made me want to keep reading. Well done!

I liked your first sentence. It was strong, dramatic, and hooked me into the story. It is also a very good start to the story, and ties in again at the conclusion.

The part in the beginning when you write "I was never just an ordinary witch, but shaped by societies rules and conventions, I believed that that was all I was." stuck with me as I kept reading. I think a majority of people in the world feel this way, and I like how you were able to convey that feeling in one sentence. Very well done!

I also really enjoyed reading about how you think magic began. I find this version of the story very fascinating and I want to know more. I haven't read many other magic origin stories and I find the fact that you included this idea very intriguing. The imagery you used as well as the story itself made me be able to see "the beginning" clearly. I want to read more and see how it ties into the story and learn more about the mysterious Minster of Magic's Daughter.

Excellent work! Didn't see anything that needed to be changed. :)

Author's Response: Hi Panda. Thank you for the review.

I love my first line too. I'm pretty proud of that line and in all my writing, I definitely rank it as one of my tops. It's not the last time you see it either :P

I'm happy that you found the story so intriguing. I've never read another story about magical origins. It wasn't exactly how the story was going to be when I first imagined it, but as I started to write, it's just where it took me. It's the same with the theme about societies rules and conventions and following what you know because that's what you are told. As I wrote more and more this theme really started to come to the fore. I didn't actually right this prologue until after I finished the story, and it was only after I finished it that I decided that a prologue would be beneficial to set the scene.

I do hope you continue to read and enjoy the story and thanks for your review.


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Review #5, by Nick Watched

5th September 2015:
Im really enjoying the story so far, every chapter has great attention to detail, especialy in scenes that are minor parts of the chapter like Cassie's daily runs (previous chapter). I enjoy the rivalry between Cassie and Larissa and I like how good Cassie is at standing up for herself. Am very much looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm so happy that you're liking it. Cassie and Larissa do have a bit of a rivalry going on, but it is high school. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

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Review #6, by navyfail Prologue

14th August 2015:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB fest!

This is an interesting prologue. We don't get to meet any characters but it gives us some nice understanding of what's going on plot-wise in this story. The Guardians... such a powerful and mysterious name. You mentioned that they left years ago, right? Is the Minister of Magic's daughter a Guardian as well?

I really like the ending where you describe wizards and witches and how they can only weld magic with wands. You also mentioned that they let their greed get to them which I can understand. Also the mention of of nature.. the pull of the river. Are Guardians able to feel the magic around them and wield magic without wands?

I also liked the mention of the Ministry. I'm not very surprised that they would keep something like this a secret. They've always been very preservative. Your last few lines really creates a lot intrigue and gives a look of where you are taking this story. I wonder what started the chain of events and I can see overthrowing the Ministry will be a difficult task.

Great start to the story! I really think this prologue gives a mysterious vibe to this story and makes readers interested in the plot you've set up!


Author's Response: Hi Sama. Thanks for the review. This story really delves deep into the history of magic. It was really fun to develop a sense of the time before the world we know. The prologue was a way of setting the scene of where this story heads and the great arc that is magic and how little is understood about it. I hope that it intrigues people so they want to see how Cassie fits into all of it. If you do continue on with this story, I really ope that you enjoy it.

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Review #7, by tammy False Pretences

8th May 2015:
think the book is great so far so impatient waiting for the next one lol

Author's Response: Thanks. Im overseas at the moment but will keep updating as soon as im back :-)

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Review #8, by Hori The Media Swarm

24th February 2015:
Finally back to continue with reviews!

This was a nice, relatively quiet chapter, which I'm sure only serves as a break until more drama finds its way into Cassie's life. It's nice that you are still taking your time in these chapters to explore Cassie's personality, and the reader's picture of her only becomes clearer as the plot moves forward.

I liked the awkward presence of Martin at the beginning of the chapter. He had just enough minor descriptions that he became a solid character in a short amount of time. Cassie's conflicting emotions were a nice and realistic touch. Her frustration at her position wrestling with her sympathy for an Auror who is bound to shadow her was very relatable, and illustrated that Cassie is intelligent enough to understand the machinations of the Ministry while maybe not agreeing with them. There was also a lot of humor in the girls' decision to continue with business as usual despite his presence.

I'm continuing the development of the relationship Cassie has with her parents. It's amusing and realistic that, while her father is the public authority figure, he still defers to his wife when it comes to soothing and consoling Cassie's frustration. In my experience, that is quite a realistic interpretation of the dynamic between many families and parents.

It may be minor, but I also really liked the descriptions you included of Cassie's family house. It helped form a clearer picture of how her life has changed since she was a child, and her nostalgia for those simpler days was very well done.

Cassie's reaction to the media presence was also well realized. She's developed a way to keep that aspect of her life compartmentalized for her own mental health and well-being, and that struck me as very life-like. I think most people in that position would react similarly, and it's a strong decision on your part to keep Cassie constantly aware and trepidtious of her position.

Overall, a good chapter. I'll be reading another soon. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

I had fun writing Martin. The poor guy, he got and insight into the secret life of teenage girls. He will be scarred for life.

I like exploring the family dynamic. Carl and Alexis kind of wrote themselves. Right from chapter one I knew exactly how they were going to be and how they would interact with Cassie.

The media must be a hard thing to deal with, especially for a teenager who never asked for it. Poor girl.

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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57 Prologue

11th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Okay, so this short little prologue definitely left me wanting more. You've described such an interesting facet of the Wizarding World--a bit of mythology that I've never seen before, and I am confused and intrigued about it all. (Don't worry, that's a good thing!)

I love the way you set this up, having Cassie start it all out and then delving into the story of the Guardians, which will be the main part of the problem that will suck Cassie in, I'm guessing. I have so many questions! How did Cassie get involved in this? Does she have to find a Guardian? What's going to happen with her relationship with her father, since he was probably the one who encouraged her to be ignorant of politics (I'm guessing)?

Speaking of which, I was really impressed by Cassie's admission that she lived in ignorance about the world. Obviously, at the time of this prologue she knows some stuff that the reader doesn't know, because she's grown so much as a character. The next chapter will probably show her as she was before everything started happening, and that makes me excited. There are so many opportunities to show her development as a character!

Anyway, I thought this was really great, and I hope to come back for more later on!


Author's Response: Yay, you're wanting more...that what I was hoping :) I guess to answer all those questions you'll have to read on a little further. You definitely picked up on a very good point regarding Cassie's ignorance. She goes through a huge development in this story and delves into a world, so long forgotten that no one even knows of it anymore.

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Review #10, by toomanycurls Prologue

10th January 2015:

I'm here for the bvb. You have quite the poetic start to this story. I feel as if it is very Tolkien with the feel of larger power and players at work than we'll see in the immediate story. Or lie it has an ancient purpose to the story.

I really like the connection you've tied between the guardians and the wizards. I look forward to reading more about that in subsequent chapters.

You have a very intriguing prologue and I expect the story itself will be equally as interesting. I'll try to come back to this for subsequent chapters.


Author's Response: Hello. Thanks for the review. I'm glad I left you intrigued. There sure are larger powers at play in the wizarding world and I had quite a bit of fun (in amongst the major periods of writers block) coming up with the ancient world that lead onto modern day. I hope you read on and enjoy.

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Review #11, by ReeBee Prologue

8th January 2015:
Hi there! Here for the blue vs bronze review battle!

this is really interesting! I don't usually go and reading AUs all on my own so it was really good to have an excuse to start one! Can i also just say i really like your writing! its really easy to drift off too much with description and it can become really dry but i was pleasantly glad that that didnt happen! and yet you managed to keep it interesting yet solemn still! and the description of magic as 'ever changing' and ;flowing' gave me shivers XD

the plot too seems really interesting! i wonder where its going to go especially with the character I'm sure there are many many things that can go wrong so I'm looking forward to reading more :)

i really try to find some CC to give but i really cannot. the only thing that struck me was the this is really short but after all it is a prologue so it makes sense and it finished so nicely that length isn't a concern at all :)

anyway, i look forward to reading more!


Author's Response: Thanks for your review :) I tried to keep the prologue brief and just give a snap shot of where this story goes. I don't typically go for AU either, so I'm hoping that by showing the overview of where this story heads, people will be keen to continue through to the end. The other chapters will be longer.

I'm also so happy you like how I write, it made me so happy :)

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Review #12, by Veritaserum27 The Media Swarm

26th December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here from Christmas Gift Tag!

Yes! I get to be the first to review this chapter! This was a nice little break from the action the past few chapters had packed into them. I think stories need that sort of balance. You can't have a cliffhanger and a dramatic moment in every single chapter.

Although there wasn't as much action, this chapter was in no way devoid of the emotional roller coaster that Cassie has been on since her father has become minister. It seems that Cassie has gotten to another level of frustration with the media and attention. It's more than just having to dress and act a certain way, but I think that Cassie herself might just be a little bit scared of what happened with the attempted kidnapping. She wants to act nonchalant, but the reality is that someone was indeed after her.

And her parents are acting a little bit weird. You did a good job of putting little hints about that in there. - I liked how you brought back the snowflake necklace at the end - nice touch.

Great job with the description on the train - I could feel Cassie's emotions pouring out, as she finally, finally felt a little relief from her whirlwind summer.

Great chapter - I can't wait to read more!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: HI Beth. Thanks for being the fist person to review this chapter. I always love feedback.

Not as much action in this chapter, but lots of character development. Cassie is so over it, but by her very nature, she is still trying to please her parents so only kicks up a little fuss, while deep down, she just wants to scream for it all to end.

I liked writing about Cassie on the train and getting into her head a bit more. So much has happened all of a sudden that she doesn't really know what to think.

Thanks for your lovely review once again :)


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Review #13, by Hori Threatened

20th December 2014:
It's a bit funny that we're reviewing each other's stories, and they both have a similar mysterious, slow building structure to them, isn't it? :)

I have to say I was a little bit sad that Cassie's friends disappeared from the chapter just as we were beginning to really learn about them. I understand and support the logic, plot-wise, but it was still a bummer. haha. I guess a part of me is waiting for the old Harry Potter-type childhood camaraderie to show up and take over, but I'm not sure yet if that's where you're going with this.

You write scenes of distress and action very well, with highly descriptive passages that let us really get a sense for how such events impact Cassie on a physical and emotional level. It makes me quite excited to see if your story ever opens up to extended action or battle sequences.

Cassie's emotions seem to have a bit of a hair trigger. That's not a criticism at all, because you maintain that as a consistent theme in her characterization. It's interesting to see a character that is bold but also vulnerable enough to express exactly what she is feeling at any given moment. Many writers tend to create original characters that are overly stoic, and I'm happy to say that you're not one of them. :)

I think, since you have introduced over half a dozen characters, both major and minor, in just two chapters, that I can offer some advice. At this point, it's very easy as a reader to lose track of or gloss over some of the individuals you've included so far. My suggestion would be to include just a minimal amount of physical description for them when they are introduced, or closely following their introduction. Not all characters need this, mind you. If a minor character only appears to say a line or two you can probably get away with not taking any time to describe them. But in the case of the Aurors, for example, it would be very helpful if you gave them each at least one distinguishing physical characteristic. Maybe one wears glasses, or one has a beard or a scar, etc. It doesn't need to be more than a sentence, but it will greatly help your readers in quickly building and maintaining a mental catalogue of your cast. Think about how JKR accomplished this: Harry = Scar and glasses. Ron = Red hair and freckles. Snape = Dark and greasy. Hagrid = Gigantic and hairy. :)

You're doing a great job so far of giving the reader hints and allusions to the greater arc of the story, while also keeping your audience at a suitable level of tension by making it known that the adults that surround and observe Cassie seem to know a great deal more about her than she herself does. It's a good writing mechanic, made doubly more suspenseful when conversations like the one between Carl and Alexis occur literally moments after Cassie is out of earshot. Haha

I'll be back soon! I hope my CC doesn't come across harsh. :/


Author's Response: Hello again :)Thanks for all the feedback. I understand what you mean about the characters. When I write, I don't like to introduce a character and then describe the (this drives me nuts when reading). I like to weave the descriptions into the story. Though, I do have the tendency to then forget to describe them at all because I get a little too carried away with everything else. So I totally understand what you mean above. I remember in one of my re-reads, realising that I hadn't described one of my lead characters.

Thanks for the comments about the allusions to a 'greater story arc'. I'm glad its coming through and was something that I concentrated more on in the editing as I wanted to keep the reader hooked by giving little teasers of information.

Thanks again (and rest assured, your CC is very helpful)

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Review #14, by Infinityx Parental Freedom

16th December 2014:
Hihi. Back for BvB! :D

I can't believe you ended the chapter like that. Just. No.

(okay, I just had to get that out.)

I love Cassie's personality. Love. Her. I can relate to her so much and all those details about the kind of clothes she likes and comparing certain aspects of her personality with Aimee's just revealed so much! The boys seem great as well. It's obvious that the four of them are such close friends and the way they teased Cassie was just so natural and lovely to read. :)

It's always interesting to think of how a change in appearance can make people completely different. Wow, no one paid any attention to her at all. And those goons were wondering if that's actually her. That's so cool! :D

Ugh, Evan and Reuben. I can't believe they decided to do this in broad daylight and in front of her friends. I have a strong feeling Cassie will get out of this but it will definitely serve to scare her parents. Oh no, I really hope things don't get too bad with the Ministry!

Great chapter again! I'll be back. :)

Author's Response: Hehe...I have to add a cliff hanger in there somewhere...it also just happened to be the 2nd chapter.

I'm glad the dialogue came across naturally..I had to get myself in a teenage frame of mind for this. I like all the friends and they are really close. I really like Cassie too. Se was so much fun to write and has a lot of spirit.

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Review #15, by BellaLestrange87 When My World Changed

16th December 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

So the beginning of this chapter was very strong. We can see Cassie's emotions very well, as she tries fruitlessly to outrun her pursuer, who is never named. I found myself hoping for her, that she would somehow get away, that her pursuer would trip and fall himself. And, in the end (as you know, obviously), she did get away, although not as I had expected. I was very happy to find out it was just a dream, and a little worried too, since dreams are often used as foreshadowing.

Part of me wants to support Cassie. Having to throw your entire focus behind something for months at a time can be very exhausting, especially when you don't believe in it. On the other hand, at least her dad did win. Speaking of her dad, I'm beginning to wonder whether or not he's Muggleborn. Hathaway doesn't sound like a wizard name, and neither does Carl.

That's a long speech. I think I'm entirely on Cassie's side now. I hate people that just don't know when to be quiet. The man (I'm assuming it's a man, the same one from the beginning of the chapter?) is rather creepy.

I think you missed a letter here - "Can't you for one night stop thinking about what you want and support you father and this family?" her mother asked her back with obvious disapproval. "And support your father and this family" was probably what you meant to say.

And here, you have a period where there should be a comma - "Things will calm down now that the election is over." Alexis said comfortingly,"

Callum Lester! So that's the name of the - creepy - man who stared at Cassie. I wonder if he's the same man from her dream?

And what a good end to the chapter! When I read the final sentence, the first thing I thought was "So that's how that ties in to the chase scene" from the start. I'm really enjoying this and I look forward to whenever school allows me to read future chapters.


Author's Response: Thanks Olivia (big hugs) There is alot of different elements put into this chapter which aren't necessarily explained and I have used them for foreshadowing and to add suspense. Thought I wont say if your suspicions are right or not ;)

I haven't really considered Cassie's parents lineage. I did a little research into the meaning of names, but mostly I just went with what name kind of stuck first. Sometimes I think characters name themselves :) Somehow I managed to get alot of names starting with C.

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Review #16, by Infinityx When My World Changed

11th December 2014:
Hi! I'm back for the BvB!

What an intense way to start off the chapter! You kept the momentum going from the prologue and for a while I was just at the edge of my seat wondering what happened and whether she was dead already. But of course, that can't happen to the main character in the very first chapter. :P I wonder if her dream meant something considering how realistic it felt to her. Maybe it has something to do with her powers?

I love how this whole scene at the Ministry gives out so many details about Cassie. I'm beginning to really like her personality and the way you've lingered on the descriptions and her thoughts during this has revealed a lot about how she views the world and her attitude towards fame and the spotlight. She seems like a down-to-earth person and it seems to me like she would love to be in the papers for something she accomplished and not just because she's the daughter of the Minister for Magic. I'm really interested to see how she'll deal with everything and whether she'll be able to maintain her composure throughout.

Creepy eyes in the crowd! I love how you've maintained that air of mystery and brought in hints of the underlying darkness in the world. I wonder who that was...

Eck, this Callum Lester guy gives me the chills. He's really focused on his purpose and wouldn't stop at anything, would he? I hope Cassie will be all right.

I love the way you've ended this. The last line just gives out so much foreboding and I'm so curious to know what happens!

I noticed a few misplaced apostrophes which you can easily clean up with a read through, and a couple of run-on sentences. Those didn't disrupt the flow though, so nothing major. Otherwise, brilliant job with this chapter! I'm loving this so far, and I'll be back soon!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for returning for the next chapters. I'm so happy you liked how I began. The dream wasn't at the start of the chapter initially, but I moved it here to make the start more gripping.

You're interpretation of Cassie is exactly what I was trying to achieve. Its so cool to here someone describe the character exactly like you see them yourself.

yip...there sure were creepy eyes in the crowd and then there is Callum Lester. He is an interesting piece of work.

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Review #17, by BellaLestrange87 Prologue

10th December 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle! (And I'm going to be reviewing as I go, so this might be a bit rambly.)

I really like the way you've started this chapter off. It's very creative - not many witches or wizards think about the reason behind International Statute of Secrecy, or where magic actually came from in the first place. I love the language you used. It's really poetic, and I'm a sucker for poetic descriptions. And the description of how magic started - it's awesome. I love it. Love it love it love it. It sounds cool, for one, and it perfectly describes some unfortunate aspects of human nature that are all too realistic.

Your ending is also really strong. The way you've set it up is excellent - it makes sense that the Ministry of Magic would have some sort of record. I mean, how thorough are modern governments? Really thorough. After the Second World War the Nazis were pretty much convicted on the basis of their own government documents.

See. I told you I would get off topic :)

And I lay at the epicentre, I, the Minister of Magic's daughter. This is a really good ending sentence. The only problem I have with it is that maybe it would work better as two different sentences - And I lay at the epicentre. I, the Minister of Magic's daughter. Clearly, your MC is going to be at the middle of everything, and I can't wait to read ahead and find out exactly how this plot to take down the government is going to ferment.

This concept of the Guardians is really cool. I like everything about them so far. Your description of how they bound wizards to their wands fits right in with canon about wandless magic - maybe only the most powerful wizards, those powerful enough to temporarily break the Enchantment, were strong enough to use magic without their wands.

All in all, this was a really good chapter! Good job!


Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a lovely review. I wanted to delve deeper into magic and what it is and I really enjoyed coming up with its history and how it changed. And then bringing in the politics around magic which most people don't know or don't care to know.

I like my last sentence, but do agree that it should probably be written slightly differently. I'll have a look as Ive had a few different suggestions :)

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Review #18, by Hori Parental Freedom

10th December 2014:
Hello there! This took far too long for me to get to. Sorry about that, but the holidays are taking up a huge chunk of my time this season.
Enough with excuses! Onward!

Again, I'm impressed with your instincts in terms of pacing. You're taking your time with your writing, and it shows. This chapter was another well-executed showcasing of who Cassie is and how she thinks without derailing the narrative to explain things to the reader, which is always good to see.
This chapter was obviously very dialogue-heavy, as tends to be the case when introducing a slew of supporting characters to a protagonist, but you did a good job providing context for what was being said, and involving enough description that it didn't simply read like a script. As a reader, I got an easy sense of the type of relationship Cassie shares with her friends. I will say that I think it is helpful, at least in the mind of a reader, to give the full names of the supporting cast at least once, just to help solidify them. It takes a bit of effort in reading to keep track of the distinction between Shane and Dan, and mentioning their last names might help a bit with that. Obviously the differences between the characters will surely become more obvious as time passes in the story, but it's something to think about, especially if either character is addressed by their full name later on.
Again, the story was very well served by your pacing, and even though the scene was mostly mundane as school shopping goes, there was a definite sense of incoming danger throughout the second half of the chapter without it being too specific. It was easy to feel Cassie's mysterious dread right alongside her.
I like the cliffhanger ending of this chapter, but I will point out that the sudden shift in point of view from Cassie to Reuben was a little jarring, and I wasn't prepared for it. Might I suggest a visual break when you are changing POVs?
I will get to the next chapter soon! I have some catching up to do!

Author's Response: Hi Hori

Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked this chapter. You're right that it could have been quite mundane. On editing, I added the sense of danger as a way of keeping the audience engaged and I'm glad you liked that.

I understand the point regarding the switch from points of views. Initially it was like that, but another reviewer said that having a break was jarring to them...each to their own. As this was such a short section and leads into the same scene with Cassie, I decided I'd prefer to segue it rather than have a break. But I will look at it closer and see if I can make the transition smoother.

Thanks for your feedback.

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Review #19, by Veritaserum27 Threatened

9th December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here from the common room for the BvB!

Wow - after that last cliffhanger, I expected Cassie to be kidnapped and taken away to some horrible place, but you surprised me again! Yay Cassie! Way to fight back!

This chapter was so good! You had everything - from Cassie's tough spirit, to a confrontation with her parents, to a hint of a secret about her that even SHE doesn't know - and then the evil lord's next plot. Wow. I was riveted the entire time.

As I've said before, you've done an excellent job characterizing everyone - especially Cassie. She makes a good point with her parents - she didn't know those Aurors and didn't go with them (maybe more because she was being stubborn and willful), but all the same, who's to say that they were impersonators...

Cassie's parents are also written awesomely. They truly only have her best interest at heart and they are wiser than she is. They understand her desire to live as normal a life as possible, but at the same time, are not going to be foolhardy enough to put her in danger.

Hmmm - I'm wondering what they were referring to when the were talking alone in the office. Does Cassie possess some special power and she doesn't know?

It seems that Callum knows, though! And he has some major plans. I love that you've made this more complicated than a simple ploy for power. It is going to make the story great - the small whispers at first and the infiltration of the Ministry at other levels will prove to be tough t see coming.

I found a few typos:

In the first paragraph, I think it should be "sheer" not "shear."

And here:

Uncertainty grow in the pit of Cassie's stomach and her body shock from the adrenalin coursing through her.

I think it should be "grew" not "grow," also consider changing "shock" to "shook."

Also, Callum was spelled three different ways. None of these are a big deal, I just thought I'd point them out, if you were thinking of editing the chapter.

This story is awesome and I can't wait to read more!!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: hehe...I cant have her kidnappped just yet. Cassie is a little stubborn, but this comes from her desire to be independent. I'm so happy you picked up on my little hints that not everything is what it seems... ;)

Callum was fun, but difficult to write. He's the first real villain I've written. While he's the villain though, I didn't want him to be necessarily evil like Voldemort. He definitely evolved as I wrote him.

Thanks for pointing out the typos (goes and corrects them). I've requested a beta but no takers so far.

Thanks for the review and I'm so happy you're enjoying it.

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Review #20, by Infinityx Prologue

7th December 2014:
Hello! Here for the December BvB.

I must tell you, when I saw your story summary I did not expect anything like this. Your prologue is absolutely brilliant and sets the mood of the story really well. I mean, I thought it was going to be something filled with drama and politics but it's obviously something way more bigger and ethereal than that.

When I read that opening line "destiny had chosen me to decide its fate" I actually had to re-read it another time because at first I thought I'd read wrong. Usually it's destiny deciding the character's fate but here, it's the other way around and that makes this so intriguing from the very first line. It was so powerful.

I love the theme you've got going here. The existence of Guardians and the mysteries behind the very core of magic is such a brilliant idea and I've never read anything with that premise before.

Your descriptions are great, revealing just the right amount to carry this story forward. I love the tone of this chapter, it makes this seem mythological and really mysterious. I felt as though I was watching everything happening with this deep, oracle-like voice narrating the events.

Amazing work here, and I've been completely drawn into this. You can expect me to return soon! I can't wait to know how things proceed! Excellent job with the prologue. :)

Author's Response: So I'm again coherent now. Your review was just so amazing that if I'd tried to respond right away, it would have been a complete ramble of incoherent sentences.

The prologue does sound quite different to the story summary, but I assure you, they are linked. After finishing the story, I decided it was in need of a prologue to show just where this story heads to. There is the political element, there is the pressure of being the Minister of Magic's daughter, but at its core, there is the journey to discover just what magic is.

I'm glad the prologue came across as mythical and mysterious. I was channeling the prologue from The Lord of the Rings movies for inspiration when I wrote this.

I had to go back and read the line 'destiny had chosen me to decide its fate' and make sure I had written it right. And I'm pretty sure I have. I hadn't really thought about it being the other way around before. Its really interesting what people pick up on :)

Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I really hope you continue to read and enjoy Cassie's journey.

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Review #21, by magnolia_magic Prologue

6th December 2014:
Here for review swap!

This chapter was not at all what I expected based on your summary, I have to say. But I think I enjoyed it even more because of that! This is the start of a really ambitious project, I can tell, and you've finished it! Props to you for that undertaking, first of all. I'm so glad I got the chance to start at the beginning.

This reminds me a lot of Greek mythology; maybe it's the subject matter, or maybe it's the way your writing flows. It feels like an epic, or a legend. Your prose is beautiful, very sweeping and grand, and it fits this prologue very well. I'll be excited to see how the style changes when we get into more concrete, present-day events.

The change in focus at the beginning felt a little abrupt to me. Hopefully this will make sense: you start off by having the narrator talk about herself, and then all at once we're in the distant past learning about the origins of magic. It was a little confusing at first, but once I adjusted I was fully drawn in! Your ideas about the initial separation of wizards and muggles are fascinating, and I love the idea of some higher beings governing the magic in the world.

Your last line is just great. It brings us back to the present and sets up this burning question of this narrator's place in the grand scheme of things. I am definitely planning to devour the rest of this as soon as RL allows!

I'm so glad I got the chance to read this! Thank you so much for swapping with me, and like I said, I'll definitely be adding this one to my reading list :)


Author's Response: Thanks for the review swap. I always like seeing what other stories and ideas people have out here.

This has been a pet project for a long time and I'm so excited to be putting up the chapters. It took me a long time to write the prologue as there's a lot to hint at, without giving everything away. Its really good to hear things from someone reading afresh. I will have a look at it again and see what I can do about the 'abrupt' change and see if I can smooth it out a little.

This story does become kind of epic...much more epic than I first perceived it to be. I'm really happy you enjoyed this first chapter and I hope you go on to enjoy the rest of the story.

Thanks so much for swapping with me also :)

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Review #22, by Hori When My World Changed

26th November 2014:
Hori here, with review number one!
I chose to start my reviews with the first proper chapter, as the prologue seems to serve as a bit of a backdrop and some subtle world-building. I have a feeling you're planning to tackle some of the heavier implications of magic, and I'm in full support of that! :) To the proper review then...
Ah, I think I'm going to enjoy reading this story quite a bit! I think we share a similar level of patience and pacing when it comes to writing, and that's always exciting. You've truly taken your time here, dolling out a wealth of backstory and character development into what probably amounts to only a few minutes of 'real' time. As a reader, I was able to really get a feel for what was going on inside of Cassie's head. You've also dropped in some bait to keep your readers wondering about future events in the book. For example, if Cassie's favorite piece of jewelry will play a large part in the story, and how.
I particularly enjoyed the relationship you've established between Cassie and her mother in a relatively short period of time. It would have been very easy to paint their interactions with a broad brush, making Alexis a typical one-note, bothersome nag of a character, but you showed that, while their relationship is strained and complex, they still get along occasionally, in their own way. This strikes a chord, I think, for the relationship many people have with their parents in their formative years. Nicely done.
I feel like I've gotten a good sense of how Cassie's mind works already, her attitudes and opinions on a great many things, and I'm looking forward to seeing what drives her. I already find myself wondering what she's passionate about or talented at, and this is a testament to your development of her.
The short scene at the end, in which you introduce an antagonist, was also very effective. I see you plan on crafting a story steeped in the politics of the wizarding world, and that sounds like a great idea to me. I'm always interested in different authors' elaborations and original creations for areas of the HP cosmology that JKR never had a need to fully develop in the books. That's one of my own favorite areas to explore.
I'm happy you responded to my idea for a lengthier iteration of the review swap. I'm enjoying the story so far, and I'll get to chapter two asap.
Very nice job in this opening chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a detailed review. When I read your chapter summary, I was quite intrigued by it and thought that both out stories seemed to look at magic outside of what Hogwarts taught.

I've enjoyed writing Cassie and getting to know her through this story. She's quite spirited and knows her own mind, but is also highly loyal and diligent and more and more, is being placed in uncomfortable positions because of her father.

Alexis and Cassie's relationship wrote itself. I didn't exactly have a plan in mind, but as I started, their interactions flowed so naturally from my head to paper. It was quite fun to write some teenage angst.

I'm glad you liked my introduction to my antagonist. I wanted to set it up early to show just what is in store for the Minister of Magic's Daughter.

Thanks again for the review swap. I will get to more of yours as soon as I can.

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Review #23, by Veritaserum27 Parental Freedom

22nd November 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for the BvB review battle from the common room.

Great chapter! Wow - so much going on with Cassie trying to find herself again. You've done a fabulous job capturing her teenage spirit. She still wants to be the good, obedient daughter of the Minister of Magic, but also wants to find her own place as well. I thought you did a really great job of portraying Cassie as a girl with a wide range of emotions, but still a little naive. She is a typical teenager.

I loved your reasoning why Cassie isn't keen on people focusing on her looks - they judge her too much on that, instead of who she is as a person. I love that she has such a solid base of friends to rely on.

I also think you do a really good job of putting in little hints of different characters' personalities - Cassie is really observant and would've made a good seeker, Dan and Aimee might have some feelings to attend to, Cassie is always aware of her surroundings. All of these give the story more depth.

I caught a few typos. First, this one:

As annoying as he mother had been, she was now please that the entire time she had been in the public eye, her hair had been swept back, her eyes clear of dark make-up and her attire light and fresh.

I think it should be "pleased" not "please."

And here:

They finished off their ice creams quickly and before Cassie even had a chance to stand, Dan was on his feet, grinning wickedly as he pulled Cassie's seat out for you.

I think the last word should be "her."

Ooo! And a cliffhanger. This story is moving quickly and I just cant' wait to see what happens next! Thanks for a great read!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Thanks Beth for returning to review subsequent chapters :)

I'm glad you like it so far. Cassie is very spirited and wants to have full independence, but still feels like she needs to obey her parents. Its that difficult teenage transition period, and stuck in the spotlight as she is, its not easy.

Thanks for pointing out the typos. I'm bound to miss some when I edit it myself. I will go and correct them now.


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Review #24, by LightLeviosa5443 Prologue

18th November 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB!

Can I just start this out by saying the way you started this story was brilliant. I absolutely loved that first line, it felt so powerful and strong and I think it sets a really great tone for the rest of the story.

That first paragraph is just holy woah. I am absolutely in love with your word choice, it's brilliant and strong and packs a powerful punch for how the character feels. We're really seeing into her mind and her feelings here and I think that that is so great. That line "For magic was not what is seemed." really makes me think that this story is going to have some deep and intricate plotlines and I'm super excited to keep reading to see if that's true. I'm already hooked in this story and I'm not even halfway through this prologue. You're brilliant.

Your description is just incredible. I really love how you're painting a picture of the past and giving us a deep narration that really just paints such a clear picture of this beginning story. AGH I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR ENDING SENTENCE TOO.

Okay, you are brilliant, this prologue was brilliant, and I absolutely, positively have to keep reading this story because holy woah, dude.

That's all I've got. I don't have any other coherent thoughts, other than I completely loved this and I am so so so so so glad I picked it. This was an outstanding first chapter. I'm in love with your writing.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much. You've brought tears to my eyes from reading your review. I was always a little nervous about the prologue, so its so good to hear some reassurance from a reader.

This story does have some intricate plot lines and questions the fundamentals of magic. I hope you do read on and continue to enjoy this story.

Thanks again for the lovely review. It has totally made my day.

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Review #25, by Veritaserum27 When My World Changed

16th November 2014:

I'm here from the common room for the November BvB review battle!

I'm so glad I picked this story. It is really intriguing and I love the way you've laid out the details for us. You've got a lot going on here, with Cassie's nightmares, her special necklace, her frustration with having to be in the spotlight all the time, and then this dark wizard looming beneath it all! I love it! You did a great job putting everything together and not confusing the reader.

I've found myself really caring about Cassie and what happens to her. I've also never seen a story where someone so accurately portrayed the emotions of a child of a famous wizard. I think you hit it spot-on - that Cassie would've seen the glamour and enjoyed the attention initially, but then it would wear on her to the point of feeling completely frustrated at the lack of privacy. Bravo!

My only cc is that there appears to be a run-on sentence here and there. It's not a big deal, but they pop up from time to time and make reading that part of the story a little difficult.

Callum Lester. Ooo! This dude seems really bad. Like Voldemort bad. His followers fear for their lives - and it seems like some of them are loose cannons. Yikes. Cassie is in for it.

I'm curious about these dreams. Did you name her after the mythical seer because she has some of the same powers? Is she seeing her future? I can't wait to read more of this amazing story!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth

For whatever reason, I can't respond to your first review, so I'll respond to both here.

Thanks so much for reading this story. It is definitely my biggest work, and has been a part of my life now for 4 years as it's slowly developed into what it now is. It was so good to here you liked the prologue. It wasn't part of my first draft, but when I finally reached my conclusion, I thought it was a good way to show the basis of this story. I'm also happy to here it was about the right length. Its only meant to be a snap shot to, hopefully, entice the reader to read more. And I like the way you wrote the last line too. I will edit it :)

There sure is a lot that goes on in this story. It's the most complex thing I've written, hence the 4yrs that it took me (plus real life got in the way).

Callum is a bit of a bad guy. It was fun writing a villain.

I liked the name Cassandra/Cassie and it was by chance that the name meant 'prophet' and also the same name as the mythical seer.

Thanks for the cc. I'll take it on board as I re-read.

I really hope you continue to enjoy this story and see it through to it's conclusion. And thanks again for the wonderful reviews


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