I think this was a brilliant Founders. ^_^ The angst was there, in the beginning, but then the action took over. I think you did a great job of combining the two genres! And you wrote the Founders very well. They all seemed in character, and Hufflepuff's POV was just fascinating.
I'm a bit confused about a few things, though. Who is Helga Hufflepuff's husband (alliteration FTW :P)? After this line:
As if they don’t know, a voice in my head says, and with slight amazement, I recognise it as my husband’s
I was left confused. Also, I'm sensing a Rowena/Godric here, yes? Though Rowena is already married and pregnant with another man's child.
This was outside of your comfort zone, which is rather fitting because of the challenge. :P But as I already said, I think you did a good job with it.Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm glad you think so! It really is a relief to know that apparently, I don't completely suck at writing either of those genres. It's also good to hear that they seemed believable, as that wasn't the easiest thing to accomplish :P
Haha, the Founders were very good with alliteration :P As to Hufflepuff's husband - I have no idea :S From what I gathered from the Lexicon (though I have no clue if that information is 100% correct), she might've been slightly older than (at least) Ravenclaw (besides, I can imagine her as the mother figure of the four, too... but maybe that's just my imagination). I just figured she might be married (though in my head, for this story, the husband's dead; so he might appear as her voice of reason). Sorry for confusing you!
And yes, part of the prompt was Rowena/Godric, but since Rowena's daughter's last name was also Ravenclaw, I figured Rowena and Godric were probably not married or anything, so I went with this.
Thanks, I'm very glad you think this was good :) Thank you for your review! Report Review
OHAI! It's bamboomei from the forums -- I set this task and I'm here to critique :D
Tense changes -- a bit of 'was' to 'is' won't hurt anyone, but it hinders the flow of the story. If I notice it, trust me, other people will too :)
"This is what we've been fearing for ever since the school was finished." This is a difficult sentence. 'This is what we've feared' and/or 'since the school opened' might work better?
"Instead, Godric pockets his wand and – my eyes widen." That is a brilliant bit of suspense!
A brilliant response :)Author's Response: Hello :)
Well, the tense changes are there because the story itself is told in present tense, but there are some flashback sort of things... in which she thinks back to what used to be, to things in the past. So naturally, the tense changes :P But anyway, I'll look it over again to see if there were any past tenses that should be present and the other way around.
I'll take another look at that as well. Thanks for pointing it out.
And I'm glad you liked that sentence :) Thank you!
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Here to review as promised.
Wow. That was one truly riveting story. I was on edge waiting to find out what was going to happen in a scene where I knew what was going to happen! I don't usually read Founder's Era, as I associate it with the words, boring, but I might actually have to try it now, as this was one completely brilliant one shot. Your writing is simply wonderful, you are really talented!
The plot, is a well known scene, and rather than repeat all the details that we know, you added in lots of interesting well, detail, which made it more.. interesting. The fight was pretty descriptive, and that made it more intriguing.
The narration from.. first person point of view, Hufflepuff, was fantastic. Her opinions, her thoughts… they just enhance the story even further. I loved how this story was so canon. All the characters are portrayed exactly how I would imagine them, yet they are not cliche.
The angst was definitely there. Especially in the beginning of the story, so it really set the scene. This was emphasized when the first sentence had the powerful word, dread in it, and the last sentence of the story also had the word dread in it. You did a great job, really. And the action scene you asked about, well that was great too. You've definitely set a high standard should I actually read any more Founder's Era fics.
I have nothing to fault… except for one thing. I found this line to be a bit confusing… "In this weather, it's best not to speak too loudly." I just don't understand that line?
Overall though, I really enjoyed reading this, and though I know you're a fantastic writer, I didn't expect to. So, wonderful job! I can't really fault you - your spelling/grammar/punctuation is perfect as far as I can tell! A very well written fic!
- maskedmuggle / Charlotte :)Author's Response: Hey! I'm very sorry for taking so long to reply - I don't know what's possessing me these days :P
Oh, wow, thank you! That's great to hear! Haha, I think I read... one Founders era story ever before writing this, so it was a challenge alright. It's such a long time ago that Hogwarts was built and I'd already be uncomfortable writing a story that's set in the 1950s, so to speak. So I'm very glad that you liked it so much; thanks a lot for the compliments!
It's good to hear that you thought it was interesting. I'm also relieved that the fight was pretty descriptive, as I wasn't sure it would be. There's a reason why I don't really write action scenes ;)
Wow, thanks, that's great to hear! And I have to admit, I stalked the Founders' Lexicon and Wikia pages before and while writing this, so I'm glad that you like the portrayals of the characters :)
Phew. That's definitely good to know. Haha, I'm all for echoing the first line in the last line, so I'm glad it was noticeable. Also, it's good to hear that the action scene was great too :) Thank you!
That line was just me trying to be philosophical :P I can't really explain it... I guess when it's cold, it's easier to notice a silence... it would make a place seem even more silent and eery and such. So when you'd speak loudly in a cold environment, it seemed to me that it would have a much greater effect than if you'd do the same when it's warm - but that's probably just some silly idea my brain came up with; I have no idea if it's actually true. I just liked saying that.
Thank you! Gosh, you make me blush ;) I'm very glad you enjoyed it, thanks a lot!
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