I really like the idea !
Just a few little grammar mistakes but I make those all the time. I think it's good being in third person.
:) Can't wait for the next chapter.
I also started a story. I would really appreciate if you could critique it.Author's Response: Thanks so much. I will read your story now and i'll leave a reveiw. and Sorry for my bad grammer and probably puncuation . English wasn't my best subject. Report Review
Ok, first the good news. Your imagery is good, especially in the opening paragraph. Also, the suspenseful ending is always good to keep people hooked.
Now for the bad. To be blunt, your grammar is horrible. It felt like you blew the whole story out in one go and didn't proofread afterward. I'd recommend reading an entire chapter out loud to yourself at least 3 times before finishing it. A beta reader wouldn't hurt either. One more thing, there are a couple of places where you throw in some one liners for backstory, such as when you mention that they decided to stay for another year after the war. Try not to interrupt yourself with such things. Stay on topic, and save that information for later. For example, a conversation between the protagonist and the group later on.
I know my bad paragraph is bigger than the good, but I really like the concept of the story. I think that if you were to put it through a thorough editing process, it would be great.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I will deffinatly proof read it better i'm going to when the quque is back open re type it > Report Review
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