29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Loony_Scorpy Year One: First Kiss

8th September 2011:
Wow, this is really interesting! I can't wait to see where it goes! I have to admit that already I don't want Anne and Rueben (I have no idea how to spell his name, a whole two chapters and I didn't even notice that :/ ) to get together, even though I feel sorry for him, but I (already!) feel like someone else is going to come into the equation...perhaps? Eh I can't wait for more for this story! :D

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Review #2, by doglover Year One: First Kiss

22nd August 2011:
this sounds like a great story!

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Review #3, by orderofthephoenix Year One: First Kiss

12th August 2011:
Peter Sinclair with a fluffy robe?! Lol, who would've thought it :P He reminds me of my own father quite a bit (the close-mindedness and conformity part). I've never read about a character quite like that and it's a bit weird, really.

Aww! Reuben is such a cute character! I love how you wrote their first kiss; made my heart melt! I know Anne doesn't like him in that way at the moment but I do hope she'll give him a chance at some point. He seems to really love her.

'Romance, mystery, friendship, and some humour', huh? This is definitely my kinda story!! I'm going to keep an eye out for updates. :D

-Sophia
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)

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Review #4, by orderofthephoenix Year One: A Three Year Story

12th August 2011:
Hey Ash!!

What a character Anne is! I can relate to her not wanting to finish books but at a lesser extent. I mean, I do read the last page eventually, I just don't want the story to end. :P She doesn't seem very peculiar at the moment, but that's something I'll look out for in later chapters.

Anne's father's attitude to books and literature is similar to that of Matilda's father in the book by Roald Dahl. He seems a very severe man, perhaps with a scientific mind and opposite personality to his daughter.

I like your style of writing, particularly where I've learnt a lot about Anne, her family and her friends from reading her thoughts and actions, rather than you simply stating it in the chapter.

Effective first line... and last line. They fit together really well, and I'm curious as to what you've got planned for this story.

-Sophia
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)

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Review #5, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Year One: First Kiss

7th July 2011:
My heart melted for Rueben! Oh the poor boy. That was a beautiful scene you wrote though between them in third year. I was hooked on every sentence. Wonderful job, I'm doubtful the person she's writing to will end up being him. I wonder really who she's going to end up with.

Author's Response: Hey thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you like it so much. :) And don't rule out Rueben yet! :)

Ash


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Review #6, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Year One: A Three Year Story

7th July 2011:
Just finished reading your first chapter and I have chills.

The opening was fantastic. 'This is a three year story.' and then when you tied it back in the end with 'it had only just begun.' Excellent job! I always find it hard in a way to really remember in introductory chapters who is who and what happened from beg to end.

But you didn't do what most normally do, I wasn't bored with learning about the OC and how she looks and acts. It was perfect how you just said 'Anne was a peculiar girl'. Really got my attention. I'm wondering just how 'peculiar' is she?

Not wanting to read the end of books is rather odd though.

When you mentioned book burnings my heart flip flopped in my chest and I cringed. Reminded me of fahrenheit 451 (excellent book if you haven't read it).

Anyway, can't wait to read the next chapter! I must favorite your story right away!

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for this awesome review!

My eyebrows definitely shot up in surprise and satisfaction when you said you have chills! That's a tremendous compliment and just what I was aiming for at best. So thanks so much. I pulled the 'not wanting to finish books' bit from myself, but made it an extremity. I dread finishing books for some reason; of course I always do, but I always thought it would be sort of interesting to explore the kind if personality type that wouldn't finish a book.

Anyway, thanks for the amazing review!

You're a legend.

ash


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Review #7, by theupsidedownquibbler Year One: First Kiss

7th June 2011:
The story reminds me of 500 Days of Summer, (the banner with Zooey may help :P) but not because of the story. The narration is so matter-of-fact and the language is beautiful! I really like this story and I'll definitley favourite! Keep up the great work!

Nikki

P.S- I love Just Ordinary!

Author's Response: Glad you like it so much! :D I am going to update it as soon as I finish Just Ordinary (which I'm so happy you like JO as well!). I just don't want to swamp myself!

Ash


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Review #8, by IwRiTe4mE Year One: First Kiss

22nd April 2011:
More soon? Even though I'm not sure where this is going, I'm super interested and hooked. This is a really good story!
~Kat

Author's Response: Baww, hey Kat! Thanks for reviewing it means oodles.

ASH (more soon!)


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Review #9, by Hope's Mom Year One: First Kiss

5th April 2011:
Please write more soon - I'm intrigued!

Author's Response: Thank you! And of course! :D


ash


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Review #10, by SexyDoorFrames Year One: A Three Year Story

19th March 2011:
This is a really interesting start! I like the use of 3rd person, I don't read many stories in 3rd person so this makes a nice change and quite refreshing to read. It also adds a different take onto the story itself. You've made a really good start! I like how everything is left in the open, it makes me want to read more so that's is always good. Anne sounds like a really interesting character!

Good start!

- Keely.
x

Author's Response: Hey Keely! Thanks so much for reviewing. :D

I'm glad you like the third person. I hate writing in third person, but LOVE to read it. I wanted to change up my writing style a bit. You know, to prove that I have more to offer. :) I think a lot of people can relate to Anne -- she's sort of this free spirit. My goal with Anne is to make her believable -- not realistic. The whole story is a tad outlandish, you know? It's written in a very whimsical, fairytale-ish way. And I knew that by writing this very wistfully, and not to mention in third person omnicient, it had a lot of opportunities to become very cliche. My goal is to make Anne far from cliche, like most authors' goals. :)

Thanks again!

Ash


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Review #11, by Miss MarlaG Year One: A Three Year Story

19th March 2011:
hey! This sounds really interesting and I can't wait to see what on earth she gets into. I like Anne, I read books a lot too, but I would throw a fit before letting my mum burn them ;) she does sometimes threaten to hide them when I make her mad, but she never does. I enjoy reading far too much and I enjoy this story!

9/10

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for taking the time to review! :D

Yes, Anne is going to have the year of her lifetime, haha. I don't read a lot, but I write WAY too much (ah, who am I kidding? You can never write too much :)) and so that sort of inspired the passionate, philosophical side to Anne. My parents, on the other hand, are really supportive of me. But I do get the sense they find writing to be more of just a hobby for me, even though it's a part of my career. -sigh- So that inspired Peter Sinclair. Anne mentions he would burn her books if he found out about them, simply because he hates imagination. I see a bit of that in everyone sometimes, so that's where that bit came from.

Thanks so much!

ash


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Review #12, by Owlpost68 Year One: First Kiss

15th March 2011:
I'm definitely enjoying this A LOT! I feel so bad for Reuben :( I hope Anne notices him soon for his sake! love it, you do a great job at making the images just pop in my head. Love it! Please update soon!

Author's Response: Hewo!

Wow, I'm flattered that you like it so much! It's my baby, hehe. And I'm nearly THRILLED to hear that you enjoy my imagery!

-squeal-

More is coming soon! :D

Ash


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Review #13, by Owlpost68 Year One: A Three Year Story

15th March 2011:
o I really like it :) great job! It's got me very interested about what happens next :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! I hope you enjoy what's coming next. :D

ash


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Review #14, by Siriuslover177 Year One: First Kiss

10th March 2011:
Aww, that was sad. :(
I mean, she doesn't like him, and he does.
I wonder who this anonymous is going to be... :O
I've been checking here everyday for this chapter!
Loved it SO much!

-Siriuslover177

Author's Response: Hello! Aww, so nice of you to review! I knew you said you were going to, but it's still super exciting! :D Next chapter will be up very soon! That is of course if you liked it enought to read more. :)

Lovies!

ASH


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Review #15, by Sanah_Lovegood Year One: First Kiss

10th March 2011:
hehehe i love Anne! shes so free, and happy, she makes my day. You really write well, you have that balance between description and letting the reader imagine down perfectly. I love this story. Thank you.

Author's Response: Why, you're welcome! I sure do appreciate such a nice review! It's refreshing! :D

ash


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Review #16, by flozoeoreo Year One: A Three Year Story

10th March 2011:
I like this alot. You are a good writer and I can't wait to find out more...just one mistake. you said 'sore' not 'soar.'
9/10 :)

Author's Response: Yes, I haven't had the time to correct that yes. Thanks for your concern, though! And your review was fabulous!

ash


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Review #17, by Hyenni Year One: First Kiss

10th March 2011:
oooh, you've intrigued me with your mention of other characters to hear from. i've never really gone for a OC/OC fic before and i clicked on this quite by accident, but you've got me hooked. i feel so bad for poor Reuben, and i hope Annie snaps out of it and gets with him.

I like the idea of hearing from Lily and Reuben, especially Lily (she has a place in my fanfic heart :P) because you've not really mentioned her yet and that sounds fascinating :D

Please do continue this, I'm enjoying it :) ^^

Author's Response: Aww, you rock! I totally love this review! Thank you so much! Well, it's not exactly an OC/OC. It's a mystery who she'll end up with... I mean, I guess you'll understanding if you stay tuned! Hehe. Thanks bunches!

ash


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Review #18, by DemetersChild Year One: A Three Year Story

31st January 2011:
Hullo there! DemetersChild here from the forums with your review!

Hmm, this is very interesting beginning. What we know is that Anne Sinclair likes to read, but never finishes books (which is rather interesting in itself), she's friends with a guy named Reuben who is the Quidditch Captain, she's a 6th year, her father's strict, she knows someone named Rose, and something very strange is going to happen to her this year and over the next three years.

I'd say it's a pretty good introductory chapter. It's not boring or stiff, but it is rather short. More of a prologue than a chapter. It's definitely peaked my interest though! Not sure what to think yet, but I definitely want to know more.

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: Thank you so much Dem! It is much appreciated, seriously!

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Review #19, by MarsIsBrightTonight Year One: A Three Year Story

9th January 2011:
* Squeals*
Ha. Lavs it already.
Right..question time..
1. I recognise the name Sinclair..and Reuben, is Anne the daughter of some character?
2,- Er, oh. I don't have any more questions..
Anyways, this is an interesting chap, and I shall be keeping tabs on the story..
It's lovely the way you've represented Anne, how bizarre yet totally normal she is. Obvious side story with the Mum picture..I'm guessing she's dead? Or away?
So, this is good, and I will be going now.
Keep going or you shall have an army of angry pink hippogriff's to deal with..
~

Author's Response: Glad you like it! I know I am slow, but I swear to GODRIC more is coming soon! I am trying to finish my first novel first. :D

ash


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Review #20, by Emandem Year One: A Three Year Story

4th January 2011:
This had a very... first chapter feeling, if you know what I mean. It just had the right amount of information for one to know there is something going on without knowing what is going on. For example, her dad. He makes me nervous. I'm expecting him to step out of nowhere in any minute and scream "Busted!" If you can't tell, I'm easily scared tonight.

Just one thing. The date at the beginning isn't right. At least the year. I'm assuming that when you say Rose you mean Rose Weasley, who was technically born in 2006 and therefore couldn't be out of Hogwarts by 2010. Because she'd be, you know, four. Approximatedly.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh - that is so funny. Seriously. I'm laughing like, loudly. Alarmingly so. I appreciate that A LOT. I will be changing that immediately. You totally rock!

ash


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Review #21, by CARPE DIEM Year One: A Three Year Story

2nd January 2011:
Hello! Diem here from the forums. Thanks for the request! I get so excited when I'm to review next generation stories, and yours did not disappoint.

Your opening was interesting. Very precise, and somewhat unorthodox in that you preface by saying, "This is a three year story." I liked it though. It's unique and caught my interest.

This might be completely bizarre, but when you were describing Anne's father, especially the bit about him not agreeing with imagination, I immediately thought of the Trunchbull from Matilda. Hahahaha. Not sure if that's the effect you were going for, but that's what came to mind. Either way, I think the two share a common trait - they scare me haha. Just from that brief paragraph, I find Peter Sinclair intimidating.

When you mentioned books burning, I imagined a dystopian society, like something perhaps out of The Giver, or worse, 1984. I know that's not at all what your story's setting is (my two analogies have been so weird, I apologize), but I'm liking the mystery you have going here; the suspense, aura, and general ambiguity is killing me! In a good way, of course.

Is that "Rose" I see? Aw, one of my favorites. I hope she makes a cameo in later chapters, as I'm always interested to see how she's characterized from story-to-story. Haha Luna the owl reminds me a bit of Luna the person - a bit odd. I'm also interested to meet Reuben, as well as get more information as to WHO Anne is.

Spelling and grammar:
- "She tucked": there is a random space in front of this paragraph
- "read to sore": "sore" should be spelled "soar"
- "before; this": the semicolon should be a comma

I have such a love/hate relationship with cliffhanger endings. You were quite mean to do that to me. But I LOVE this chapter. It sets up the story quite nicely, while really telling the reader nothing at all, which combine to effectively hook readers. I think you are a superb writer; on top of having very few typos (which means a lot, coming from a grammar freak), you have nice syntax and diction. I have little to criticize. You also balance dialogue, description, and action nicely. Great chapter! I'll be looking out for the next one. Feel free to re-request when you update!

Author's Response: Thank so very much Carpediem, I took this fabulous review to heart! Thank you so much for your time!

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Review #22, by Siriuslover177 Year One: A Three Year Story

31st December 2010:
What an amazing first chapter!
I loved it SO much!
I can't wait for chapter two!

-Siriuslover177

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thanks so much hun! I seriously appreciate you reviewing. :)

ash


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Review #23, by doglover Year One: A Three Year Story

29th December 2010:
this is wriiten in a very interesting way.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Ash

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Review #24, by Reyes91 Year One: A Three Year Story

23rd December 2010:
Hello, I'm here from the forums for your requested review,

So, you just wanted me to tell you what I think of the chapter. Well, I think it's pretty good. It's short, but that's perfectly normal for an introduction chapter. I'm curious about your OC, and how she knows Rose (Weasley, right?). Her dad seems like quite the jerk, so she must have an interesting life at home.

I do want to know, though, how is she doing magic? Is her father magical. I know how you pointed out that he mentioned Azkaban when talking about burning books and all, but I still just need to be sure (especially since you say that he's an accountant and you usually don't find those in the wizarding world). If he isn't magical, it'd be tough for her to be using magic like that if she's underage (another point I didn't get in the HP movies when Harry was using the light to read his book when he was just going to be a third year).

Anyway, besides my question, you have an interesting story. Something's definitely going to go down once she gets to Hogwarts, and that bit of foreshadowing definitely plays up the interest. Nice work with that.

So, no actual critique to give on this indruction. Oh! Wait, I did find that you forgot to put a word in. During her letter, you have: "I hope this letter gets to before you leave..."

You should have a "you" in between "to" and "before."

Yep, I'm reaching with this critique and I apologize for that. :p I'm tired and my eyes are blurring over from reading this chapter over and over about six times trying to find something to pick on. I failed, badly. I do hope what little I said works for you somehow,

-Reyes91

Author's Response: Thank you so much for you time, this was a really helpful review!

ash


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Review #25, by gingersnape Year One: A Three Year Story

22nd December 2010:
Hello there, gingersnape as requested with a review for you!

First, I should apologize for having this take so long! I promise I'm not always this pokey about getting reviews written. Also, when you post the next chapter of this, I'd be happy to review it for you, if you'd like. If you're up for it, just a post in the thread would be fine; don't worry about the form since I already have the link. :)

To the review! First of all, I should say that I liked this and it spurred my interest. Overall, I think it was a really good opening chapter, even though I have a few nit pickey comments.

The very first thing I noticed about the chapter was how similar Anne Sinclair and Harry Potter are. Between having the parental figure who was oppressive and looked down upon the main character to the missing/dead and presumably sweeter parental figure. Also, the hiding books in the floor boards, the reading under the bed with a wand (is that allowed by the statue of secrecy and the Trace? It's fairly common have charterers doing underage magic too, but usually it's at the Burrow where there's a lot of magic. Just wondering if there were any other magical people residing at Anne's house to cover her usage of magic.) all felt very familiar and a little too similar to Harry. Be careful to make some clear differences between the two, so characteristics of Harry aren't subconsciously transferred to Anne by readers.

Out of curiosity, what happened to her mother? From the story, I could tell that she was missing/dead, but I couldn't quite tell if it was divorce, death, a trip, a job, or something else that might seperate Anne from her mother.

Having the names Rose and Luna confused me, because I couldn't quite tell how Anne came across them. Was Luna named after Luna Lovegood, technically Luna Scamander in 2010, or just a name? And is Rose the same Rose as in Rose Weasley? For both of those, some clarification might make reading that easier for readers to concentrate on what happened rather than their names.

I loved the line about the economy! Hehe, and I felt a little outraged she didn't know what it was, but I suppose I might just be in the minority of people who found economics interesting at the age of nine. Oh well, not everyone can be an awesome nerd like me!

Have I mentioned how much I love the foreshadowing in this? It is a bit heavy and all over the place, but foreshadowing is one of the best ways to grab readers' attention and get them to stick around for the next chapter!

Overall, I loved how well everything that will happen was set up. Think this chapter covered the majority of things first chapters should have, from introducing the main storyline, to getting any OCs who will be incredibly important introduced, to hooking readers with little details and bits of foreshadowing.

Happy holidays, and have a wonderful time in the last days of 2010,
-ginger

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