A new way to look at harry potter on(;
9/10 Report Review
Loved it! It's great. Very touching; it squeezed my heart :)
Good job!Author's Response: I'm glad you thought so! Thanks for the compliment :) Report Review
this was an amazing story...very well done...at first i was a little thrown and i did read it but then i was like..."whtev just read it...u know that the ones you dont read are the ones u wished you had"...well i was right i would have wanted to read this one later and not been able to find it...lolz..well it was amazing and you should keep writing!!!Author's Response: I'm glad you decided to read my story! :) Thank you for your kind words, I am still writing and will be putting more stories up soon ^_^ Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hey, Sam! ^_^
You know what, this calls for a CONGRATULATIONS ON PUBLISHING YOUR FIRST STORY! *happy dance*
In HPFF, at least. Teehee.
I think you'll agree with me when I say that the hardest characters to write about are the wizened old people, who know a lot about life, and the children, who are really just beginning to figure the world out, but I think you did a really good job capturing the innocence of the young Orion Malfoy. This was, of course, written in his POV and you stuck to his character all throughout, from your word choices to the tone of the story and I really liked that. And heehee nothing like a good country song to inspire you, eh? Tbh, I wasn't familiar with the song, but that's what google is for, right? The story, in relation to the lyrics, really made sense.
Normally, I'd prefer a story to have a little more details in it, but I guess having those would dampen the overall appeal of this story, so I'd be willing to let it go this time. lol Mind you, I had a lot of questions at the back of my mind, mainly about logistics, like how come the vampires didn't see Orion, and some trivial ones like who was Harry's wife - because if it were Ginny then Orion would be his grandson of sorts, right? - or why were the neighbors thought Harry was a fraud ect. There was a lot of things in here that was implied, no? You didn't even mention Rose's name and I thought that was rather nifty. Surprisingly, I liked the vague nature of the story, the way you brushed on some of the details, but never really focused on them. It added to the novelty of using a child's POV. Nice.
This line, though: It was, to say the least, awe-inspiring. --> a little wordy for me. I mean, you could remove the 'to say the least' and the sentence would be just as powerful, if not more, you know? That's probably just me. :P Oh yeah, and there were odd places where I noticed that you shifted tenses, so watch out for those just in case you would edit this.
I could not help but adore your MC. He was just so cute and smart and precocious and sweet and that little gesture he did during Harry's funeral when he offered to do a speech was very touching. I'm sure, if you only elaborated that part and wrote what he actually said, I'd probably cry. lol He's a cool kid. ^_^
What really set this story apart for me was the part at the end where Orion revealed that he became an author. It was rather surprising, because I thought it to be your author's note. Very nifty and fresh, I might add. lol I've never seen it done before and I definitely never expected it. Hahaha. It was very sweet and and poignant. Good call.
Overall, this was quite good for your first story. I'm sure we could expect more from you in the future, so keep writing, my dear! I'll be on the look-out for new stories from you, so keep them coming, kk? I'll see you around! And happy holidays! *tackles* ^_^Author's Response: Hi Kristine :D Thanks for the review. Yeah, I definitely think old people and children are hard to write about-Orion gave me fits by acting too old a lot of the time >.< But I'm glad that you think I finally got him down to his age, lol.
I felt somewhat the same about the details, considering that he was young at the time of the story and he's old now, so his memories are likely to be unclear on things that aren't essential. That was part of the reason I included the small bit about the costume; it was something I felt a child would remember afterward :)
Yeah, I can be too wordy a lot-when I go back and edit stories, I often have to delete sections where my words run away from me. And I reread this after reading your review and agree with you; that line was a tad wordy, and my tenses did swap around occasionally. Might go back and edit that later, if I can tear myself away from my newest plot bunny long enough ;P
I'm really glad you liked that part-I was nervous about it because I kept on thinking, 'Is this something a ten-year-old would do?' However, it seems people thought it was, so :D
Like I mentioned in response to another review, I actually never intended to put the last part in, but when I finished the main story, there was something missing. I kept writing for a bit, and a far rougher version of that came out, and I liked it :) Glad you did too.
I *may* be putting up the first chapter of one of my novels-in-progress after the queu opens up again-I"ll let you know :D See you, and happy holidays to you as well! ^_^ Report Review
its a beautiful story!! really touching.. leaves me curious as to what must have happened for harry to land in such a state but relieved that he was finally able to move on.. to a new adventure.. with almost getting the respect he deserved all along..Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought so, that's what I was trying to accomplish with it :) Thank you for your review! Report Review
Interesting story. I like how you portrayed both the little boy (I assume it is a boy, dressed like Dumbledore) and Harry. I can see how the death of his wife (presumably Ginny) would have affected him deeply. I can also see how a fight with vampires would have brought him back to fighting form.
The funeral part was nicely done. I can also see the boy getting up and telling some of Harry's stories. Maybe not all of them (depending on how many there were.)
You might want to give some story titles in the first part of the fic, just as examples. Just a thought.
The part of it being Halloween was interesting. I liked that the boy dressed like Dumbledore. A really cute part.
The final part about being a writer was a nice touch; especially the part about remembering him.
All in all, good job. Keep it up. I look forward to your next fic.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Your suggestion about story titles is a good one, to help flesh things out a tad more.
And I'm glad you liked that last part-I actually hadn't been planning on putting that in, but the idea struck me and flowed when I wrote it. Good to know I made a good choice in keeping it :)
Thanks again for your review!
-Reuben Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection