Reading Reviews for The Forgotten
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nitenel Come to Me

17th August 2011:
Well... This is quite unlike anything I've read. I'd very much like it if you updated.

Please?

8/10

Author's Response: Thank you! Unfortunately, my muse has sort of vanished for this short story collection at the moment, much to my horror, but I will try my hardest to get another chapter/one-shot written for this :3

Thanks again for all of your lovely reviews!

-Lizzie


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Review #2, by Hyenni Come to Me

8th August 2011:
i loved this.
i can't put my finger on exactly why, but it was brilliant.

i don't know how you managed to put such a sinister spin on this without it just being ridiculous or funny, but you carried it off perfectly. the narrator of it has a really sort of - not-bothered tone to their voice, especially about the eating of the spider. it made that little gross act so understated, and all the more strange and weird and icky because of it.

brilliantly written and i cannot wait to see where this is going, i really can't. hopefully you'll update soon? :D

Hyenni101, Slytherin XD

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Review #3, by alicia and anne Come to Me

5th August 2011:
This was just amazing, the idea for this was so original how did you come up with it?
I liked the way you described each prisoner, I especially liked Sirius' description and how people were afraid of him.
I was hooked from the start wondering just who this person was and why she was so feared. The way you wrote it was just so haunting and dark.
She seemed quite scary, I wouldn't have liked to meet her. I really did not imagine her to be a siren though.
This was fantastic! just brilliant!

alicia and anne
slytherin

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Review #4, by Ave Come to Me

17th February 2011:
Hey there...you! It's Ave with your review!

You get an A+ on originality; because there are no (or close to none) stories about sirens. In "The Iliad", there were some, but besides that story, I don't know much about them. From what I read, it sounds like you wrote them correctly...because they are um...beautiful. And hypnotize men with their beauty.

What really stood out for me was the beginning of the story. It is one of the hardest things to nail down. Where do you begin? Does it sound natural? How will it effect your ending? So on and so forth. It haunted me down to the core and reminded me of all those scary movies where the people would moan but they would actually be ghosts and then they would kill people (RUN-ON SENTENCE!). You gave your readers a chance to think about the differences of Rowling's characters; how they acted during their stint in Azkaban, as compared to their personalities. For instance (and this is my favourite part btw), when you said that Sirius Black might have scared the prisoners the most because he was not insane, it made sense...but was weird because Sirius is generally not a scary person.

The creepiest thing ever was how the Siren's clothes remained the same, she stared in one place, and never moved. And then the spider thing. Urgh dude, that was totally dope!

The ending made sense, but personally, I was a little let down. Your narrative was going along so well, when all of a sudden, you just said "She's a Siren". I'm not saying this is wrong, but how I read it (and please do not take offense) was that you did not use descriptions which would have made it creepier. Considering how short this is, elongating the end a little would make this a really good story.

...And that is my only negative feedback. Your spelling and grammar were on spot. I was not distracted by typos of any sort (good!). I normally don't like one-shots because the reader doesn't have a chance to have a feel for the main character, but because you focused less on the characters and more on the plot, it was an incredibly enjoyable read. I love the torment and horror!

Keep on writing, you silly girl (or boy?)

--*Ave*--

Author's Response: Hi Ave! :)

Thanks a million for your review! Naw, I'm so glad you liked this :) Writing a Siren was interesting, to say the least, and after doing no research on the creatures, I'm thrilled to hear that they seem to be in character.

I love writing about Azkaban. For me, it's always been a character in itself rather than a setting, purely because there is so much mystery about it. For someone who has never, ever felt the need to write Sirius, it was rather interesting to write him. I liked turning the tables on what was “normal”, too, hence his steady mind compared to the others.

Oh, goody, I'm glad that was creepy! XD

I know what you mean, a few others have pointed out that it was a bit abrupt, but they said that there was really nothing else to add. I have gone over this many times, and haven't really found a different way, but I'm trying! Lol, this is honestly the shortest thing I have ever written :P

Oh, thanks for mentioning the grammar - I am a grammar nazi, and am always paranoid that I've missed something! I'm glad you liked the horror - for someone who doesn't really read a lot of it, or watch that genre of films, I'm glad to have pulled it off!

Thanks so so much for your in-depth review, Ave! I am trying to write the next instalment with a new 'creature', but my muse seems to have disappeared yet again >.< Hehe, I am indeed a girl - my shoe collection says it all :P

Cheers darling!
-Elizabeth


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Review #5, by Ginny45 Come to Me

23rd January 2011:
Hi!
This was really good as well. I feel I am repeating myself during these reviews a lot.

I think it was the way you wrote this that made it so amazing. If it had been written in any other way, it wouldn't have been as effective.

You describe it as a fable and a myth, it has that air about it which is really hard to explain. It reminds me of the movie, The Brothers Grimm although at the same time nothing like it.

I think this is you best story.

Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Thank you so much for another review *hugs*

Wow, I'm so honoured you thought this was amazing. That's just...wow, thank you!

I know what you mean, I even found it hard to explain to my friend who always checks over these for me.

Thank you so so much for this incredible review! Like I mentioned in my last response, I must sincerely apologise for taking so long to respond. Sprained wrists are terrible :'(

Thanks once again, lovely!
-Elizabeth xx


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Review #6, by notreallyblonde44 Come to Me

6th January 2011:
Hey AquariaJasmyne! It's notreallyblonde44, a fellow Slytherin from the forums. I noticed we both are participating in the 2011 Slytherin Ultimate Review challenge, so I went over to your page. This story (and banner-ooo!) caught my eye ;)

'Her mad laughter still echoes in the many corridors, and it is well known that Azkaban has decreased what little sanity she possessed.' -This sentence confuses me o.O echoes makes it sound like Bellatrix is gone, is she? Also, 'has decreased' should be 'had decreased'.

I liked your description of Sirius. It's eerie and seems realistic. Fenrir was in Azkaban? While that seems perfectly plausible, because he's a disgusting monster, I was just wondering if this was canon or notaka: did I miss this in the books? Lol. Either way, gah he's disgusting, you captured that nicely.

Also, depending on Bellatrix, having these characters mentioned in Azkaban it sets up a nice time-line for the reader to follow. good job here.

'the fable of the tower would still be more terrifying.' -I think there is a north missing before the tower

Oh my! She blinked twice in a decade!!! Eeep! I like the references to muggle news and how flawed they are/can be.

'She was almost like a statue, and if anyone bothered to look, would have been quite unnerved by her.' -missing a they before the would

Double eeep! A spider?...Triple eep! A siren?

Ohh lovely twist. I was going for vampires after she ate the spider. I'm very happy that I was wrong. This is a very creepy set up to a story that seems original thus far. There were a few missing things and confusing sentenced here and there (up) and sometimes the narration slipped into a lot of telling where showing would have been much nicer to read. I'm a big nut for description. Otherwise, I really enjoyed the choice of the siren and how creepy she seems to be. The violin part was interesting, I'm curious to learn more about the sirens you depict in your story.

I think this is a promising beginning and I'm curious what happens next for sure. Does she escape? Oh that would be frightening considering we can't even know what's she done lol. Which I still want to know what she's capable of :P

I wish you the best of luck & will probably be back to review something else, you have some creative stories on your page ;)

Best,
nrb
7/10

Author's Response: Hi notreallyblonde :D Love your username, by the way :)

First off, I must apologise for taking so long to respond-I sprained both of my wrists a month ago and have not been able to type much at all D:

Oh, all banner credit goes to the amazing (sol) at TDA...I love it!

Ehe, to be honest, I really have no clue whether Bellatrix is there or not...this chapter took on a life of it's own, and my muse did not grant me any background information, haha!

Oh, thanks for pointing out that typo :)

I'm glad you like my description of Sirius, I haven't really written him before :) It was never mentioned in the books that Fenrir was in Azkaban, but they never mentioned otherwise, either ;) He is a bit of a creepy character :P

I have no clue where the blinking thing came from :P It just sort of...happened, hehe :P I liked including muggle references, as, for me, it just tied it into reality a bit more - that's why I mentioned the canon characters, actually ^_^

Oh, don't worry, she is most certainly not a vampire! Although, looking over this chapter, she does sound a bit like one...hmmm...

Unfortunately, that's all for the Siren in this story. As this is a short story collection, I have a few other 'prisoners' that will be the subject of the remaining chapters. Although the Siren was fun to write, so maybe I'll do a spin-off or something :) You've given me a few ideas :) I'm glad you found her to be so interesting! :D

Thanks so much for the epic review and for pointing out the mistakes. And my most sincere apologies once again for the late-ness of this reply ^_^

Cheers, lovely!
-Elizabeth x


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Review #7, by lia_2390 Come to Me

3rd January 2011:
Hey!

Wow. I absolutely loved this! It's such a pity this is the only chapter but I shall wait :)

The entire plot is something I've never come across before and I really must commend you for it. I'm also glad that you've pointed out here that Azkaban does not only house Death Eaters and petty criminals. There obviously is, as you've shown, another layer of darkness that is housed within the fortress.

Sirens! That was an interesting choice, I liked that. And it makes sense for them to lock her up in there too. You've made her rather scary actually...or should I say creepy, especially when she ate that spider! What I really liked about this story was your language and description. I could see every single thing that you mentioned because you've made it so vivid and clear for us readers.

There is just one thing I'd like to point out to you: to me, it looks like you've switched tenses. In the beginning it's present tense then in later paragraphs, it's past tense. I guess if you re-read, you should see what I mean.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. I can't wait till you update it.

Happy New Year!
Lia

Author's Response: Hi Lia! :)

Haha, I'm so glad you love this! I'm trying to write the next chapter at the moment, don't worry ^_^ *demands muse to return*

Thank you so much for your kind words; I've always been interested not only in the Death Eater side of Azkaban, but the fortress itself. It seemed like such a dark pace, I always thought that there must be more to it!

I'm glad you liked the choice of a Siren! I didn't plan it at all, it just sort of...happened! I enjoyed making her seem creepy, I must say.

Tenses are something that I am hopeless at, for some reason. I knew I would slip up somewhere, and I am going over this piece again. Thanks for pointing it out :D

I must apologise for taking so long to respond. This review was amazing, and greatly appreciated, however I sprained my wrists a month ago and haven't been able to type at all D:

Anyway, thank you once again for your amazing review! Happy Belated New Year to you as well :)

-Elizabeth


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Review #8, by TheOddRavenclaw Come to Me

3rd January 2011:
Amazing!
Your writing style is beautiful, I loved the mystery of it and the siren creature.
I hope that there will be another chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review!!! I'm thrilled that you liked the style of this piece, and the Siren ^_^

Oh yes, there definitely will be another chapter once my muse returns!

-Elizabeth :)


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Review #9, by blueirony Come to Me

2nd January 2011:
Now this is the type of story that more people should write. Or, maybe they shouldn't. Because then it would become cliche and the magic of it would disappear.

This is so original. So original. And so dark and creepy. And twisted. And I love it. I never even thought of the other prisoners of Azkaban. I am very excited about this. I think that this could go in so many directions and you could have so much fun with it.

You really got the description of the prisoners spot on in this. I love the way you spoke about Bellatrix, Sirius and Fenrir. They all sounded so creepy and dark and I loved it. The entire piece had this element of darkness and horror lingering over it and I absolutely adored it. I don't really know how you did it, but it was amazing.

One thing, though. You hyphenated 'werewolf'. You don't need the hyphen.

I am so intrigued about this mysterious North Tower. The way you introduced it and the creature who inhabits it was decidedly creepy. And you even said 'creature'. As if it is something or someone who is not even human. So cool. And such beautiful choice of words. I feel like I want to quote bits of this back to you, but I'd probably just end up quoting the entire thing, so I won't.

I think that you could do with a bit more description about Azkaban itself, though. It is such a dark place and there is so much you could do with that. Your descriptions are so lovely, and I really think that you could describe the horrific place beautifully.

Now, from your review request:

Is it far-fetched? Well it depends on how human the creature is. If you make it some weird magical creature, then maybe it would be a little far-fetched, but I would still love it.

Do you need to elaborate on characters on description? No. You have that part spot-on. It's beautifully done.

Is it engaging? So much so that I wish there was another chapter!

This really is so intriguing, so unique and so dark. You should be very proud of this and I do hope that you update soon!

Joop :)

Author's Response: Hahaha wow, thank you so so much for this amazing review!!! It's just...wow. I'm in awe!

I'm so glad you think it's dark, creepy and twisted! I wanted it to be like that, and I'm thrilled that you like it. I've thought about quite a few ways to take this, and I'm still deciding which one I shall end up using.

I felt I had to add in the canon prisoners, otherwise I didn't think it would tie in with the Harry Potter realm, if you get what I mean. I'm so pleased you adored the darkness!!

Thanks for pointing that typo out :)

I honestly didn't want to readers to get too close to her if you get what I mean. Although she's a Siren, she's someone who is not human, despite looking almost human, which was interesting to write and characterise ^_^ Oh, you're much to kind - I think I'm blushing with all these kind words!!!

Oooh, that's a good idea! I'd never thought of expanding on the actual fortress...I'll definitely play around with that!

Thank you so so much for addressing those points! Once my muse kindly returns, I'll definitely be writing another chapter :)

Again, thank you so very much for this incredible review; you've made my day! I'm so happy you like this!!

-Elizabeth :D


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Review #10, by libby103 Come to Me

1st January 2011:
Hi!

I just wanted to drop a review since I know how good it feels to get one.

You're imagery and descriptions are amazing. I was experiencing everything you described. The language you used was beautiful. The word usage was perfect (which is a rare thing for me to say-I'm very nit-picky about that) I just loved it overall.

I suppose I should leave some constructive criticism...if it helps...you could ignore this part if you'd like.

I only saw one grammar mistake, "She had regained the same stance since her imprisonment for crimes to full of horror to even mention." I believe it should be "She had regained the same stance since her imprisonment for crimes TOO full of horror to even mention." That's just a small one though.

Oh, and the flow in the sentence in your introduction is a little rough, "At the topmost level of North Tower." You might be trying to make the tower be more of an official place, but I think inserting a "the" in there would be appropriate, so it would turn into "At the topmost level of THE North Tower."

However, those two little mistakes are severely insignificant compared to the beauty of this piece.

I also felt like this story was cut off too early, but I think that just might be my mind wanting more of it. Looking back, I can't think of anything you could've added to make it better, so I'm just going to assume that my mind is just hungry for more of this writing.

I had no idea she was a Siren, adding an air of mystery throughout the whole piece that drove me as mad as the prisoners of Azkaban.

The part where she's not really tortured in Azkaban because she has the picture of the violin is really brilliant. I thought it was just beautiful. I don't have the words to describe how that made me feel. The last line just made me feel, I don't know what, but it still is. The last line is just haunting.

I hope you weren't utterly bored, this review turned out much longer then I expected.
from,
Liberty

p.s. *favourited*

Author's Response: Hi Liberty! :)

Wow, thank you so so much for this amazing review! I'm speechless! I do hope I can give a worthy author's response...

I'm absolutely thrilled that you thought the imagery and language was perfect. And the fact that you're a nit-picker just makes this review even more amazing!!!

Oh, I do love a bit of con-crit - thanks for picking up on those pesky little typos!! They'll be fixed once the queue re-opens.

I know what you mean about it being cut off too early. I tried re-writing it to make it longer, but it just sounded worse! Oh, you are much too kind! That's quite a compliment!!

Oh goody, you didn't pick what she was. I love mysteries where you don't know what's going on, so I'm glad to have achieved that with this piece.

I'm so pleased you liked the ending. Wow, it's haunting? I've read stories like that that I love, I never ever thought I would achieve that!!! Thank you so so so much!!!

I was not bored in the slightest, I only hope that I didn't bore you with this response!! You've really made my day with this incredibly informative and thought out review. I'm so grateful. Thanks so much for the favourite!!!

-Elizabeth


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Review #11, by MajiKat Come to Me

31st December 2010:
hey hun
very late with your review - i am SO sorry that I took so long!!

okay, I cannot remember what you asked for so I will just give you my thoughts.

I rather liked this - i liked the fairytale quality and the nature of the piece. i liked that you did not reveal who/what 'she' was until the end, and I never picked it!

I loved the references to canon characters and the little glimpses of them - that was really well done.

Grammar seemed ok as far as I could tell - it's late here, it's new years, and I'm seeing in 2011 via cyberspace (isn't that kind of sad?? I dunno...)

The only thing that sort of bothered me was how this ended. i think there needs to be something else - fairytales usually have a moral or a lesson to be learnt - maybe there is some way you could incorporate something of the sort?

Or you could just ignore me ^_^
This was lovely - feel free to request another review!!

Kate xx

Author's Response: Hey Kate!

Oh, my, I've been so looking forward to your review, I have to say :) And don't worry about the wait, it's fine.

I'm so thrilled you liked this. I wanted to keep mystery around her; keep people guessing :)

I wanted to include some canon characters; I felt it just tied it a bit more with the HP world that way. I'm glad you liked it!

Oh, good, I'm always paranoid about grammar. Haha, me too! Nope, it's not sad ^_^

Ah, the ending...perhaps 'fairy-tale' isn't the word to describe it haha! You do have a very valid point - I hadn't really thought about a moral. Perhaps it means that art and imagination truly does keep you sane ;) Anyway, you've definitely given me something to think about, and I will try and think of a way include a moral or something similar.

Thank you so much for the helpful review, lovely! I do appreciate the time you took to read this ^_^

Happy New Year!
~Lizzie xx


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Review #12, by dream_schmean Come to Me

20th December 2010:
Hey there, it's dreamschemes from the forums! Sorry for the long wait, but here's your review!

First off, wow. No, seriously, wow. This is so deliciously creepy and mysterious I could die haha. I don't really know much about Sirens either, but out of what I do know you've got it spot on. (:

I don't know what I could say about believability, because this is fiction, but the plus side is, I could totally envision everything that happened, the setting and of course, her. Good job! Your descriptions were amazing.

With nothing else to critique or criticize, I leave you here. Sorry for such a short review! (Oh yeah, I noticed no spelling or grammar errors, either!)

Thank you for your request!

dream_schmean

Author's Response: Hi dream_schmean! Not a problem about the wait, it's fine :)

Thank you so much! Haha, please don't die! :P I'm glad you think I've written the Siren well; I was really worried about not having done any research.

Oh, I'm so pleased you could envision everything, and you liked my descriptions. You've made my day!

Thank you so very much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate it at this busy time of year :)

Happy Holidays!
~Lizzie


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Review #13, by Bethany Longbottom Come to Me

16th December 2010:
It's me! :D
I just love this story so much! It really intrigues me, always I've loved myths and this is a very good one.

I love how you don't say who she really is until nearer the end, keeping the readers waiting. I also love how even the inmates aren't sure whether the North Tower is there.

I have no idea how you came up with such an orginal story, I've never read anything like it! Ever! Please, please, update quickly. :)

Bethany :Dx

P.S- I like your story. ;)

Author's Response: Hello! :D

Aw, thank you so so much! I'm glad this is so intriguing, as I wasn't sure how it would be received, but you've made me feel so much better about it!

Yes, not telling who she was was a way to distance readers from her, and keep you all guessing! :P Hehe, I liked writing the part about the tower. It's fun keeping things so mysterious!

Haha! Neither do I, actually! Seriously, I just started randomly typing away one afternoon and 15 minutes later, I had this!

I will update soon, I promise! I have a few other stories to re-post, but I'm writing the next chapter right now with a brand new 'creature'. Thanks once again - you've made my day :D

~Lizzie x


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Review #14, by Ravenclaw333 Come to Me

16th December 2010:
This is amazing! A brilliant little twist on mythology, and so very well written. You've built up a legend within a legend, and brought them both to life. Stunning imagery and a fantastic piece of writing. 10/10 and merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You've really made my day. :) I'm so thrilled you thought this was amazing!

Wow, you are much too kind *blushes* Thank you, once again! :D

I hope you have a very happy Christmas!

~Lizzie


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