37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx Parental Freedom

16th December 2014:
Hihi. Back for BvB! :D

I can't believe you ended the chapter like that. Just. No.

(okay, I just had to get that out.)

I love Cassie's personality. Love. Her. I can relate to her so much and all those details about the kind of clothes she likes and comparing certain aspects of her personality with Aimee's just revealed so much! The boys seem great as well. It's obvious that the four of them are such close friends and the way they teased Cassie was just so natural and lovely to read. :)

It's always interesting to think of how a change in appearance can make people completely different. Wow, no one paid any attention to her at all. And those goons were wondering if that's actually her. That's so cool! :D

Ugh, Evan and Reuben. I can't believe they decided to do this in broad daylight and in front of her friends. I have a strong feeling Cassie will get out of this but it will definitely serve to scare her parents. Oh no, I really hope things don't get too bad with the Ministry!

Great chapter again! I'll be back. :)

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Review #2, by BellaLestrange87 When My World Changed

16th December 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

So the beginning of this chapter was very strong. We can see Cassie's emotions very well, as she tries fruitlessly to outrun her pursuer, who is never named. I found myself hoping for her, that she would somehow get away, that her pursuer would trip and fall himself. And, in the end (as you know, obviously), she did get away, although not as I had expected. I was very happy to find out it was just a dream, and a little worried too, since dreams are often used as foreshadowing.

Part of me wants to support Cassie. Having to throw your entire focus behind something for months at a time can be very exhausting, especially when you don't believe in it. On the other hand, at least her dad did win. Speaking of her dad, I'm beginning to wonder whether or not he's Muggleborn. Hathaway doesn't sound like a wizard name, and neither does Carl.

That's a long speech. I think I'm entirely on Cassie's side now. I hate people that just don't know when to be quiet. The man (I'm assuming it's a man, the same one from the beginning of the chapter?) is rather creepy.

I think you missed a letter here - "Can't you for one night stop thinking about what you want and support you father and this family?" her mother asked her back with obvious disapproval. "And support your father and this family" was probably what you meant to say.

And here, you have a period where there should be a comma - "Things will calm down now that the election is over." Alexis said comfortingly,"

Callum Lester! So that's the name of the - creepy - man who stared at Cassie. I wonder if he's the same man from her dream?

And what a good end to the chapter! When I read the final sentence, the first thing I thought was "So that's how that ties in to the chase scene" from the start. I'm really enjoying this and I look forward to whenever school allows me to read future chapters.

~Olivia

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Review #3, by Infinityx When My World Changed

11th December 2014:
Hi! I'm back for the BvB!

What an intense way to start off the chapter! You kept the momentum going from the prologue and for a while I was just at the edge of my seat wondering what happened and whether she was dead already. But of course, that can't happen to the main character in the very first chapter. :P I wonder if her dream meant something considering how realistic it felt to her. Maybe it has something to do with her powers?

I love how this whole scene at the Ministry gives out so many details about Cassie. I'm beginning to really like her personality and the way you've lingered on the descriptions and her thoughts during this has revealed a lot about how she views the world and her attitude towards fame and the spotlight. She seems like a down-to-earth person and it seems to me like she would love to be in the papers for something she accomplished and not just because she's the daughter of the Minister for Magic. I'm really interested to see how she'll deal with everything and whether she'll be able to maintain her composure throughout.

Creepy eyes in the crowd! I love how you've maintained that air of mystery and brought in hints of the underlying darkness in the world. I wonder who that was...

Eck, this Callum Lester guy gives me the chills. He's really focused on his purpose and wouldn't stop at anything, would he? I hope Cassie will be all right.

I love the way you've ended this. The last line just gives out so much foreboding and I'm so curious to know what happens!

I noticed a few misplaced apostrophes which you can easily clean up with a read through, and a couple of run-on sentences. Those didn't disrupt the flow though, so nothing major. Otherwise, brilliant job with this chapter! I'm loving this so far, and I'll be back soon!

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Review #4, by BellaLestrange87 Prologue

10th December 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle! (And I'm going to be reviewing as I go, so this might be a bit rambly.)

I really like the way you've started this chapter off. It's very creative - not many witches or wizards think about the reason behind International Statute of Secrecy, or where magic actually came from in the first place. I love the language you used. It's really poetic, and I'm a sucker for poetic descriptions. And the description of how magic started - it's awesome. I love it. Love it love it love it. It sounds cool, for one, and it perfectly describes some unfortunate aspects of human nature that are all too realistic.

Your ending is also really strong. The way you've set it up is excellent - it makes sense that the Ministry of Magic would have some sort of record. I mean, how thorough are modern governments? Really thorough. After the Second World War the Nazis were pretty much convicted on the basis of their own government documents.

See. I told you I would get off topic :)

And I lay at the epicentre, I, the Minister of Magic's daughter. This is a really good ending sentence. The only problem I have with it is that maybe it would work better as two different sentences - And I lay at the epicentre. I, the Minister of Magic's daughter. Clearly, your MC is going to be at the middle of everything, and I can't wait to read ahead and find out exactly how this plot to take down the government is going to ferment.

This concept of the Guardians is really cool. I like everything about them so far. Your description of how they bound wizards to their wands fits right in with canon about wandless magic - maybe only the most powerful wizards, those powerful enough to temporarily break the Enchantment, were strong enough to use magic without their wands.

All in all, this was a really good chapter! Good job!

~Olivia

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Review #5, by Hori Parental Freedom

10th December 2014:
Hello there! This took far too long for me to get to. Sorry about that, but the holidays are taking up a huge chunk of my time this season.
Enough with excuses! Onward!

Again, I'm impressed with your instincts in terms of pacing. You're taking your time with your writing, and it shows. This chapter was another well-executed showcasing of who Cassie is and how she thinks without derailing the narrative to explain things to the reader, which is always good to see.
This chapter was obviously very dialogue-heavy, as tends to be the case when introducing a slew of supporting characters to a protagonist, but you did a good job providing context for what was being said, and involving enough description that it didn't simply read like a script. As a reader, I got an easy sense of the type of relationship Cassie shares with her friends. I will say that I think it is helpful, at least in the mind of a reader, to give the full names of the supporting cast at least once, just to help solidify them. It takes a bit of effort in reading to keep track of the distinction between Shane and Dan, and mentioning their last names might help a bit with that. Obviously the differences between the characters will surely become more obvious as time passes in the story, but it's something to think about, especially if either character is addressed by their full name later on.
Again, the story was very well served by your pacing, and even though the scene was mostly mundane as school shopping goes, there was a definite sense of incoming danger throughout the second half of the chapter without it being too specific. It was easy to feel Cassie's mysterious dread right alongside her.
I like the cliffhanger ending of this chapter, but I will point out that the sudden shift in point of view from Cassie to Reuben was a little jarring, and I wasn't prepared for it. Might I suggest a visual break when you are changing POVs?
I will get to the next chapter soon! I have some catching up to do!
-Hori

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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 Threatened

9th December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here from the common room for the BvB!

Wow - after that last cliffhanger, I expected Cassie to be kidnapped and taken away to some horrible place, but you surprised me again! Yay Cassie! Way to fight back!

This chapter was so good! You had everything - from Cassie's tough spirit, to a confrontation with her parents, to a hint of a secret about her that even SHE doesn't know - and then the evil lord's next plot. Wow. I was riveted the entire time.

As I've said before, you've done an excellent job characterizing everyone - especially Cassie. She makes a good point with her parents - she didn't know those Aurors and didn't go with them (maybe more because she was being stubborn and willful), but all the same, who's to say that they were impersonators...

Cassie's parents are also written awesomely. They truly only have her best interest at heart and they are wiser than she is. They understand her desire to live as normal a life as possible, but at the same time, are not going to be foolhardy enough to put her in danger.

Hmmm - I'm wondering what they were referring to when the were talking alone in the office. Does Cassie possess some special power and she doesn't know?

It seems that Callum knows, though! And he has some major plans. I love that you've made this more complicated than a simple ploy for power. It is going to make the story great - the small whispers at first and the infiltration of the Ministry at other levels will prove to be tough t see coming.

I found a few typos:

In the first paragraph, I think it should be "sheer" not "shear."

And here:

Uncertainty grow in the pit of Cassie's stomach and her body shock from the adrenalin coursing through her.

I think it should be "grew" not "grow," also consider changing "shock" to "shook."

Also, Callum was spelled three different ways. None of these are a big deal, I just thought I'd point them out, if you were thinking of editing the chapter.

This story is awesome and I can't wait to read more!!

♥ Beth

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Review #7, by Infinityx Prologue

7th December 2014:
Hello! Here for the December BvB.

I must tell you, when I saw your story summary I did not expect anything like this. Your prologue is absolutely brilliant and sets the mood of the story really well. I mean, I thought it was going to be something filled with drama and politics but it's obviously something way more bigger and ethereal than that.

When I read that opening line "destiny had chosen me to decide its fate" I actually had to re-read it another time because at first I thought I'd read wrong. Usually it's destiny deciding the character's fate but here, it's the other way around and that makes this so intriguing from the very first line. It was so powerful.

I love the theme you've got going here. The existence of Guardians and the mysteries behind the very core of magic is such a brilliant idea and I've never read anything with that premise before.

Your descriptions are great, revealing just the right amount to carry this story forward. I love the tone of this chapter, it makes this seem mythological and really mysterious. I felt as though I was watching everything happening with this deep, oracle-like voice narrating the events.

Amazing work here, and I've been completely drawn into this. You can expect me to return soon! I can't wait to know how things proceed! Excellent job with the prologue. :)

Author's Response: So I'm again coherent now. Your review was just so amazing that if I'd tried to respond right away, it would have been a complete ramble of incoherent sentences.

The prologue does sound quite different to the story summary, but I assure you, they are linked. After finishing the story, I decided it was in need of a prologue to show just where this story heads to. There is the political element, there is the pressure of being the Minister of Magic's daughter, but at its core, there is the journey to discover just what magic is.

I'm glad the prologue came across as mythical and mysterious. I was channeling the prologue from The Lord of the Rings movies for inspiration when I wrote this.

I had to go back and read the line 'destiny had chosen me to decide its fate' and make sure I had written it right. And I'm pretty sure I have. I hadn't really thought about it being the other way around before. Its really interesting what people pick up on :)

Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I really hope you continue to read and enjoy Cassie's journey.


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Review #8, by magnolia_magic Prologue

6th December 2014:
Here for review swap!

This chapter was not at all what I expected based on your summary, I have to say. But I think I enjoyed it even more because of that! This is the start of a really ambitious project, I can tell, and you've finished it! Props to you for that undertaking, first of all. I'm so glad I got the chance to start at the beginning.

This reminds me a lot of Greek mythology; maybe it's the subject matter, or maybe it's the way your writing flows. It feels like an epic, or a legend. Your prose is beautiful, very sweeping and grand, and it fits this prologue very well. I'll be excited to see how the style changes when we get into more concrete, present-day events.

The change in focus at the beginning felt a little abrupt to me. Hopefully this will make sense: you start off by having the narrator talk about herself, and then all at once we're in the distant past learning about the origins of magic. It was a little confusing at first, but once I adjusted I was fully drawn in! Your ideas about the initial separation of wizards and muggles are fascinating, and I love the idea of some higher beings governing the magic in the world.

Your last line is just great. It brings us back to the present and sets up this burning question of this narrator's place in the grand scheme of things. I am definitely planning to devour the rest of this as soon as RL allows!

I'm so glad I got the chance to read this! Thank you so much for swapping with me, and like I said, I'll definitely be adding this one to my reading list :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thanks for the review swap. I always like seeing what other stories and ideas people have out here.

This has been a pet project for a long time and I'm so excited to be putting up the chapters. It took me a long time to write the prologue as there's a lot to hint at, without giving everything away. Its really good to hear things from someone reading afresh. I will have a look at it again and see what I can do about the 'abrupt' change and see if I can smooth it out a little.

This story does become kind of epic...much more epic than I first perceived it to be. I'm really happy you enjoyed this first chapter and I hope you go on to enjoy the rest of the story.

Thanks so much for swapping with me also :)
Jacqui


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Review #9, by Hori When My World Changed

26th November 2014:
Hori here, with review number one!
I chose to start my reviews with the first proper chapter, as the prologue seems to serve as a bit of a backdrop and some subtle world-building. I have a feeling you're planning to tackle some of the heavier implications of magic, and I'm in full support of that! :) To the proper review then...
Ah, I think I'm going to enjoy reading this story quite a bit! I think we share a similar level of patience and pacing when it comes to writing, and that's always exciting. You've truly taken your time here, dolling out a wealth of backstory and character development into what probably amounts to only a few minutes of 'real' time. As a reader, I was able to really get a feel for what was going on inside of Cassie's head. You've also dropped in some bait to keep your readers wondering about future events in the book. For example, if Cassie's favorite piece of jewelry will play a large part in the story, and how.
I particularly enjoyed the relationship you've established between Cassie and her mother in a relatively short period of time. It would have been very easy to paint their interactions with a broad brush, making Alexis a typical one-note, bothersome nag of a character, but you showed that, while their relationship is strained and complex, they still get along occasionally, in their own way. This strikes a chord, I think, for the relationship many people have with their parents in their formative years. Nicely done.
I feel like I've gotten a good sense of how Cassie's mind works already, her attitudes and opinions on a great many things, and I'm looking forward to seeing what drives her. I already find myself wondering what she's passionate about or talented at, and this is a testament to your development of her.
The short scene at the end, in which you introduce an antagonist, was also very effective. I see you plan on crafting a story steeped in the politics of the wizarding world, and that sounds like a great idea to me. I'm always interested in different authors' elaborations and original creations for areas of the HP cosmology that JKR never had a need to fully develop in the books. That's one of my own favorite areas to explore.
I'm happy you responded to my idea for a lengthier iteration of the review swap. I'm enjoying the story so far, and I'll get to chapter two asap.
Very nice job in this opening chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a detailed review. When I read your chapter summary, I was quite intrigued by it and thought that both out stories seemed to look at magic outside of what Hogwarts taught.

I've enjoyed writing Cassie and getting to know her through this story. She's quite spirited and knows her own mind, but is also highly loyal and diligent and more and more, is being placed in uncomfortable positions because of her father.

Alexis and Cassie's relationship wrote itself. I didn't exactly have a plan in mind, but as I started, their interactions flowed so naturally from my head to paper. It was quite fun to write some teenage angst.

I'm glad you liked my introduction to my antagonist. I wanted to set it up early to show just what is in store for the Minister of Magic's Daughter.

Thanks again for the review swap. I will get to more of yours as soon as I can.


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Review #10, by Veritaserum27 Parental Freedom

22nd November 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for the BvB review battle from the common room.

Great chapter! Wow - so much going on with Cassie trying to find herself again. You've done a fabulous job capturing her teenage spirit. She still wants to be the good, obedient daughter of the Minister of Magic, but also wants to find her own place as well. I thought you did a really great job of portraying Cassie as a girl with a wide range of emotions, but still a little naive. She is a typical teenager.

I loved your reasoning why Cassie isn't keen on people focusing on her looks - they judge her too much on that, instead of who she is as a person. I love that she has such a solid base of friends to rely on.

I also think you do a really good job of putting in little hints of different characters' personalities - Cassie is really observant and would've made a good seeker, Dan and Aimee might have some feelings to attend to, Cassie is always aware of her surroundings. All of these give the story more depth.

I caught a few typos. First, this one:

As annoying as he mother had been, she was now please that the entire time she had been in the public eye, her hair had been swept back, her eyes clear of dark make-up and her attire light and fresh.

I think it should be "pleased" not "please."

And here:

They finished off their ice creams quickly and before Cassie even had a chance to stand, Dan was on his feet, grinning wickedly as he pulled Cassie's seat out for you.

I think the last word should be "her."

Ooo! And a cliffhanger. This story is moving quickly and I just cant' wait to see what happens next! Thanks for a great read!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Thanks Beth for returning to review subsequent chapters :)

I'm glad you like it so far. Cassie is very spirited and wants to have full independence, but still feels like she needs to obey her parents. Its that difficult teenage transition period, and stuck in the spotlight as she is, its not easy.

Thanks for pointing out the typos. I'm bound to miss some when I edit it myself. I will go and correct them now.

Jacqui


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Review #11, by LightLeviosa5443 Prologue

18th November 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB!

Can I just start this out by saying the way you started this story was brilliant. I absolutely loved that first line, it felt so powerful and strong and I think it sets a really great tone for the rest of the story.

That first paragraph is just holy woah. I am absolutely in love with your word choice, it's brilliant and strong and packs a powerful punch for how the character feels. We're really seeing into her mind and her feelings here and I think that that is so great. That line "For magic was not what is seemed." really makes me think that this story is going to have some deep and intricate plotlines and I'm super excited to keep reading to see if that's true. I'm already hooked in this story and I'm not even halfway through this prologue. You're brilliant.

Your description is just incredible. I really love how you're painting a picture of the past and giving us a deep narration that really just paints such a clear picture of this beginning story. AGH I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR ENDING SENTENCE TOO.

Okay, you are brilliant, this prologue was brilliant, and I absolutely, positively have to keep reading this story because holy woah, dude.

That's all I've got. I don't have any other coherent thoughts, other than I completely loved this and I am so so so so so glad I picked it. This was an outstanding first chapter. I'm in love with your writing.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much. You've brought tears to my eyes from reading your review. I was always a little nervous about the prologue, so its so good to hear some reassurance from a reader.

This story does have some intricate plot lines and questions the fundamentals of magic. I hope you do read on and continue to enjoy this story.

Thanks again for the lovely review. It has totally made my day.


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Review #12, by Veritaserum27 When My World Changed

16th November 2014:
Hello!

I'm here from the common room for the November BvB review battle!

I'm so glad I picked this story. It is really intriguing and I love the way you've laid out the details for us. You've got a lot going on here, with Cassie's nightmares, her special necklace, her frustration with having to be in the spotlight all the time, and then this dark wizard looming beneath it all! I love it! You did a great job putting everything together and not confusing the reader.

I've found myself really caring about Cassie and what happens to her. I've also never seen a story where someone so accurately portrayed the emotions of a child of a famous wizard. I think you hit it spot-on - that Cassie would've seen the glamour and enjoyed the attention initially, but then it would wear on her to the point of feeling completely frustrated at the lack of privacy. Bravo!

My only cc is that there appears to be a run-on sentence here and there. It's not a big deal, but they pop up from time to time and make reading that part of the story a little difficult.

Callum Lester. Ooo! This dude seems really bad. Like Voldemort bad. His followers fear for their lives - and it seems like some of them are loose cannons. Yikes. Cassie is in for it.

I'm curious about these dreams. Did you name her after the mythical seer because she has some of the same powers? Is she seeing her future? I can't wait to read more of this amazing story!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth

For whatever reason, I can't respond to your first review, so I'll respond to both here.

Thanks so much for reading this story. It is definitely my biggest work, and has been a part of my life now for 4 years as it's slowly developed into what it now is. It was so good to here you liked the prologue. It wasn't part of my first draft, but when I finally reached my conclusion, I thought it was a good way to show the basis of this story. I'm also happy to here it was about the right length. Its only meant to be a snap shot to, hopefully, entice the reader to read more. And I like the way you wrote the last line too. I will edit it :)

There sure is a lot that goes on in this story. It's the most complex thing I've written, hence the 4yrs that it took me (plus real life got in the way).

Callum is a bit of a bad guy. It was fun writing a villain.

I liked the name Cassandra/Cassie and it was by chance that the name meant 'prophet' and also the same name as the mythical seer.

Thanks for the cc. I'll take it on board as I re-read.

I really hope you continue to enjoy this story and see it through to it's conclusion. And thanks again for the wonderful reviews

Jacqui


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Review #13, by Veritaserum27 Prologue

11th November 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here from the common room for the November BvB review battle.

This story looked like it was your biggest work, so I decided to give it a go. What a great prologue! I felt like I was watching an epic movie, with grandiose images forming in my mind if the Earth's great power and the history of how magic and earth are tied together. You did a fantastic job pulling the reader in and making me wonder what is going to happen next.

I also love that you chose to be concise with this first chapter (prologue). I think it is a common mistake that authors make when they feel that they have to give ALL the background information at the get-go.

My only tiny bit of cc is the last sentence is a bit of a run-on. It could either be two sentences:

And I lay at the epicentre. I, the minister of Magic's daughter.

Or it could be:

And at the epicentre lay I, the Minister of Magic's daughter.

I really did love the last line, so please don't think that it wasn't completely brilliant, it just think that it might read better.

I also appreciated the authors note at the beginning. So many stories get abandoned, it is nice to know that this one is already done!

I can't wait to read more!

♥ Beth

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Review #14, by Emm Parental Freedom

22nd June 2013:
I've read three chapters. Good story plot that has me eager to read more. There were some typos so have someone edit. You also introduced a character Kat suddenly which did not make sense. I hope you don't mind the critique please keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for the story. I've recently gone back and edited so hopefully the typo's are corrected.

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Review #15, by AlexFan When My World Changed

10th February 2013:
Another awesome chapter!

Still lots of great description so no one is left wondering what happened and I loved the Cassie and Aimee together. They seemed like really close friends and they're dialogue was really light and easy-going.

You showed that even though Cassie was the Minister's daughter she was still a teenager and she'd still talk like one no matter what!

Author's Response: Thanks again for reviewing my story *squee* I tried to keep the dialogue really friendly and teenager-ish, the sort of stuff that two 16 year old girls would talk about. Its cool to know if came across how I wanted it too.

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Review #16, by AlexFan Prologue

10th February 2013:
RAVENCLAW REVIEW BATTLE!

I really love that you added so much description. Some stories don't have enough while others have too little but you added the right amount.

I think you did a great job of showing how hard it would be to be related to the Minister for Magic and everything that you have to do. The way that you have to behave the things that you have to say.

Her family also sounds really prim and proper as well which I'm guessing goes along with the whole being related to the Minister thing.

The ending though, holy cow, I can't wait to read the next chapter now. This story sounds interesting!

Author's Response: This story is my baby right now so I'm so happy you decided to read it :) The whole story has grown and taken on a life of its own and become so much more than I ever thought it would.

I'm glad you like my description, I've been working on these and my metaphors to add depth. I really hope you continue to read and thanks for your review.


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Review #17, by Cassius Alcinder Prologue

12th November 2011:
Review tag!

This is a very strong start to your story, and a very original idea as well I must add! I enjoy political thrillers, and the idea of setting one in the HP world is original and awesome.

You did a good job with characterization. Cassie is a very sympathetic character and totally believable. It's easy to realte to her emotions because you described them very well. Callum sounds so evil!

This is a great start and i'd love to read the rest of it

Author's Response: I'm always so excited when I get reviews to this story because it's my pet project at the moment and I know how completely epic it's going to become.but anyway.

Personally, politics drives me bonkers so it's kind of funny that I've written a story focused around political intrigue. It's quite fun adapting it to the magical world.

I like Cassie; she's such a sweet girl who is suddenly thrown into the public eye. She wants to rebel but hates to disappoint and so goes along with what is asked of her.

And yes Callum is evil.but in the intelligent, calculating sort of way.

Thanks so much for the review.


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Review #18, by LittleWelshGirl99 Prologue

8th November 2011:
This is looking up to be an amazing story :)

This first chapter has cleverly set the scenes and introduced the main plot and characters, while allowing a lot of room for growth and development.

It's a very original idea-The Minister of Magic's Daughter! I've never read a fic quite like this, which makes it unique :D There'll also be some pretty fab ways you can take this considering the politics involved, possible romances etc.

I like the idea of the jealous 'wannabe' who thinks he should have been elected. is it quite realistic that he would go to such lengths as kidnapping though? Although looking back that would suit his character :)

Nicely written, I'm particulalry noticing that you didn't muddle up tenses! Quite a lot of stories do that so I'm happy this one doesn't :P

LWG x

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. This story is my little baby right now and my NaNo rebel project. While there's only two chapters up, there is so much more written.

You're quite right about a lot of room for development...this will become a very epic tale, with politics history, mystery and definitely a bit of romance on the side :) It's a very complex plot I have going and you'll find out a lot more about Callum and his true objective.

You have totally made my night with this review. Thank you so much. And now, after this brief interlude, I must continue Cassie's story.


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Review #19, by Drummergirlred When My World Changed

7th August 2011:
Oh no! That happened quickly and rather easily. Poor Cassie and I'm sure her friends will be in a state! I thought the 'girl' talk before Diagon Alley was realistic and helped me to see a bit more of Cassie's personality. Something tells me she won't be a very corporative hostage. I did see a few word typos in the dialogue but it wasn't distracting.
I was hoping Cassie would make it to school first before she was kidnapped, so I could see how she was at school. Hopefully there will be a grand rescue plan! I hope you update this soon.

Author's Response: Hehe, the joys of ending on a cliff hanger as you really don't know what's going to happen. I wanted to show a bit more of Cassie's personality so I'm glad that it came through. Thanks so much for your review and thoughts

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Review #20, by Drummergirlred Prologue

7th August 2011:
I personally enjoy politics so I think this is a great start! You wrote a very nice speech for the acceptance and my politics neediness inside was grinning. Poor Cassie, what a tough position for a child to be in sucked into something they complete understand. I personally know several politicians who choose not to run for certain elections or 'retire' because of their children. I was happy to see Cassie's mother seemed to get the picture.
I am intrigued with your villain and how you develop him. Kidnapping is a such a good way to get someone's attention and I am curious to see how that all goes down and how Cassie's dreams may be related.

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you liked my acceptance speech. I was useless at speech writing at school but I seem to have a knack for them in fan fiction. Cassie's mum is very understanding although naturally, she gets annoyed by her daughters antics.

I love my villain, he is so fun to write. Thanks for the review :)


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Review #21, by NaidatheRavenclaw Prologue

4th August 2011:
Well by now, you should know that I love your stories :P I've reviewed enough of them! And this was no different. It was an incredible first chapter, like usual with you. I really like your premise for this in particular. I've always wondered about the lives of kids of politicians, and I think you did a great job here of portraying that. And I'm really interested to see how this kidnapping plan will work out! Amazing start to the story!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm really happy you enjoyed the first chapter. I've had the idea of this story for ages and it's great to finally have some of it written down. And the kidnapping...you'll just have to continue reading...

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Review #22, by charlottetrips When My World Changed

1st July 2011:
Hi! Iím so happy I get to review one of your stories!!! :) And that thereís a new chapter to this story for me to read!

The first thing that pops out to me here is the word ďstealthyĒ. I really love that word! Random, I know, but thought you should know!

I like how you managed to put both Cassie and her motherís viewpoint in about the clothes and what Cassie is wearing means to both of them. Being omniscient I see.

Little tidbits of stray punctuation: [photo's] (first paragraph) and [She had always wished she had blue eyes like her parents but no, she had to be stuck with green.Ē]

I enjoy humble characters, though to be honest, she sounds pretty beautiful to me. Which, now as I read on, you totally acknowledge! (Iím doing a running review so it sounds like I donít know the whole chapter yet because, well, I DONíT know the whole chapter yet as Iím still reading.) I think you have a fair insight into the mind of a good but beautiful person (as opposed to the beautiful but snobby people).

The interaction between the friends was very believable. Everyone is kind of testing these celebrity waters out and Cassieís annoyance is totally real to me.

Yes! Action!! Keep going!

x Char

Author's Response: Yay, I love your reviews.

The whole thing about Cassie's looks plays as important part of her character later on. She is humble and shy about it as you pointed out.

Glad you like the word stealthily :) Cassie still lets her mother have some control over her, yet is also trying to be her own person. She is at the age where she wants to break free yet she is also a little afraid to totally leave the safety of home.

And yes there is action...thanks for the review. It made my night

x Jacqui


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Review #23, by WitnesstoitAll Prologue

19th May 2011:
hello!

All in all, I think the premise of this story is really unique and interesting. From what we've seen of the HP world, the minister of magic always works alone. We never see him as a family man, a father or a husband. It certainly will be interesting to see!! Your cast of characters is wide, which gives the reader a real-feeling. The only small critique that I have though, are about Cassie. I have trouble getting a good feel of her age between her dialogue and your description of her. Niether are weak, both the dialogue and description work week, but don't seem to support one another in the age of your character. Her speech gives her an air of sophistication and maturity, but her actions and attitude allude more to a young, pre-teen aged girl. I'm sure that this can be resolved in later chapters as her character grows, so I wouldn't be too fussed about it. All in all, this is an interesting first chapter and I'm glad I read it!

-Melissa

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I can see what you are saying about Cassie, and how it may come across as such. She is at that transition period in her life, somewhere between a girl and an adult. She has suddenly found herself in an adult world and is trying to show herself as mature when supporting her father, but yet she is also trying desperately to keep true to herself and what she wants. However, being only 16, she still falls under parental control, so when she doesn't get her way, a slight immaturity sets back in. I hope this explains it a little more. She will grow a lot as the story progresses. As I continue writing, I will keep your comments in mind.

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Review #24, by charlottetrips Prologue

11th May 2011:
O o o o o. I like where this is going! It's so well written with just the amount of detail needed to know what is happening but without going overboard. I so appreciate that in a writer!

I like Cassie and her family. I was thinking that her mum was a bit mean until you explained it further on.

I can't help but think that this pendant is very significant, hm? *waggles eyebrows*

And look! I got to review one of your lovely stories! :)

x Char

Author's Response: Ah yes...it is all about creating the mystery. I couldn't tell you too much just yet :P

Hehe, I can see why you would think Cassie's mum was mean, but it was more the situation at the time.

Thanks for reviewing. And if you continue reading, you might find out just a little more about the necklace...


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Review #25, by Kristen When My World Changed

27th April 2011:
ack! I love it! can't wait for the next update:)

Author's Response: Thank you. I will try and get a new update up as soon as I can

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