Seriously, this is a FANTASTIC fanfic. I love it! I love your idea and the AU you've created. I want to read the next chapters so PLEASE update soon! I finished the story five minutes ago and I'm already dying to read the the next chapters. Please don't abandon the story! Report Review
Well, this chapter was fast-paced and well written; I really enjoyed it. You write battle scenes so well, very realistic. Also, I like how you switched between Portia's and Riddle's POVs in this chapter, it really worked well in showing the level of magnitude and height of the battle. Over all, great job and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter when it's posted. (: 10/10 Report Review
Ah, this story just keeps getting deeper into the plot the more I read, and I really am enjoying it. I especially like how you've characterised Tom Riddle, and how you've written his inaction/relationship with Grindelwald. Portia does indeed have reason to be wary of Tom Riddle, and I like how you've made that perfectly clear in this chapter of how she does not trust him and finds herself debating his loyalty to Grindelwald.
As we know of Riddle's later life from the books, it does not bode will with Riddle to work under and for someone else. Riddle is completely his own wizard and does as he pleases when he pleases. And I think you did a good job really showing that character trait of his in this chapter, even if we only saw a bit more of him here from the previous chapter. Over all, excellent chapter and now I'm off to read the next. (: 10/10 Report Review
Another superb chapter you've written here, Lee Anne! Honestly, you really have such a knack with writing historicals; especially, might I add, the histories that take place in the midst of politics/wartime. And not only that, but fitting it all into the HP universe with HP characters and making it flow so seamlessly that it could very well be canon.
Also, I enjoyed getting glimpses of Dumbledore and Riddle at the roles they will play in this story. And, yay, more Alistair/Portia. I really am falling in love with this pair, they are quite perfect for each other in all actuality. I love them together! Over all, loved the chapter and I'll read & review the next chapters some time soon! 10/10 (: Report Review
Lee Anne! I really am loving this story and am happy to finally be getting around to reading/reviewing it. You've really branched out with this one, and I think you're doing so well with writing Grindelwald. And Portia is well-rounded and characterised, too. I love their interactions and how Portia admires Grindelwald for all he has done and does, yet she refuses to work under him as she chooses to work on her own terms. In this aspect, it makes her a strong character, and I love that about her because she's a woman who knows how to execute battle. Tough thing, she is, too. Anyway, excellent chapter, hun! (: 10/10 Report Review
This chapter was very well written, Lee Anne. I like how your writing this during wartime, not leaving anything out and molding it all together so effortlessly. The war action and behind the scenes talk is all believable, and I quite like your characterisation of young Moody before he hardened with age. All characters have to start somewhere, and I like how you've made him out to be a strong fighter, yet still with much to learn about being a soldier/Auror.
And of Gellert Grindelwald, I like seeing how he turned almighty powerful, before he ultimately went over to the dark side. And that he wants Portia's help is curious, what can she do for him? Anyway, lovely chapter and I can't wait to continue reading this. (: 10/10 Report Review
Hmmm. Grindelwald as Hungarian, interesting! I really enjoyed your tying-in to World War II and European geography. Your imagining of how the Ministry might have been organized during World War II is also very believable. I wonder whether the War Department is folded into Magical Law Enforcement at a later time, since Wizarding Britain doesn't seem to have an active military later on. (this is one reason I enjoy your stories so much, they make me think about the larger world of stories that could be told in this universe!)
Please feel free to re-request any time! I hope to get to your remaining chapters after clearing my plate a bit :) Report Review
Form wise, you really started this chapter off grabbing the reader. Your use of sentence fragments is really effective and brings a pounding rhythm.
Dusting off my music degree here, I enjoyed the references to classical works (and I think the ones you chose fit nicely-- Berlioz!). Moody's youthful personality grounds Portia nicely as an OC; it's easy to imagine her as Moody's mentor as a young Auror. Report Review
That was so different from anything I've ever read in the Potterverse. Of course you know how I love AUs, so I'm ready to look at everything in a new way. :)
I liked how you started with the story already in motion-- I'm really curious now about how it went wrong between Tom and Portia and how close this Tom's magic is to the canon version. I enjoyed how you portrayed Portia's conflict over seeing Tom again, both politically and on a visceral level.
Your use of small details-- the guard's cracked tooth, for example -- serve to give the story a grounding in reality even while the basic set-up is so far outside what we expect in fanfiction.
I have not studied Plutarch -- reading this from a "historical fiction" perspective and I may miss some references but plan to enjoy this! Sorry for the long delay in catching up to your request. Report Review
Hmm... this was... interesting. I've never read anything like it. I was quite confused for most of the time until I realized more of the gist. But then again, I'm slow tonight.
I loved the description. It was fantastic. The idea of the story also intrigues me. I love the fact they are all trying to somewhat do the same thing while doing it all so differently.
Please feel free to ask for another review. I want to remember to read. :)
10/10 Report Review
Hi Lee Anne, I'm so glad we got each other this week because I've been meaning to read 'Seven Hills' for quite some time now. And might I say I am not disappointed in the least yet. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you really do have an original flare for mingling the HP universe with history where it all flows so smoothly that it's as though it all actually happened. It's so unique and different, yet I love the way you wrote Tom and how you developed the character of Portia. Over all, great prologue and I can't wait to read the other four chapters.Author's Response: Hello Leslie,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! As you mentioned, I was so pleased to be paired up with you for Review Exchange. I really loved reading your fic and I truly am grateful for your thoughtful comments on this piece. Needless to say, I'm thrilled to hear that you liked the prologue. I know this story is vastly AU, so I was worried that some readers might be turned off right away. I'm glad you thought this first chapter worked well, though. ;) Again, thanks for everything! I hope you have a fantastic week. Take care and be well!
Lee Anne Report Review
Hello there, Lee Anne! :D I finally made it to the next chapter. I must apologize for the ridiculously long wait. But oh my gosh this was a wonderful chapter! I loved it. Absolutely loved it.
Once again I must commend you on such an original and clever plot line. I love Portia's character - actually. Haha I find it odd that I can like a woman who is in love with Voldemort but whatever. :P
She really is truly great. This was an awesome chapter. Everything is developing so nicely, and as always, I never really have any CC for you. You're a splendid writer with so much talent.
I LOVED the use of Grindewald in this. It was so clever, and I can only imagine where this will go! Elder wand trouble, here we go! And parties. Uh oh! I am looking forward to the future chapters, and I promise I will get around to them much sooner.
Awesome job, love!
DrueAuthor's Response: Hi Drue,
Thank you so much for the fantastic review! As always, I was thrilled to hear from you. I'm so, so glad that you are still enjoying this story. Haha, yeah, Portia must be a bit odd to fall in love with Voldemort, although I suppose in this story, Tom Riddle never really becomes the Voldemort we know and hate. ;)
And I'm pleased that you liked Grindelwald's appearance. He really is a congenial old chap, despite being an absolute cut-throat and back-stabber.
Thanks again for everything! Your reviews are always fabulous. I do hope you have a pleasant week. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Lee Anne! I was so excited to see that you requested the next chapter. I had been dying to read the next, and now I had perfect reason to fit it into my schedule. :D
It was another wonderful chapter, and I loved it just as much as I loved the first. You really have a wonderful story forming. Portia's character is so original and unique. She fascinates me, and I love her personality. Her morals are different really from anything I've ever seen before, and she really does seem like the perfect kind of woman what would be in love with Tom. And the story line you have woven here is fascinating.
I'm intrigued for everything to come.
Fantastic chapter, Lee Anne! :)
xo. DrueAuthor's Response: Hiya Drue!
Oh, I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed this chapter. Your feedback for the first installment was so kind and encouraging, I was absolutely thrilled to hear your opinion on the next chapter. I have to admit, I'm rather surprised that you like Portia as a character. I honestly thought that most readers would find her too mercenary and too military-minded to be sympathetic. And then again, she is a pretty big hypocrite, hehe. ;)
Again, thank you so much for the fantastic review! I will definitely drop by your queue and re-request in the near future. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Lee Anne Report Review
I nearly squealed with excitement for an hour when I saw that this was updated. This is far better than any of the other books I'd been picking up lately ismply because your story combines two of my favorite things: history and Harry Potter. I love it!!
I enjoyed the bit with Tom; I think that you did an exceedingly excellent job letting us experience Tom through Portia's eyes. He is sort of slimy and settled in his ways; much like Portia is but Portia's lack of sexual nature or repression thereof makes me like her because I can relate to her with that. Tom is very settled in his charming and appealing ways as a man; they are both certainly imperfect but I just like Portia more xP
I definitely enjoyed the writing for this chapter especially between Tom and Grindelwald. I think that the mentor relationship was a perfect way to explain them and I like the idea that Grindelwald is threatened by her. I think that Portia is a force to be reckoned and is most certainly just noa 'woman.' Loved it!!
I'm so glad that you are updating this and I loved the ending of this. It was a cliffhanger without actually being a cliffhanger. I think that it was brilliant to use this for a closer.
xx LindseyAuthor's Response: Hi Lindsey,
Thank you so much for the lovely feedback! I'm so glad to hear that you're still enjoying this story. And I have to admit, I always squee when I receive a review from you. I just adore your detailed comments. You really are an awesome reviewer.
I'm very pleased that you found Tom likable. He is quite the slimy guy in this story, although I think there is something undeniably attractive about him, which is what draws Portia to him like a moth to a flame, hehe. And you're absolutely right about Portia being repressed. She does repress everything, emotions, urges, you name it. I think she also has this false notion that her ability to remain in-control at all times gives her a heightened sense of morality, which she believes Tom lacks.
Also, I'm really happy to hear that you liked Tom's interaction with Grindelwald in this chapter. To be honest, I fussed over that scene a fair bit, because their relationship is very changeable. Tom definitely looks up to Grindelwald as a father figure, but then again, he also has a problem authority, so he does have a bit of rebellious streak. ;)
Again, thanks a million for the awesome review! I already have the next chapter written and should be posting it next week. I hope you have a great weekend! Take care! ^_^
Lee Anne Report Review
Hello, I'm here with your review as requested!
Wow. Just wow. I really have no idea what is going on in this story, but I am so eager to find out. You have captured Portia's personality excellently and characterized her brilliantly. She is so unique and original. I like how you voice Portia's thoughts and intersperce them into the story. It flows so well and really makes for an intriguing plot. Your descriptions are excellent, and you gave given this story so much life. I can't wait to see where you are taking this.
You have an awesome story forming. I'm pretty sure I am going to favorite this. ;) I will be back to read the next chapters after I have emptied my queue. Thank you for requesting!
10/10Author's Response: Hi Drue,
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for the amazing review! You've left me quite speechless. I am thrilled to hear that you enjoyed this prologue. As I've mentioned to reviewers before, I think my first chapters are consistently the weakest, so I wasn't sure what readers would think of this one.
I'm also very glad that you liked Portia. To be honest, she isn't the nicest person in the world and she more or less deserves what's coming to her, haha. ;)
Again, thanks so much for the fantastic feedback! I cannot possibly express how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. ^_^ Have a great week and take care!
celticbard Report Review
Hi electricfeel here with your review finally. I can only apologise profusely at the length of time its taken me to get round to this!
It was so great to come back to another chapter of this. It's fast becoming one of my favourites on HPFF. Firstly, I actually really liked the ending of the chapter and although I haven't seen the original, I think you have made the right decision to shorten it. 7000 words can sometimes throw too much information into the mix at the one time and be a lot to digest.
If this was on paper and not on a computer screen, I would have pulled out my highlighter and highlighted the paragraph where you described Grindelwald. Honestly, such fantastic writing. It is the absolute example of a well-written description. Even the opening line -- "He was older than she had expected, although age had handled him gently" it is so simply but I just loved it!
I've seen writers set up a character really fantastically before, for it all to crumble when it came to actually writing the character. Thankfully, this hasn't been the case here. Gellert is everything I expected. He's extremely clever, calculating, a true soldier and there's something about him I suspect I will never completely trust. The unexpected guests at the end was a great tool to show just how ahead of the game he can be. Really great.
The plot is so layered and is developing some complexity now. There are so many relationships just waiting to be explored, so many subplots unfurling and so many characters waiting to be developed. It really ensures that readers will return. I'm just finding this to be a really intelligent story if that makes sense.
I don't think you'll ever request a review for this story from me and I'll leave anything scathing. I just adore this story too much. I wish I had written it. I do hope you request again, and I promise I won't leave it so long to review next time.Author's Response: Hello electric feel,
Oh my! What an amazing review. I feel so spoiled by your wonderful feedback. Thank you so much! Your kind comments and encouragement really made my day. I'm so, so, so glad to hear that you're enjoying this story.
And please don't apologize for not reviewing right away. I completely understand how crazy RL can get. To be honest, the last few weeks have been terribly hectic for me (which is why it took me forever to post this reply), so I certainly know what it feels like to not have enough time in the day. ;)
Now, let's see if I can form a coherent reply to your fabulous review. I have to admit, my review responses tend to be a bit rambling, so please forgive me! I'm so pleased to hear that you thought it was a good idea to cut this chapter in half. After I finished writing the first draft, I saw the tremendous word count and thought "Wow, even I wouldn't have the patience to read all this!" Hehe. Although, as I mentioned in my author's note, I was slightly worried that the break would seem abrupt. I suppose that's because I always obsess over transitions and what-not. ^_^
Also, I was absolutely thrilled to hear that you liked Grindelwald. And you're right not to trust him completely. He's not a bad guy, per say, although he does have a few interesting tricks up his sleeve that should keep Portia on her toes. When it comes down to it, Grindelwald really is the better politician. He can outwit Portia when it comes statesmanship and tact, however, Portia definitely outstrips him as a soldier.
And I'm glad you liked my description of Grindelwald. To be honest, I was picturing him as looking a little bit like Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector, haha.
Again, thank you so much for the awesome review! I was deliriously happy to receive your feedback. ^_^ I hope you have a great week. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
kirstenalanna from the forums with your review!
Honestly...I don't know how to review this. Usually there is some chink in the armour that I can focus on...but I couldn't really pick up much.
we got a lot of information, but not so it was overloaded...which is really good and hard to do BTW.
you've got me here. just reading the prologue, I want to read more which is the general idea with a prologue.
the flow was very, very good. It was a smooth read.
the only thing that I can think of to improve would be to add more description. But other than that...I can't raelly think of anything
good, good job here!!
kirstenalannaAuthor's Response: Hello kirstenalanna,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and review this first chapter. It was really great hearing from you and I do truly appreciate your kind comments.
I'm so glad you thought this chapter read well and wasn't too slow. As I've told all of my readers, first chapters are always so incredibly tricky for me to write for some reason. I don't know why, but it usually takes me at least five tries to get something that I'm at least semi-happy with, haha.
And thanks for your advice regarding description. I will certainly keep it in mind when I write future chapters.
Again, thanks for the lovely feedback, kirstenalanna! I do hope you have a pleasant week. ^_^ Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested review (finally). I'm really sorry about the long wait!!
Wow, your writing style is beautiful. Not only is the description beautiful, of both surroundings and characters (the way you captured their relationship was lovely, but more of that later), I really felt like it characterized Portia extremely well. Her embedded thoughts and the tone of the piece introduced her character incredibly. I loved that opening - "Portia lifted an eyebrow. How very fitting. The commander becoming the commanded, the prized hound forced to sniff at the door for scraps like a mutt. How utterly appropriate." In just a few sentances you gave an impression of her intelligence, sense of pride, strength I suppose. Lovely.
Like I said, the description was lovely. You really created the atmosphere of the villa, I especially enjoyed the description of the wine-dark sea. The, I don't know how to phrase it haha, opulence? of her surroundings compared to her unromantic view of it was lovely, it really brought out her past. It seemed to add a lot of depth to her character.
I loved the tension throughout. The way you dropped in pieces of information. The whole scene (Tom riddle in a villa in Greece?) was new to me, so I was hanging onto your every word as the story developed. I liked the historical aspects of it, although I'm sure a lot of it is/will be lost on me. The way Portia's mind explained her situation and her relationship with Tom gradually made it all the more hooking to read and realistic.
I absolutely adored the interchange between Tom and Portia. It was lovely. Particularly the imagery of her showing him her cards has stuck with me. The tension and drama between them was just ah! I really really loved the contrasting descriptions of Tom. "Dark, ugly scent." You really got a sense of his darker side, whilst he still remained alluring. He definately seemed like Portia's weakness! Beautifully written.
One thing I did think was a bit awkward was:
"“Broken,” he said, his arms falling at his sides as he rounded the desk."
I really liked the way her thoughts led onto his speech, and I understand and think it's an accurate characterization that he is taunting her with her weakness, but it didn't seem to me as realistic as other parts. I felt like it perhaps needed a description of his facial expression or something?
Anyway, this was an absolute pleasure to read, the characterization and the descriptions were incredible. Very intense and emotive! Hope this feedback helped, I loved reading it :)Author's Response: Hello TallestTower,
Oh my, thank you so much for the wonderful review! Your feedback was absolutely fantastic. I really am so grateful for all of your kind, thoughtful comments. And please don't apologize for the delay. I know what it's like to be incredibly busy. After all, RL is way more important than some silly fanfic. ;)
I'm so glad you thought the imagery suited Portia's personality. She's a soldier, so she tends to view things from a practical standpoint, although I think even she was intimidated by Tom's elegant villa. So, needless to say, I really am so happy that you noticed how straightforward her thoughts are compared to her beautiful surroundings. I guess she's not one to take the time to stop and smell the roses, hehe.
And as far as the "wine-dark" sea goes, I can't take credit for that. That particular image is found over and over again in classical Greek literature. As my English professor told me while we were reading The Odyssey, the Greeks were rather fond of it and always described the sea as "wine-dark". I decided to include it in this chapter because I wanted to pay homage to antiquity in some way. ^_^
I'm really very pleased to hear that you enjoyed the exchange between Tom and Portia. Since this story is AU, I wasn't sure if I was giving out too much info or too little. I do have this awful tendency to be cryptic when setting up my plot, which isn't a good thing, considering I decided to set this story in an alternate universe, hehe. I do hope I didn't make things too confusing!
And thanks for pointing out that awkward bit. You're right, that line could definitely be fleshed out. I will definitely go back and revise it.
Again, thank you for the awesome review, TallestTower. Your feedback means so much to me and I appreciate all the time you took to let me know what you thought of this first chapter. I hope you have a great week! Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Hello celticbard! This is Liza (lizzacc) from TGS with your requested review. ^_^ I hope you are well.
Just as a bit of a disclaimer: All history references will probably be lost on me. Unless they're blatantly clear. Like 'my four year old brother could understand' clear. xD And with that out of the way, let's get on with the actual review, shall we?
The first thing I noticed was your writing style. No one really writes like this anymore. As the years go on, the writing styles change. I feel like today's writing style is more fast-paced, more dialogue. And yours is vastly different - in a good way, mind - and just a breath of fresh air. You have this wonderful way with words. Like here:
“It seems as though I’ve won,” he said softly, letting each word fall one by one, stones breaking the surface of a frozen river.
The ice shattered.
Just wow. I don't know why that line stood out to me, but it did. It's just so... elegant. And I really feel like there is a much better word to describe your writing - I don't know if any word will ever really describe your writing to the fullest - but 'elegant' is what comes to mind. Classic. Stunning. Brava. ♥
I love your Tom. He's just so very vile and I'm eating it up. How he takes great pride in destroying Portia- I love it. I really do. And Portia! I can't help but feel Tom really is her only weakness. She strikes me as a very, very strong character- fearless and belonging on the battlefield. She's a rock, a muscle. The fighting muscle, if you will. :P She's tough as nails, and I'm almost glad Tom broke her since it shows she has a weakness. She's still human; she can still fall in love. The same could not be said for Tom.
I don't actually remember the wordcount but it seems to have flown by. It's amazing since it feels like I read only 500 words but the impact it left was so much more than that. It just reads very well. There's no grammer errors or anything like that to distract me. Plus, your writing has a very... calm and cool quality to it. It's very smooth and liquid-like.
I'm rambling here since I really have no idea what to say. I feel like I'm all over the place with this review so I apologize for that. But a truly stunning chapter.Author's Response: Hello Liza!
Oh my. What a wonderful review! *blushes* To be honest, I don't think I've stopped smiling since I received this review. Thank you so much! Your feedback was so inspiring and encouraging. I cannot possibly express how grateful I am for you kind comments. I really do appreciate all the time you took to write out such a thoughtful, in-depth review. So again, thank you!
Haha, don't worry about the historical references. When it comes down to it, they're not at all important to the actual plot of the story. I just happen to be a huge nerd who likes to draw random parallels between historical figures and HP characters. See what a dork I am. ;)
And, needless to say, I'm so pleased to hear that you liked my writing style. Sometimes I think my overall phrasing and flowery language tends to be a bit archaic. I'm a huge fan of the Romantic Era, so I definitely think I subconsciously model my style after some very old-fashioned prose, hehe. I'm glad you didn't find the narrative or dialogue too stilted, though. I know I have a nasty habit of over-writing. ^_^
I'm really happy to hear that you liked Tom, too. Yes, he is vile. Not a nice guy at all. But then again, Portia herself isn't a very nice woman. I absolutely loved how you described her in your review...the rock, the muscle. That's definitely Portia. I'm afraid Tom isn't her only weakness though. In fact, I think he's the result of all her weaknesses combined. Even though she blames him for her downfall, she really owes it all to self-destruction.
Again, thank you so much for the fantastic review, Liza! ^_^ I'll definitely stop by your thread and re-request in the near future. Have a great week and take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Hi, electricfeel here with your requested review.
Oh, I was so happy to see you had requested again, reading this story is just always such a pleasure. The flow and pace is just perfect, I always seem to get completely lost in it. Your descriptions are just so real, which I think I may have mentioned in the last review and I don't want to keep repeating myself but really, they are fantastic. Everything feels so real; the places, the people, the emotions, the movements, the setting. Everything.
I love your characterisation of Portia thus far. She's a flawed character who seems to me very proud and perhaps a little overbearing. Yet, despite this she's still actually quite likeable. She's this strong, brave woman in a man's world so her personality is completely understandable and expected yet still unique. I also ADORED your inclusion of Moody, I just got such a surge of happiness at the idea of a young Alastor, and you wrote him perfectly which really just made my heart soar. I am genuinely beside myself with excitement at the prospect of him popping up again in later chapters. And the Minister, I think, was done very well. As a politics nerd I'm always wary when writers bring a political character into their story, especially if they have a very limited knowledge of politics themselves. Writing someone with a political mind isn't the easiest of tasks, but again, you've managed this really well. Henry Elrod is very much a politician, I can see Portia respecting him and appreciating him despite how different he is from her. I found their friendship rather endearing.
The plot is another plus, it's so intriguing and different. I really love that about it, there's no telling which direction this story will go in which is utterly fantastic (unless for readers who have a better knowledge of classical history, perhaps they might have an inkling). I really love how you've went back ten years in time, it's an interesting technique to use and one I don't think I could dare try myself for fear of just giving everything away and losing the readers interest. You've managed it flawlessly though, well done!
I'm now really interested to meet Grindelwald and a younger Tom. To make your reader feel like this just shows how fantastic your writing is. You've laid the foundations for these characters already without them even having a line of dialogue (well, in the case of Grindelwald). It's a very impressive talent within your writng.
Everything about this story is just so fantastic. I'm really excited to see how this story will unfold.Author's Response: Hello electricfeel,
Thank you so much for the kind review! Your feedback has been just great and I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story, especially the imagery. I know I do have a tendency to be somewhat heavy-handed when it comes to descriptive language, but I'm happy that you thought the imagery was appropriate.
And I'm really pleased that you liked my characterization. Yes, Portia definitely has some serious issues. She's a tough woman, but not quite as tough as she thinks, which unfortunately works to her disadvantage. She also has some problems with hubris and hypocrisy, but there'll be more on that later. ;) And yay! I'm glad you liked Moody's appearance. He will be a major character in this fic and should pop up quite frequently in future chapters. Also, I was quite happy (and relieved) to hear that you thought Henry Elrod turned out all right. He's sort of a back-ground character, always moving behind the scenes, although he is essential to the plot. Though you are right, he is very different from Portia. Unfortunately, Portia knows absolutely nothing about the world of politics, which is not exactly helpful considering she interacts with politicians so often.
And I'm glad you didn't find the ten year time jump too jarring. I was a bit worried about that, especially since the tone of this chapter is so different from the prologue. ;)
Grindelwald will be popping up in the next chapter and Tom won't be too far behind, I promise. ^_^ Thanks again for the awesome review! I will definitely drop by your queue in the near future and re-request. I hope you have a great week! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
“I hear everything and nothing,” she said, hoping she sounded appropriately philosophical. Perhaps, if she was abstract enough, she might confuse him.-- Your formatting for this little bit is off. Worth a quick edit when you get the time; you just need to adjust a random space slicing the line up.
Okay, on to real business aka this chapter! Oh man, I was really excited to see it updated so soon since me reading it because it meant it was all fresh and new in my mind and that I didn't have to readjust my frame of mind. I'm a lucky girl; other readers might have a harder time.
And as I type this, I may just in fact be the first reviewer. So I'm also very excited about that fact!!
I really loved how you introduced Dumbledore and Riddle into this chapter. It was very interesting to read about how Portia reacted so vastly differently to both men as well. Portia was very disgusted by Riddle; I'm surprised there wasn't mention of nauesa in the description because it was very close to that. And Dumbledore was very lovely to read about; it is interesting that Portia took to him so quickly in my mind. We all recognize Dumbledore as such a beloved character that I'm curious what it would be like for someone to not take to him (outside of very clearly Riddle and Grindelwald).
The exchange of Gindelwald and Portia in the beginning was very interesting to read; I feel that Portia grew as a more prideful character in my mind in this chapter and that Grindelwald's charm melted away a bit. He seemed a bit more rough and less political in this chapter; his mask was dropped with Dumbledore for a bit there.
I also loved that Moody came back; his presence soothes me as it soothes Portia. I think that you did a really lovely job with his character and I do instantly like him. I envision that I am of course prejudiced by Portia but even still, I think you just make him a really likeable guy. (Plus we hold him in the highest honor in canon so...).
The only part that was hard to me was the clear "solider" intimacy between the two. I don't personally have any background with war or such ideals, but its really hard for me as a reader to bridge that gap. I dunno if more explanation or addition of dialogue between the two could have helped that. I think its something that some readers may connect with, others not. It was the only part I struggled with in the chapter. I don't think it was lack of writing or explanation on your part as much as disconnect for me to the preparation of being dehumanized by the slaughter of war. Its always been a really hard thing for me to compensate as I've been described by all my psychology professors and my pschologist mother as "extraordinarly idealistic." -shrugs shoulders-
This really is an excellent bit; I didn't even look up to my clock the entire time I read either so kudos to you again. Best of luck with all your work and enjoy the last peak of your weekend.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello Lindsey,
Thank you so much for another lovely review! As for the formatting error you mentioned, I've tried retyping that sentence several times, and, unfortunately, it seems to be a spacing issue. The word "philosophical" won't fit on the previous line no matter what I do, hence the seemingly random break. So sorry if that threw you off. ^_^
I'm so glad you liked this chapter. I know there were a lot of intros, which is the main reason I decided to make this chapter (which was originally part of chapter two) a separate installment. I think it would have been a bit overwhelming to introduce Grindelwald and Dumbledore and Tom all at once. ;)
Haha, yes, I would say that Portia was nauseated by Tom, though to be fair, what she knows of him is only through hearsay. And as far as Dumbledore goes, I think he just perpetuates an aura of openness and understanding that really attracts Portia, considering she's just spent an hour or so with the very manipulative Grindelwald. ;)
And you're completely right about Grindelwald showing his true colors in this chapter. When it comes down to it, he really is a grasping man with nothing but raw ambition to motivate him. Portia has the potential to stand in his way, as does Dumbledore, so I think Grindelwald views them as very real threats, which occasionally causes him to drop his otherwise polite exterior in favor of something more devious.
I'm really pleased to hear that you enjoyed my take on Moody. I think he's my favorite character in this fic, just because he is a generally good guy and so very loyal to Portia despite her arrogance and hypocritical tendencies. Poor guy must have the patience of a saint, hehe.
And as for the soldier intimacy you mentioned, I will say that Portia and Moody's relationship is, in fact, two-fold. The first part of their intimacy stems from being soldiers, and like any two people thrown together in very stressful, traumatic situations, they've developed a strong bond. They've quite literally put their lives in each other's hands on a pretty regular basis, which has inspired a deep, fierce trust between them.
The second part of their relationship, however, has nothing to do with being soldiers. In short, there is a romantic facet to their relationship, although, I have to admit, I was deliberately unclear about this particular aspect. I know I mentioned before that I like to leave a lot of things unsaid and I more or less wanted readers to come up with their own ideas regarding Portia's romantic relationship with Moody. The implication, however, is that they are a couple.
I hope that clears things up and I do apologize for being so cryptic in the first place. ;) Again, thanks a million for the fantastic reviews, Lindsey! I really cherish your feedback and thoughtful support. I hope you have a very pleasant weekend. ^_^ Take care and be well!
Lee Anne Report Review
Excited to read the chapter...sad to see it as the last one. I have really been enjoying this story; it was most certainly worth staying awake for.
The amount of excitement that coursed through my body at the fact that Grindelwald was included in this chapter was unhealthy by a long shot; I almost got chills I was just so excited to read about him (finally!). And I was not disappointed a bit; I think his charm and his deceitful nature are brilliant. The party at the end was the perfect stab of lulling her away; also, I must think the map to be well placed as a trap and a test to see her capability.
He truly is the better careered of the two in my mind because he has a two-fold talent to Portia's. He can play the games of war and politics; she cannot. It makes him a much more formidable tacitian in my mind simply because he works like incense, slowly easing in and filling up the space with his ideas and his subtlety.
Portia's a brilliant and somewhat humorous character in my mind; her lack of tact in moments just makes me chuckle. She is incredibly realistic; she seems to step out of a history book in my mind, a real character of the ages.
I think what I enjoyed most about this chapter was the setting though; for this all to take place in a somewhat sensual but beautiful place as Capri seems ingenious to me. It takes real skill to incoporate the setting as a major plot device but you do so flawlessly. It's a real gift, and I'm sure its one you incoporate often.
My biggest compliant is that its chapter three and there are no more to read. But I am so glad you requested and I hope that these reviews were entertaining if not informing and reassuring. You are an excellent writer; I hope that when you one day become published, you could break the rules and let us in on your identity so we know that we read your roots. I'll be favoriteing this so no need to request again; I'll be back to review once you continue with it.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello Lindsey,
Gah! Your reviews are just so amazing. I cannot possibly express how grateful I am for your insightful feedback. Thank you so much! You've been a wonderfully supportive/encouraging reader and I've found all of your comments to be tremendously helpful. ^_^
I'm glad you liked Grindelwald's appearance in this chapter, it certainly took me long enough to introduce him. I'm sorry I kept you in suspense, hehe. ;) And you're right, he is a charming guy, somewhat like Tom, although his nature is much shrewder. He certainly knows what it takes to catch someone unawares and that is exactly what he's done to poor Portia.
But as far as political and military talent goes, I have to say, Portia is definitely the better soldier. If it ever came to a pitched battle between Grindelwald and Portia, she would win, handily. However, having said that, her genius is restricted to military concerns only. She has a one-track mind and when it comes to politics or even social situations, she definitely comes up lacking. Grindelwald, on the other hand, is not a genius like her, but he is a talented soldier and a noteworthy politician. And, unlike Portia, he has interests that extend beyond the battle field, but that's for future chapters, I'm afraid. ^_^
I was also happy to hear that you liked the setting of this installment. I myself have never been to Capri, although I do know it was home to some Imperial villas, so I thought Grindelwald himself might like the place. ;)
Haha, I don't know if I could ever write for publication. I used to, a few years back, but then I got bored with it. But I really am thrilled to hear that you're enjoying this story so far, and, needless to say, I truly appreciate your kind reviews. I hope you have a good week! Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Hullo darling. I was not put off at all by this chapter and I'm very excited by this chapter. I must say at first, I tend to look at chapter lengths and try to gauge about how much time I have comparable to how long the chapter may be, etc.
I may have to chuck the entire system because I was so engaged in this that when I hit the down arrow to read more, I was brickwalled to find an A/N. It was thrilling and saddening all the same; I must say it takes a lot for me not to look at the time or try to pace myself (especially during movies) but your story has managed to keep my eyes from trailing to the bottom of the screen to view the time. Kudos to you. In my mind, this clearly chalks up to good pacing and flow as well as a good setting for a good plot.
Your tone is really what strikes me the most; you make a most mundane revelation of her book writing, report writing, and meeting with the Minister seriously entertaining and intriguing. Mundane is hard to fight, but I really like how you manage to work with Portia.
Her morals are definitely most interesting to read about; she is in my mind definitely set in her warlike ways and that boils over to how she handles herself in her own life. Controlled, neat, ink stain free. But this clearly doesn't align into her eventual marriage to Tom; she called him a wretch and yet he becomes her weakness? It strikes me more that her weakness is in her hypocrisy and her thought that she is above such things.
Also, I meant to mention it last review, but Dumbledore is supposed to be Cicero, yes? He always had the talent for orating that reminded me of Cicero. Kudos to you if you took that take; I've been waiting for someone to make the comparison since I read the later books (five and six, I believe, really hi-lighted such skills in my mind).
I must comment that I nearly cried when I saw Moody's name; a young Moody makes my heart soar. Not nearly enough people write stories about him or think to include him. I think that you are absolutely divine to include him in your story.
My only remark to make is Henry's lack of warlike qualities; I did not see warrior in him at all. Obviously, he has progressed to politician but he was the Head of the Department so I anticipated less...kind nature. Less patience; I dunno. He wasn't poorly written or a bad character; just mismatched in my mind as her mentor. Just a thought though.
--LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello again, Lindsey,
Thanks so much for the unbelievably awesome review! Are you ready for another rambling, squee-filled review reply? Hehe.
I was quite thrilled to hear that you liked this chapter. I know it's rather different from the prologue and I was worried that the time shift might jar some readers. And as far as the length goes, I know, it is a little on the long side. It just goes to show you how much a story can change during the writing process. Originally, this whole fic was supposed to be a 7,000 word one-shot and yet, here we are. ^_^
I'm so glad you thought this chapter flowed well, even with the rather mundane subject matter. And yes, you are absolutely right about Portia being a hypocrite. You hit the nail right on the head, Lindsey. She is a HUGE hypocrite. She says one thing and then does another. She pretends to be modest about her talents and yet she has trophies displayed throughout her office. And when it comes to her romantic relationship with Tom, her hypocrisy will destroy her. Falling for and eventually marrying Riddle goes directly against all the morals and virtues sheÃ¢Â€Â™s preached about for most of her life. To be honest, in the prologue, I think she's more ashamed of her obvious hypocrisy than anything else.
Yes, Dumbledore is Cicero! I literally jumped for joy when I saw that you made the connection. There will be much more on him in the next few chapters, as he will be a major character in this story.
And yes, Moody will have a very significant role in this story. In fact, he's probably the most important character outside of Tom and Portia. I have to admit, I did a lot of revamping when it came to his role in this fic. Originally, he was just one of Portia's young Aurors, a sounding-board for her worries and concerns and nothing more. However, when I was writing and revising the first chapter, I changed my mind and expanded his role to that of Portia's most trusted friend and lieutenant.
Now, as far as Henry goes, you're completely right. He doesn't have any warlike qualities and he is certainly not a soldier, but rather, a consummate politician. When he was head of the War Department, his role was purely bureaucratic and political. He didn't engage in any actual fighting, but rather, delegated to the soldiers and Aurors. The reason Portia calls him her mentor, however, is simply because he was the one to hire her. Henry recognized her talents very early on, got her her job and saw that she was promoted rather quickly. He did not teach her anything about soldiering or war, but rather, provided the platform on which she could display her natural talents. I definitely should have made this more clear. After re-reading the chapter and your review, I can see how Henry seems a little mismatched with Portia. I will certainly go back and make their relationship a bit clearer, as you suggested. Thanks for pointing that out!
And thanks for another wonderful review, Lindsey! :) I just adore your feedback. I hope you have a great weekend. Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Oh hello, so, I got your request and was very excited when I saw it because I knew it would be quality writing regardless of subject matter. So, I opted to stay up late and read and review because I much prefer a good story to sleeping.
I'm going to rant here a smidge about RL and how this all relates to your AU story. I actually have read Lives by Plutarch (though I'm still undecided on how I really ended up feeling about it...side note) and was immensely excited to see that that inspired this. This late June presented itself with the opportunity for me to travel to Italy and in doing so, I read everything I could and would about Rome. Which meant a lot of Roman history including more in depth than what I'd learned in my history geek days as awell as school. And so these characters are very vivid in my mind. And I can definitely see the inspiration of each character with Romans (there is a intermingling, yes?)
Gaius and Cleopatra is definitely Portia; besides gender, the affair tends to lend me to guess this. The aloof nature of Portia grinds a bit against your style for me; I think that Portia wishes herself to be more emotionless than she actually is and your style clearly conveys some of her emotion. Your style definitely has a tone of certain emotion to it, and I think Portia wishes to make herself more masculine than she actually is.
I loved Tom. Mark Antony absolutely fascinated as well as Tom Riddle did so to parallel the two had me squeeing. Which is most unfortunately true in real life because my cat thought that meant I was cooing at him and thus going to give him treats. Tom's mind reading ability was subtly hinted to and I most defiinitely appericiated it. I think the whole pretentious House Elf and beefy guard man really worked in Tom's favor of being very B.A. and leader.
But the character that intrigues me the most, honestly, is Grindlewald because he is canon but we have a very limited understanding of him and his character so you have a lot to mold and work with. I'm curious to know if he'll be mentioned or hinted at more.
Overall, your flow works; you kind of have us, the readers, stumbling along in the dark entrance to your story. There is a heavy fog of mystery and a definite light of knowledge progression going on here. Its like you are lifting the dimmer slowly and surely on the entire story for us. My best advice is leaving the readers a bit in the dark. I think it would be more fun for them to guess who Portia and Tom are fashioned after. The A/N at the end was a bit of a fun ruiner :P. Kidding but I have a feeling not many have read Lives.
On to the next two chapters excitedly,
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hi Lindsey!
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but do you know how much I love your reviews? Honestly, I'm such a huge fangirl of your feedback and I always do an inordinate amount of squeeing whenever I read over your comments. So if this reply doesn't make any sense, I apologize. You're an unbelievably awesome reader and I really cannot thank you enough for all your terrific feedback. ^_^
Oh my goodness, you've read Plutarch? *squee* See, there I go with my squeeing. First off, I'm so jealous that you got to visit Italy. That really sounds like a trip of a lifetime. Secondly, it was great to hear from a reader who is familiar with the text. Although I don't think you need to know anything about classical history to understand this fic, I always love it when someone makes the historical connections. It makes me feel like less of a nerd, haha.
I really enjoyed your comments on Portia's emotional state. As you mentioned, she is definitely trying to hold back the floodgates of rage and sorrow in this chapter, but her sense of aloofness doesn't really carry through. I don't think she's quite as tough as she believes herself to be and Tom certainly sees right through to her soft underbelly.
I'm glad you liked my take on Tom. I was rather on the fence about fashioning him after Antony, although I do think Tom has the same charm that old Mark had. He's the kind guy you really want to hate but find yourself attracted to...in a rather strange, uncomfortable way.
And I'm really happy to hear that you found Grindelwald intriguing. I have to admit, I've always found JKR's more underdeveloped characters to be the most fascinating. Although he only appears briefly in DH, I think Grindelwald must have been a very charismatic and powerful man, especially considering he managed to capture the interest of a genius like Dumbledore.
You're completely right about this chapter being cryptic. To be honest, I really hate to give out too much information in the first chapter and I'm somewhat neurotic about leaving a lot unsaid. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but whatever the case, I do hope you weren't too confused. :)
Thanks again for the amazing/fantastic/brilliant review, Lindsey. It was just great hearing from you. I do hope this reply wasn't too rambling, haha. Have a great week! Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
So, this is very well written and I've never seen anything like it. I don't really know much about Roman history, but I know the jist, and seriously, this has made me even more interested!
So plot, here is very good, I especially like the letter from Dumbledore, it makes it seem so real, and your characterisation of Tom is just perfect. :)
Great job! xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review!
celticbard Report Review
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